Guest OnlyMe Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 When I was about nine years old, my family moved from Hertfordshire to New South Wales. At first, it was the biggest adventure in my life and I loved it. Then I sort of settled in for a bit and got on with life. But now I'm fifteen years old and I've been insanely homesick for the past twelve months or so. It's ridiculous - I have everything I need here and it really is a nice place to live - but every time I visit England I have to hold back tears when I leave, and I've cried myself to sleep a good number of times. It's starting to take over my mind; I can't go a day without thinking about how much I want to go home and it's making me all depressed. It seems like everywhere I look there's a reminder of where I am, whether it's an Australian made product, an Australian flag flying on the street somewhere or even someone just talking to me in an Australian accent, and it completely ruins my mood. My friends never miss a chance to make fun of my accent or the fact that I say 'YOG-urt' or 'Ketchup' without thinking, and it's always the first thing people comment on when they meet me. It's really stupid, but that really gets to me. I'm the only one of my family that feels this way, from what I can tell - my parents have gone almost completely native and my brother was so young at the time he can barely even remember England. I say 'from what I can tell' because I've never actually discussed the matter with them; I know how much courage it must've taken for them to uproot and move to Australia because they believed it would give us a better childhood, and it would be extremely ungrateful to start whingeing at them now for it. None of my friends would understand, seeing as they're all born Australians, and I'm not about to go dumping my problems on them. I think my friends and family partly know, since it's not difficult to tell I'm not an Australian patriot, but the only emotion it's ever got from them is exasperation. I know it's such an utterly teenage sentiment, but I'm completely alone in this. The worst part is, there's absolutely nothing I can do. Usually when I have problems I can just do some thinking and work them out, but not here. The only thing I can do is just put on a brave face, keep my mouth shut and endure the next three years until I can move out and go back home. That's an extremely terrifying prospect to me and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it without breaking down and doing something terrible like telling my parents I miss England. It's been hard enough getting through just one year without exploding. People say that if you don't like Australia then leave, but I don't have a choice in the matter. I'm stuck here whether I like it or not, and that bothers me far more than it probably should. So... yeah. Sorry for the long post, I just have a lot to get off my chest. Have you ever felt homesick for England? If so, how have you coped with it? Do you have any advice? I'd really, really appreciate it if you replied, even if just to let me know that I'm not the only person on the planet who feels like this. Thank you very much in advance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest31881 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Hi, I am sorry that you are feeling so sad about living In Australia. Obviously I am not your age but I was once. (Many many years ago). One thing I would suggest is that you do talk to your parents. When my kids were your age I would have wanted to know if they were unhappy about anything. You probably feel it will upset your parents to find out you feel this way, But just think how they would feel if you just scream it out during a random argument. I hope you manage to work out a solution, But you are welcome to post on here and hopefully gain some friends on here as well. :biggrin:. PS... I may be an old idiot now but a years ago I was a 15yr old, so where your parents and they know what it is like to be 15 so talk to them :wacko: PPS... you think you have problems with your accent you should try my West Midlands Accent I once tried buying a bag of Ice and the check out girl thought I was asking for a bag of eye's Now that's an accent that causes problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest OnlyMe Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Thanks so much for replying. :smile: It means a lot. First time anyone's ever done it, actually. I would talk to my parents, but even if it didn't make them sad they'd just be exasperated. They don't actually believe I can remember living in England (I can. Vividly.) Even so, I'll think about it. I just have to get past my built-in teenage stubbornness first. My parents are from Leicestershire, so my accent has a weird Midlands-ey element to it. :cute: Still mainly Home Counties though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 Sorry to hear that you feel so down at the moment. Have you many friends over here, if you don't want to talk to your parents have you someone close you can open up to. There are a couple of people on here who would be great to lean on if you need someone to chat with. I have a son your age who I'm sure would chat with you although to be honest you know what boys are like lol x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest31881 Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 A 15yr old with teenage stubbornness i do not believe that, well yes i do actually I had twins (Boy/Girl) and at 15 they could be the King and queen of teenage stubbornness, in fact my daughter still is. So here are a couple of tips for using the site. Use the PM system and the inbuilt email system to pass any email addressee's or things like that or any other information to any friends you make on here. Never put personal contact details in an open post. You can check you are able to recieve PM's by checking you control panel to make sure you have enabled the contact side of the site. If you have any problems with the site or even with a site member please hit the report button on the left (Triangle with exclamation mark). One of the mods will respond ASAP. Good luck and I hope you find the site useful, even if some of our members are bit on the strange side. