Do we stay or do we go?

We have been living on the north shore in Sydney for nearly 4 years now, and still do not feel settled, it is such a transient area, and some of the friends we have made have gone back to the UK, it is very unsettling! My husband loves his job here and the kids seem to like it (9 and 6) and they are settled at school, we are still renting a property and it is now driving us bats. We have returned home for 3 trips since moving here, and each time I return I feel homesick and want to go home. My big dilema is that my family will not travel here, so I feel torn, wheras my husband's sister is due to move out here shortly, and his Mum stays for 3 mths of the year, so he gets his family fix! Another consideration in this is that my daughter will be going to high school in another year!

HELP!! Any thoughts/ideas??!!:arghh:

is the issue then with you being unsettled/bored? Do you work? or have you found new interests to make your own friends to help you settle. I know it is hard as every time you make friends they can go back, or move away, but I had that back in UK too, such is life. I wish my kids were as happy and settled as yours as it is half the battle won.

Good Luck

Julie x

Hi Julie,

Thanks for your reply, no quite the opposite, I do work part time, and am also studying, and have friends around. I am more concerned with the fact that i don't think my parents/family will ever visit if we stay. We do go back to visit them, but this is costly and uses up so much holiday. They are getting older, and I fear my kids will not have a relationship with them, or their cousins if we stay longer term. In my heart of hearts I do not see Oz as home, and maybe this is why we are not settling.

I agree I also have friends scattered around the UK, but it is so lovely to see them when I go back, I really miss them.

The kids are settled, but to be honest I think kids are pretty resilient and settle fairly quickly wherever they are, what age are yours?

Caz :smile:

In my heart of hearts I do not see Oz as home, and maybe this is why we are not settling.

Do you mean you are not settling as you say that your hubby and kids all seem pretty happy.

Just because your kids have cousins it doesn't mean they would have a relationship or be close to them even if you do move back. I have lots of cousins in the UK but wasn't that close to any of them, so don't miss them tbh. Missed some of my friends more but you make new ones.

You've given it a fair while - 4 years is not to be sneezed at - and if you dont feel that this is the place you want to grow old and die in, then escape while you can, because the longer you leave it the harder it gets for all sorts of reasons (usually financial and educational) and all of a sudden you find yourself trapped in a place which just doesnt float your boat. (32 years 1 month and 7 days and still dont belong here!)

Go with your gut and seek out opportunities to change your lives.

My main consideration would be my oh happiness as he was the main breadwinner if he was not in a job he liked or in a place he liked then I would be unhappy and feel guilty. I definitely would feel guilty if he hated his new job and he did not get as much money.

Some families never want to visit, my mum's family never ever wanted to come and she had nine sisters and brothers, I have oodles of cousins and probably keep in touch with them as much as I would had I stayed in UK. Not much as that is the type of family we are. You can pick friends but not family.

Mum went over to visit for a year at a time to see her parents but to be honest I really think they were probably glad to see her but glad when she went home.

As we age we are caught up in our own little world and happy for our children to fly the coop and have their own lives. Oh and I like the fact that we do not have to worry about them 24/7 now out of sight out of mind so to speak.

As an aged parent I just want my children to be happy wherever it is and I know they love me so they do not have to spend their lives proving it to me.

Hi ! If you haven't done so already , I would strongly suggest that you and your family get Australian citizenship . Whilst you may wish to return to the U.K. now ,in the future you ( or your children ) might want to come back to Australia like many other poms have done before . Having an Oz passport would certainly make things easier should that situation arise.

Hi Julie,

 

Thanks for your reply, no quite the opposite, I do work part time, and am also studying, and have friends around. I am more concerned with the fact that i don't think my parents/family will ever visit if we stay. We do go back to visit them, but this is costly and uses up so much holiday. They are getting older, and I fear my kids will not have a relationship with them, or their cousins if we stay longer term. In my heart of hearts I do not see Oz as home, and maybe this is why we are not settling.

 

I agree I also have friends scattered around the UK, but it is so lovely to see them when I go back, I really miss them.

 

The kids are settled, but to be honest I think kids are pretty resilient and settle fairly quickly wherever they are, what age are yours?

 

Caz :smile:

Perhaps we are a little selfish then as my in laws visit but maybe one day my Dad may visit with his girlfriend and my sis is in the states and my other UK famil and friends may or may not come and visit one day but that won't stop me trying hard to make a new home here. My son is 11 and my daughter is 14 and a half and would go back tomorrow..

Julie x

Hi ! If you haven't done so already , I would strongly suggest that you and your family get Australian citizenship . Whilst you may wish to return to the U.K. now ,in the future you ( or your children ) might want to come back to Australia like many other poms have done before . Having an Oz passport would certainly make things easier should that situation arise.

Second that. Sound advice. Stories on this and other forums about people who lose the right to reside in Oz and regret it. No issue with dual citizenship either for us Brits.

We have been living on the north shore in Sydney for nearly 4 years now, and still do not feel settled, it is such a transient area, and some of the friends we have made have gone back to the UK, it is very unsettling! My husband loves his job here and the kids seem to like it (9 and 6) and they are settled at school, we are still renting a property and it is now driving us bats. We have returned home for 3 trips since moving here, and each time I return I feel homesick and want to go home. My big dilema is that my family will not travel here, so I feel torn, wheras my husband's sister is due to move out here shortly, and his Mum stays for 3 mths of the year, so he gets his family fix! Another consideration in this is that my daughter will be going to high school in another year!

HELP!! Any thoughts/ideas??!!:arghh:

I am going to be really honest and say that if you still don't feel settled after 4 years, then I very much doubt you ever will. And so, you really have to decide whether to make plans to go home or just learn to live with it.

Like Quoll said previously, you have to ask yourself the question as to can you actually see yourself growing old here and you have to be honest with yourself.

P.S.: We've been here 3 years and I am also not settled at all and now I 've realized that I shouldn't be kidding myself as it will not get any better.

Have you thought about trying somewhere else in Sydney or somewhere else in Australia? The reason I say this is that the first place we lived in Australia I found the people to be unfriendly and not willing to accept you within their groups. I experienced this at three playgroups when we first arrived. We moved areas after six months, and things just fell in to place. I went to a local playgroup and met some lovely women who are now amongst the closest friends I have ever had. We only moved a few kilometres, but found a world of difference in how friendly people were in general. I honestly don't think I would have settled if we had stayed in the first place.

If you don't think that moving is going to help, then I think that you and your hubby need to sit down and have a really good, honest talk about what you are going to do. I know for sure that hubby would want me to be happy. He loves his job, and he loves where we live, but he loves me more, and if I was unhappy here, I am sure that he would want to put it right.