plumm Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 This is another one of those struggling to make a decision posts, there are certainly a few of us. I have been here almost 2 years and am finding it all very difficult. I don't actually miss the UK, it's just the family. I have huge guilt issues. I know we all have the right to make our own decisions and live how we choose, but what about those back at home who have been forced into difficult circumstances and you know that by going home you can make their lives easier. I have a sister whose children have an serious health condition, was diagnosed the week before I left UK, My Mum is not in the best health, physically or mentally, I lost my Brother 18mths ago. How can I leave my sister to cope with yet more difficulty with my Mum? and my inlaws are just so devastated that their only grandchildren live on the other side of the world. I actually love living in Australia but i'm just not sure I can carry around this guilt anymore. My husband loves it here, my kids are all happy. Despite having a great deal of emotional trauma the last 2 years I always try to remain positive and get the most out of life. We have to make a decision in the next 6 months, My husband's employers want to take him on permanently at the end of his contact, we are here on a 457 We can't just stay a few more years and then decide which would be the ideal, as this solution will totally mess up my son's secondary education. I know there is no magical answer but I just had to get this off my chest to those who are in the know of just how hard it can be. I'm off home in a few weeks for a visit, not sure this will bring any insight into the best thing to do but I can always hope! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest flo&mags Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 I think your best idea would be to stay until u defo have permant visa. Its hard but you have to live yr life & if u & yr family are happy thats the best thing ever. I lost my mum 4months after we got here & it was just ****e but I wouldn't have changed anything I would have still come here even if I knew that it was going to happen - which deep down I did but just not that quick. We also have been here almost 2yrs - where are you - I am in Perth. Do you use Skype - I find this helps with the distance thing..Dont feel guilty about living yr life with your family. Hope that helps a little. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilliantay Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 This is another one of those struggling to make a decision posts, there are certainly a few of us. I think all us displaced souls are on PIO today................................ You are fortunate that you are travelling back to the UK for a visit. Use this time wisely to assess your situation and make a decision when you return. It probably would be wiser to gain PR but not to the extent that it starts to affect your mental status. Good Luck from another one who is struggling Gillian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 Oh dear, it really is "down" day today isnt it? I think it only goes to show just how things can get so complex - I dont know that I would make a move to assuage my guilt at all, I think that is an invitation to resentment down the track. Perhaps look at a compromise situation that you feel you can do your bit to support your family but maintain your roots here. It gets expensive but regular trips home are better than nothing, especially if you try and make them supportive times. Nothing like belonging to a Frequent Flyer program and linking it with your credit card - I have enough points for 2 trips home now. I tend to get a free flight every third flight these days. I realise that financially that can be a huge burden though but it may be a need to prioritize what you can do. Having teenage kids is a real nightmare - remember that it is possible to get them into A levels without having done GCSEs and if there is a chance that they will want to continue an education in UK then that is the way to go - both from a qualifications and an international fee point of view. I am so sorry for anyone who is feeling this way - it isnt comfortable and it does colour your every experience which is a real shame. I think the trick is to find a compromise that you can live with and then hope for the best. :hug: to everyone feeling this way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 Hi hun I am really sorry that you are having a down day. What you have to remember is that "YOU only live once", I know it won't help with the guilt BUT you have to do what is right for YOU and YOUR family. Like Quoll has mentioned maybe try and compromise and fly home once or twice a year to offer your support. I would be tempted to try and hang on until you have PR and even if you could wait until you have citizenship as who knows, if you went home now, in 5 or 10 years time you may be regretting your decision and want to come back to Oz. Big hugs:hug: Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Perth Princess Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 I feel for you, I'm just the same. My Dad is unwell and I really want to be around for him. I was very close to my sisters, and being so far away has been like a bereavement for me. Like you I actually like the place itself, but I'm totally miserable. I haven't decided what to do yet, I just don't want to stuff things up for my kids any more than I have already. Have you thought about counselling? I think that's what I need to help me sort out my thoughts. :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getus2oz Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 I'm another sad soul here.... to upset too talk though. Think your trip back to see your family will help you come to a decision, you sound like you need a big hug with your mum and sister. x jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plumm Posted May 27, 2010 Author Share Posted May 27, 2010 Thank you for all your comments, waiting for PR is exactly what my husband wants to do. I hope and wish that all us poor souls find peace at some point along the way. I'm going to do my dammed hardest to keep focused on those positives.:biggrin: Where are you living Jo? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
