blobby1000 Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 We have struggled to make friends in the 18 months we have been in Australia, I was wondering, has anyone had any luck making friends with AUSTRALIANS. Im not asking about Ex-Pat BBQs which are all very nice, but what about actually getting accepted in the town you live in and feeling part of things....has anyone got any Aussie mates and if so, how long have you been here!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I've had Aussie mates from around day three....17 yrs ago Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pintpot Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Yeah, no worries We have made good friends with an Aussie couple and their kids through school, and a South African family.....and slightly less close friendships (but still good enough for a coffee/beer every couple of weeks or so) with another 2 families, all Australian. That's all through school and kids' activities At my running club I'd count 3 people as "friends" - one pom, one Aussie, one Chinese Aussie At work I am closer to the Aussies and Kiwis, despite my business unit being 75% pom. Not a problem I don't think, no different to anywhere else. I think people are often too keen to "meet other poms", because often when they do they spend ages banging on about what's different here, how things compare, etc etc etc - much like here. I think that tends to get up Aussies' noses a bit, as it does get up our noses in England when Aussies get together and bitch about the UK Just be yourself, be as open and receptive to new people as you can, get involved in activities and put yourself out there - try and overcome shyness and do the invitation yourself, to see if people want to meet for coffee/beer/lunch/BBQ/whatever. The worst that can happen is they find an excuse to say no politely, no one's going to laugh in your face or anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rosana Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 hi im Rosana from Argentina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moors Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 Hello no we haven't made any friends yet but we only arrived in jan and have only just settled in Beerwah, qld. I must say though we have been living out of our camper trailer since feb and been down to vic to visit an old friend and back up to Sydney and eventually here and along the way have meet some very nice people, Aussies, British, Germans you name it. Even have a few on my face book now. But no as friends here sadly not and I must say its the loneliest I've been so far, I would consider myself homesick at the moment, but I must give it a lot more time as I know this will get better. My friends that live in vic have been there about 2 yrs and have made a few friends but I think the fact that his wife is a local teacher helps!!!!!! Lol. My husband has just started a new job and seems to be making a few friends but as far as being invited for a BBQ, not yet!!!!!! But we will keep working at it I guess these things take time and I'm sure you will get some Aussies mates yet as I hope we will too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rosana Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 i m planning to migrate to australia, im a dentist, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 I do not believe we make friends, I believe that they drop into our lives and its a bit like looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend you can't really look, you put yourself out there and things just happen. One of my best friends Aussie just happened to live across the road from her and then found out that she knew some of the people I knew. We just jelled it grew. My oh has no friends apart from mine, he is a sole person, even if people try with him no, not interested, makes it hard for me as I would like to meet some people from poms etc but he would not. Apart from that he is the best husband I could ask for but his immediate family are his life. I know its probably hard, but don't worry about it. Once we stop worrying things happen. Join a sports club as a social member or a club I know they have them in QLD and NSW and just go every week to the same spot etc and I think people get to know you gradually etc. Note sure about the babie thing anymore, when the kids were really little we used to have them with the neighbours but for many years now we have gone out with our friends to a restaurant, no-one wants all the cooking and cleaning and so much easier can leave early or late. I think a lot of aussies are doing it now. So might be the way to go, certainly its expensive putting on a barbie, even if people bring their own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest31881 Posted April 11, 2012 Share Posted April 11, 2012 We have Australian friends and we have managed to make friends in every location we have lived in. I find the big difference is that Australian friends do not seen to live in each others "Pockets". You want a friends help and they will be there, you need to borrow some tools and they will help out. you do not see much of them in the evening except for weekends, but that does not mean they are not friendly, it means they live a different style of life to what we are used to in the UK. I think one thing that has to be considered is that most people who move here have spent many years going to school and working with their friends, they are friendships that have built up over many years and I do not think you are going to replace those types of friendships easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eweasel Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I think what has been said is right - friendships develop over time and they cannot be rushed or sort. When we first decided to emigrate our intention was to move to Rockingham/Safety Bay and have a life by the sea. I reality the work my