Eyes Wide Open '(ish)

[Nzogbia]

So, I have just joined the forum and have SO many points to make, most of which are probably not original, but there you go. I have been here in Melbourne just under 4 years and am waiting for my citizenship before deciding on my next move.

 

My observations/issues (in no particular order) are as follows:

 

a) I really do believe (ok, I am biased, but...) despite all the talk about beaches and bbqs amongst prospective UK immigrants to Oz, the vast majority would be far better off in Melbourne, which for me, is the 'best of both worlds' city. I didn't realise it until i moved here, but I really appreciate cold weather now and again. Yep, I reckon PIO should make it official policy to state that, for the undecided, incoming from Britain, they should always look to settle in Melbourne (even if they think they want the heat from Brissie or Sydney, they don't really).

 

b) Australia rubs me up the wrong way because......it is full of vested interests who control basically everything and limit your choice. The banks, the real estate industry and the media are all hand in glove and have everything stitched up. Australians themselves are SO passive they will just about believe anything that is spoon fed to them - and they NEVER complain. The pollyana-ish view of the world does not encourage debate or a healthy degree of cynicism. Cynicism, in its right measure, translates to humour. We get the humour in Britain, but overstep a bit on the cynicism.

 

The creeping gentrification of everything kinda gets my goat as well. People actually want a little grit in their potatoes - it adds charcter. Stop trying to make every Melbourne suburb look 'sleek'.

 

The creeping Americanisation of Australia. A nation based on the notion of 'mateship'. But how many times do you hear people say 'dude', rather than 'mate'? Exactly. "Chick', 'awesome', 'toh-tally'....aargghhh, just be Australian! Also, the work practices here are distinctly American. I know the US are their closest strategic ally, but you do get the impression that Australians are not yet comfortable in their own national skin, and are somehow in awe of the U.S. Strange, since when kids finish Uni, they don't go on a U.S. rights of passage trip, but to the UK, of course.

 

And yet, the UK is the big brother that needs to be brought down a peg or two. Quite acceptable to call yourself Greek Australian, Lebanese Australian, Italian Australian etc...etc...but there is no such thing as British Australian....Hmmm, there is no antipathy towards Greece from Greek Australians, but for that group that really are 'British Australian' - they do seem to take delight in doing down what is their old mother country. I've always found that slightly weird.

 

c) I think I want to leave after I get my citizenship, having convinced myself that my friends here are sort of 'good, bood temporary, compared to my really good mates back in the UK'. And yet, after my recent trip back to the UK, I now realise that I may have been kidding myself. Mates in the UK don't exist as they do in the urban landscape of inner Melbourne, where everyone can just walk down the pub at 5 minutes notice. In the UK you have to arrange to 'meet in town', have a few, and disperse to the various parts of the Tyneside connurbation where you live.

 

d) All the things I disliked about britain before I left, I still dislike now; the agression, the apathy, the dirtiness, the congestion, the feeling of being hemmed in, the dumbing down, the indentikit Persimmon houses, poor restaurants, the inability to do things with any kind of passion or panache, and (oh gawd, I shouldn't do, but i'm gonna)....the WOMEN. Not all, but a fair majority are unattractive both physically and personality wise. They are rude, agressive, overweight, mannish, foul mouthed and most possess a sense of entitlement way out of proportion with their 'charms' and and abilities. They are also, very usually - ORANGE. Compared to other European women, British women trail in a very poor second. However, they do get my sense of humour - somebody has to :confused:

 

The things I love about Britain are also still the same:

 

humour, telly, quality newspapers, choice, European connections, family, people who are not image conscious, inappropriate yet harmless commentary on stuff, characters, football, a naffness that is somehow just attractive and I can't explain why, football, Northumberland, the 50 shades of green in the same landscape of hills and forest. Music (that isn't just another Red Hot Chilli peppers homage -take note, Australia), Peter Allis' commentary on the golf after Sunday dinner (makes you want to snooze), kippers, snow, useless family traditions, international news, Greggs cheeses pasties, regional accents (Geordie being my favourite - of course), walking through Marks and Spencer's, golf courses with proper grass on them, Richmond and Walls sausages - with an egg, in a sandwich (with no salsa and chutney garnish). Family.

 

I could go on for quite a while...but that's enough for now (feel like I'm hogging teh forum).

 

So what about you? What are the Aaustralian humps that you just can't get over? I know going back to the UK is no panacea - in fact I expect there will be many times I will yearn for the open spaces and the 'freedom' of Australia and want to be back here. But then, you can't have it all.....

 

Why can't someone just invent teleportation - that'd be absolutely ideal!!

