Guest cruella Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Officially had it big time.....just want to go home cant because kids dad wont let me .....having really bad day. Starting to hate this country ....I know its not this country I hate before anyone says anything but its just how I feel right now. Cant afford to go back for at least 2 years and then for a holiday is it all worth it having to get back on that god forsaken plane again.......Sorry everyone...xx:no: You poor thing! I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I can't. I know how you feel, I have been in your situation and now my situation has changed in that if I go back I won't get to see my kids and their children very often so I'm torn what to do. Is there no way you could for a holiday on your own for a couple of weeks just to help get it out of your system for a while, I know it helped me to cope a little better. Keep your chin up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 You poor thing! I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I can't. I know how you feel, I have been in your situation and now my situation has changed in that if I go back I won't get to see my kids and their children very often so I'm torn what to do. Is there no way you could for a holiday on your own for a couple of weeks just to help get it out of your system for a while, I know it helped me to cope a little better. Keep your chin up. Thanks cruella, Yes I go back every 18month for 3-4 weeks we are planning a trip back with the kids next march and then in 2012 ( hopefully) for 3 months with them.... .I have 2 plans : 1. Take kids back when they are 16 ( only if they want to ) which is why I want to take them for 3 months to give them a good idea of what it is like. 2. Go back regularly and then when they are 19 or so live 6 months here 6 months in uk how I will do this financially I don't know but I would make it happen. How old are your children...How old were you when you came here I was 17 now 41 !! Wishful xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cruella Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Hi wishful, I was 27 when I came to Oz, I am now 54. My kids are 31 and 29, grown with their own kids. I try and go back every two years but have been twice since May last year. I had a 5 week visit with my son and grandson in May last year and then in February my elderly father had a really bad fall and broke his hip so I dropped everything and went in February this year for 3 weeks. I am scheduled to go again in October as my sister is getting married in November and I am a witness. Because of the unscheduled visit in February it has put a bit of a strain on funds especially with the economic climate the way it is at the moment but nothing would stop me from attending my sisters wedding. My son would love to live in the UK. He loved every minute of it there and being an avid football fan made his visit all the more worthwhile. I am at a time in my life when I could be completely selfish and go back to the UK but it would hurt my daughter especially. Ideally, like you I could quite easily move back and forth every 6 months but unfortunately my finances couldn't cope. I am working now only to pay for my trips over. If I were comfortably off I wouldn't hesitate! I have lived in Manchester for many years but originally come from Worcestershire. Perhaps when your children are 16 they may not want to go with you, having their own life and friends and boyfriends/girlfriends here. If they do go when their 16, whose to say they would want to when their 19. I'm not tryng to damper your spirits as I know you need something to look forward to but I am being realistic. In 2007, my son's wife died leaving a child, last May my son wanted nothing more than to move to the UK where he'd met lots of new friends etc. Even had a job offer! Now he has a new girlfriend in his life and they seem to be very committed to each other. Hence his plan have now changed. No one knows what's around the corner or what our kids may want out of life. We can only do what is best for us. So you have to hang in there until they are settled in their own lives whether it be in the UK or otherwise, take as many hols to the UK as you can to get you through and then make the decision to do what's best for you. I won't deny that I am torn between staying and going, its a hard decision to make. If I win Lotto, I will shout you!! Keep your chin up, remember we're 'British'. Things will work out in the long run. I have to believe that! Contact me anytime if you need to chat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 Hi wishful,I was 27 when I came to Oz, I am now 54. My kids are 31 and 29, grown with their own kids. I try and go back every two years but have been twice since May last year. I had a 5 week visit with my son and grandson in May last year and then in February my elderly father had a really bad fall and broke his hip so I dropped everything and went in February this year for 3 weeks. I am scheduled to go again in October as my sister is getting married in November and I am a witness. Because of the unscheduled visit in February it has put a bit of a strain on funds especially with the economic climate the way it is at the moment but nothing would stop me from attending my sisters wedding. My son would love to live in the UK. He loved every minute of it there and being an avid football fan made his visit all the more worthwhile. I am at a time in my life when I could be completely selfish and go back to the UK but it would hurt my daughter especially. Ideally, like