Indecision on a move back to the UK

[Brisbane1984]

Hi all,

 

I've read countless threads form people in a similar position - some who went back and loved it and others who regretted heading back, and those that ended up back down under for a second try.

 

I guess I'm just seeking reassurance in a time of confusion.

 

Myself and my girlfriend moved to Brisbane in November 2011 after my girlfriend had spent the previous six months on secondment. We worked for the same company, and after she was asked to stay in Brisbane permanently the company offered me a position here.

 

Whilst life in Brisbane was initially a mixture of good and bad, excitement and homesickness, we settled in okay and started to get on with things. Some aspects of life here are fantastic whilst I miss other aspects of UK life.

 

Unfortunately work turned a little sour for my girlfriend and poor personnel decisions made her job untenable. This put a strain on both of our relationships with the company however I decided to stay whilst she found a new job at the start of this year.

 

As the move for both of us was on the back of a job offer for her, my role here is pretty much heading up a dead end now and I would probably only have a future with the company back in the UK where we have bigger offices etc.

 

We never thought of Australia as permanent but the chance was too good to pass up at the time. Given the issues we had at work for a time and a feeling that we would always go home at some point, we decided to head home earlier this year for a visit to see what we thought. I went on a two week work trip and my girlfriend came for the following two weeks for a holiday. We spent two great weeks catching up with family and friends and made the decision to make the move permanent. We told a few friends and our families who were all very happy. The draw of family is big but I know this decision should be ours not theirs.

 

After returning to Australia, we decided we'd stay until June next year given that our lease is up then and that it would give us enough time to see and do anything we wanted whilst still here.

 

I'm now starting to feel anxious that this decision might not be right. Ironically I have a job to go back to (which is very lucky, it would just mean continuing doing what I'm doing remotely until next year) but it would mean my girlfriend giving up a job that she is really happy with in Brisbane, but she seems happy to do so. There is also the balance between staying with the company that made my girlfriend very unhappy when we return but this being the only way to guarantee one income when we go back which means we don't really have a choice on that one.

 

The overriding feeling for me is the worry that we'll only realise if we truly want to be in Australia by moving home. As we are currently on 457 visas, we wouldn't have an easy return option so there is a gamble. It would be much easier to get PR and Citizenship by staying here a few more years (admittedly I would have to look for a different job here) but equally I'd rather have my mind made up than look back and think I invested 2-3 more years to stay somewhere I then didn't want to be.

 

Sorry if that's a bit of a ramble and is not a problem as such. I'm sure we will be happy back in the UK, but Australia has a lot to offer and I fear we're giving up something many will never get a chance at.

 

Any advice is more than welcome. Thanks.

[ali]

Hi Brisbane, it sounds that your move was always going to be an adventure and temporary, I can understand the dilemma of if you should secure PR or not - but at the end of the day after your visit back where have you felt most comfortable and as if you belong?

[Guest]

To be honest there is no easy or definite solution or answer. Least not from where I am sitting.

 

In some ways I feel that you made your decision to return to the UK and you should stick with that. However, if you decided this right off the back of a holiday to the UK or whilst visiting if say you perhaps were hasty and needed to actually wait and make the decision once the holiday was well and truly over and you had been back in Aus a while.

 

I'm also not one for hanging around. Make the decision and go with it. Giving yourself a move date a year down the road just leaves you open to all these kind if doubts and worries when quite often it can be far more clear cut if you just get on with it and move.

 

You could stick around for PR and have options but then may find that a big ask or have other things happen to change your plans.

 

Personally, if you really don't see Aus as your long term future I'd go and get on with life in the UK.

[Rupert]

You don't say what your girlfriend thinks on this? Is she of the same view of you? Hopefully you are of a similar mind, it makes everything a lot simpler.

 

You are on a temporary visa and the idea is to leave at the end of it so your return to the UK seems a natural progression. And nothing wrong with going back for family, I have hardly any family that I know (as my parents were migrants) and I think sometimes people can underrate the extended family.

 

Nevertheless can you get a PR visa easily enough? If you can and you are both content enough here, then perhaps you get PR and citizenship and then you have your options open even if you don't come back until retirement!

 

Just another thought, but I am contemplating your statement that it might take a move to the UK to realise what you had here. Something troubles me about that, I think you need to really think hard about what you have here whilst you are here, force yourself toweigh it up. If a realisation of what you have here only occurs to you when you get back, the chances are it will be a distorted view of the reality.

 

For example, I lived overseas previously and was very unhappy, my OH sometimes has to remind me of how unhappy I was, but even I sometimes look back and say gosh what a beautiful place that was, because the memory plays tricks and you do only remember the good points.