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 7, 2011 Share Posted December 7, 2011 You actually sound like quite a rational person for a teenager - are you sure you are only 15?:biglaugh: Seriously, your feelings are your feelings and quite legit. You probably do need to talk to your olds but perhaps you can do it with a bit of practice behind you. In your school you will find a school counsellor who should, if they are any good at their job, be able to sit down with you and work through exactly what you do want to tell your parents and how you can best go about telling them. Obviously you have your head on - you are looking to at least the next 3 years (and probably the following 3 as well if you are looking at it logically) to get through school education and university. Once you have done with that then the world will be your oyster - you can go to UK with a degree or a trade and not be disadvantaged against UK kids at the same stage of their lives. Although the world has moved on a bit, one of my sons came to UK (I am back here now too thank goodness) for a gap year post uni nearly a decade ago and he hasnt bothered to return to Aus, but now has a good job here, a house and a wife and a great life. So it might look to you that you have a long time to serve, but in the longer term of your lifetime you have plenty of time to achieve what you want - put a circle around the year you want to leave and develop an escape plan. Hopefully your parents will understand your need to move on because they scratched their itch for adventure and moved to Australia - they cant deny you then the chance to scratch your itch when the time comes. If you thought there was any chance they would let you return to live with extended family to do A levels, a gap year and then uni in UK (to avoid the international fees) then perhaps it is something you need to discuss with them in the next year or so - a good school counsellor should help you work through all that. If your counsellor is hopeless then may I suggest you contact KidsHelpLine http://www.kidshelp.com.au/ because they will talk to you 24/7 I wish you luck on your life journey and you can take solace from the fact that it is never too late to move on to UK, you have the capacity to return to UK as a citizen at any time and you are at a good stage in your life to be thinking about what you would like to achieve with your life and grab whatever opportunities pass you by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rrwilky Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Hi you must talk to someone about this as it is obviously important to you and making you unhappy. Seek out the school councillor who you can practice talking about this issue to and then talk to your parents, they will be happier knowing what your concerned about than think you are keeping something a secret. Quolls ideas are all options you could think about, but you need to talk to someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckiNick Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 Well first of all for 15 you seem very mature..I wish I was at 15! I left when I was 22 I am now 25 and it was so hard and to be honest I still struggle I am amazed how people when they move so young can cope! My bf is Australian so of course he is all pro aussie , I am not whinging here i like it but the UK was my home and where my family is ! 2 and half years on I still find it very hard ... I actually put a post up about accents because I get mocked all the time and its really not funny. I don't enjoy people trying to imitate the way I speak or look at me as if I have two heads (west mids accent)! Homesickness is the most horrible feeling in the world it takes over every thought everything is compared to the UK etc... I honestly think the best way to overcome it is talking about it (this comes from someone who has cried herself to sleep many nights) I know your parents moved here and you don't want to upset them ...but maybe now your older then when you first left..start asking some questions..As to why u left? you dont have to be negative about Aus but more so nosy....I also think that your parents may realise that you aren't happy but treat it as a teenage phase because maybe they feel a but guilty for seeing u so blue! I spoke to my parents about homesickness , my mum never wanted me to come , she went quite mental and cried on me all the time etc...I left moved to Aus and then after about a year I spoke to her about it (it was really hard to do so I never wanted to admit I couldnt cope)....Funny enough she told me all these stories about when she was homesick..i took it for granted that she left Ireland many years ago and never went back, that iss why she acted like she did! Maybe your parents have felt the same if they grew up in the UK themselves it must have been hard for them to leave and move with kids to Oz..they may never have told you because they never thought you would feel that way !!! Quolls ideas are great...deffo look at returning to the UK nothing is stopping you when your a bit older...(i know how annoying that is to be told, I used to get it all the time ..but get school done and out the way and maybe UNI in the UK?)Have a plan, we have decided after I finish Uni we will head back for a few years..If i didn't have that escape route I couldn't cope! Anyway I hope that you feel a bit brighter soon...and start planning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jamjar Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Hiya You need to talk to your parents, from your post you seem very mature for your age and make a lot of sense. I am sure that also comes across when you talk to people and if you sit them down and explain your feelings I am sure they will listen and be understanding without saying you are ungratefull. Now this will probably not result in them moving back but it will make you feel better. Talking alwasy helps. The way we think conversations are going to go in our heads are never as bad in reality. They are your parents and they love you and although they probably wont move back they could try and make things better for you and perhaps even make plans for your to return once your old enough. At 15 I know 3 yrs seems like a long time, but it really isnt. Try to make the most it and get it out of it what you can, I would actually suggest you speak or chat more to your close friends in the UK and if you explain the situation to your parents they would understand this - Skype is free. Failing that I am sure there are counselors at school or free help lines that you can use. Talking about this will definately make you feel better. