KIRK AND CO Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 We are so close hoping to be in Perth by Oct/Nov. This whole process started over 2 years ago when my son was quite keen. Now he has loads of friends and a girl friend and he is now saying he doesn't want to go. He is never in, socialising with friends is his life at moment. He said he will come and validate his visa but then come back. We have no close family here for him to live with but he said he can stay with friends. We are doing this for a better life and prospects for him and his 10 year old sister but he's having none of it. Anyone in same situation or gone through this? Any info or advice would be greatly apprieciated. Thanks Tina :arghh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Yup, let him get on with his life and congratulate yourself that you have raised a sociable, happy young man. At least he has said that he will validate which is a big plus he may change his mind but he is less likely to do so if you hassle him. Just say yes, sure, how can we help you - enter into supporting his plans - and then dont pressure him any more. You have a 50/50 chance of him changing his mind then. There is no guarantee that taking a kid away from all they know and love and the people who are important to them that you are getting them a "better life and prospects". Perth is a very small pond - you would have to think that there are far better prospects and buzz for a young person in UK/Europe. That's probably why so many young Aussies cant wait to escape once they have finished school/uni. If you are moving because of an adult itch for adventure then that is fine but remember that one man's dream is another man's nightmare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gollywobbler Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Hi Tina I would solve it in the same way that Billy Braveheart on here solved it two years ago. Their 17 year old was in much the same situation as yours. He had his own friends, had found a girlfriend etc and he said he was not moving to Oz. Billy bought him a one way ticket, marched him onto the plane and got him to Perth. In Perth young Marc moped a bit for a couple of weeks or a month but pretty quickly he got a part time job selling fast food in one of the McJunk outlets. Via this job he soon made loads of new friends and discovered new things to do. After 3 months this youngster told his parents that he was happy he had made the move, loves Perth and that he did not want to return the UK. He has never looked back. I think that older teenagers who are less dependent on Mum & Dad do tend to fear that they won't make new friends etc but once they have done so they usually discover that life in Oz is miles better than they thought it would be. If it were me, I wouldn't give in to whingeing. I would do what Billy did. One way ticket to Oz and if the youngster wants to come back he will have to earn the money for his return fare. That means he will have to get a job in Oz in order to save up enough for the flight. Making new friends via having a job is what does the trick. I think it was probably different for Quoll's children because they were brought up in Oz. My nephews, now 12 & 15, were both born in Perth. They have been to loads of other places, both in Oz and in the Far East, for short holidays. When they were younger (before it was important for them not to miss a month of school here and there) they also made several trips to the UK. They are British by descent via my sister, Kiwi by descent via their father and Aussie by birth. My sister feels it is very important for them to know that they do have plenty of family members in the UK, that any one of us would gladly give them a bed any time etc and it might well be that one or other of them will come travelling in the UK and Europe once they have left school etc. After that, who knows. I'm from a large family. My second cousin Sasha went to Oz on a WH visa about a decade ago. She started in Perth visiting my sister Elaine, understandably since Sasha was travelling alone and she was young. Elaine then passed her on to Cousin Yvonne in Melbourne. Yvonne then passed Sasha to Cousin Harry and his family in Sydney. Shrewd move, that, because in Sydney Sasha met a really Grade A Aussie called Greg and married him about a year later. They are back in the UK for the time being, with two small children now. Greg's family have been in Oz for several generations. Apparently he can live and work in the UK via Sasha and after 5 years he can claim dual Aussie and British Citizenship, I gather. Sasha was born in the UK and their two children - only tots - already have two passports each! Cheers Gill Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kdal Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 I totally agree with Gill, friends of ours have suffered so much emotionally because their daughter stayed in the UK, ended up staying with her boyfriend and his parents, I guess at 17 she is feeling pretty trapped now in a relationship that may not have lasted so long. Their son also had a GF but he still came to Australia and the GF was going to come here 3 months or so later for a holiday, but she never did, and now he has a lovely Australian girlfriend! When you all spoke about coming to Australia you probably all spoke about it as a family, and at the time he commited himself to coming therefore I think he should join you all on that one way ticket Gill was speaking about, and then he will need to work if he wants the return ticket to pay for it and by then hopefully he would have settled. This is a great opportunity for him to live in another country and the opportunity shouldnt be missed, even if one day he does end up going back to the UK. I would be going down the lines of that he cannot stay with friends as you cannot expect their parents to have someone else in their home, and you do not want him flitting from one house to another, so if he cannot afford his own place at the moment then he will have to come until he can support himself. I feel for you this must be so hard, but personally I wouldnt give him a chance to stay if he is not independent enough yet. Good luck and let us know how it all goes, shame your not coming this way as I have a 17 year old that he could of met up with. x:wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabroom Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Hi Tina, I think I would agree with Quoll on this one and the fact that he is willing to validate his visa to me says he is not ruling out the possibility of staying or coming back over to oz if it doesn't work out in the UK. I can imagine it would be a very worrying prospect having him on the other side of the world but I would worry about the future relationship between yourselves and your son if you took the 'it's my way and you'll like it or lump it' approach. Hope it works out for you. Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Bray Family Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Its a hard one we brought a 17 year old out and at times i wish we hadn't. Now every time he dosn't get his own way it's i hate it here i want to go back. A day or two later his fine again and loving it.We told him in the uk that he was under are care til his 18 once his 18 he can come back hoping by then he will be settled and won't want to go back.Last time he said he was going back, i said ok we are a family and we all go back wow his face dropped lol.Good luck its a horrible age they think they know everything. sarah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kdal Posted June 29, 2009 Share Posted June 29, 2009 Oh Tina, People are going to have different opinions on this one which is going to confuse you so much. I think you also have to weigh up is he dependent enough to stay in the UK on his own? Can he afford to pay rent, cloths, food shopping and going out etc... Then perhaps make a more informed decision. I know as Wendy says you dont want to take the approach of 'your going and lump it', but he will have to if he cannot finance and support himself fully. I wouldnt want to be in your shoes hun, good luck xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KIRK AND CO Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 Thank you all very much for your replies. Well Quoll I see what you are saying but although he is socialble and happy at the moment I don't think he will be with no job, money or a permanent place to live. After laying awake night after night I came up with the same solution as Billy Braveheart so thanks Gill it made me feel a lot better seeing that it did work for someone else and we are not alone in this situation. I think, like you Sarah, he will make our life a misery for a while and I do understand how scared and confused he is feeling but I would rather know he is at least in the same continent as us until he is mature and capable enough to look after himself. Thanks again Tina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cartertucker Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 Good luck Tina....Wishing you & your family the very best :cute: I think you have made the right choice...Im sure your son will thank you for it in the end....:yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gavinclarke1 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 i have been in the same situation i stayed in england cos i was goin out with a girl and now im regreting stayin in england cos ive come over to australia and struggling like mad to get a visa as i havent finished my apprenticeship over in england. i havent been able to go on my mums visa either. all im sayin is is tht drag him on the plane if you have to its wel worth it out here and iv met a great girl over here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KIRK AND CO Posted July 14, 2009 Author Share Posted July 14, 2009 Thanks Gavin I was hoping that someone in your position would reply, good or bad. I hope it all works out for you and you get your visa soon. We have decided to wait until he is 18, next year and then he will be old enough to do more when he gets there. We are going over to Perth in October to validate visa and we said he can take a friend so hopefully he will be more open minded. Thanks again and good luck. Tina x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gavinclarke1 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 well im in perth atm so dont wait get over here its great, i sort most of teens meeting up and tht out so if u want to get him to talk to me i will upto u tho oh n i aint a geek if he thinks every1 is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deb8181 Posted July 14, 2009 Share Posted July 14, 2009 I'm in the same position except my daughters 21 this year and lives with us. She doesnt want to come because she's got a boyfriend and is in her second year of nursing although we have told her she could finish the course in Oz. Again we have gone through the visa process with her on it so that once it is validated she has time to change her mind once she realises we have gone and she's in the UK, although not on her own, as she will live with her dad (I married twice). I'm just not looking forward to the day when we leave her behind but she is adult at 21 and cannot be forced into something she doesnt want to do. I only hope that in due course she will join us but who knows, life is a funny thing. Debbie :sad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sallyandkev Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 I really feel for anyone that has to leave any family behind. We decided to come to Australia 5 years ago but then decided to wait until the children had gone through school, got their GCSE's. Big mistake...We could have dragged them at 15 but at 17 (now 18)and 20 they were settled and NO WAY were they coming... girlfriends, boyfriends, big social scenes etc. It was our last chance at 47 years old so we came without them. HEARTBREAKING... However, chances are if we had stayed they may have left to go somewhere anyway later on in their lives. They are happy in the UK - both live with their other halves. Both have jobs in an uncertain climate. Both have a great social life and they have each other. We have our adventure. We phone, we skype and they will come for a holiday. Maybe