mrsindecision Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Hi everyone - we are heading back to UK after 3 years and we have been through many ups and downs to come to this decision - including getting our three teenage/young adult kids to come on side. Everyone is on board now, uni applications are being processed in Uk, School sorted for daughter husband has a job to go back to - plenty of contract and permanent work in uk for me, friends and family all excited to have us back. So why am I so scared - it feels just as bad if not worse than when we came out - I put it down to comfort zone and being uprooted again and not knowing where we'll live and worrying about whether everyone will get want they want out of moving back. OH and I have been terrible - fighting badly and there seems to a wedge that has come between us - which we have never had before - I put it down to the stress we are feeling about life and quite simply just taking it out on each other. I think we are both terrified we have either already mucked things up for the kids or we are about to. Being so far from home it's hard to find a sounding board to help rationalise all this stuff. I wanted to really enjoy my last few months in Oz but in between, telling friends here who are upset and managing our relationship it all feels pretty full on. Has anyone been through similar and is this normal??? Or am I just a weirdo? Its funny when you know youre going home you can enjoy it more - if I thought I had to stay I think I would revert back to hating it. aaaaaaaagh help!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SO,DIZZY Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Hi everyone - we are heading back to UK after 3 years and we have been through many ups and downs to come to this decision - including getting our three teenage/young adult kids to come on side. Everyone is on board now, uni applications are being processed in Uk, School sorted for daughter husband has a job to go back to - plenty of contract and permanent work in uk for me, friends and family all excited to have us back. So why am I so scared - it feels just as bad if not worse than when we came out - I put it down to comfort zone and being uprooted again and not knowing where we'll live and worrying about whether everyone will get want they want out of moving back. OH and I have been terrible - fighting badly and there seems to a wedge that has come between us - which we have never had before - I put it down to the stress we are feeling about life and quite simply just taking it out on each other. I think we are both terrified we have either already mucked things up for the kids or we are about to. Being so far from home it's hard to find a sounding board to help rationalise all this stuff. I wanted to really enjoy my last few months in Oz but in between, telling friends here who are upset and managing our relationship it all feels pretty full on. Has anyone been through similar and is this normal??? Or am I just a weirdo? Its funny when you know youre going home you can enjoy it more - if I thought I had to stay I think I would revert back to hating it. aaaaaaaagh help!!!! First of all stop panicking.. its normal that you should be feeling the way your feeling given the circumstances.. The upheaval of any move causes a lot of friction between couples even in the strongest of families, and taking in to consideration you are moving country again you are bound to have doubts as to whats best for everyone.. take a step back and take a deep breath.. and ask yourself the ultimate question.. Whats the worst that could happen.. you havent mentioned why you are going back to the uk.. Id be interested to know what made you decide to return.. But that said you have already made your decision on that.. I get the feeling your worried that the move back might not be all its cracked up to be.. and as Im not sure what visa you came to oz on its hard for me to comment on how your status would be if you should decide you wanted to return at some point (a fair number of people do) and of course you have been left making this decision for what i asume are your young adult family who may well have made a connection now with Australia.... all a great turmoil.. If your visa is PR then you will have the option to return to oz should you feel that the uk does not hold the same value you had invisaged.. and you will probibly find that your teenagers will slot back in, in no time at all... university will be a fantastic distraction for your kids and they will be enjoying the diversity uk uni's have to offer not to mention the cheep and liberal social life.. dont stress it.. look at your return as a new adventure and giving your kids a realy positive university experience.. stop worrying its only another part of your journey.. and look forward to the shopping trolleys brimming with groceries and inexpensive medication, national health cheep beer easy going people with wit and intelect and humor and friend and family gatherings.. sunshine isnt everything.. ps.. you are going back to jobs,, a lot of people are not in such a fortunate position given the current climate good luck dizz:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tazztell Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 No doubt you have valid reasons for returning to the U.K. and yes, it is a bit scarey going back and starting anew.I hope it all works out for you and your family. All I would strongly suggest though, is for all of you to take out Australian citizenship before you go back to Britain ( if you have'nt done so already).That way should any of you decide in the