kiwiathome

Nice to see you again bristolman. Speakeasy, I said what I said on this forum for a reason. Not to upset, but what I replied with a reasonable and genuine response. The good thing about this world, getting smaller, is that there are many countries for us to try, until we find the right fit. I don't "fit" to Australia, neither do my children or husband. He is committed for work. It is not personal, it is more, sooooo many countries, keep trying until you find what fits. Why not? Life is short. It has never been about taking others down for liking Australia. Why would I want to commit time,energy or dislike to others??? If they are happy in Australia and have found their fit, that is wonderful! I was a little confused by your post, and your post after. Why have you made a decision to make life simple??? You have been through circumstances to come out with a statement like that. If so, then that is your business and you should not be judged. And if you want to speak, you should be welcomed. This country has been responsible for some of the problems I have encountered. Not all. A lot have been circumstances outside my control. I am feeling very positive and excited, and I soooo appreciate so many things. Shouldn't we all? Especially after what happend in Paris? And yes I went through a close call in Ipswich with the floods, (hubby away) , then at Coes Creek with the cyclone and tornados, and house fires. I am not traumatised anymore (was), just more I know life can be fragile. So always go for what you want, and appreciate it. I do not completely understand your post, however you seem to be quite influenced by "the migrants" statement. You seem to have stuff to say, and I am sure many here wish to hear from you and support you, especially those that have your similar views or education on these matters. All the best. And we all know life is fragile huh, especially those who live in Europe or like to travel. RIP. What a sad time. x

Oh Jacaranda, exactly! Does anyone know what really is going on in somebody's life before they pass judgement?? I think enquiring first, then tentative support, then opinions. I am soooo sorry for what you went through. And to be judged. And when I joined this forum, my first, my only, because I prefer "dinner parties" (could not find any here in OZ!), I did not have many people to talk to or listen. You did sooo the right thing as you know. And gut instinct for us intuitive females is a wonderful thing. We don't set out to find wrong, or put our partners down, it is more saying, I am a person, this is not working and what can we work out. Rather than looking to blame or give up, we recognise differences and find ways to become stronger, then re support each other. Who cares a toss if women, and men or dads, want to come on and just talk about anything. And leave judgement at the door! I have studied since being here, and I am feeling strong. Anyone should be able to say anyting on here, and ask for help, and not be judged.

speakeasy, I found your reply genuniely quite surprising! My life is very complicated, isn't everyone's?? I am naturally what some might calll a "blabber", what is in my head, is out my mouth! Maybe this is what always saved me. :wink: I think it is quite healthy to talk, even if it is via a forum because you encounter not much communication in a country that you are not enjoying living in, and for some, like me, socially very not accomodating.! I am not escaping. I am being quite rational about I have lived in a country for 8 years, that has given me very little back and I do not like. I have lived in many other countries, liked them all. So there goes your first theory, blown. Yes, I have had some recent counselling. I don't walk around hating all of Australia. I actually said to my family, I think counselling would have been good for our whole family back when I was younger. So lets turn the table. How are you??? you come across as quite attacking and aggresive. If you feel you need to talk, there is many on here who are supportive. Especially when you do not have many people to talk too. And as you have no idea about anything to do with me, my past, my present etc a slightly more softer, slower and "humerous" approach perhaps is always best before attacking. So, I am fine thank you. Same back to you. Take care.:wubclub: I am actually moving forward to a better situation for not only me, but for all off my family.

I don't know your story, but the fact you come back on here, like me eventually, means there is support huh! We are all only one "person" but we care about others so let them in. There embarks a life of compromise, adjustments, etc. Always good to stand strong, yet try and stand together first. And sometimes speaking on a forum is easier than speaking to others. I have not spoken a lot on a forum, or to others, but I kinda like knowing I can come back to this forum eventually if I need.:cute:

If people keep coming back, no matter what, some good is always given out, huh!:wubclub:

kasisalo, I don't know u, but I wish you the best. I guess you are going through a lot. kids, adults,anyone at the end of the day know the thruth, and deep down admire courage. all the best to you. x

You inspired me to come back on. I have kept one eye on threads while finishing my own study/course and growing as a person. I felt sorry for you from what I read. I thought some were mean to you. I think courst?legal etc long way off. I have been through similar or worst, never came to courts or legal. So in this instance just forget for a moment. Main focus is back to your hubby. You defend him, you come across as lovely. Be strong and confident in yourself for that, because you are. You love your hubby, obvious because you defend him. Again, you are a lovely person. Now the but comes in. If you have come to this situation, you are asking for help and doubting your hubby. If after 10 years he cant compromise with you, acknowledge what you want, say to kids, hay your mum is from Wales, how cool, lets go back for the next 10 years, like she has done for us, !!!!!!!!!!!! Families compromise all the time, travel all the time, spend time in different countiries. Can be great for the kids, educational, open eyes etc, and when we marry we come from different, we are different. It is about compromise. After 10 years, he should be moving for you, and encouraging the kids to think what a wonderful opportunity. I would quenstion your hubby. You are a person in your own right. All the best. xx

