kiwiathome

Here I go again. I have not been on for a while, because of personal stuff. But what is all this squabbling? This forum should be about supporting, differences or not, moving forward, and achievements for each other when they happen, mainly moving back to UK. There will be logical, or emotional. I fall into both baskets. But some of us don't have a lot of people to talk too, so lets support all. My own story is, I have brought forward moving back to England from Australia by two years, much to my hubby"s horror, but best for me and my children. So I am strong and that is that. x Kiwi. Just don't squabble over trivial on this forum, don't we all post on here because we need to be heard?? Be nice. x

Look back over your posts Chels, are you really happy with yourself? You come across as defensive. Please seek help or talking if you think that is good. You'r choice. No judgement. All the best. x

Why are you new posters coming on all new and aggressive?? If you have differences of opinion at least say in nice way. Do you know the people who post on here personally? know you don't. So you listen to their opinion. The fact you post here means you are not sure yourselves, so respect others. We are all only human, we have different opinions, at least we listen to each other without negativity. Some for Australia, some are not. Treat all with support. s

bless you both. that's nice. At the end of the day, we all know deep inside what is right. Just if we can achieve it or not! It takes effort at times, and ownership. Every day is a new day, with a new chance. x Bless

Thanks Shelly, I have kept one eye on and hardly posted, and wondered where you were. You are good for all. I think anyone who comes on here needs to be heard, respected, and supported. Some of these last posts have been quite negative. Anyone who posts on here needs to be heard, right!? And as for me, I am going back to England in July next year with my children, hubby will come and go. I respect anyone who has made it right in Australia, just not right for me. We have differing opinions on this forum, just if you can't cope, don't post negative, seek help or go see someone. I did, a hypnotherapist/counsellor and I consider myself very sane, just someone needing to clear the past, cope with the future and do the best that is in front of me. x Bless.

So nice to see you back Shelly, I was only going to come back on, when you did. Sorry for any past upset. Interesting above. I will keep it simple. Counting days to move back to England, but will get to point. We have brought if forward. Going back 2016, so eldest fits in for A levels, no international fees, and youngest starts high school and makes new friends to go forward with. That simple. Hubby will come and go with airline career, but I stand up and say I am going back with kids, set them up, end of story. My mom now has kidney cancer, I doing right by her, It just re advises me life is short, do what you want to do. Australia is great for some. Good on you, you don't have to explain. Deep down we all know what we want to do. I am leaving on good terms and moving back to England next year. Cause right by my kids. Let's all go for what we want. Bless to all. I sooo like you Bristoleman, cause for someone who wants to move forward, (with kids) and have hope in knowing right to go back to England after 7 years, thanks.

First time I have been back on ages. You sound like a toddler having a tantrum, but credit to you, I am intrigued enough to come back on. What do you want, and what do you expect! I feel if you happy enough to blow steam off at this forum etc like you have done, I think you still want advice and you still not sure. Sometimes we don't have lots of people around, so this forum better than nothing. And maybe to some, it damn good. Say what you really think, come back on, with your true thoughts. Many here to help or support.

Was just logging out and going off for tea, but cheers Marisa. How are you? You changed country for another, I get that. I have always put every one else first. Not anymore. How are you doing? As you know, and I would not insult you with this comment, England has sooooo much beauty to offer. Do you need to up and move? or has it got better. Do you not think the hardest part was from Australia to England? Once in England, you can always move and fight for better. This should be the better part of your journey. All the best. x.

And on a personal note while I am still logged in. I have got quite down the last few years. Still OK, still functioning and fulfilling all as expected etc. But this year has been different. I know there is relevance on here to mid life crisis, but I really believe that is what I have been going through. From about 43 I thought "is this it"? And living in a country I don't even like, tension with our my sister and sister in law, lonely, not getting this country etc. Well hubby wasn't ready to take his eye off his career at this stage. And I knew this was not right for me or my girls. Sooo, in the last year I have taken up study by correspondence. I am seeing a hypnotherapist/counsellor, I am exercising more and this week while hubby is away in Dubai, I am attempting a liver cleanse diet. I am trying to meditate (but I think failing miserably as said above), but I am trying to get rid of past emotional baggage and move forward. Not blame or whine any more, just hope more and be positive. And I have always been pretty positive. Anyway, not to go on, just a few changes of what you can do to help yourself physically or emotionally can bring about changes. And that is what is happening now for me. So go try something new that is good for you and hope. x.

