Guest singlemum Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi guys! To set the sceen ... I am 29, I have two chlidren (6+4). My dream is to live in Australia for a few years min, possibly settle down there. My problem is leaving my childrens father behind in England. I was raised my just my Mum and have no problem with how the kids could adjust, because as long as they are secure they can adjust. My problem is I have just given 9 years of my life to this man, we fell out of love and now I want to take his kids away. I am not sure how to start talking to him about this or how to answer the questions he is bound to have like, when will he get to see them, will he have to pay maintanance still ... or maybe it would be a good idea for him not to pay maintanace but save up to visit us instead? I need to be sure in my mind before I can talk to him so am asking for any advice ... I have also looked for advice on being a single parent and emigrating but can't find any. I am not even sure where to start on that one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest patience Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I just want to say good luck and I wish you all the best. I think there are some ladies who have been in the same position as you on PIO and I myself thought I may of been taking the move as a single mum. At the end of the day you have to do what is going to make you and your children happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k8bug79 Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Good luck, its a very brave move to do this on your own with kids in tow. I am kinda in your situation as I am hoping to go with my husband and 3 kids but my eldest is from my previous relationship. I have to approach him and ask to take her and I am terrified. I would investigate al your options for going before even raising the subject with him. Even if it all ends positively I am almost sure that the initial reaction will be of shock and probably defensive, so make sure you have your facts. You will have to get permission from him through the form of a statutory decleration or court order if he refuses to do that to take the children and the court order is expensive and time consuming so try and keep him on your side. Think about how you can help keep the relationship with your children, a good idea is for him to keep the maintenance to save for a flight, that is what I'll be offering, also accommodation at ours f required (don't want to bu if it gets us there). Take your time over the research and time the conversation right, good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gollywobbler Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi Singlemum Welcome to Poms in Oz. On what basis do you want to live in Oz for a few years, please? You would need a skilled visa in order to do this, so what is your occupation, please? Cheers Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest singlemum Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Thank you, I am dreading it too. I can't afford a battle, I will only have enough money to keep me and the kids secure in the first few months of set up (by 2011). I have even considered asking him if he wants to move over there too (thinking he would move home within a year or so and leave me out there, cheeky huh!). I also thought that I would give my children the choice, home or away, hoping that would help my partner give the ok ... not sure if that is kind or cruel??? I have spoken with my eldest and he wants to go and the youngest is attached to my apron strings so I know she would stick with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest singlemum Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi Gollywobbler, I would have no choice but to apply for a Recruitment/Sales position that offers sponsorship. Not the easiest route but my only option I think. I have considered re-training over the next year while I save but I am not sure if this is reasonable seeing as I am a single parent with a full time job. (I have a habit of taking too much on). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 If you go on a 457 visa you will be obligated to work full time, not an easy task when you have two children as child care is terribly expensive. As Gill says the Visa is the first thing that you need to consider if you are eligable for. Re the children, you are going to need their fathers permission to take them and need to really think of the answers you have already started to ask yourself - re: how will they stay in touch with him, visits etc, because if he does not want them to go and doesn't give his permission then you may very well have to go to court, and the court will have wanted you to do your research on the area you want to live, the job you will be doing, the schools they may be going to, as well as how they will keep in contact with their father ... you have to prove in some respects how being in Oz will be better for them. Some people have been through court and successfully got permission, so it's not an impossible task at all, but you do have to do quite a bit of work for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest singlemum Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 I am expecting it to be hard work ... anything less will be a blessing. I think the thing that is the hardest is that I am doing it on my own and I don't have anyone to share the load. Everything look so much easier if you are single or have a partner. Maybe that is just me finding things hard. This is not something I will gie up on lightly though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi chook. You sound like a very determined young woman with the added virtue of looking beyond self, to the man whom you say you have fallen out of love with. It is a rare thing (in my experience) to hear from someone from a broken relationship, showing such consideration for/towards a lost partner. In these days, when so much haggling occurs over maintenance and custody, your post is like a breath of fresh air. You obvioulsy still care about him, even though perhaps you may not think so. You deserve the best that life can give you, and although I can't help you, I wish you well for making my day. good luck gal. kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