Thank you that v nice. I read Daffodil post, and I felt sorry for her and sad. Because i think she got a hard time, and some were not very nice. We can all grow in what we think, through study or life experience etc, but your own opinion or judgement is your own. You cant or dont know what someone else is going through unless you specifically ask or know. She asked for help becuase she was unhappy, yet she still defended her husband. And some gave a hard time. She was brave to come on and bare her soul. Help each other, and when you need your own help, ask for it.

Oh thank you, that is nice to be immediately felt welcomed agian. I appreciate it. At times, this post was almost my only friend who listened to me when I kept saying I was unhappy. I am a naturally social person, I just have not been able to make friends here in Australia. But I have studied, I have re gained confidence, I am going back to NZ to care for 3 aging parents, and then back to UK. And I wont wish Australia any "ill willing" on way out. I just think when you are ready, and find some calm, and look deep inside, and stop worrying how others judge you, you know deep down what you want. You have to be healthy and strong within yourself to see beyond others judgement. I have read the posts, and seen the dilemmas of others. Just be still, calm down, and listen to want you really want. Good luck to those who are not sure where to live. It will eventually work out if you listen hard enough. xxx

I have had a long break from this forum. Ready to come back now because I feel more confident and more honest. Cut long story short, kiwi, much travelled, married to airline pilot, numerous "circumstance disasters", but nutshell I can't stand Australia. Now I know a few of you (if not many) will go, Oh Oh Australia, how can you say that etc.!!! I can say it very easily, I hate Australia..! Hence, I am finally moving my family. In a complicated way, but our family comes first over fighting over what country we live in. Until you gain clarity and confidence, it can seem blurred. I have lived here for 8 years, and hate it every year that goes on. But, I needed to empower myself and feel what I had to say was wothwile after loosing myself here. In our time here I have gone through the Ipswich floods, a burglary, a cyclone, loosing quarter a million dollars in an investment, my sister. My mum has been through cancer twice. All the while in a place I could not stand to live in. And before you judge, I have lived in many countries. I just don't like it here. If you do like it here, good for you. We have now reached a compromise, buying a two bedroom apartment here, that my hubby will commute back in forth, while I go back to NZ with my daughters, and well all go back and forth and best we can be. I want to spend time with my 3 aging grandparents in NZ, and in 6 years time when youngest has finished high school, and likely all our 3 older granparents are up in the happy place, we'll go back to England. We love England. Our eldest daughter was born there and it was the happiest place we ever lived. So, what I am saying is. Listen first to your gut instinct. If you really hate living in a place, no matter how many years go by, you are likely never to feel happy there. Next, you do have to look around you and consider others. Come up with a compromise. Families can do certain arraingements, and work towards a common goal. May be healthier than never moving on or giving up. Have a plan, no matter how long. We are leaving for NZ soon, then in 6 years back to England. Seems long maybe in writing, but to us if finally close, suits all, and is clarity and happiness all round. I studied while unhappy here in Aus, and I have now completed my course. Try and find something positive while waiting. And put your plan in place. And great to all who like it here. I am not one of you, but we do not take each other down. All human, all need support. :wink: '

Starlight, that's really nice. I have enjoyed this forum, but have so hold back. Not want to scare anyone! ha ha. I saw the most wonderful doco on the news the other night, maybe other saw. I am technically tooo young to be thinking that way, but when you are lonely, maybe age does not factor in so much. But did anyone see the docu on channel 7 news, that the flatting craze for younger people, now is suiting older people?! Shared houses, shared costs, comfort, company and security, what a wonderful idea. I am still reasonably young, girls ages 15 and 10, going back to NZ, but I know I am pushing for more on my terms, and what suits my daughters. Just saying, there are many options out there, and when something not working, go for it. Investigate. There are options. And sometimes reaching out to others and communication with others, great. As I have said, going back to NZ. Later back to England. Great. But we are still trying to find a scenario to fit all in our family. But what is a typical family these days? Just never give up, and look outside the box. And start trusting other people again.:wink:

Back on, appreciate anyone who followed this thread. End of day, have confidence in yourself and do what is right for you. I am going back to NZ in November, can't wait, so excited. 3 grandparents to suit, but benefits them, and me. Know right thing gutfeeling. Eventually hope to get back to UK. But only when time is right. We all know when time is right. Huh. I am studying in health. Hope to get job in NZ. Just happy to go home. Australia not been good over 8 years. One day hope to go back to UK, but only when NZ taken care off. Guess what I am saying, look deep into what you really want, never give up, and go for your best. x.