[Guest Arnold]

I think you hit the nail on the head, made me laugh and I agree with a lot of what you said! (especially Greggs cheese pasties) lol

[BuddysMum]

Strangely, after disagreeing with you a fair bit on another thread, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what you have just said.

 

And I like the two lists of things you like and dislike about Britain.

 

Good post.

[kernow43]

have you lived in any other cities but Melbourne?

I lived there for 24 years, before coming North. 24 years freezing cold in winter, I will never go back, even though there is more going for it in many ways, but I am a bit like Chris55 I hate cities!

[Guest Caitmelbourne]

Haha alot of British women do have a slight orange tinge don't they...but large majority being unattractive physically/personality...did you say you're from the North-east :wink:

[Nzogbia]

Now, now kitty - those parochial allegiances run very deep. The tangerine phenomenon is country wide but I refuse to concede a localisation of the ugly gene - that's spread about as well.

[Guest JulieW]

Interesting post and agree with much of what you say but feel compelled to point out that there may be a link between the UK having 'people who are not image conscious', something you say you miss, and your perception that women in the UK are less attractive. Maybe British women spend more time having a laugh than making sure their grooming is to up to scratch. In inner Melbourne, image is everything.

 

Also, I don't think it's so much Britain as England which is not recognised as a country of origin. There are no Anglo Australians but it's OK to have Scottish or Welsh forebears. Julia Gillard, for example, would be less acceptable had her family come from England rather than Wales.

[Guest Caitmelbourne]

I've definately seen more Teracotta coloured girls (but less coats) in the North-east than in London....

[Nzogbia]

Totally agree, but then many Australians use the disdainful 'Brit' interchangeably with 'English'. The Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish are excluded from any approbrium and are seen as 'charming'.

 

Having had lots of mates visit here over the years I can also confirm that the only English accent the Aussies like is the stereotypical big screen Hugh Grant version. Scottish, Welsh and Irish - love 'em. Provincial English? Not sure why, but they don't like those accents one little bit.

 

When I said image conscious - I meant that many British folk don't mind coming across as a bit naff. It's that sense of wanting to be an individual and not caring. In australia i find a lot of people look the same in the same way. They look 'good' but not particularly interesting.

[Nzogbia]

That's becuase Geordie girls are sturdy and have no need of coats. So there:smile:

[Guest JulieW]

Exactly right about Aussies (well, inner city Melburnians anyway) all wanting to look good but all the same. Before you go into any house hereabouts, you pretty much know what to expect in terms of layout and decor. In England, houses are much more individual - you never know what to expect. It could be lovely, it could be awful but it won't be the same as everybody else.

[Guest Caitmelbourne]

I'm a Middlesbrough lass..currently in front of a heater at work in Melbourne, nippy today!

 

I agree with what you say about music. And when someone decent does tour here (often for a festival sideshow) the tickets sell out in minutes for the most ridiculous prices. I miss European festivals. I'm also yet to find an Australian male who doesn't own an AC/DC tshirt

[Nzogbia]

Waterkitty - a smoggie? Well you don't get many of us north-eastern lot to the pound do you (I wenty to Uni and lived in Linthorpe village for a year before being 'hoyed oot') . I have met SO few people from the North East in my years here. My mother visited melbourne last the summer and now sort of refuses to believe it ever gets cold here - ha ha. Mind you, when i do say 'ooh it's really cold now', she says ' really' and I say 'yep' and so she asks 'what's the temperature today then' and I say 'err, 14' and she rightly points out 'that's not cold!'. I guess when you've been here a while your blood gets thinner!

[Nzogbia]

Ha ha, I hear ya Julie!! The thing is maybe the houses and interiors reflect the national characteristics. Like, for example, Aussie kitchens look great generally - whereas in the UK they are still insisting that laminate flooring looks good (eh??!). And lots of british houses look pretty crap from the exterior and are all the same. The thing is though, the british houses tend to be very solid and well built whereas their Aussie counterparts are flimsy, made of weatherboard and badly put together ie: there's nothing much behind the flashy facade. Who'dathunk?