k8bug79 Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 This is not something I will gie up on lightly though. Good for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest singlemum Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi chook. You sound like a very determined young woman with the added virtue of looking beyond self, to the man whom you say you have fallen out of love with. It is a rare thing (in my experience) to hear from someone from a broken relationship, showing such consideration for/towards a lost partner. In these days, when so much haggling occurs over maintenance and custody, your post is like a breath of fresh air. You obvioulsy still care about him, even though perhaps you may not think so. You deserve the best that life can give you, and although I can't help you, I wish you well for making my day. good luck gal. kev I do still care for him, he is a pain and unreliable but a nice bloke. Not sure how long he will like me for (although he knows this is my dream). Thank you for your kind words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest wanderer Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Singlemum, I do still care for him, he is a pain and unreliable but a nice bloke. Not sure how long he will like me for (although he knows this is my dream). Thank you for your kind words. Might have seen chook otherwise and from what you say there, you're halfway there with the bloke (although he knows this is my dream). I think openness is always the best policy and you ought to get his ear at a better moment, and make a special time for it like ringing him to have a quiet drink/coffee somewhere [just so all cards are on the table so to speak]. And it ought to be about how you want to give some serious thought in the coming times on the possibilities of this Australian dream of mine and we need to know how you feel about that in respect to whether you're happy for the Jim and Jess to be so far away for it cannot happen easily without your consent. And raise whether he has thought about a move? - is there any spark left to re-ignite or even if it could be that he may see it as a change and would be closer. [ You need to consider that path carefully, particularly re if thinking the Ex has qualifications that may make immigration easier and you necome a secondary applicant - a couple of threads recently on women in Australia with separation or likely and it certainly creates complications. ] But go in with an open mind as to how can you make this happen. Re I have considered re-training over the next year while I save but I am not sure if this is reasonable seeing as I am a single parent with a full time job. (I have a habit of taking too much on). That'll certainly be training for I am expecting it to be hard work ... anything less will be a blessing. I think the thing that is the hardest is that I am doing it on my own and I don't have anyone to share the load. Everything look so much easier if you are single or have a partner. Maybe that is just me finding things hard. This is not something I will gie up on lightly though. Today 09:22 AMI am expecting it to be hard work ... anything less will be a blessing. I think the thing that is the hardest is that I am doing it on my own and I don't have anyone to share the load. Everything look so much easier if you are single or have a partner. Maybe that is just me finding things hard. This is not something I will gie up on lightly though. Today 09:22 AMI am expecting it to be hard work ... anything less will be a blessing. I think the thing that is the hardest is that I am doing it on my own and I don't have anyone to share the load. Everything look so much easier if you are single or have a partner. Maybe that is just me finding things hard. This is not something I will gie up on lightly though. And if you struggle with planning/arranging/doing the former, I not say it is a great omen for the latter. And maybe there's something of a plan here in the making for . How about in that open chat, is there a chance the Bloke takes on responsibility for J & J for study nights or whatever. [ Could make him feel closer and more responsible/reliable or the opposite and make getting consent more of a certainty and if the former, maybe thoughts of moving too come to the fore] . And re the sales/recruiting, it'll help to do all the extra studying you can, prhaps more in recruiting - psychology, new IT techniques, personal assessments, whatever you can, recruiting for IT, Outsourcing, Home work monitoring standards etc. etc. . Timing, and 2011 could be fine but perhaps another year could be as well. And so out of left field and just before you turn 31 . If you've not done a WHV previously, you can apply on paper for a WHV and you'll likely be asked about the kids - so the plan for Bloke Dad and Grandparents needs to be agreed upon and fallback is you'll be returning if need be. As horrible as it may seem, it'll give you that extra year for training for whilst you apply just before 31 you have up to 12 months in which to enter. . You'll be free to explore Australia and the work scene. . Perhaps pick up a sponsorship and with DadBlokes blessing get the kids off his hands via having them as secondary applicants. Going to be a lot of tears perhaps, well no doubt about it but you'll have a couple of years in which to train for that and practice the psychology. The end result could be much more magnificent for just how bad will it be if you drag two kids around the planet for your dream to become everyones nightmare. Some people do find that the UK just suits them so much better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JOHN ODonnell Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 So, I have a step daughter and a similiar dilemma. We are explaining to the natural father that the experience is a trial. We dont know how long it will last but we will be in a position to compare both environments for a childs wlefare and future............there is e-mail, skype and AOL etc to speak live on line and communicate as time pases...............hope you succeed your goal.......cheers..John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest WasMrs Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 Hi Singlemum, I have just joined the site , I am facing a similar dilemma I am 29 years old and separating from my husband of 5 years , we have been together for 11 . I have a wonderful 2 year old son. I want to move to Australia and start a new better life for my son and me .... Please could you contact me asap I live in London and would be really happy to discuss all. I can’t seem to be able to send you a personal email. My email Tairaadil@aol.com Look foward to hearing from you soon . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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