they will fall in love and will stay ..but it will their choice then , not something forced on them. We have been here 6 months. I miss them terribly but they have their own lives...why should they be forced to live MY dream...they have their own. Sally x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Well said, Sally - I think you have hit the nail on the head. One man's dream is another man's nightmare. With kids you have to at least let them think that they are making the decision and in a way that they dont lose face. I guess I never expected my kids to be around me when they grew up - and they arent, they have flown the nest good and proper, just the way I did to my parents. As long as they are happy and living their lives the way they want then good for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gavinclarke1 Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 in my opinion i think ur wrong what is left in england for people? hmmmmm let me think nothing theres so many chances for their kids to have a better life out in australia and have a better job and actually go somewhere in life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest the terry's Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Hi Tina, you've described my son exactly, he too has a lot of friends in Newbury, always hanging out in Viccy Park. When we started this he had a girlfriend and said he wasn't coming with us (he still says that even tho he's going to be 20 when we eventually leave), he too said he could stay with friends, but when we pointed out that that costs money, no one will put someone up for long or indefinately without some sort of contribution! He hasn't got a job, no money, no transport and no girlfriend either and still insists he's staying here, and yet he has also agreed to coming over and staying until he gets his citizenship so things could definately change in that time. We have also said to him that we started this as a family and will finish it as a family. If he wants to come home he'll have to work to buy his ticket home, we've already told him that. We also have a 17 yr old doing a plumbing course at TVU in Reading, but that could be in doubt since they may no longer be doing higher education there, (will have to read the Reading Chronicle on Thursday to find out), so if this is the case he and my oldest daughter could finish their education and training over in Oz. Nobody knows what's round the corner, the world could end tomorrow, tell him to give it a chance and see how it turns out, at least till he has his citizenship, then he can come and go as he pleases. There's been quite a few 'kids' on here that were left behind and now regret their decision but can't get over there because their not on the list!! I wish you all the best with your son, it's a hard decision for which you have to make for yourselves. Helenx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 in my opinion i think ur wrong what is left in england for people? hmmmmm let me think nothing theres so many chances for their kids to have a better life out in australia and have a better job and actually go somewhere in life Interesting that a whole load of Aussie kids cant wait to escape once they have finished their education. I have one son who walked into an amazing career in UK and isnt likely to be back. I guess life is what you make of it - he couldnt get his foot on the ladder he wanted to climb here. Better life? Nope, just what you make of it whereever you are. Edited to say too that since he has been in UK he has lived in London, in Surrey and now in Hampshire and will be heading up to Yorkshire shortly. He has also had trips to Paris, Barcelona, Lisbon, Brussels, and Egypt - twice as well as visiting Wales many times, Scotland 3 times and the West country several times in the past 7 years - he certainly wouldnt have even come close to experiences like those had he stayed here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sallyandkev Posted July 15, 2009 Share Posted July 15, 2009 Hi Tina' date=' you've described my son exactly, he too has a lot of friends in Newbury, always hanging out in Viccy Park. When we started this he had a girlfriend and said he wasn't coming with us (he still says that even tho he's going to be 20 when we eventually leave), he too said he could stay with friends, but when we pointed out that that costs money, no one will put someone up for long or indefinately without some sort of contribution! He hasn't got a job, no money, no transport and no girlfriend either and still insists he's staying here, and yet he has also agreed to coming over and staying until he gets his citizenship so things could definately change in that time. We have also said to him that we started this as a family and will finish it as a family. If he wants to come home he'll have to work to buy his ticket home, we've already told him that. We also have a 17 yr old doing a plumbing course at TVU in Reading, but that could be in doubt since they may no longer be doing higher education there, (will have to read the Reading Chronicle on Thursday to find out), so if this is the case he and my oldest daughter could finish their education and training over in Oz. Nobody knows what's round the corner, the world could end tomorrow, tell him to give it a chance and see how it turns out, at least till he has his citizenship, then he can come and go as he pleases. There's been quite a few 'kids' on here that were left behind and now regret their decision but can't get over there because their not on the list!! I wish you all the best with your son, it's a hard decision for which you have to make for yourselves. Helenx.[/quote'] hi Helen, Still haven't managed to get you on SKYPE but will try again next time I see you on line. ...I was just intrigued about the bit you put in your post about TVU.. I went there and both my children went there and my son is still there once a week for his apprenticeship..are they closing it down? Are you children coming over with you? When are you coming? Hope to contact you soon Sally x:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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