confidence hammered

[mrsindecision]

I have been back in Uk for 8 weeks and am just coming out of my fog to realise how much confidence I have lost in Australia. I was at the top of my game in UK before we left - great job, professional respect and fantastic friends. In Oz I had my professional status hammered into the ground not once but repeatedly. I received lots of "pommie know-all" comments (even when I was really holding back on what I do know). Now I am back and am facing myself in reverse realise I have become a shadow of former self my husband feels the same de-skilled and undervalued. I know time will sort this out - but job hunting in this frame of mind is not good.

[Guest chris955]

Sorry to hear that, it can be such a culture shock making the move either way it takes time to readjust to normality. Keep your chin up.

[Quoll]

So sorry to hear that Mrs I but I am sure you will regain your confidence once you get your feet back on the ladder. When you hear of people coming from UK to Aus and saying how "behind" Aus is in their particular field, I guess it is no surprise that the end result is that you do become deskilled when you move back to a more advanced situation. Nurses especially seem to comment on how far behind Aus is and practices which were outmoded some years ago are still current here. Sad really.

 

But, you and Mr I will get your skills back and be right on your game given a bit of time!

[mrsindecision]

So sorry to hear that Mrs I but I am sure you will regain your confidence once you get your feet back on the ladder. When you hear of people coming from UK to Aus and saying how "behind" Aus is in their particular field, I guess it is no surprise that the end result is that you do become deskilled when you move back to a more advanced situation. Nurses especially seem to comment on how far behind Aus is and practices which were outmoded some years ago are still current here. Sad really.

 

But, you and Mr I will get your skills back and be right on your game given a bit of time!

 

Thanks Quoll and Chris - I just hadn't fully realised the extent to which the pickiness and criticism of employers in Oz had got under my skin (am still receiving it now as continuing to fulfil projects from here). And how much as the newbie you have to "fit" in - now need to remember who I am and get back to my old self (in time).

[gilliantay]

I have been back in Uk for 8 weeks and am just coming out of my fog to realise how much confidence I have lost in Australia. I was at the top of my game in UK before we left - great job, professional respect and fantastic friends. In Oz I had my professional status hammered into the ground not once but repeatedly. I received lots of "pommie know-all" comments (even when I was really holding back on what I do know). Now I am back and am facing myself in reverse realise I have become a shadow of former self my husband feels the same de-skilled and undervalued. I know time will sort this out - but job hunting in this frame of mind is not good.

 

 

I can sort of understand where you are coming from there..........I am still in Australia and there have been many occasions when my confidence (in work) has been at an all time low.

In respect of what Quoll has just stated - nurses - I felt that I was more autonomous as a nurse in the NHS compared to here. I know that I am good at my job but there have been many occasions when I have questioned my abilities which is sad. I also feel that I have become more de-skilled but what do you do in situations like this?

 

I am one of 'those' who wishes to return to the UK but I worry that my abilities to work once again within the NHS will fall way short of the mark.

 

I sincerely hope that both you and your husband find your feet again and become the confident individuals you once were.

 

Gill

[mrsindecision]

I can sort of understand where you are coming from there..........I am still in Australia and there have been many occasions when my confidence (in work) has been at an all time low.

In respect of what Quoll has just stated - nurses - I felt that I was more autonomous as a nurse in the NHS compared to here. I know that I am good at my job but there have been many occasions when I have questioned my abilities which is sad. I also feel that I have become more de-skilled but what do you do in situations like this?

 

I am one of 'those' who wishes to return to the UK but I worry that my abilities to work once again within the NHS will fall way short of the mark.

 

I sincerely hope that both you and your husband find your feet again and become the confident individuals you once were.

 

Gill

 

Thanks Gill, my husband is a paramedic and has slotted back in well (although feels a bit slow off the mark sometimes) - he is an emergency care practitioner so has some more advanced skills - he is finding his feet well, but busy studying and reading everything just to be sure!!! Also employer here very supportive and gave him a long induction and slowly built up work for him so he shadowed and third manned for a while and now is on his own.

 

When your time comes - like us am sure you will re-build your skills and confidence.

:biggrin:

[Guest christi]

I have been back in Uk for 8 weeks and am just coming out of my fog to realise how much confidence I have lost in Australia. I was at the top of my game in UK before we left - great job, professional respect and fantastic friends. In Oz I had my professional status hammered into the ground not once but repeatedly. I received lots of "pommie know-all" comments (even when I was really holding back on what I do know). Now I am back and am facing myself in reverse realise I have become a shadow of former self my husband feels the same de-skilled and undervalued. I know time will sort this out - but job hunting in this frame of mind is not good.

 

I think I am going to be the same, this place has hammered my confidence, 2 jobs here, and bullying and put-downs like you would not beleive

Some days I cant even face going out now, which is so unlike me. Im a bubbly, happy person, had my own business in the Uk and I tell you, I would never have treated my staff, like they treat people here in the workplace, and in life in general.I do think alot of it is jealousy and I think we must be a threat to them, in some way.

