thinker78

i think it explains why most aussie families seem to have at least 4 kids- there is fk all else to do.

I posted at the 7 week mark but thought I would update. To anyone returning, yes, it does take time to re-establish and find your groove again. Ups and downs, such is life. Certain things frustrate but no different to things I found frustrating over there. I find bureaucracy quite slack in the UK, but always moaned about the extremities of the nanny state in Australia. For me the positives now are; sense of belonging (never once achieved that in 10 years there), diversity of life here, friendliness of people, openness of people (have made more friends in 6 months than I did in 3 years in one State), delightfulness of rediscovering one's culture, countryside, walking everywhere (have lost weight, much fitter- walking more accessible and the culture of local shops and high streets encourages this), old friends, laughter, pubs, accessibility of many places of interest, weather- yes, the weather! True, it's been mild, but I relished every day of late summer, then the beauty of Autumn, then the change to winter- I don't feel like anything has stopped me enjoying life based on the weather. Some challenges include; how busy education seems here, on the one hand the schooling is more pressured and busy but on the other my child is being stretched and supported much better (had to alter years in the return) and here the system of teaching assistants seems much stronger so more support for additional needs and also the pastoral care is much better, property prices- world wide issue mainly but returning to the south east can seem fairly depressing, but then again, its a tough market in Australia too, traffic- but, i can't get over how close things are so although it's busy there is no need to drive for an hour somewhere, and finally, fitting back in to lives that have gone on without you- it's true that the real friends welcome you back and others have moved on- so be it. Do I miss Australia? Not really. Occasionally I think of times there with a sense of nostalgia, but not for the place, perhaps for the people. I feel like in a few years I'd like to visit for a holiday, but will be happy to come back here. It feels like a sturdy old friend who hosted me for a lovely time but it came to an end. Incidentally, the biggest relief is family. I have had a few sudden deaths happen in my local community here, and the sense of relief I have at being able to spend time with my family is immense. Good luck to all moving back this year- you will find a stimulating and busy country, with it's challenges, with it's politics, with it's good and bad, but it's certainly not on it's arse. Sometimes I look around me, at the pub, or when i took my child to the panto this Xmas, and i watch them all, and i just want to shout 'this is my gang'! and it's wonderful

Absolutely- been back 5 months almost and no end of job opportunities- definitely a different vibe to 2010 when I was last here. I've been offered 3 jobs and feel confident to knock them back as there's a lot of casual stuff out there- completely different to my struggles in south australia to secure any sort of part time work over the last 3 years!

Yes, and that's lovely when it happens, it just didn't happen much. My point was, I have only been back 7 weeks and people who obviously do have more solid social circles around me in the uk are offering invites to things...as they know i'm newly back and trying to build a life again. I was lonely so much in Adelaide, and it wasn't for the want of trying. I will chat to anyone, and ran lots of events for other ex pats, as well as had a child which gave me access to playgroups then school etc, but there is just a marked difference in people's approaches. but i can't argue my point anymore as it's a personal experience and ultimately i am happier here, which was the point of my original post, and i feel alive and happy to have a social life back and my weekends are now full, as opposed to lonely. I'm off to enjoy the lovely september weather

I agree, and Adelaide is not a transient place, and the population is small. I think 10 years is a good crack to make a judgement though, and i've lived in 4 Australian cities.....however, it's also pot luck.

@Johndoe, as in, their social circles are already established and they are not bothered about new comers. Adelaide is very well known for this as most people are born there and those who stay, are happy with the people they grew up with; it is very hard to break into those circles.

No way, i'm definitely lovely and have a wide and diverse selection of friends across the globe, and I DEFINITELY notice the difference in Australia. Like someone said, it ain't for the want of trying. Trying did pay off- i organised lots of events in Adelaide as i was sick of having no friends and didn't want to hang around with other ex pats but after 2 years i had no choice! Adelaide is VERY clicky, and i admit i had more success in Perth, but with other ex pats again. I have left oz with 2 long lasting aussie friends, but they are unusual in that they are both very open minded and have travelled extensively, so 'get' the way other cultures work. I do like Australians, but they are just different. And i know it's not me cos only 3 weeks into a new school with my little Miss, i have had 2 coffee invites and that was more than i had in 18 months at our aussie school. i just think Australians are more insular unless you are already in their social circle. Just the way it is. Just different.