OH does is far more cental and NOR so we have ended up living in Bayswater a city suburb very quiet and so far from what I seen . Now my husband has started work and we wait for the house we will be moving into to be ready I have a sudden feeling of loneliness and wonder if I will be able to find people other then my children for company. Things are not helped with staying somewhere we cannot call a home. I don't feel the need to concentrate on Brits friendships, and to be honest all the ones I have been in contact with are probably living to far away from us for regular meet ups. Its just a case of getting out there, school, the library, toddler groups and hopefully even some adult clubs are going to be the start of things and see where things develop. Back in England I could count my real true friends on one hand and my OH the same, we are a very tight little family, one of the reasons making the move over here easier. I can strike up the conversation easily enough, but at what point do you say to someone you've met in the playgroup, do you want my number? ;-) Give it time it will happen. I hope ...Est :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raeside01 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 A question I have on this matter? Does anyone feel there is a "good age" to make friends easier? I am 27, my wife 26, we are looking to move to perth in 18months. My wife can talk to ANYONE (handy being a hairdresser). I feel I can too but my main aim once settled is to join a local football (soccer) team, that way socialising and hopefully that will lead to friendships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surf N Turf Posted April 14, 2012 Share Posted April 14, 2012 I'm an Australian who's spent half her life in the UK ping-ponging back and forth. I moved back to Oz in Jan last year and settled in Melbourne where I've not lived before. None of the friends I've made since being here are Australian. I think the problem is not that Australian friendships are so different to those in the UK (or anywhere else) but that long-term locals have their networks in place and, with busy lives, aren't really looking to make new friends. It can be hard enough to see existing friends and family as frequently as you'd like. Ex-pats are generally more open to new friendships and need those new connections. I don't subscribe to the view that australian friendships are superficial as my long-term friendships from my home state are anything but that. And friendships formed in the UK don't feel or operate any differently from those here. I really think it's just the lack of 'friendship openings' (for want of a better term) with people who are settled here. Maybe if you think back this was also true for those from the UK who had busy social lives back home. Were you making lots of new friends back there or generally seeing the same group when you had the time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blobby1000 Posted April 14, 2012 Author Share Posted April 14, 2012 I've had Aussie mates from around day three....17 yrs ago Johndoe you need to tell us how, not just show off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Johndoe you need to tell us how, not just show off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How do you make friends? I'm not into that "making friends"...................the word "making" reminds me of manufacturing..................you can't manufacture a true friendship.............at least I can't. I have never attempted to "strike up a friendship" as I'm a bit of a loner anyway. The friends that I've got just "happened". I let them do the hard work....and believe me..................I can be hard work :biglaugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckleface Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'm an Aussie and have friends from the UK (and elsewhere in the world). The things that bind us together are shared interests, similar sense of humour, same approach to life. We started out just saying 'hi' and became friends over time but I can't tell you when it happened because it was a gradual thing. I will always have room in my life for new friends but I am not actively looking to add to my circle. Realistically if someone wants to be my friend they are going to have to make the initial effort and invite me to things they think we will both enjoy or ask to tag along to things they know I am doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janine the party queen Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 To be honest I struggled in the first few months in Sydney,but as soon as I started work it was much easier.Darwin however has been totally different.The day we moved into our house the neighbours came round to welcome us to the neighbourhood.We spend most weekends with our Ozzie friends.We also have friends from many different countries as well.Two of the friends that I made in Sydney have been up to Darwin for a visit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'm an Australian who's spent half her life in the UK ping-ponging back and forth. I moved back to Oz in Jan last year and settled in Melbourne where I've not lived before. None of the friends I've made since being here are Australian. I think the problem is not that Australian friendships are so different to those in the UK (or anywhere else) but that long-term locals have their networks in place and, with busy lives, aren't really looking to make new friends. It can be hard enough to see existing friends and family as frequently as you'd like. Ex-pats are generally more open to new friendships and need those new connections. I don't subscribe to the view that australian friendships are superficial as my long-term friendships from my home state are anything but that. And friendships formed in the UK don't feel or operate any differently from those here. I really think it's just the lack of 'friendship openings' (for want of a better term) with people who are settled here. Maybe if you think back this was also true for those from the UK who had busy social lives back home. Were you making lots of new friends back there or generally seeing the same group when you had the time? Totally disagree with everything you said.