Parents that want to move to Australia are selfish!

[tracy123]

To some it seems that anyone wanting to move to Australia that has a child to another parent is being selfish, what about the father, what about the child, you’re just being selfish….. Are the cry’s some members are making.

OK granted the father will get less time to see that child, but if he doesn’t agree there is a court case so his concerns are heard, and in some cases the father wins and the child stays! As the way it should be.

 

But lets go one step further…

 

Parents that are lucky enough to still be together and want to move to the other side of the world, aren’t they being selfish? What about grand parents? Some grand parents take a bigger active role and spend more time with the kids than the parents do, what about them? What about aunties and uncles? Friends? Other family members? These people may spend more time with your children than some fathers spend with their kids. So isn’t anyone who has weekly, fortnightly, monthly contact with your kids have a right to voice their concerns even better, shouldn’t you be thinking about them and what your kids will be missing out on, rather than a new life you could have?

 

I don’t agree with what I’ve written. People need to do what they think is right by themselves and their children and it’s up to them to do it. It’s not up to us to tell them how wrong we think they are.

[Guest Simo429]

Its a difficult situation with no clear answer. I know that if I had children and my ex attempted to take them out of the country I would fight tooth and nail to keep them close however I also know that I think that moving to Australia is a better life so could I really stop my children from experiencing that.

 

The grandparents bit is also a fair point but personally I think those that tell you that they don't want you to go are more selfish. I would be so angry if my parents ever tried to guilt me into staying.

[tracy123]

Its a difficult situation with no clear answer. I know that if I had children and my ex attempted to take them out of the country I would fight tooth and nail to keep them close however I also know that I think that moving to Australia is a better life so could I really stop my children from experiencing that.

 

The grandparents bit is also a fair point but personally I think those that tell you that they don't want you to go are more selfish. I would be so angry if my parents ever tried to guilt me into staying.

 

And this is why people go to court, fathers do get a say, and in an ideal world the parents of the children would stay together and not divorce.

 

My point is some extended family spend more time with the children than some fathers do, but we never say to anyone think of this person, but when someone puts a thread up about what to expect about their ex's, all these people come on and a thread gets closed. To me that's wrong when someone is asking for advice, why should the subject be done through PM?

[Parley]

The question I would ask though Geoffrey is what you would have done if the court had not granted you permission to move to Aus with the child.

Would you have been prepared to go anyway leaving the child behind.

 

If you or your wife says I could never leave without my child, then why should this happen to the other parent?

 

I'm interested to know what your family would have done if the court denied permission ?

[Parley]

By the way, you keep raising this issue in new posts, so I presume you are happy to continue the discussion of your case.

[tracy123]

The question I would ask though Geoffrey is what you would have done if the court had not granted you permission to move to Aus with the child.

Would you have been prepared to go anyway leaving the child behind.

 

If you or your wife says I could never leave without my child, then why should this happen to the other parent?

 

I'm interested to know what your family would have done if the court denied permission ?

 

 

We would of stayed, but at the same time we spend 95% with the child so there is a difference.

 

I bring this point up because people should have the right to ask a question without being jumped on! Now if they asked the question AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING? well that's different, but they're not, they are asking HOW DO I GO ABOUT IT? People must be stupid or didn't put much thought into their move to think others haven't thought about the other parent!!!!!

[Quoll]

I do think a degree of selfishness is mandatory really. I seriously doubt that the "life" is any better here for kids - or any worse for that matter - it's just another first world country and anyone bringing kids here has to settle basically for a generation or two of relative isolation.

 

After a while (couple of generations) your family extends so it is just the initial generations which experience that isolation - for some that is a significant disadvantage and unless you are incredibly self sufficient and somewhat selfish then you wont cope with that sense of being alone in the world.

 

Must admit that being self sufficient was not a problem for us but both of my boys have commented on the relative isolation of our family (both have partners with huge extended family, one here and one in UK) and have actively sought out their extended family (back in UK) - one has even returned and is likely to remain there not just for the extended family but for the significantly better opportunities he has experienced in his career and a UK born fiancee who thinks her life will end if she moves outside of the M25.

 

It's interesting that my daughter in law is horrified that I could even think of leaving Australia and tries to guilt me about the impact that would have on my granddaughters yet she has no compunction about taking them out into the bush where we wouldnt have much contact anyway and she also doesnt seem to realize that another set of grandkids in UK wont have our company if we stay here (which is most likely at this stage). Looking at it from her point of view I see a distinct selfishness - who else would do the baby sitting if we werent here?! (Self sufficient she aint!)