you I could quite easily move back and forth every 6 months but unfortunately my finances couldn't cope. I am working now only to pay for my trips over. If I were comfortably off I wouldn't hesitate! I have lived in Manchester for many years but originally come from Worcestershire. Perhaps when your children are 16 they may not want to go with you, having their own life and friends and boyfriends/girlfriends here. If they do go when their 16, whose to say they would want to when their 19. I'm not tryng to damper your spirits as I know you need something to look forward to but I am being realistic. In 2007, my son's wife died leaving a child, last May my son wanted nothing more than to move to the UK where he'd met lots of new friends etc. Even had a job offer! Now he has a new girlfriend in his life and they seem to be very committed to each other. Hence his plan have now changed. No one knows what's around the corner or what our kids may want out of life. We can only do what is best for us. So you have to hang in there until they are settled in their own lives whether it be in the UK or otherwise, take as many hols to the UK as you can to get you through and then make the decision to do what's best for you. I won't deny that I am torn between staying and going, its a hard decision to make. If I win Lotto, I will shout you!! Keep your chin up, remember we're 'British'. Things will work out in the long run. I have to believe that! Contact me anytime if you need to chat. Thank you for your lovely post.....yes they say money cant buy happiness but in our cases it actually would hey !!!! It would buy freedom to travel ( not stuff ) ....I know that they may not probably wont want to and I will respect that and work around it but thats my best case scenario.....Holidays are great but getting back on that plane at Manchester NEARLY makes it not worth while as the feelings start all over again. I can totally understand people who have chosen not to go back at all as this sometimes I think would be easier emotionally. My dad does not understand and actually has fallen out with me over it says my life is here and my kids are Aussie and I am confusing them...I truly am not they know I love england and Australia and they feel the same but they were born here but they have English heritage....and this is only good as it gives them choice !!! People don't understand sometimes that its not a choice to feel like this it is what it is and it is a part of me ......... I hope things work out for you and ditto if I win lotto a first class ticket coming your way !!! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Thank you for your lovely post.....yes they say money cant buy happiness but in our cases it actually would hey !!!! It would buy freedom to travel ( not stuff ) ....I know that they may not probably wont want to and I will respect that and work around it but thats my best case scenario.....Holidays are great but getting back on that plane at Manchester NEARLY makes it not worth while as the feelings start all over again. I can totally understand people who have chosen not to go back at all as this sometimes I think would be easier emotionally. My dad does not understand and actually has fallen out with me over it says my life is here and my kids are Aussie and I am confusing them...I truly am not they know I love england and Australia and they feel the same but they were born here but they have English heritage....and this is only good as it gives them choice !!! People don't understand sometimes that its not a choice to feel like this it is what it is and it is a part of me ......... I hope things work out for you and ditto if I win lotto a first class ticket coming your way !!! xx Maybe we could start a syndicate - "The Misplaced" I'd be in that! I'm with you on the getting back on the plane bit - the hardest thing we have to do and it gets worse every time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Yes me too Quoll .I have not seen my family and friends back in the UK for 6 years now due to finances and parents now too sick to travel. I may be going for a holiday in 2010 to see family and friends and part of me wants to see everyone and the other part of me knows that it will upset my family and myself having to leave again home to come back to Australia. It is like a two edged sword and it just rips yours and your families hearts out. Some people say just go back to where you came from and its not that easy when children are involved as many are not aware of the feelings that you feel on a daily basis. It is like living in limbo and just getting on with it from day to day the best you can with what you have got for NOW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 Maybe we could start a syndicate - "The Misplaced" I'd be in that! I'm with you on the getting back on the plane bit - the hardest thing we have to do and it gets worse every time. Lets do it !!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 Yes me too Quoll .I have not seen my family and friends back in the UK for 6 years now due to finances and parents now too sick to travel. I may be going for a holiday in 2010 to see family and friends and part of me wants to see everyone and the other part of me knows that it will upset my family and myself having to leave again home to come back to Australia. It is like a two edged sword and it just rips yours and your families hearts out. Some people say just go back to where you came from and its not that easy when children are involved as many are not aware of the feelings that you feel on a daily basis. It is like living in limbo and just getting on with it from day to day the best you can with what you have got for NOW. Absolutely.......Quoll has suggested a syndicate to play lotto what do you think !