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surf N Turf Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I'll take that as a welcome back! p.s. I've got a new 'friendship vacancy'. There was this pom I knew who had a psychotic breakdown. Was never the same. Still, out with the old and in with the new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Totally disagree with everything you said.... Everything? long-term locals have their networks in place and, with busy lives, aren't really looking to make new friends Ex-pats are generally more open to new friendships and need those new connections. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Everything? long-term locals have their networks in place and, with busy lives, aren't really looking to make new friends Ex-pats are generally more open to new friendships and need those new connections. I was joking kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johndoe Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 I was joking kev makes a change :tongue: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surf N Turf Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 Thanks for the defense JD, but like all those who enjoy life in Australia, I've long learned to get by without Dom's seal of approval on my views. On a good day I can even hide the pain :cry: Everything? long-term locals have their networks in place and, with busy lives, aren't really looking to make new friends Ex-pats are generally more open to new friendships and need those new connections. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 You're best off on your own. No one to let you down then. Me myself and I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 15, 2012 Share Posted April 15, 2012 You know, thinking about this in reverse, my husband has struggled to make friends with Brits since moving over here. Sure he has a few now but for the first few years it was hard work for him and he really didn't have any actual friends. He played cricket every week for the same local team but never seemed to get invites to nights out etc with the rest of the lads. Work wise it wasn't till he landed a job in Bristol things improved and he made a few friends. But none of them are really close or people he spends much time with outside work. Sure he knows my friends and we've made a few together thanks to our son starting nursery and hubby playing cricket and cycling etc but its not been instant or quick to happen in the least. Its been hard work and we've really both had to put effort in to it. We've been living near Bristol for 2.5 years now and its only the last 6 months or so its started to fall into place for either of us (and I am English) friends wise. We still don't have a mad social life or anything close to it, but do have a few friends we can catch up with every couple of weeks or so. I'm a really friendly outgoing person and even I struggled to get to know people here in our 'new' town past a superficial in passing way. 2.5 years later, as things are finally comfortable and good we are upping sticks to head to Aus :cute: Not daunted in the least though and accept it won't be plain sailing. But we've done it a few times now and know how it goes. For us, hubby and I, we are happy with each others company and don't get too down about lack of friends. So yeah, it can be problematic coming the other way also. I don't think its exclusive to Brits moving to Aus or anywhere else. I think there can be just as many problems moving elsewhere or anywhere, no matter where you are from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErmintrudeMcMoo Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 I think part of the problem is that for many moving your life across continents makes you analyse every move you make, and question a lot of things, that back in UK you would not think twice about. Just go with the flow - a friend is a friend no matter where they come from. I honestly thought before we moved here I`d have loads of Aussie mates - I have made a few but on the whole my friends are Scots & English (probably because of the area we live). I was talking on the phone recently at work to another Scottish lady who has moved to Merridin - not the place she really wanted to be but is now so glad she did - she can`t praise locals enough for their friendliness, I guess sometimes in the suburbs you can be alone in a sea of people who are sometimes too busy with their lives. My one bit of advice would be to get a dog - really helped me make contact with other people during those very lonely first weeks - people will always stop and talk to you when you are out with the dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harpodom Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 Time I waded into this discussion. I think there are many factors involved in why it's difficult to make friends. being a new arrival you may give out 'desperate' signals which can be received as 'nutter alert' most people aren't interested in making new friends unless they're like you and out of their comfort zone, but that doesn't mean they cannot become friends with you despite what anyone says, Aussies and Brits are VERY different and communicate differently, have different cultural and recreational interests etc you're unlikely to be attractive to ther people if you are torturing yourself with self doubt about your level of worth In summary then: Be comfortable with who/what you are, don't try too hard, chillax There you have it, let's go down the pub Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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