It is sadly, my experience of 'most' Australians too. the cultural gap is much wider than one may imagine or wish for. It took me a solid 3 years to even find 2 friends- one had just moved back from the UK and one was, you guessed it, from the UK! Aussies are hard nuts to crack and i've only been back 7 weeks but have had more coffee/dinner invites than i can shake a brollie at It's not just that either. I just find people friendlier here, and more genuine. having had a really hard year this year, i realised that aussies do not 'do' real conversation about the crappy/difficult/real aspects of life at all. that's not to say they don't go through things, but they just don't know how to talk about things. one of my reasons for moving away as a younger whipper snapper was the supposed negativity and downbeatedness of the Brits. however, i've done a U-ey on that now life has bashed me around a bit- rather, I love the openess and easy chat the Brits give, if it's a weather moan, a rant about Cameron or an invite (which they follow through on and chase up), well, i'd rather have it than anything i had before. this is my opinion. i do have some lovely australian friends, but even after a lot of years i simply do not connect with them on the same emotional level.

My child has mentionned it once, they are bound to, but now school and clubs and life is in full swing, it will alter. i feel she is doing sooooo much better at school here already. I love the little posh uniform (only State, but so much smarter) and the fact there's a lot of help to catch up plus the free school hot dinners are amazing. We have a lot planned now- there's a lot to do for kids, and not enough time. I'm super glad to share things with my child- really simple things like showing her places, nature, meeting a wider variety of folk. We have just got an allotment and love it

Hi, my last place was 3 years in Adelaide but have lived all over. I've come back to the south east, of course, it's busy, and expensive but you cannot put a price on peace of mind. Anything feels truly achievable when you're happy.

a quick update. I've been back 7 weeks and am very happy. I did 10 years in Australia, in that time, I pinged twice kind of, and it has taken this long to finally feel like i'm home and am happy, and i've not given oz a second thought. I think, out of it all i have learned so many valuable lessons. Namely, i actually need to feel like i belong, culturally, spiritually- whatever- connected to the land, to 'my own people' who i get, where it is no hassle to participate in conversation etc. When you have been out your own country for a long time, the very things you leave it for, can turn out to be what you crave and wish to return to. The smallest things delight me now- a walk in the woods, a cup of tea with my dad, interesting and stimulating conversations, soooo much to do on one's doorstep- i cannot do it all and my UK bucket list is just so enormous....., when I lived in oz i always had this nagging feeling, wherever i was, whatever i was doing of 'i'm in Australia'. It NEVER left me, not once. I came to realise that being constantly conscious of one's location was draining, and would never change. Here, i do not live with that any more. Rather, i just LIVE. Sure, it's not a bed of roses, where is? We live in crazy times. I am just so relieved that i feel at peace. Isn't that what we all want? Even the weather has not got me down. It hasn't stopped anything at all- nor will it. It has been very emotional reconnecting with old friends too- i am lucky that i have been welcomed back despite the long absence and i will never let them go again. I absolutely gave it my all in Australia but the feelings i have here, are real. I have closure. It is awesome x

Does anyone have direct experience of working for an aussie employer once back in the UK?

PS wattsy- it's literally amazing to hang out with people who have known me and my family for years! i love bumping into people and having things in common. i did not realise how important it is to feel connected to one's past- but it is. it is so comforting.

Who wants to be lonely in paradise?! (if indeed it is that.....) Home after 9 years with one child who has lived only in oz. Definitely been where you are. No regrets! Why? Parents are not here forever. Childhood is short. Kids thrive on extended family (if you get on) . UK life is different not worse. Life is short and fragile- the fact that your kids want to go back to family is very positive. I've done too many lonely Aus Xmasses, watching people with their own family, to ever put the sun first again. It's a rainy bank holiday here. Do I care?! No! Off out with the grandparents, dad's cooking a roast and i'll probably nip down the local for a glass of something later on- just normal, warm, every day living but more amazing to me now than any beach- get citizenship then give your children the best gift- love of family x

If you've got citizenship you've nothing to lose. Babies do change everything and you know what, it's sooooo much easier if you've got some kind of family support there. And, they aren't little for long. I really regret my family missing out on so much of the early years. You can't get them back. Don't feel like a failure. You did what many would never do, and you're not the first to re-adjust priorities once you have your own family. It's perfectly normal to need family and long term friends when life slows down around babies. Ultimately, do it now whilst they are small. You can always come back, if you really miss the intense heat and surreal Christmasses

I'm guessing you may have already gone down this road but is there any way you can access relationships australia? they offer an excellent mediation service and other services relating to children in a break up. if you are no longer in a genuine and ongoing relationship, you simply cannot proceed with any sort of relationship visa with her. this is a horrid situation, but sadly you are not the first. there have been several high profile cases of this exact scenario, give or take a country of origin. best of luck. she's lovely by the way. and we all know how much we love our children. life is complicated sometimes and as she gets older you will be able to explain more. also, her mum will also have questions to answer too.....