Oh ramot and everyone else on here who is so lovely, I have such great news, we are heading back to England. Yeah, sooooo excited. We have been really looking into our life over the last few years, and as strange as it sounds, my mom now has kidney cancer. This has made me really think. We came back from England for our parents, cared for my father in law until he died, cared for my mom through her liver failure eventual transplant. She lived with us for one and a half years. We both have sisters, but all they ask of our moms is babysitting. We care for our parents and never ask for anything. We have never had babysitting because we are the "strong" ones. Well, we have now decide no matter what the cost is our immediate family come first. We extend an invitation to bout our moms (one is English and my mom can get in because I am a UK citizen) to live with us over there if they choose. We would be thrilled and welcome them. But we are moving back, and on. Up to them. It will be a relief to leave the family tension behind (our sisters) etc. My nearly 15 year old daughter is excitedly looking up A levels and university options etc. My youngest just says "kittens and a puppy please". Once we hit August, the countdown is on. 11 months to go. My friends in England have already booked us in for a homecoming dinner party! Just on a personal level to all out there who wait and wait, or doubt, it is a tricky balance. I had to wait till the timing was right to suit all my family. Eventually all will work out. I did not want to leave England, but I am now returning with my family, 12 years later. I never gave up hope and hung in there. And I would never have sacrificed my marriage. Just sometimes it takes time. Night from a happy kiwi.! (whose home is England, not NZ and definitely not Australia). x

Cheers, not a waste cause my girls have done wonderful, and are happy and fine. My priority. I am studying, planning to go back UK, best me and girls. Lots bad happened over here in this time, but moving forward, not a waste. U may know sometimes it does not always work out be I f married to airline pilot. Their career always comes first. Lucky I never give up. Appreciate u comments.

And one last comment, Que Sera Sera, your views or comments are very worthwhile. Just because their are differences, does not mean we can not learn from each other. I enjoy your comments/views, please come back on. Cheers.

Cheers bristolman, that is nice for me. I still hope Marisa comes back with she is OK. I know I keep going on about emotional versus practical on this forum, I am pretty sure I am in the emotional basket. But I care about other people. I think it is wonderful that posters have this forum. I have only one good friend in Australia, so post on this. Look away if you don't want to know. But back in England it was more social. I was so happy within 6 months. Life long friends. Dinner parties. Wonderful memories. We only moved back for our parents. Now our parents are older, not around much longer with cancer etc, time to re think. To me it is simple. Go back to UK. But my hubby, does not agree. He is high achiever, simulator trainer for Virgin, salary above all else. Can I achieve the balance of going back to UK, my best "home" set eldest up for uni, youngest up for high school, me a job part time in health, and hopefully hubby around? I expect less, my girls taken care off, more social, Old friends back in England, everything I love, leaving my mental family over here, but mainly, my eldest gets established before uni and gets her 3 years, my youngest goes to a new school and hopefully gets friends to go onto high school with. My girls come first. Benefit for me. Hope hubby joins us. We may post quite personal info here on this forum, but maybe this is all we have. So lets listen to each other, and offer support. x

At the end of the day I think we all know it is not about shops. Shops provoke a memory, and that can be very important. I was very happy in England for 6 years. Ok in NZ for 5 years, not happy at all in Australia for 7 years. I think to me it is just a sign I am saying "fond memories" because I am keen to come back. I have practical time line for my daughters for education, but my own heart is back in England for many reasons. And maybe I would be very happy to take "lesser" undies in marks and spencer over target, if I felt more contented. Just my point. I know you have had a hard time recently, are things better in Southampton?? I hope so for you. Never to late to do a little change again if you need to. Good on you for taking a brave step. Wish you all the best.

