Smirfyduo Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hi everyone, Just found out from facebook, of all places, that a friend of ours got engaged last week.:huh: Don't get me wrong - if he is happy, then good for him.:biggrin: However, the last time we heard from him was when we found out he had left his long term GF. We didn't have any issues with her - didn't really know her, so it wasn't like he would have felt awkward because of us being close friends with her. If anything, we didn't think they would good for each other (Not that we EVER would have said anything to him about that), so the break up was no surprise. We phoned him after we found out about the break up to see how he was doing - he actually seemed annoyed that we knew he had broken up with her. He also asked not to broadcast the news of the breakup, as apparently she was taking it all really hard. We haven't said anything to anyone. I have emailed him a few times, to say hi and ask how he is doing etc. No replies to any messages. Anyway - I always suspected that he moved in with another girl pretty quickly after the break up. But he hasn't replied to any emails, and has changed his mobile. The only other contact no I have is his ex's home number, so we can't call him. Turns out, according to the lovely FB, that he obviously DID move in with this new lady immediately after the break up, and he is now engaged to her. (Have only met her once before, many many years ago through mutual friends) I guess I just feel pretty flat that someone, who I thought was a close friend, has obviously been through a lot, but clearly does not want to keep in touch. Am not sure what we have done, or if it is even worth asking. I am the type that would have sent cards and pressies for this - and now I feel that I can't even be bothered to send a congratulations email. Hubbie and I are also the type that, if a friend has non-starter as a partner, we would never say anything - even after they break up. Always a danger that they will get back together and then your friendship will suffer. Sorry if this is a bit of a whingy thread, but I feel pretty whingy and am scratching my head to understand what we have done wrong?:no: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest TA01085 Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 What you did was move to the other side of the world - you will find some people will be "out of sight out of mind" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirfyduo Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 What you did was move to the other side of the world - you will find some people will be "out of sight out of mind" I get that. I guess I do not like thinking that I am losing what I thought was a good friendship. We have just booked a trip back to the UK in May, and I was about to email him and suggest a get together. Guess we'll be spending more time with family now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 It is a case of out of sight...... I have found that despite constant attempts, emails, phone calls etc have all dropped off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sleepywombat Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Try not to let it get to you - and yes, keep putting the effort in if you want to. He'll come round in time - he possibly thinks you are sitting in his exes camp and doesn't want the hassle of you trying to be a go-between (if thats what he is thinking)... HTH Cx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuddysMum Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 I do understand the grief of moving on from friends, I have amoved a lot in my life so I know how it feels. But.....this really isn't a sudden thing is it? He had a long term girlfriend you hardly knew He didn't tell you he had split from her He was annoyed that you knew he had split He doesn't reply to your messages He found a new girlfriend and didn't tell you then he got engaged and didn't tell you. I think the only other thing he hasn't told you is that he no longer wants to be your friend, and I think he has done his best to let you know without actually saying it. Sorry to be harsh, but your best mate hasn't been your best mate for a long time now, has he? It might be distance or it might be something else. (however, if distance causes a friendship to shatter, I doubt it was much of a friendship to be honest). Try to put this guy behind you, and just keep in touch with those you want to who also want to make the effort to stay in touch with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirfyduo Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 I do understand the grief of moving on from friends, I have amoved a lot in my life so I know how it feels. But.....this really isn't a sudden thing is it? He had a long term girlfriend you hardly knew He didn't tell you he had split from her He was annoyed that you knew he had split He doesn't reply to your messages He found a new girlfriend and didn't tell you then he got engaged and didn't tell you. I think the only other thing he hasn't told you is that he no longer wants to be your friend, and I think he has done his best to let you know without actually saying it. Sorry to be harsh, but your best mate hasn't been your best mate for a long time now, has he? It might be distance or it might be something else. (however, if distance causes a friendship to shatter, I doubt it was much of a friendship to be honest). Try to put this guy behind you, and just keep in touch with those you want to who also want to make the effort to stay in touch with you. Well when you put it like that!!!!!!! :eek: We used to be good friends, but since we have moved the effort of keeping in touch has all been one sided. We did / do know the ex, but were just never close to her. (I actually went to school with her) Reading it put so bluntly actually makes it pretty obvious, doesn't it :goofy: I guess you are right though - it couldn't been much of a friendship to start with. :wacko: Thanks BuddysMum:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul1Perth Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 Just from a blokes point of view. Most guys don't feel the need to constantly keep in touch like girls do. I can go years without seeing friends and not be in touch with them at all and then, when I do get to see them, it was as if I'd seen them yesterday. If girls don't hear from their friends for a while it's "she must have fallen out with me" or "wonder what's wrong with her". I think the guy in question just didn't think to tell you when he split up. If you e-mail him and suggest a catch up you might find he'll be just like the friend you remembered and bring along the new girlfriend. I always find it amazing that people are willing to let the whole world know what is going on in there lives via facebook. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smirfyduo Posted November 1, 2010 Author Share Posted November 1, 2010 Just from a blokes point of view. Most guys don't feel the need to constantly keep in touch like girls do. I can go years without seeing friends and not be in touch with them at all and then, when I do get to see them, it was as if I'd seen them yesterday. If girls don't hear from their friends for a while it's "she must have fallen out with me" or "wonder what's wrong with her". I think the guy in question just didn't think to tell you when he split up. If you e-mail him and suggest a catch up you might find he'll be just like the friend you remembered and bring along the new girlfriend. I always find it amazing that people are willing to let the whole world know what is going on in there lives via facebook. Hi Paul, I hear you! I have immigrated twice now, and I understand that some people do keep in touch, and some don't. I have friends who I do not see for months / years at a time, and when I do see them, it's all like I saw them yesterday.:jiggy: I also know that blokes are rubbish at keeping in touch - but this is out of character for this guy. I think what BuddysMum said is pretty true - if he can't reply to messages and emails, and facebook is the way that we have found something as big as his engagement out, maybe it wasn't the friendship I thought it was!:no: Life will go on though - and if he wants to get in touch, he knows where we are!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GVGuru Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 It is a case of out of sight...... I have found that despite constant attempts, emails, phone calls etc have all dropped off. This is quite true. At the same time, another home truth - absence makes the heart grow fonder - means there may be hope for your friendship to return once he loses all of his friends (as couples inevitably do). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smithy Family Posted November 1, 2010 Share Posted November 1, 2010 I bet that if you asked a million people if their friends kept in contact once they had moved away the majority of them would say no. Your mate could just be embarrassed or ashamded about how he has broken up with his girlfriend to be with someone else. It's time to move as obviously your mate has. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaunkaren Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 Some peoples way of dealing with losing someone is to make out that there are no longer there - that way they don't have to deal with the pain of losing them. Keep in touch if you want to, but make sure it is on your terms - if you do catch up on your trip to the UK then maybe you can talk about it. There's nowt so queer as folk - just when you think you know how they will react they do something completely opposite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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