getus2oz Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Living near Mandurah, WA. Decisions already made to move back after only 6 months here, had so many ups and downs.... yesterday came another low point when my favourite auntie died....feel awful/guilty I won't be at the funeral....i also missed my MIL's funeral within a month of our arrival but thank God my hubby made it back in time to be with her when she passed away. Sometimes life doesn't follow the path you thought it would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 You have to ensure that you do whats best for your family. If you move back....will you see the family often? Will it wear off? Will you feel guilty that you took your family away from something they loved? Will your children be happier with family there? How does your mum feel about you living here? Have you spoken to her about your feelings? Would she wants you to move back for her and give up on the experience of a lifetime? Whatever you decide I`d get PR anyway. You have more options that way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conniebygaslight Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 This is another one of those struggling to make a decision posts, there are certainly a few of us. I have been here almost 2 years and am finding it all very difficult. I don't actually miss the UK, it's just the family. I have huge guilt issues. I know we all have the right to make our own decisions and live how we choose, but what about those back at home who have been forced into difficult circumstances and you know that by going home you can make their lives easier. I have a sister whose children have an serious health condition, was diagnosed the week before I left UK, My Mum is not in the best health, physically or mentally, I lost my Brother 18mths ago. How can I leave my sister to cope with yet more difficulty with my Mum? and my inlaws are just so devastated that their only grandchildren live on the other side of the world. I actually love living in Australia but i'm just not sure I can carry around this guilt anymore. My husband loves it here, my kids are all happy. Despite having a great deal of emotional trauma the last 2 years I always try to remain positive and get the most out of life. We have to make a decision in the next 6 months, My husband's employers want to take him on permanently at the end of his contact, we are here on a 457 We can't just stay a few more years and then decide which would be the ideal, as this solution will totally mess up my son's secondary education. I know there is no magical answer but I just had to get this off my chest to those who are in the know of just how hard it can be. I'm off home in a few weeks for a visit, not sure this will bring any insight into the best thing to do but I can always hope! It's a terrible situation for you and one that I can in someway relate to but for us it's the otherway around. We moved here only 4 months ago to be near my Australian husband's family- his parents are in their mid/late 70's and have had lots of health problems. He also lost a brother here 6 years ago. His other 2 brothers and sister have all been waiting for my husband to return as he had been away from Oz for 20+ years (went travelling and never returned to live- settled in UK). We really wanted our young children to grow up around family as we didn't have any in the UK. Although we had no family in the UK we had a great life with many friends good schools and a lovely social life with lots to do and we feel that we have given up an enormous amount just to be near family-(I'm certainly not trivialising what family means to people, after all it's what we though we wanted). We have been desperately unhappy- living in a country we simply don't want to live in and have made the decision to return before our children get too attached to ths 'new' extended family we have brought them to. The guilt is unbearable-seeing my MIL & FIL with our children and knowing we are taking them away is awful (they are the yougest grandchildren all the othes are grown up). Thre is an undercurent when we are around them as nobod wants to talk abou us going home. They cannot understand how my Husband doesn't love Australia given that he was born here- but he's spent his adult life in the Uk & Europe. My MIL has been very understanding(although she is heart broken) as she sees how unhappy my husband is and having lost one of her son's she really wants him to be happy but the rest of the family cannot undertsand. It is a terrible situation but we have to live our lives for us otherwise we will be unhappy. I hope you can move forward with your life and find the strength you need- eitherway someone is going to hurt and that is really awful:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
byrned Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 This is another one of those struggling to make a decision posts, there are certainly a few of us. I have been here almost 2 years and am finding it all very difficult. I don't actually miss the UK, it's just the family. I have huge guilt issues. I know we all have the right to make our own decisions and live how we choose, but what about those back at home who have been forced into difficult circumstances and you know that by going home you can make their lives easier. I have a sister whose children have an serious health condition, was diagnosed the week before I left UK, My Mum is not in the best health, physically or mentally, I lost my Brother 18mths ago. How can I leave my sister to cope with yet more difficulty with my Mum? and my inlaws are just so devastated that their only grandchildren live on the other side of the world. I actually love living in Australia but i'm just not sure I can carry around this guilt anymore. My husband loves it here, my kids are all happy. Despite having a great deal of emotional trauma the last 2 years I always try to remain positive and get the most out of life. We have to make a decision in the next 6 months, My husband's employers want to take him on permanently at the end of his contact, we are here on a 457 We can't just stay a few more years and then decide which would be the ideal, as this solution will totally mess up my son's secondary education. I know there is no magical answer but I just had to get this off my chest to those who are in the know of just how hard it can be. I'm off home in a few weeks for a visit, not sure this will bring any insight into the best thing to do but I can always hope! I feel for you, but if you are going home in a couple of weeks, wait until you are there and you can see how the land lies then, thinking too much from Aus will drive you crazy, you will also be able to speak to your sister and see how she is coping, with regard to being so close to your PR you cannot let that go due to the fact that if you had no probs in Uk you would remain in oz as you said you love it here. Let us know how you get on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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