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Good idea Wishful lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Three Lions Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Thank you for your lovely post.....yes they say money cant buy happiness but in our cases it actually would hey !!!! It would buy freedom to travel ( not stuff ) ....I know that they may not probably wont want to and I will respect that and work around it but thats my best case scenario.....Holidays are great but getting back on that plane at Manchester NEARLY makes it not worth while as the feelings start all over again. I can totally understand people who have chosen not to go back at all as this sometimes I think would be easier emotionally. My dad does not understand and actually has fallen out with me over it says my life is here and my kids are Aussie and I am confusing them...I truly am not they know I love england and Australia and they feel the same but they were born here but they have English heritage....and this is only good as it gives them choice !!! People don't understand sometimes that its not a choice to feel like this it is what it is and it is a part of me ......... I hope things work out for you and ditto if I win lotto a first class ticket coming your way !!! xx When I went back at Christmas '07 I was dreading it....not because I didn't want to visit my family and friends but because I knew leaving again at the end of the trip would be a nightmare. And it was. I SO didn't want to leave and when we were stopped over on the way back I was just thinking ''what the f*** am I doing?'' I am not looking forward to the next visit, which is just a few months away, because I know it will be bad leaving again, perhaps even worse than last time as the last visit made me realise that I am not happy in Australia and have felt pretty strongly about that ever since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Three Lions I know how you feel and its hard for anyone else to understand unless they feel the way you do. It is lovely to see everyone back home but then not so nice to leave and return to a place which is not home. You know your not on your own and you feel at times you cant do right for doing wrong what ever you do. I stay because I will not leave my son , I do not dislike Australia I just know where home is thats all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElizaBee Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 I know exactly what you mean Three Lions and Pommyoz. Its a horrible emotional rollercoaster isn't it. I haven't been back in 10 years. :sad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted June 1, 2009 Author Share Posted June 1, 2009 I know exactly what you mean Three Lions and Pommyoz.Its a horrible emotional rollercoaster isn't it. I haven't been back in 10 years. :sad: Is that becuase of the emotional rollercoaster that it involves !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElizaBee Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Yes, i think so, Wishful. Lived for 2 years in Perth and had a constant stream of relatives over and went back ourselves in a short period of time, and it was so awful saying goodbye all the time. We went back to the UK and spent a year there before giving Oz another chance, this time in Melbourne, and have been here 10 years. I suppose we would have gone back for a holiday a few years back, but i had a baby, then she became sick (thank god she is ok now), so we couldn't do it. I told my husband that if we go over there, i just wouldn't be able to get back on that plane to come home to Oz. Even though we have been very lucky and have enjoyed our time here. We are actually seriously considering moving back, so i am happy. My Husband went back to the UK last month and to his surprise, really had a good time. He realised how much he missed his family etc. My kids are so excited at the prospect of moving - thats a huge shock because they have grown up here, and i have been telling them all about the negatives of living there for years! I suppose trying to justify why i had bought them half way round the world, instead of staying near our family. Yours may feel the same, Wishful. Really hope all works out for you. Having read some of your posts, i think it will. Eliza xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ElizaBee Posted June 1, 2009 Share Posted June 1, 2009 Also hate flying with a passion !!!:eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest twilighter Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Hi We have been here 7 months, My OH hates his job, and who he works with!! I have a part time job which I am very grateful of but they are so strict, cant have laugh dare not speak some days, however we have come to the end too, The problem is I have a daughter who is 17 in yr 11 and dont know how I can get around this, I could not take her out at this stage, I will have to indure it till next nov10 I suppose If we went back she would have to start all over again at college, that would be unforgivable, she has worked so hard and is doing excellent grades, so I feel for you as I feel very desparing and trapped, I do not regret coming but its not all its cracked up to be!! sorry but we came here with the give it a go approach and for all its great beaches and sunshine there is a lot more to consider, which only gets considered when doing