I just went back to uni at 36 for a grad course in law- life isn't cut and dry and plenty of people retrain throughout life....don't let age put you off anything or applying for stuff.

I think deep down you have already made a decision. all of us who struggle with a dilemma about which country; if we are still, and really listen, the answer is always there. Once you have gotten citizenship you really have nothing else to lose. Just go back. If it works out, great. If not, no biggie. I know that 30 feels like a right old milestone, but it's still pretty young, and there's a lot more out there to see, and if you are that depressed then having a bit of the familiar and your family will go a long way. Of course, you may miss darwin life once back onto the treadmill of existence in the UK but it sounds like you're not having the best life there either..... A lot of us have had to make hard choices and experience homesickness and weighing things up. It's a pretty tough call to learn that you can't have everything and it sounds like you never saw this as your forever home anyway. hope you feel better soon. your health and mental health are crucial x

Yes, been there and done that, and now very long in the tooth. It's the human condition to idealise something/someone/somewhere else when the chips are down. I am brave enough to admit that I placed all my energies into thinking Australia was some sort of golden nectar, fit to cure all of life's ills. Of course, it is lovely but I can tell you, almost 10 years on, it isn't the cure I had created in my head. It is lovely, and all of those things, but we continue to be human and live life wherever that is; we all hurt, we all struggle, we have moments of joy and everything in between. It's very easy to think migrating will somehow be the solution- sometimes it is, sometimes it's what you need at the time, and sometimes we change. It's great you have realised where you are at mentally before moving back..... I was that returning backpacker, full of happy memories and detesting the UK and everything in it, down the track, what i have learned; very hard to be lonely in paradise. The best thing is to live to the full wherever you are at any given moment, as we have all learned this week especially, none of us know what's around the corner.

Barista training takes 2 days- it's an accredited course. Have you joined scoopon and groupon? I recently bought barista training at 60% off. otherwise you can expect to pay a few hundred for that one. Private training places do it- just google barista training melbourne and also join the 2 websites stated. lots of vouchers, also the RSA is often featured at a discounted rate.

I never implied children can't thrive here. That would be ridiculous. Mine is thriving, but that's because she has great parents. Wherever we live, that will always be the case. She will thrive just as easily in the UK or wherever. There are no absolutes. Only some of us who have ping ponged several times feel passionately that people go through some of the same emotions ie wondering, longing, questioning....

Hi Four corners. Yes, it's not easy having a baby here- I wish I had known before we embarked upon it. We too are heading back as it's just too heartbreaking for my now 5 year old to have no family here, and now that they can actually express that longing- it's a no brainer.

You are right in many ways, but if i may, add my humble opinion. I think sometimes Australia is kept 'upbeat' and 'light' because the media is full of local drivel and we are kept in the dark about world events and are constantly told how amazing Australia is. Quite the opposite happens in the rest of the world....esp the UK. Better to be a happy pig than an unhappy Socrates? Not sure..... And also, the human condition (certainly after being on this forum for a number of years) appears to be full of 'what if's' and longings for what we don't have....I speak from experience. One of the biggest lessons of any migrant is to let go, lay to rest and to live where you are, wherever that may be. Lastly, before having kids thousands of miles away from those you love; think on. It's no better for kids, sure, weather wise sometimes, but even then it has it's drawbacks. Again, kids are kids wherever mum and dad are, or whoever loves them and raises them. Actually, lastly, again, Australia is brilliant at some stuff, but it's certainly not an easy existence here anymore. Financially, it's struggle street for most average families. both parents having to work to get by. If you ask me, the world is nuts, but be happy where you are. I agree with many of your points but i think it's rose tinted (and Ive worn those same specs myself)

The water in Essex has already been through 9 people they reckon, so i'm used to limescale on everything i think stowmarket is a front runner, as are the coastal towns. aiming to do a reckie mid next year. very happy with our decision re the county. looks absolutely beautiful in places and it's still close enough to family and london, if and when the need arises. i'll keep you posted!

That's pretty good evidence. The onus is on you to prove that there was an error and if in doubt, you may ask for all of your information under the FOI Act regarding your application and visa dates etc. If you have some proof, and it sounds like you do, write a thorough stat dec/letter stating the period of time you were unlawful and why (administrative error) and attach the evidence. If in doubt, a registered migration agent may be able to assist your application.