[Quoll]

If you have the security of a job to go back to then dont screw that up! You are only on a temp visa and that could change at any time so by all means have the adventure while you have the safety net but be wary of giving up some security in the longer term. I dont think I would be going back for family and friends though, go back because it is the best thing for you at the time. People do so often find that everyone has moved on and the hole created by your absence has been filled in while you've been away. Look upon a move "back" as a move forward to the next best thing!

[Brisbane1984]

Hi everyone.

 

Thanks very much for your replies, they are valued.

 

Rupert - my girlfriend is really quite laid back about the whole thing and likes it here for now but equally excited by a move home being a new exciting step. I am too, but guess I'm worried about what I might think once there (i.e. "oh no... what have we done?!") which is probably just being pessimistic.

 

She wants to be closer to family long term which I think is fine and understand. I have some elderly grandparents who I'd like to be able to see more often whilst I can and realistically this is the next 3-5 years. Outside of that I'm not particularly close to my family and could happily see them once a year. I think if she wanted to stay here, I would have no issue with that and would stay - however I would rather be in the UK with her than here without, if that make sense.

 

We have a smaller group of friends here which is to be expected, but do know people in other big cities who we can visit. At home we have a large group of friends, although they have moved on (as many often point out) and are spread across the country the UK is pretty easy to get around to visit people. We both have good friends who are in the area we'd move to.

 

I know what you are saying regarding 'knowing whether I want to be here' - I suspect I would know by now whether this is it. We have friends in a similar position who are set on never moving back - part of me envies them because they just know.

 

Ali, I think we both felt more like we 'belonged' while we were home on holiday, but perhaps that's natural having grown up there. I find life out here to be much easier (less ties, less pressure to do things I don't want but then equally miss things such as weddings of friends).

 

Snifter,

 

I think you may have hit the issue on the head. When we were back in the UK on holiday, we were coming home. We decided. I would have just stayed if it was possible. The idea of another year in Australia seemed fine as we could do what we wanted before the move back and save some extra cash for being half jobless. Now we're back it almost feels like we're in limbo and perhaps we're back into out of sight out of mind territory. Can't progress work wise as we know we'll probably be leaving and whilst we edge further into summer we're enjoying all the great things Australia has to offer which is now clouding the judgement of the decision we made. Why would anyone give all of this up?!

 

Again, thanks for your replies. I think we have to go back. It would answer the questions, allow us to work on careers/property ladder by which point I'm sure we'll know whether the UK is for us. If not, we'll find a way to get back.

[Brisbane1984]

Quoll,

 

Yes I agree - the move back is exciting as it would be new in a way. We didn't live together until moving to Australia, so it is definitely the next step.

 

Thanks for your reply.

[Paul1Perth]

Your girlfriend managed to move into another job that she likes, you could probably do the same. My advice would be to wait till you get PR and then see if you feel the same about returning. If so and you don't like it you can always come back. It's a great option to have.

 

Does the place you live suit you or are you there just because it's temporary? If you fancy a move to a nicer area I would look into that too, may as well make the best of it.

[Rupert]

I think you have probably made the right decision. I didn't get that there was any real bond keeping you here other than you are not unhappy and were worried you might leave and regret it. That isn't a good enough reason to stay, as I mentioned, when you leave you will start to get that distorted view of it anyway, I have about a place I hated living in at the time!

[Guest]

I think the old saying sticks here.

 

Same sh*t different place.

 

Either place after an amount of time will feel like home the longer your there and the longer you are there the more friends you should make.

I dont know about you but you need to think how many times do you really see family a month..... if its a lot then maybe the UK is the option but if it isnt that much then just fly home once a year for a few weeks.

Personaly I feel family shouldn't come into the decision - you should just think if your happy here or not (ups n downs discounted)

[hilton]

I havent posted on here in awhile but I was in similar position to yourself. I came home after a year in Oz, mainly living in Brisbane. The uncertainty of work made my mid up, my employer was stalling over sponsorship and my WHV was coming to an end. Ideally I would have liked to stay for another year or 2 max. It would have been convenient to get residency but it was a serious investment for something I may never use again

 

I have to say after being home 2 years I do not regret my decision. I have found work in my field, working less hours than in Oz and wages seem to go further. Small things like watching footy at a normal hour now means a lot. I enjoyed Oz and intend to return on a holiday but it was never going to be my home

[Phil & Vikki]

 

The overriding feeling for me is the worry that we'll only realise if we truly want to be in Australia by moving home. As we are currently on 457 visas, we wouldn't have an easy return option so there is a gamble. It would be much easier to get PR and Citizenship by staying here a few more years (admittedly I would have to look for a different job here) but equally I'd rather have my mind made up than look back and think I invested 2-3 more years to stay somewhere I then didn't want to be.