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Genrol Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Hey, I'm about your age (I'm 17), my name's Mike. I've lived in Australia my whole life, and so have both my parents (my grandparents are from England though) and, over the last few years, I miss England. I've never even visited there, but I feel as if I have some natural instinct that makes me want to return to my heritage. Of course I'll always love Australia (A LOT), but I kinda know what you mean. Obviously you've got a lot stronger feelings then me, but next year I think I'm gonna move to England, probably to Leeds or another city from Yorkshire/Leicester since that's where my heritage is from. Would NOT move to London... If you wanna chat, I'll be happy to listen. I'd like to hear more about England tho Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Princessoftheworld20 Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Dear OnlyMe,I am sorry you are feeling sad. I have just moved to Perth and I have only been here over a week. Don't worry you are not the only person on the the planet that feels homesickness-cause I do too and and I am always trying to hold in the tears. But I would say you should think of the positives, not the negatives- if that is what your thinking about. If you have been feeling this way for most of your life since moving, I would speak to a friend or maybe your parents. I am sure they would comfort you, and you would get better step by step. Sorry for the long reply, but I hope I have helped your situation a bit. If you want any tips or asking a question just reply and I will help you as much as I can since I am in the same situation. From Princessoftheworld20 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest63690 Posted July 16, 2012 Share Posted July 16, 2012 Dear only me, your post was very moving and I really felt for you. I hope you are in a better place now. I think your message should serve as a warning to families who are looking to emigrate or who are definately emigrating, to discuss the prospect of homesickness with their children before the move, so it does not become a taboo subject. Otherwise, the sufferer may feel, in the way only me did, that they must suffer alone. For children homesickness feels like a greater burden because they cannot simply decide to up sticks and move, if the unhappiness does not pass. Therefore parents MUST reassure their children that they can discuss it with them or with a counsellor, and that they will be listened to and have their feelings taken seriously. If you are still around, please update us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest OnlyMe Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 First of all, I'm so touched that you're all still replying to this topic. I had no idea I'd get such an amazing response. I haven't updated it because I haven't really had anything to say, but I've been reading everything you've said and I appreciate it all so much. I posted this problem in lots of places on the Internet but you're the only people who've actually replied to me and said something useful. I'd just like to let you know that yes, I'm in a much better place now. Things have improved massively. I never did tell anyone about my homesickness, but that was okay; I fixed it on my own. I convinced my parents to let me visit England by myself (I've flown there and back with them almost every year since we moved so I knew how to do it), and that let me take a metaphorical deep breath and remind myself that it was still there waiting for me. It helped me get my feelings under control and think rationally. So what I'm doing now is taking a year out, starting at the beginning of September, and going on a student exchange programme to France. I'm hoping it'll let me remove myself for a while and shake the feeling of being trapped, as well as be an awesome experience in its own right (and help me learn French, because I absolutely love languages). It's also close to England and I'm allowed to apply for independent travel and visit every now and then. When I get back from France, I have less than two years in Australia to finish high school (which will probably fly by because I'll be studying so hard to get the ATAR I want) before I spend a few months teaching English as a volunteer in Vietnam and then go and study linguistics at university in England. Of course, a great deal of that will probably change before I get there, but that's what I have planned. So while nothing's really changed, I have a lot to look forward to and that's making all the difference. When I posted this topic, I had nothing ahead of me but a whole lot more of the same, and the same had been so awful I was really getting myself into a state about it. But now I know that I'm not stuck in a rut, I'm going places, and while I do still miss home it isn't invading every moment of my life any more. My advice to anyone whose homesickness just won't go away is to change things up. Give yourself something to look forward to. The monotony is what makes it so unbearable. Again, thank you so, so much to anyone who replied to this topic. You guys are all absolutely amazing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 Good on you, sounds like a great forward thinking plan you've got there. Hope it all works out brilliantly for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted July 21, 2012 Share Posted July 21, 2012 It always amazes me when parents assume that just because their kids aren't complaining about being homesick, everything is alright. Kids rarely complain. What would be the point? They're not stupid. They know their parents are living their dream and they're not going to drop everything and move back to the UK just because you are unhappy. All complaining will do is make everyone miserable. At least that's what I thought - and I was probably right. My story is a little different. I moved to Australia (Sydney) just before I turned three and never really knew England. I was aware I didn't have extended family around me, but I didn't know them to miss them. I loved Sydney and had a wonderful childhood. Then my parents returned to the UK when I was nine. We stayed for a year and then flew to Perth. That was a magical year (summer of 1976 - lovely weather). I had all this family I'd never known. I had grand parents. I adapted quickly to the UK, people were interested in me because I was Australian. I was accepted, not made fun