I don't think it comes down to logical. To me it is memories. I have happy memories from England, and Boots and Marks and Spencer. So their is association. I am seriously learning (mid life crisis at age 44) what is most important to me and my children. And simply, England brings back so much more than living in Australia ever does. Maybe after living in NZ for 5 years, then Australia for 7 years, I need to go back to England with my children. I did not choose to live in NZ or Australia for these time scales. First was for my parents, second for my hubby. Have not really liked either. Most happy in England. Think now it might be time to return to what I think is right. This forum does not have to be a complain fest or "emotional talk show" but maybe it does give us more encouragement or conviction to continue to seek or challenge.

And interesting Marisa, because my memories of Boots or Marks and Spencers have far outdone any memories of here! I am glad you had those memories, each to their own. But for me it actually made me want England. I tried to explain to my two daughters tonight as we played card games (as we normally do) that back in England we use to go out to family pubs and have meals and conversation, or dinner parties. Just not the same here in Australia. I will always fight to put family time, walks, games, animals, over any time we seem to "settle for here in Australia"! Just my opinion, each to their own.

I read above and not sure made sense, so I'll try again. We are now seeking to return to England earlier than expected. To all out their who have posted about children, best time to return to UK for schooling, well, my year 10 year old, very mature, adapted and sane (maybe more than me) said, mum, we should go back to UK earlier. Keeping our costs down, letting me get to know the country, research universities in person, meeting friends, more important than here! Bless her. We should listen to our children. We are going back to NZ in August. Already decided. Spend one lovely night with the family at my mother in laws in Wellington. I want nice memory for my children. And my mum in law, and my mom. My mum has now told me she has kidney cancer. But we still aim to go back to England. My mum, once recovered, and mother in law welcome to visit or move by us. But for once we putting our "immediate family first". Just wondering of thoughts. or opinions. I have learnt always care for our parents, but find a fine line to put ourselves first. Forget your struggles, make peace, and move forward. life is precious. Invite in, but end of day, you create you own destiny!!!!

Then bless you Johndoe, my opinion should not be important to you, but wow, you are amazing and selfless. Good will come to you. I have been on such a rollercoster this year, and you should be v proud of yourself. I just hope when the time is right, and only you can tell, you go chase what you want! you deserve it! I am am making peace with my mum, and my mom in law! long story. We might be going back to UK earlier by two years than expected. I am now seeking help, and hope to leave in peace from my mum, and my mother in law. They want us to look after them in England (not Australia) and respect our ways and our wishes, they are very welcome. To avoid paying international fees for our 14 year old (turning 15) we need to think. I have such good girls, but Australia is not home. NZ is or Englanad. Now my mum came and visit and tells me (before anyone else) kidney cancer. I have a plan. We are going back in August to care for my mum, see my dad, care for my mum in law. Then, they have an invitation to move or to visit us in England. Eventually it has to be about us. Please be nice with your responses, just have learnt, eventually put yourself or your family first. Let got of grudges (or go to counselling if can't) but issue out care to our elders. x

Johndoe, you need to let it go. Put yourself first. Your ex, is an ex. Sure enough respect her, she played a part in your past. But, we all change, and time moves on. Your kids are older. Happy you, will encourage them back. You can not force. You be the best you can be, eventually they will seek you out. You list many reasons for why, what, wrong etc, but has not the time come to put yourself first. Don't feel gulilty, just let it go. Go to where you want, invite them back, whether they turn up or not. Eventually they will always seek out the good. I saw my sister recently, first time in many years. I am only 44 but I knew I did not want to see her again. Many reasons, not necessary. I have just grown stronger and more honest. We are going back to UK, and hope my mum, and mum in law will visit. But sometimes you need to cut the whatever applies to you "guilt, losses, disappointment" etc, and get on with it. Just we all only have one life, don't hold back for others. I am soooo excited to be going back to UK. No matter what sometimes this forum says. And yes, we have to acknowledge what others experience, fair enough, but why stand still and not seek out what you believe is right. I soo look forward to great education for my daughters, my hubby in a less demanding job, and me just experiencing beautiful countryside, sheep, "high teas",cold cosy weather with decent TV, better education for my children, back with our old friends etc. Put yourself first johndoe. Your kids will follow if all is right and meant to be. You'll be right.

Oh I hope you can continue to post and seek support. We all get caught up in the "day to day", but go go for your plans and believe in them. It can be foreign and take guts to join a forum, I hope you can come back on and post and get support.' All the best to you. x.