 

 

 

The first thing that we would say is that you gave it a go, so no one can ever take that away from you. With the move out here, we decided that we would rather give it a go and see if it was for us rather than look at it all ten years down the line and say what if. With regards to what you have written in the quote above, it does seem that you will not really know if the move is right for you until you have done it and experienced it for a bit. That way you will both know for sure if you want to stay in the UK or be in Australia.

 

We re going for the Citizenship shortly as then we can come and go as we want, if that is what we decide. As you are on a 457 and like you say it would be hard for you to come back if you decide it is not right for you being back in the UK, you need to make sure this is right for you guys. It is a shame that you could not stick it out for a few more years to get the PR and then the Citizenship so you also would have the freedom to come and go as you want. This will probably be a case of following your hearts and what feels right for you. Would say however, if you go back now, you may not be able to come back out, but if you stick it out and get the Citizenship, then you can come and go.

[Brisbane1984]

Rupert - I suppose that's about the crux of it - being unhappy would make the choice easy. I don't think there's enough keeping us here right now in honesty. It's not worth holding out somewhere in fear that you might regret leaving that place later. When I went back to the UK in August the first two or three days, whilst exciting, made me want to get back to Australia asap as I thought the place seemed dirty, run down and just unpleasant. After spending four weeks there in which time we even squeezed in a few days in Spain and London that initial feeling faded and I started to see the positives. Short trips to Europe, choices of major cities to visit, family, friends, familiar culture, etc etc.

 

Paul - We do really like Brisbane, and I've previously lived temporarily on a WHV in Sydney years ago and we've visited Melbourne a couple of times. Had the move been to Melbourne and we spent the last year and a half there we may have arguably been a bit more wowed and stayed in Australia longer term, but not enough to relocate from Brisbane at this stage.

 

Our plans to move home would be with a view to buy a house within 12 months of being home (as an investment primarily, not necessarily somewhere that would prevent us relocating again in the future), so the PR option seems like a tough choice as we'd be eating into our deposit to provide a safety net of a return to Australia. As Hilton mentions, it's an investment that we may never use.

 

Hilton, I miss the footy - whether that's at home, pub or the odd live game (although, I must admit I often watch more on TV here as I don't mind staying up late and the Mrs is usually in bed!). Your intention to return on holiday is similar to how I feel. After doing the return flight a few times I wouldn't be put off by the length of travel and the good friends we have in Brisbane/family we have in Melbourne would always be keen for us to visit. Some people on these forums seem to get very defensive/offensive about Australia vs UK. I like both countries, and could live in either - it's deciding which suits more rather than love/hate one or the other.

 

This may come as the most obvious statement ever but the best of times we have here are when we head to beach houses with groups of friends and take weekends away to new places, things that are not as accessible from the UK - sadly these highs are outweighed by day to day life. Being dark at 6pm and not having the larger circle of friends/family around means life can get a little boring. Life in the UK on paper offers more balance - perhaps not the amazing beaches in an hours drive, but London on the train in two hours is certainly attractive.

 

Thanks again for all the advice.

[fourcorners]

You should also consider how easy it may be to get another 457 in the future if you go home before getting PR/Citizenship. My partner is on his third 457 and I am on my second. We intended to get PR this time round but have now just about decided not to get it. As we've now had two stints in Oz we feel more confident that we won't want to come and live here permanently. And even if we one day reverse that decision there would always be other visa options. We would probably only ever move here for a 3rd time if there was another big mining boom in which case it would be easy to get another 457 visa.

 

For us there are advantages in not having PR. We don't have to declare income from our investment properties in the UK, and when we leave we can extract our super. If we didn't extract it and never came to live here again then by the time we retire the annual fees would have sucked it dry anyway.

[Brisbane1984]

Hi fourcorners,

 

Thanks for that advice.

 

We were chatting about the PR thing again this weekend. Our intentions are to head home and settle for a while - I doubt we'd get straight back on the plane unless the UK turned out to be unbearable, which I doubt.

 

If we go home and decide after months/years back in the UK that our long term future is Australia, a move back would likely be with a more permanent mindset so we'd be willing to stay in the UK for a few years to set up the move which would hopefully allow us to get PR or another 457 somehow. Maybe it won;t ever come to that and our next trip will just be a holiday.

 

Thanks again to all who have posted. After more thought, the realisation that no lifelong decision needs to be made in the next year, we're starting to look forward to going home now and will enjoy Australia for the next few months.

[fizzybangs]

If you have been there for nearly 2 years and haven't settled yet then why are you staying on? Are you still looking for 'the dream' that doesn't exist for you? Grab that good job and return to the UK before more ups and downs with work and anxiety about what to do.