This guy is a kid, asking for help, and admitting he screwed up! Are you kidding, he is only young! What did we do back at that age. Some older adults act way worst. Stop judging, and start supporting. We should always be supporting no matter what age. Tough world. People matter, start supporting, stop judging.

I have to say it is so clear, you want to go home. People always matter more over "sun", "money" "effort of change" etc. Look deep, is Australia really your home? Sometimes we get a little bit scared and caught up in the practical aspect over facts, rather than look deep down and think what really matters, and what really do we want. Fair enough. But I don't think it will ever change. It does not have to be a life sentence if you move back to UK. You can always move again in 7 years time, if that is what you want. Life is always evolving, situations and circumstances constantly change. Our kids get older, we get wiser, our parents age. Make the best decision you can at the time, on the current situation. You sound like you want to go back to UK. And maybe it will never get better here for you, so is this time wasted? As many would know here, I have been here for 7 years. Hate it, still do. But we are finally going back to NZ, on the way to UK. Need to take care of 3 grandparents in the meantime. I have lived in many countries, and love travelling, but have never settled in Australia. Sometimes you need to look forward and move. Don't feel judged, just trust your instinct. Then factor in the logical. We all feel muddled in our head at times, feel judged, feel rushed or that all is too hard. It isn't, just stop and listen to your gut for once. All the best. x.

Oh Marisa, I am so back on. You already have a head start, because you are in England and can go to Europe. I am sorry you are feeling low today, we all do at times. But you have the most wonderful opportunity to think what do you really want, and go for it. And you do belong. You belong with your hubby, and you can make yourself belong anywhere you want with effort and excitement. Don't base all your decisions on money. Listen to your heart. If it was your last 5 years on earth, where would you want to be, and who would you want to be with. All is possible. x

I still held back. I promised myself if I came back on this forum, I would be honest. But don't we all do what is expected of us, or hold back, or worry what others think of us! So, I hope I can help someone else who is struggling if I came back on. Believe it or not, I felt guilty for coming on this forum originally, even though I was unhappy and did not have many people to talk too. Soo, here goes. You can't be right in the head, until you are right in the heart. Listen deep down to what your insticnts are telling you and what you truly want. Once your heart is happy, your tenseness is gone, then only your head and logical can speak. Never give up, look at all as moving forward and second chance. Life is precious, go for it. xx

Sorry I am back, just not sure was clear enough. For those wanting more factual, involving Australia versus UK, this is our plan. My plan just involves a bunny hop to NZ. Because I have 3 aging and sick grandparents. My hubby is v career driven, fine, he needs stay a little longer in Australia. But, our new plan is (or my new plan, bless all women who put it tactfully) he sticks with career, we welcome him with open arms, but, I am in charge of me and children. I can't stand Australia, have drowned for 7 years. Have encountered not good situations. But, logically, and this does have to factor, as much as we would like to race back to England, not possible. Listen to your heart, follow your gut instinct, but you might have to encounter a few logical corners. I have to go back to NZ, before England. It is logical, meets the demands of all in family, and long term I will get what I want. My eldest, super bright/gifted, who was born In England, and desperate to go back, probably because feeding off mum not very happy in Australia, has to wait. We have 3 grandparents in NZ who are getting sick and old. They are first priority. People should always matter first, just try and factory this in with logical. And seek support and communication. My eldest will go to Victoria in Wellington, NZ, then her second year she can transfer back to England (where she was born) on Victoria abroad. Pay NZ fees, not UK international (non resident fees). Good for her. I love England, want to retire in Europe (Go Marissa) but not until timing is right in NZ with 3 grandparents who need us. So, I have moved on. Back to NZ soon. So excited. NZ doing well. SOOO more like England. Just guess want to say, don't give up. Listen to gut instinct. Then talk. Then try factor in best logical. We are all human at end of day. We don't have to be perfect. Just keep searching until you know is right. If not, please seek professional help. I only say that because of my recent studies. Best to everyone. xx