I meant to say my extended family are not that interested, not my immediate family. I see my mum (lives in NZ) two or three times a year, and my sister maybe once or twice a year. Interestingly, we all met up last week in Brisbane for lunch. They know our plans to return to UK. My sister enjoyed telling me about people she knows who have gone to UK who don't like it, she does not like UK etc, and what are we doing! Well, she has never been to UK or anywhere! Just NZ to Brisbane. My mum is always influenced by my elder sister, who then agrees and says "what are we thinking". Well when we lived in the UK mum come over on two separate occasions to visit, and loved it! Go figure! I just smile and nod at each of them and say nothing. I keep the peace. The funny thing is I would never judge their lives or tell them what to do. In a way, going back to England and seeing my mum on my terms away from my sister, would be a relief. Family dynamics can be hard I guess, just like marriages. ?

I wish you all the best adelenaylor. I am so sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown, that must be so hard. Congrats on becoming an aussie, just out of interest, what did this mean to you?? It is great you have options as you say. It is an interesting balance on here, some posters are looking for the practical advice, or some like me, prefer the more "chit chat" emotions. That is because I don't have a lot of friends in Australia, I don't particularly like Australia, and my family are not really that interested. And whether for good or bad, I am just such a talker! My hubby is lovely, but not a talker. I firmly believe we are all entitled to our opinions, why not, because we are all unique individuals who matter, and who expects us to be the same. It's wonderful to support those of us who love Australia, have made it their home, happy to be here. For a lot of us, myself included, I count down the days till leaving. But I still attempt to make the most of each of those days, and count my blessings every day. I appreciate so much and am generally very happy. Just know their is more. So just wondering, do you have any plans?

Yes, some understanding replies, but some that seem to attack or take the topic off completely. I hope u are feeling more settled now and feel more supported.

Just interesting I have observed over last few weeks, the more practicaly responses little interest, but once the more emotional and confused threads are started, or England v's Australia, lots of input! I think just shows, like me, a lot of people can get comfort from this forum just to get heard, or get an opinion heard. My family and I have even more confirmation than ever, with the last turn of events over the last few months, that we are going back to England. Next year to visit and sort out, following year to move. It will never get better for me here, my immediate family want to go back, my "grandparent" family in NZ are all sick and not around much longer. Soo, eventually you do what is right for you. In a way a kind of freedom. But hopefully it is done with honesty. I have never liked Australia, but well done to the ones who make it work here and want to be here. But I hope the ones who do want support or advice, or want to go back to England can have the guts and freedom to post here. Just saying this because I tried to stay of this forum, but, sometimes you just need to express your feelings. So I hope anyone who wants to be heard, can come on freely and be heard, with support!. Cheers.

Hi all, some might remember me , some might not. Have kept one eye on this occasionally, and this is what I have learnt. I feel this forum really lets posters seek help, emotional advice, or just wanting to be heard. The practical is less interesting, the emotional dilemmas are more interesting. First of all, bless our moderators, what a good job they do.! Imagine trying to control everyone's thoughts or opinions! Well done them. I feel this forum for some of us "lost" and tyring to do better, this forum can be great. There is great debate England vs Australia, but if we really listen to what we want deep down, we already know the answer. Sometimes posters come on here because they have no one else to listen.! How about all opinions are welcomed, but the focus is on the OP! Advice over, here's my story! We are looking into going back to UK next year for a holiday visit to check out! This year and next year will be about seeing best areas for my kids schooling, university for eldest, and where I want to live and hopefully part time job in health for me. This is not a whine thread, or advice thread, just me and hubby facing reality. Next two years getting back to UK, setting our kids up, best for us, and spending this year seeing our parents in NZ, before "you know what". We all need to forward plan, seek positive encouragement from others who join a forum, and go for our dreams in the long run! Just to finish, I have observed all the comments, and briefly been involved. Always trust you gut instinct, in the end you are right. The fact this is a "moving back to UK forum", the chances are, you should mainly have support. I have lived in Ausi for nearly 8 years, I have never grown to like it with every year. If the truth, I hate it every year that goes on! I have noticed a lot of feedback that says "wait it out, you'll like it", well, no. You either love this lifestyle or you don't" Best of luck all. I look forward to the new comments and feedback.