future to return to Australia, the process will be hell of a lot easier. Many contributors to the PIO forum (myself included) have "yo-yo'd" between the two countries over the years and it's really nice to have that choice without the hassle of having to apply again. Good luck ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsindecision Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 Thanks so much for bothering to reply you have made me laugh. Yes the reason for going back is everything you have said at the end of your post - work here has been awful - uni life is crap for kids and although its tougher to get into specific courses the industry links for the courses my kids are doing are a million times better in Uk than here. We are on a PR visa that expires in 2012 - not sure what we do about maintaining that status. I guess its just that at the moment I do havea routine here - and it is sunny and easy in some ways alhtouhg boring and uninspiring at hte same time - but I know I dont want to stay here for good and if my kids do uni here then the chances of them ever moving back to UK are thin. OH is going mad with boredom in his job and that will not change - he loves his work so does not want to change career and neither do I - too young for that yet. I think you're right and thanks for the support - just have to "suck it up" as the ozzies say and get on wiht this stage of the journey! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SO,DIZZY Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 It may be too late for you now to consider citizenship at present and Im not sure what financial chalenges youl have in 2012 but as far as im aware it may be a case of simply renewing your pr visa when the time comes on shore if you can return... but ive heard of people who have pr visa's who have spent very little time in oz and are still able to renew.. It would be prudent for you to gather some info on this before you go back to the uk.. and set your sights on making plans for any necessary implications to keep your pr visa's active.. good luck with your plans im sure you will astonish yourself with how quickly you will adapt to your return and be settled in in no time at all... dizz.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsindecision Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 Thanks would be no trouble to come back in 2012 good to keep in touch with friends - so will look into this - we havent been here long enough for citizenship ( 4 years) so ahppy to try to keep PR going for a while. Where are you here (oz) or there (uk). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SO,DIZZY Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Thanks would be no trouble to come back in 2012 good to keep in touch with friends - so will look into this - we havent been here long enough for citizenship ( 4 years) so ahppy to try to keep PR going for a while. Where are you here (oz) or there (uk). Hi we are in Mebourne... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsindecision Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 are you thinking of going back or just checking out the posts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SO,DIZZY Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Hi there,, well we got here December and my hubby October.. so far its not been all its cracked up to be.. the wages for my hubby are gash (he is a brickie) so we are keeping our options open at the moment and the dury is out on oz.. we are not cut in stone kind of people.. and wouldnt ponder too much about the ins and outs of things if things werent as they should be we would just cut and run.. there is no work back home for tradies so we take that in to consideration whilst trying to carve out an exsistence here... sun isnt everything.. and ive travelled enough to know that after a couple of months there has to be something else going on for a place other than a few nice beaches and a few rays... we are enjoying things so far but im brain dead and ive only been here three months my oh needs a little less intelectual and social stimulas to survive so he is ok at present and me! well im just taking one for the team for the time at present.. im a beautician to trade and although there are jobs i couldnt work nine to five at present having an eight year old.. and im used to running my own show anyway so not sure were il go with that as yet... id do any job if he pays ok hours suit etc so im not fussed but im not sure i get the vibe here in regards to work or were il fit in here if ever... il just run with it for now .. my hubby has had a right few sh*ts to work for who havnt got the concept of how to pay wages as part of there remit waiting for wages for weeks on end is a worry we could well do without.. we have no savings as they were used up back home the last year before we came but we do have a house to sell back home and we are seriously thinking about it now.. I think its a good thing you taking your teenagers back home to do uni as it will shape there character much more than being in oz.. so look at this as a possitive move... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsindecision Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 You've been such a help to me today I cant tell you. Interesting to hear how its going for you in Melbourne as we have thought about mivng there as an alternative to going bakc but realise its just the same there as here in many ways - yes a bit more culture but only in the city centre and nothing compared to the easiness of stuff to do in England - we miss the variety of country pubs just to pop out to for a quick beer or the range of places to go for food (very samey on the coast) - we have made good freinds but what I notice happens is you do shape yourself to fit in and I feel like I am losing myself to the culture. Where in Melbourne are you - I am down there a lot with work mainly in South Yarra area (noice!