annym, you r lovely. It must be fate, or the above, not sure, but I have not looked on this site for soo long, and I saw my username pop up. Just a random glance, a night ago. Big breath, here goes. I am not even going to read back and see what I originally wrote on this thread. What I will say, when I was not in a good place this forum offered conversation and like mindedness minds and opinions. Some people are very lonely or lost in Australia, and maybe not looking for a "right" or "wrong", maybe just want to be heard or hear an opinion. I have not been on for a while, but it has been v obvious, I don't like Australia. For those of you that do, great and that's great if it works for some. And of course it will. Fair enough. A lot has changed since I have been on, and I know when I was on in the past, I was lost and upset, and just could not cope with Australia. And I got mean at people. Some even on this forum. This is not the natural me. Far from it. In recent months I have told my hubby, who I love dearly, I am moving, because if I stay, all is lost for me and my children. Long story short, I have seen a counsellor, I am in a pretty good marriage, I am relatively sane, I put my children before anything else, yet I stood and said, No. This is not for me. I am returning to NZ at end of November with my girls, hubby will commute, he works for Virgin, I have been studying hard and will get a part time job. In addition to this, my mum has kidney cancer, my dad has cataracts, and my mom in law needs shoulder op. Just light bulb moment. Look inside you, deep, and see what you really want. Each individual matters, and your gut instinct is usually right. But if you are in a team, then you talk, and don't stop talking until you come up with an agreement. I am going back to NZ, my marriage is better than ever, and when we are ready, as in grandparents all up in happy place (not far off) only then we will go back to England. Long term plan is to retire in Europe. Always go for your dreams and goals, but you do need to find the realistic balance. Marissa, take your lovely hubby and do language lessons together. Why not!? What's stopping you? Go for your dreams. Might take six months to sort, and then your on your way. X

Hope I can keep on with this thread, rather than start a new one! I believe the "sleepy" more rural places better than any, because that what I know and like. I still hate Australia. After 7 years. Not starting an argument, just my "truth". In NZ, great but don't get me wrong , still problems, but at least I can drive. Here the Bruce Highway tackle scares the hell out of me! If your heart belongs in England go back. Don't think it will get better, because it most probably won't. To those who make it work in Australia, great. Go for it. I belong in the basket off, Australia not good. Have always hated it here. My eldest born in England, insists only English University. Not even my influence. Why would I put more guilt or blame or any emotion on me as a mum trying to do the best by my children??? We are going back in July next year to England, suits me and my two girls. Hope hubby will join us, but wait and see. End of day, sometimes all your family not fit the "plan", but there is a time limit. Sometimes strong to just move forward no matter what.

I am sorry maybe tired and a bit slow. I am tired, , many reasons, but not matter over anyone else. Back over your posts. Are you the stalker? Bristloman has done wonders and he gives good advice, you are to be admired. Wow, go girl. I am also a "go girl". we learn from hardship but push forwards. You come across as very strong and don't give up. Like me. Just occasionally it is OK to step back, have a break, and say "It's about me, I need a rest". And anyone who posts on here wants to be heard, or feels for others. So we should listen to all, huh.

Absolutely right, Ipswich not great end of day. Reason we moved there end of day, did not like what we would get for same money in Brisbane. Nothing! We are renovaters, and hard workers, and we took chance on city out of Brisbane, kids into private school in Ipswich, bought a Queenslander to do up!, end of day, I made some lovely friends. In Ipswich!! go figure! I don't think living in Brisbane, no private school, or friends, or at least 3 bedrooms would have made up for it. Some times humble pie is a good thing. And I would still choose Ipswich over Brisbane. I actually made friends and thought it was a place trying hard to go forward. More value for money. Go Paul Pissale. I am sure comments will come in, but sometimes, cities are not always the best.

Oh that is worrying. Say what you think. You need support. You do come and post a lot, but that is not a bad thing. Maybe it is helpful to society rather than all the negative. Communication is always good. And you are positive. Come out and say what is not right. Not for drama, or wrong, it will help you, and the "stalker" who might need to talk. Petals and our moderators will help. Please speak. We are all human end of day, that is in common at least. Help each other.

I don't come on a lot these days but when I sneek a look, it's nice to see bristolman, jockin and Shelly. Why do members come on here and rubbish others?? If you actually listen to what they say, it's positive and you can learn. And why judge them, they help others, have good opinions and life experience, and they are not doing anything illegal. Respect could be nice, huh.

Sometimes the best towns or places are the "sleepy" ones, where community steps in over anything else. Toowoomba, wonderful. I use to live in Ipswich, and I went through the floods and saw what happened. People, family, support matter more than anything else. If you come to Australia, going more rural and community minded, wonderful. I look forward to achieving that back in England. Bless.

I will take a plunge here, have not read any post beyond what you said initially. I thought "that's sad" . Know matter what you think running away to Aus results in, you have a child. In my opinion England is better than Aus. Nothing is better than the feeling in you raising your child. Stay in UK, get involved in your baby, and see a counsellor. You are an adult now, have had a child, don't run away. Stay and face. Might be best for you. Good luck. x