wellieboots Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Really confused and sad today - our story - other half is from Sydney, we met on holiday in Europe, he moved to the UK and we lived there for 3 and a half years, all the time deliberating about if/when we would try living here - applied for 309 visa for me way back in Jan 09, granted end of April and then still deliberated about whether to come out. Finally made it here in early Feb - about 4 days before the visa would have expired!!! We had a place to live as he owns a unit and it had been rented out, so that bit was easy. The real issue for me is jobs - at the moment I am on a temp contract which runs out in early July, and OH is working as a casual in the same company his dad works for - not ideal and not exactly long term and allowing me to settle. As he's been away so long, a lot of his friends have moved away from the area or had kids or whatever, so we have a very limited social circle, I'm finding that really frustrating as I'm a very social person and I don't think he really is - never really noticed it before as I had my social circle set up and if he is told what the plan is then he's happy to be sociable - but now that we're here he just seems to have shut down. It's the same with jobs - he has applied for one job in the last 4 months (and that was last week!), I had thought that, given that he was the local, it would be easier for him than me to get work and that then I could at least relax a bit, but I have applied for so many jobs (only got to 4 interviews if you don't count the one for where I am at the moment) and I kinda feel like he should be the one supporting me, not the other way around?! My Mum reckons we should come home once I'm finished this contract, but a) I'm a determined sod and b) we said we would try it for at least two years and I don't think giving up now is wise or sensible - quite apart from anything else, our flat is rented out and jobs are less easy to come by at home than here!!! Sorry - just needed a moan - my heart tells me to run home but my head tells me that would be very stupid! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Scotinaus Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Sounds like you need to have a serious chat with your OH... You sound like you have the right attitude and are determined to make it work. Best of luck with everything, let us know how you get on... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jurls Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Yes, how does your OH feel? Because he doesn't appear to be very happy and motivated from what you've said? Maybe he'd rather live in the UK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Three Dee Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Talking it over with your OH is the better thing to do and maybe try it for a little longer, I ran home and now regret it so much. Desperate to go back. Good luck with what ever you decide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 14, 2011 Share Posted June 14, 2011 Go where you find the best opportunities at the time you need them. If you and he can find a job back in UK then go for it, if you find better ones in Aus then stay. Work out what you want to do in the near, middle and distant future and see what will provide you with the best opportunity to do that. You dont mention kids so be sure that you have your priorities worked out before you bring them into the equation because once you have them you can find yourself trapped where you dont really want to be should (heaven forbid) something go pear shaped with your relationship. Nothing magical about the 2 years thing either if it isnt working - cut your losses and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest NeilEB Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Without being cruel, I'd say your OH is the problem, not the country. He sounds so lethargic and disinterested in everything. You've already said that there are more jobs in Oz then the UK, so what would going back to the UK solve? Also be careful of mum's advice - sometimes they give advice based on what's good for them, rather then for you. Have an open and frank discussion with your OH - try and find out why he is so disinterested in everything, and take it from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wakeboard1980 Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Hey wellieboots, I remember you guys from when we were applying for my wires visa back in march last year. So you finally made it! Sounds like what's happened to your OH is the same as me, with all my mates married, got kids, some on their sedan all since I was gone for the 4.5 years. Things change, people change, circumstances change. My missus wants to go home at the end of the year, once our baby is born in august and everything is ok. It took me a while for this to sink in but when I look at it it's not all that much of a big drama going back. We were going to stay for at least 3 years but she hasn't settled at all and I think it will only get worse once the baby is here. Everyones reasons for doing things and the way they feel are always different. The main reason we left the uk was cause we didn't like our jobs and now we are in the same situation again. The grass isn't always greener on the other side but it is only you and your OH that can make the decision you need to make. Have a chat with him and see how he feels. He may be finding it difficult fitting back in, I know I did for the first few months. Good luck, I hope what vie put above makes a little sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ezme Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Hi As someone who moved back home after being away for a number of years, it can be daunting. Your friends move on, life has changed, you have changed. I would suggest have a serious conversation with your OH and seeing where he is at. You may find the move to Oz has been harder for him than for you. Plus, they always say that no matter what age you are at, when you are around your parents you revert to being a child. Maybe you are seeing a side to him that you never knew existed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest littlesarah Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I kinda know how you feel. My husband is Australian, and was away for 10 years. In that time, almost all of his old mates have got married and have children. When we first arrived, he told me that he felt like he didn't fit in any more, and I felt really quite sorry for him. At least I didn't know many people, so I had nothing much to compare it with!! After a few months, he settled in a bit more; and I think accepted that peoples lives had moved on, as they would've even if he'd been here! We've both made new friends, and I think that's also helped. As others have suggested, you guys need to have a good chat about where you're at now, and how you're going to plan for your future. Personally, I'd suggest that you both need to give it a bit longer than 4 months before making any decisions that will affect your long-term. I'm sure your mother means well, but I have to admit that I never tell my mom anything negative other than that I miss her and the rest of my family (and I don't mention that too much, because it's my own fault given that I left!). I know she loves me, and I know she misses me (& of course a mother wants her children within visiting distance), so any advice given is ever likely to be biased in favour of mum getting her baby back. Best of luck with it all. The reality of making a new life can be a great deal harder than we ever imagined, I know. Sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wellieboots Posted June 18, 2011 Author Share Posted June 18, 2011 Thank you so much everybody - it is a great relief to be able to "chat" with people who understand the feelings, and have decided all sorts of different things! Another job interview for me next week - here's hoping........ I take the point about cutting the losses and moving on if it's not working out, but I'm also torn because I don't feel that we've given it long enough yet..... thanks and I will definitely come back and update and so appreciate your virtual support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.