[Guest chris955]

You are definitely from the North as your description of England and English women certainly isn't applicable to the South West I know and love :biggrin: The people aren't aggressive, it isn't dirty and the women are by and large well put together. I knew there was a reason I didn't go up North very often. :laugh:

[Guest Arnold]

You are definitely from the North as your description of England and English women certainly isn't applicable to the South West I know and love :biggrin: The people aren't aggressive, it isn't dirty and the women are by and large well put together. I knew there was a reason I didn't go up North very often. :laugh:

 

 

I agree..... I am also from the South West:laugh:

[Nzogbia]

Well, i guess it depends what is incorporated into 'up north'. I've spent time in the South West - working in Bristol and Taunton and Torbay, and you are correct that it is much cleaner than "the north'. But London included, once you fan out up to wards birmingham and beyond, trust me, the cities are generally dirty, feel a bit seedy and the birds are a bit ropey (with some exceptions). However, there is no doubt that the people are more entertaining (bit of bias there - couldn't help it).

[Guest LongwayDown]

Id have to agree with that last post from Chris. The bottom line is where you were from and where you are now. Is Brisbane a better city than Sydney?? Is London a better city than Melbourne?? That all depends if you live in Ascot(Brisbane),Toorak(Melbourne),Vaucluse(Sydney),Kensington(London) or conversely Salisbury(Brisbane),

Footscray(Melbourne),Redfern(Sydney) or Hackney(London).

Its easy to throw stones when youve grown up in a awful area, but dont tarr everyone with your brush.

[Nzogbia]

Err, Longway down - Just as there are nice and not so nice areas in Melbourne, so too are there some not very/very nice areas of Newcastle upon Tyne and its surrounding areas (shocking ay?). I did not grow up in an 'awful area'. My point is that on AVERAGE, Britain is looking a little frayed around the edges, and has done so for quite some time.

[Guest Caitmelbourne]

Not many smoggies dotted around Melbourne, have to spark up a conversation if I hear that familiar accent though!! My mum says the same about 14 degrees, they live right on the coast though (Saltburn, so I'm not a true smoggy) which is generally around 50 degrees lower than the rest of the UK.

 

I hate to ditch my Northern roots but I could never live back there, I moved to London as soon as I could (via Leeds) & looking to return there or Hertfordshire area when I go back. It feels like a different Country...to me it seems to be the Scottish or Northerners that settle better in Australia....just in my experience though...

[Nzogbia]

Waterkitty......Saltburn - yep, I think I may have been there too! And it is indeed sub-arctic. Mind, I bet the locals will tell you that the wind is merely 'brisk' and the chill 'bracing'. ;-)

 

So then, how long have you been in Melbourne and why are you returning to Blighty?

[Guest LongwayDown]

All the things I disliked about britain before I left, I still dislike now; the agression, the apathy, the dirtiness, the congestion, the feeling of being hemmed in, the dumbing down, the indentikit Persimmon houses, poor restaurants, the inability to do things with any kind of passion or panache, and (oh gawd, I shouldn't do, but i'm gonna)....the WOMEN. Not all, but a fair majority are unattractive both physically and personality wise. They are rude, agressive, overweight, mannish, foul mouthed and most possess a sense of entitlement way out of proportion with their 'charms' and and abilities.

 

Nzogbia??

So you never said it...i just dreamt that did i???

[Guest Caitmelbourne]

My folks are coming over in November, first time in Aus...can't wait!

 

I've been here for 6 months, I came on the Working Holiday Visa & have recently gained sponsorship. I love Melbourne, it's taken a while to settle but I don't feel anchored here if that makes any sense?! Looking to head back early next year & plan to make the most of Melbourne Spring/Summer time!!

 

What brought you here? Will you return to the North-East?

[Nzogbia]

No, I'm denying it!! All of it! What I am saying longway down is that my comments are illustrative of Britain generally. The south west and East anglia are not particularly representative of Britain at large. There are always exceptions, of course, but generally I stand by my comments.

[Nzogbia]

What brought me here? A girl!! Ha ha. Yeah, I took a sabbatical from work and went travelling for a year. Ended up meeting lots of Swedes (strangely) who lived in melbourne but were holidaying in Fiji, and then met a Melbourne girl. To cut a long story short I got sponsored by a company in Melbs, made quite a few mates here, split up with girl, got PR, and am just waiting for citizenship at the end of the year, then probably back to UK/Europe.

 

Should I stay or should I go? It's a tough call. When my parents asked me "so, what is it you don't like about Melbourne" I replied "nothing, it's just too damned far away". The thing is, most of the Europeans I have known here have all drifted away, one by one, back to their homelands. Only a hardcore remain, and my Aussie mates of course. I'm not sure that's enouigh to keep me here, even though I believe melbourne is a truly wonderful place. Like you, I have never felt 'anchored' here - and feel I should have either come here many years ago to get that 'anchored' feeling, or simply have moved somewhere in Europe instead. Now I'm kind of between the devil and the deep blue sea. Sstill, the experience has been brilliant - good times, noodle salad. :-)