I hate the gossips, the troublemakers. I know you get them everywhere, but never once did I come across it in the UK to the degree I have here

I have heard of it so many times here now, and you only have to look on the forum, to see it is a problem accross Australia.I was warned before we came out here, that it was bad, and a lady I knew who had returned from oz, back to the UK, said, "they will stab you in the back and smile, while they do it".I just thought 'no, cant be that bad".How right she was!!!!!

I dont know why it happens so much, but it batters you, and I dont even want to look for a job anymore here, cos I just know it will happen again, and I cant face it

I wish you lots of luck, Im sure once you get into the swing of things back home, you will regain your confidence. It must be hard

I dont think people back home will beleive me, when I tell them the extent of the bullying/put-down culture here. I dont beleive it myself sometimes. It is something that I will never forget, but one thing, it has made me very distrusting, and maybe I will be a shrewder, wiser , person for this experience

Good luck to you and Hubby ,:biggrin:

[mrsindecision]

I think I am going to be the same, this place has hammered my confidence, 2 jobs here, and bullying and put-downs like you would not beleive

Some days I cant even face going out now, which is so unlike me. Im a bubbly, happy person, had my own business in the Uk and I tell you, I would never have treated my staff, like they treat people here in the workplace, and in life in general.I do think alot of it is jealousy and I think we must be a threat to them, in some way.

I hate the gossips, the troublemakers. I know you get them everywhere, but never once did I come across it in the UK to the degree I have here

I have heard of it so many times here now, and you only have to look on the forum, to see it is a problem accross Australia.I was warned before we came out here, that it was bad, and a lady I knew who had returned from oz, back to the UK, said, "they will stab you in the back and smile, while they do it".I just thought 'no, cant be that bad".How right she was!!!!!

I dont know why it happens so much, but it batters you, and I dont even want to look for a job anymore here, cos I just know it will happen again, and I cant face it

I wish you lots of luck, Im sure once you get into the swing of things back home, you will regain your confidence. It must be hard

I dont think people back home will beleive me, when I tell them the extent of the bullying/put-down culture here. I dont beleive it myself sometimes. It is something that I will never forget, but one thing, it has made me very distrusting, and maybe I will be a shrewder, wiser , person for this experience

Good luck to you and Hubby ,:biggrin:

 

Christi,

 

I hate to generalise about this, and have really tried not to but everything you say I have experienced. The smiling thing where people say everything is ok only to find you have been annihilated behind your back. In UK things can be more confrontational in the workplace but you really know where you stand and can have a professional disagreement without it becoming a personal issue. Even my daughter who really didn't want to come back and is making the best of it said she thinks she fits in more here because her upfront nature is not weird and there is less backstabbing ( girls are still cows but you know about it).

 

Thanks for your best wishes and good luck yourself will let you know how it all pans out in the end.

[Guest christi]

Christi,

 

I hate to generalise about this, and have really tried not to but everything you say I have experienced. The smiling thing where people say everything is ok only to find you have been annihilated behind your back. In UK things can be more confrontational in the workplace but you really know where you stand and can have a professional disagreement without it becoming a personal issue. Even my daughter who really didn't want to come back and is making the best of it said she thinks she fits in more here because her upfront nature is not weird and there is less backstabbing ( girls are still cows but you know about it).

 

Thanks for your best wishes and good luck yourself will let you know how it all pans out in the end.

 

I read between the lines on your post, and I just knew where you were coming from.

Its the worst situation, and yes, I agree with what you say, about knowing where you stand more in the UK. Everyday at work here, and probably in life in general here, people are "off" with you, for no apparant reason. I felt on a knifes-edge, wondering what I have done wrong and just waiting to be hauled over the coals, like some naughty little girl

When you do eventually find out, why you are in the "naughty corner", it usually is because, someone has fabricated a complete load of,,,,you know what, and you are in trouble. Worst feeling ever, trying to defend yourself, when you are completely innocent, and knowing how low a colleague or so called friend will go, to cause trouble for you

I even find it with neighbours, they all go tittle-tattling, wanting to know the ins and outs, and trying to get into your house, to see what you have, so as they can go around gossiping. No-one comes in my house anymore, Ive had a taste of that as well

Sounds really paranoid, and somedays I dont beleive it myself, but its been a heck of a shock.Im just not used to living like this.

I would love to hear how it all pans out for you,,,you will do just great, a few months, and you will look back on this and laugh:biggrin:

[Guest loz]

I have been reading this thread with great interest and I can totally relate to what is being said. I have been in oz for 5 years and am in the process of returning to the uk asap !!!! I have changed so much in the time I have been here. I was always a happy go lucky person, confident in my ability to do my job and never felt people had a problem with me. My experiences here have made me withdraw and unsure of who I am anymore. I have been backstabbed in the work place on numerous occasions and what gets me is that they dont have any remorse about doing it - in fact some of them seem quite pleased with themselves. For a long time I questioned my ability here. Any suggestion of change or ideas to improve was poo pooed at the first hurdle. Its like "who do you think you are" One thing I have learned though is the aussies will always stick together regardlless of the situation, I will always be the "immigrant". I cant wait to return and hopefully my confidence will return when I leave here. I am a hard worker and very loyal person and know I deserve to be treated better than some second class citizen. At least thats what I tell myself to keep me going. :biglaugh: otherwise I would not get out of bed. I know the old me is in there somewhere and I am determined to find her again.