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest confused irishman Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Hi everyone - we are heading back to UK after 3 years and we have been through many ups and downs to come to this decision - including getting our three teenage/young adult kids to come on side. Everyone is on board now, uni applications are being processed in Uk, School sorted for daughter husband has a job to go back to - plenty of contract and permanent work in uk for me, friends and family all excited to have us back. So why am I so scared - it feels just as bad if not worse than when we came out - I put it down to comfort zone and being uprooted again and not knowing where we'll live and worrying about whether everyone will get want they want out of moving back. OH and I have been terrible - fighting badly and there seems to a wedge that has come between us - which we have never had before - I put it down to the stress we are feeling about life and quite simply just taking it out on each other. I think we are both terrified we have either already mucked things up for the kids or we are about to. Being so far from home it's hard to find a sounding board to help rationalise all this stuff. I wanted to really enjoy my last few months in Oz but in between, telling friends here who are upset and managing our relationship it all feels pretty full on. Has anyone been through similar and is this normal??? Or am I just a weirdo? Its funny when you know youre going home you can enjoy it more - if I thought I had to stay I think I would revert back to hating it. aaaaaaaagh help!!!! hi i was in the exact same position in 2004, the stress the arguements with my wife the worry of the kids. you have been there three years. the first thing i would strongly reccomend is to take out australian citizenship. this will be a gift to your kids who will thank you for it in the future. not that i am suggesting they should go back...but...if things go bad again, like they just did, they have options. you have put opportunities on their doorstep that they would never have had. we came home to ireland and got our lives and relationships back. 6 years later we are looking to return to australia. no boom in ireland anymore, no work as a matter of fact. not in my industry. i was really scared coming home to ireland didnt know what to expect, still had a family to support. the pieces soon fell into place. dont forget , your going home. home is the one place you dont have to be afraid. your right to enjoy australia now. dont second guess yourself. try live for today for a while. its not often we get a chance to do that. if you get home and realise you want to be back in oz you can choose to do that. i have , or my wife has, it was her idea to give it another go. from my experience nothing is set in stone. looking back i realise its wasnt the end of the world. i thought it was at the time. but some things are more important than where i live. so either its normal or i'm a weirdo too.lol. just for the record , i had a ball the last month i was in australia it was like a holiday. the stress was gone. enjoy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I'm here (in UK!) at the moment and can quite understand the turmoil engaged in uprooting from your comfort zone. Personally I could do it tomorrow but I have less to lose because my kids are grown and gone (as you know). I guess it all depends on what you want out of life - in my week here with variable weather, from sunshine to blizzard, I have found everything that I want to cram into my days. I know it is different being a tourist but were I ever to return I would relish the variety, history, culture, friendliness, scenery and just everything that makes Britain what it is. I have friends whose kids are still at university - and doing well and enjoying their lives there. I have friends who are retired - and enjoying a broad range of activities and friends who are still in the workforce - and doing just fine apparently (and looking at the homes they own, they are doing very well indeed!). OTOH I have relatives who are heading into third generation joblessness following redundancies in the North of England - not sure if I were an employer I would employ them either even if I could, very different set of values and expectations from my own and though we get along (at a distance!) they could do a hell of a lot more with their lives than they are choosing to do. My son is doing very nicely here and loves what he is doing. He is also considerably bemused by the British preoccupation with the weather - he hasnt found it really cold because he invested in a really warm jacket but even so it hasnt got down to Canberra overnight temps and he is a lad who used to bike 10km to school and back every day of the year (even in the -8C days) with shorts on!I guess any move is going to stretch your patience and relationships and this is just another step in the adventure of life - only hassles could come if any one of you isnt totally on board because that then lays the way open for them to bitch about the move whenever any little thing goes wrong once you are back here. Life is what you make of it no matter where you live it really! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest valleylass Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Dear Mrs Indecision I would agree with much of what has already been written. Perhaps the extra pressure you are experiencing is because you are going 'back' (I'll return to this in a moment) rather than to a new country i.e. you are returning to the familiar and so the need for success (either real or perceived) is that bit greater. Plus you've unearthed the whole family once and now are doing it again and the responsibility of this will feel HUGE. That said clearly from your posts on here you have not entered into this decision lightly and have considered all options before settling on the right course of action for your family. Now to that 'back' word: what you are doing is moving forward albeit in a familiar place for which you clearly hold a great deal of fondness. As we all know but forget whilst we are in the thick of it, change creates ripples some larger and more unpredictable than others and you just have to keep on keeping on until these disturbances subside. We have been back a couple of weeks without jobs (yet!) and living with friends and despite it feeling absolutely right the emotional hangover from what we have just done pops up when we least expect it and catches us all out. For what it's worth I completely agree with your reasons for returning to the UK, here's a thought though: perhaps you could face down the fear and be proud that you are able to make tough decisions, that you can live with the discomfort of them and then you implement the solution with flourish! It will be successful :biggrin: Good luck to you all valleylass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Doaldsons Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Im a brickie to be here 14 months and it is s***e wages if u put in like this in uk u would earn at least half again more.wher in Melbourne are you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 It's a shame you and the kids didn't get citizenship, then certainly once they finished Uni if they wanted to return it would be much easier for them to return to Aus if they wished. Here's a link to the Resident return visa and eligibility Five Year Resident Return Visa (Subclass 155) Five Year Resident Return Visa (Subclass 155) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsindecision Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 I'm here (in UK!) at the moment and can quite understand the turmoil engaged in uprooting from your comfort zone. Personally I could do it tomorrow but I have less to lose because my kids are grown and gone (as you know). I guess it all depends on what you want out of life - in my week here with variable weather, from sunshine to blizzard, I have found everything that I want to cram into my days. I know it is different being a tourist but were I ever to return I would relish the variety, history, culture, friendliness, scenery and just everything that makes Britain what it is. I have friends whose kids are still at university - and doing well and enjoying their lives there. I have friends who are retired - and enjoying a broad range of activities and friends who are still in the workforce - and doing just fine apparently (and looking at the homes they own, they are doing very well indeed!). OTOH I have relatives who are heading into third generation joblessness following redundancies in the North of England - not sure if I were an employer I would employ them either even if I could, very different set of values and expectations from my own and though we get along (at a distance!) they could do a hell of a lot more with their lives than they are choosing to do. My son is doing very nicely here and loves what he is doing. He is also considerably bemused by the British preoccupation with the weather - he hasnt found it really cold because he invested in a really warm jacket but even so it hasnt got down to Canberra overnight temps and he is a lad who used to bike 10km to school and back every day of the year (even in the -8C days) with shorts on!I guess any move is going to stretch your patience and relationships and this is just another step in the adventure of life - only hassles could come if any one of you isnt totally on board because that then lays the way open for them to bitch about the move whenever any little thing goes wrong once you are back here. Life is what you make of it no matter where you live it really! Thanks Quoll, been wondering how you are doing - I think it is the turmoil and worry that everyone will be settled - the only re-assurance I have is that my kids are pretty resilient and intelligent they have already moved on in their minds and are planning life in uk ( except for daughter who is unhappy - but has started phoning friends in Uk more so some sense of shift there). Just wish OH and I werent so angry with each other - I guess its the process of accepting another change and one that brings with it some considerable worries. Like you Quoll I have family who have different values but on the whole friends and family are on the same wavelength so I am not worried about that aspect. Valleylass thanks for your comments too - I know that i am putting all the ducks in a row and the fact one of us will have a job to go back to will be a huge relief - plus I am tracking Guardian jobs everyday and there is lots of contract work around in my field so think I'll pick something up fairly easily. I guess OH and I will need to work through this and hope that we can come out the other side in tact. Thanks for support everyone - it really helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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