it!! if you get my drift, ok thanks anyway, at least I am not on my own totaly. I hope you come to some aggreement best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i need stimulation Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Hi We have been here 7 months, My OH hates his job, and who he works with!! I have a part time job which I am very grateful of but they are so strict, cant have laugh dare not speak some days, however we have come to the end too, The problem is I have a daughter who is 17 in yr 11 and dont know how I can get around this, I could not take her out at this stage, I will have to indure it till next nov10 I suppose If we went back she would have to start all over again at college, that would be unforgivable, she has worked so hard and is doing excellent grades, so I feel for you as I feel very desparing and trapped, I do not regret coming but its not all its cracked up to be!! sorry but we came here with the give it a go approach and for all its great beaches and sunshine there is a lot more to consider, which only gets considered when doing it!! if you get my drift, ok thanks anyway, at least I am not on my own totaly. I hope you come to some aggreement best of luck. which part of western sydney do u live in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted June 7, 2009 Author Share Posted June 7, 2009 Also hate flying with a passion !!!:eek: Thanks Elizabee, Its nice when people give you some hope.....I have actually decided that I cannot go back for a few weeks it is just too hard emotionally....my friends in the uk that we stay with say that it will be worth it but its not so going back in 2012 for three months.....Just enrolled my kids in private education so that takes care of my money anyway for now .... its just what it is for now but I will get back there 2012 for three months and then 5 years later for good I will be 49 so hopefully still in good health I have done 22 years so whats another 8 ....a frigging long time thats what !!!!!!!!! good luck x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jacqueline Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 hi quoll its me again Jacqueline. Well I now want to go back to the uk indefinateley for the one reason that I miss my family (my Dad) too much. But my loving husband and my 2 dearest children do not to go back ever they say that this is their home now. Help I do not know what to do! Stuck between the rock and the hard place ( I never really understood that until now! They say you make sacrifices for your children well I am making the ultimate as I will have to stay here now for their sake, and that to me feels like I have lost the life I once knew and I am just dead inside! Oh dear there is no hope for me is there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fantasia Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Sounds to me like the Australian Government is trying to build up the population of Oz anyway they can - guess they're thinking that when the kids grow up they will working and paying TAXES - to keep the ageing population alive....... how awful for those in this position - I would want to kill someone if through others actions I was effectively 'in jail'....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fantasia Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Sounds to me like the Australian Government is trying to build up the population of Oz anyway they can - guess they're thinking that when the kids grow up they will working and paying TAXES - to keep the ageing population alive....... how awful for those in this position - I would want to kill someone if through others actions I was effectively 'in jail'....... Sorry this post was in reply to that dreadful Hague Convention rule...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 hi quoll its me again Jacqueline. Well I now want to go back to the uk indefinateley for the one reason that I miss my family (my Dad) too much. But my loving husband and my 2 dearest children do not to go back ever they say that this is their home now. Help I do not know what to do! Stuck between the rock and the hard place ( I never really understood that until now! They say you make sacrifices for your children well I am making the ultimate as I will have to stay here now for their sake, and that to me feels like I have lost the life I once knew and I am just dead inside! Oh dear there is no hope for me is there? Yes there is hope for you. You are a strong woman and strong women more often than not are the ones who make the sacrifices. The decision you really have to make is whether life here with them will be better or worse than life there without them. For me it is a no brainer - I dont want to live without the DH even though he can be a prize prat sometimes :biglaugh: (he said I could say that if I wanted to!!!) That means the decision is mine and I can live with it. Personally I dont much like that people fail to see the impact of their own selfish behaviour on the deterioration of the mental health of others but there you go. There are things you can do to improve your mental health but at the end of the day you will probably still be living only a half life (better than no life!). I can expound for hours on tips and tricks to get you through the day but I still havent got one that totaly eradicates that "OMG I am still bloody here" feeling that sinks your stomach when you wake up every morning. PM me if you want some hints - I have to rush off right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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