[Guest The Pom Queen]

I'm sorry to hear this Mrs I. I think in the nursing game here lots of Aussies feel threatened by the UK nurses as they seem so much more qualified than themselves. I am not saying this happens everywhere but from talking to a few Aussie nurses there seems to be a little jealousy going on.

I am sure you will soon get back in to the swing of things over there.

Hope everything works out.

Kate

[Liz B]

Hi Mrs I,

 

I know what you mean about confidence. I have been living here 3 years and have been trying to get employment, and even did a course to help. No luck as yet, and many times I have had to chase if I had an interview. This alongside Mums at school who seem to question why I have been unsettled and even make comments, instead of just accepting not everyone is the same, and some of us struggle emotionally and financially. Did you all decide to go back to blighty? It feels like it is me who has to make the decision, and don't want to mess it up for my son or husband, daughter would be glad though. After all this it is still better to have done it whatever the consequences.

 

Good luck and I'm sure you will get that confidence back.

 

Liz

:cute:

[Quoll]

I think bullying is endemic here - in Canberra, home of the public service I hear it all the time and, not surprisingly have heard it is also rampant in not for profit services as well. I have certainly experienced it myself, as has my husband.

 

Regrettably, it seems to be an adjunct of the tall poppy syndrome - anyone who stands out as being better than the cohort gets slashed at the knees and those with ambition (and probably little to no talent) trample over anyone and everyone who gets in their way. So many times in the place I worked, I saw people who were either on inefficiency or borderline inefficiency procedures actually being PROMOTED! Gone are the days of merit and leadership.

[twinsmom65]

I think bullying is endemic here - in Canberra, home of the public service I hear it all the time and, not surprisingly have heard it is also rampant in not for profit services as well. I have certainly experienced it myself, as has my husband.

 

Regrettably, it seems to be an adjunct of the tall poppy syndrome - anyone who stands out as being better than the cohort gets slashed at the knees and those with ambition (and probably little to no talent) trample over anyone and everyone who gets in their way. So many times in the place I worked, I saw people who were either on inefficiency or borderline inefficiency procedures actually being PROMOTED! Gone are the days of merit and leadership.

 

OMG Quoll you have just described my workplace... I work for the WA State Govt and have not experienced bullying myself, but it is deff rampant in my office. One of the girls I work with has just been told that her position is no longer is required. She is the most organised person I have ever met, and in the 7 months she has been in the position, has cleared up all the backlog and brought things up to date. However, due to one team leader spitting the dummy, they are shutting her position down.

 

Also it seems the more incompetent you are, the further ahead you get. Our receptionist is like a little hitler, and we are pretty sure that she is running her own business on company time. But you can guarantee that she will probably still be working for the company until the day she retires.

 

Ok rant over lol

 

Karen

[Guest christi]

My GP here, told me about Tall Poppy Syndrome, and when I looked it up on the internet, I was amazed.Its a big problem here, and Yes I do think its jealousy , and the fact that we are condsidered a threat

Incompetance is rewarded,bullies are patted on the head, and anyone who dares to have an idea, or questions anything is in trouble

I have never experienced it, even at school, as I have here.Its a horrid situation for anyone

They wonder why the suicide rates are so high!!!!!!!!!!

[mrcatania]

I have been back in Uk for 8 weeks and am just coming out of my fog to realise how much confidence I have lost in Australia. I was at the top of my game in UK before we left - great job, professional respect and fantastic friends. In Oz I had my professional status hammered into the ground not once but repeatedly. I received lots of "pommie know-all" comments (even when I was really holding back on what I do know). Now I am back and am facing myself in reverse realise I have become a shadow of former self my husband feels the same de-skilled and undervalued. I know time will sort this out - but job hunting in this frame of mind is not good.

Did it take you coming back to realise this? I already know I have been beaten to a pulp here. Likewise I had a good job, good friends and social life.... looking in comparison, I have nothing here.

[mrsindecision]

Did it take you coming back to realise this? I already know I have been beaten to a pulp here. Likewise I had a good job, good friends and social life.... looking in comparison, I have nothing here.

 

I think it took coming back to realise the extent of the impact. Am slowly getting my head back to normal but realise I have become a very soggy and undermined in the last 3 years and really need to find my mojo again (so to speak).

 

Are you thinking of coming back - if so to where?

[mrcatania]

I think it took coming back to realise the extent of the impact. Am slowly getting my head back to normal but realise I have become a very soggy and undermined in the last 3 years and really need to find my mojo again (so to speak).

 

Are you thinking of coming back - if so to where?

Will be heading back to London - Life and Soul of the universe ! Flight booked for Xmas. First time I've felt excited since arriving on these shores!