of. I had a wonderful year. I hated Perth. Everyone played Aussie rules which I knew nothing about. I was made fun of as a pom (ironic as I'd grown up in Sydney). I hated my first couple of years in Perth. I was very lonely. Things got better - but I felt like I never really belonged. Life kicked along, but I was lost, trapped. I didn't want to be there. I longed for England. I never told anyone. I kept it all inside, but I was miserable all the time. Life ticked along. I started uni, dropped out, then eventually got a degree part time. Things were ok but not great. When I was 26, I saw a job ad for the UK, and it just clicked. I applied, got the job and jumped on a plane. England was wonderful. It was different and I took time to adjust, (it was not what I had expected, and I didn't make a connection at first), but the people were so warm and welcoming, and I felt I fitted in. Since then life has been pretty good - marriage and kids - good job. There's been ups and downs, but nothing to do with either country. I would like to return to Australia. (We tried once - and ping ponged), but the exchange rate is stopping me, and also the worry that I may do to my kids what my parents did to me. But I would be returning them to their extended family, which is where I probably differ from most poms trying to get to Aust. Take from this what you will, but at some stage you will need to return to the UK, if only to see what it is. You may end up going back to Oz, or you may end up staying. But in order to move on, it's something you will need to do. You may end up like me - belonging no where, but fitting in anywhere. It's not that bad. Just keep it together til you're old enough. You seem to have your head screwed on right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LojaChica Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 Beautiful Girl..............I sincerely hope all works out for you and remember PIO will always be here for you.............Cudos to those that replied.........just shows what PIO is all about Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
landv Posted July 22, 2012 Share Posted July 22, 2012 First of all, I'm so touched that you're all still replying to this topic. I had no idea I'd get such an amazing response. I haven't updated it because I haven't really had anything to say, but I've been reading everything you've said and I appreciate it all so much. I posted this problem in lots of places on the Internet but you're the only people who've actually replied to me and said something useful. I'd just like to let you know that yes, I'm in a much better place now. Things have improved massively. I never did tell anyone about my homesickness, but that was okay; I fixed it on my own. I convinced my parents to let me visit England by myself (I've flown there and back with them almost every year since we moved so I knew how to do it), and that let me take a metaphorical deep breath and remind myself that it was still there waiting for me. It helped me get my feelings under control and think rationally. So what I'm doing now is taking a year out, starting at the beginning of September, and going on a student exchange programme to France. I'm hoping it'll let me remove myself for a while and shake the feeling of being trapped, as well as be an awesome experience in its own right (and help me learn French, because I absolutely love languages). It's also close to England and I'm allowed to apply for independent travel and visit every now and then. When I get back from France, I have less than two years in Australia to finish high school (which will probably fly by because I'll be studying so hard to get the ATAR I want) before I spend a few months teaching English as a volunteer in Vietnam and then go and study linguistics at university in England. Of course, a great deal of that will probably change before I get there, but that's what I have planned. So while nothing's really changed, I have a lot to look forward to and that's making all the difference. When I posted this topic, I had nothing ahead of me but a whole lot more of the same, and the same had been so awful I was really getting myself into a state about it. But now I know that I'm not stuck in a rut, I'm going places, and while I do still miss home it isn't invading every moment of my life any more. My advice to anyone whose homesickness just won't go away is to change things up. Give yourself something to look forward to. The monotony is what makes it so unbearable. Again, thank you so, so much to anyone who replied to this topic. You guys are all absolutely amazing. What a lovely post! Wishing you every luck and happiness for the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest63690 Posted July 23, 2012 Share Posted July 23, 2012 Only me, I cannot thank you enough for the update, and am so glad to read that you are in a better place, primarily it seems because you no longer feel trapped. I have thought about you a lot since reading your post, and even started a thread about it on the News chat and dilemmas section entitled "did you discuss homesickness with your kids before you moved", to try to get parents to discuss this difficult topic. Many parents want to bury their head in the sand and choose to assume their dream must be their childrens, and that their children will just adapt to what they want and desire. Your post indicated that this is not always the case, and that even when parents think it is the case, it may be because their children cannot speak to them. If you have the time, maybe you could add an update on that thread, its on page 2 now, along with some advise to parents, from a childs point of view? newjez, I really enjoyed reading your post. You really do belong to 2 worlds now, which seems to be the case for some children of migrants. I am glad things are working out for you in your life and that you find joy and happiness wherever you make the choice to live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest63690 Posted July 28, 2012 Share Posted July 28, 2012 Just in case other young people relate to Onlyme's experience and do not feel they can talk to their loved ones, there is a free confidential phone service in oz for young people between 5 and 25 (link below) Please please do not suffer in silence. :hug: Big hugs. http://www.youthbeyondblue.com/get-help/phone-help-lines/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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