Guest skut Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 Anyone moved back after a couple of decades? - Even for a fixed period of a few months? I would be interested on peoples thoughts on the pros and cons and other long term migrants experiences on moving back after a very long period. I was 14 when I moved here from a coal mining village in Yorkshire and am now 33 and I have always missed England. I am married with a 4 yr old son about to start school next yr. My wife was born here but is of German heritage and we have visited her relatives several times in Germany / Austria and Holland. She loves Europe but flatly refuses to move, even for just a few months, due to the upheaval. My circumstances are complex - I shall try and summarise (It will still be an essay - many thanks if you have the patience to read through!) Obviously it was not my decision to move here. I was simply sat down one night in 1989 and told that I was about to move to Australia. I understand it is a parents decision but I have always resented that such a monumental decision was taken about my life just like that. (Obviously I wouldn't exist without my parents but nonetheless I live here because of what my father wanted not what I wanted). I have never had a close relationship with my father and my father figure was my maternal Grandfather who is still alive and well as can be expected at 84. He also lead the local scout troop which was the other love of my childhood and provided the most special experiences of my life. I have one other grandparent also alive and well in the village. I really want to spend time with my Grandparents while I still can. I don;t want the regret of knowing I could have spent time with them but chose not to when I still could. I had several very close friends in England all of which I will be staying with in July on a UK visit. My friends in the UK are much, much closer to me (emotionally speaking) than my friends here. I was always extremely fragile socially and quite academic so going to a rough western sydney high school lead to a great deal of stress and loneliness. I hate driving past it even now - My school in England was hardly fabulous but my friends were there. I have also developed some severe mental health issues which has obviously tainted my experience of life in Australia. At University I developed OCD which completely destroyed my university life (I was given effective medication right at the end of Uni after 2.5 yrs of suffering) and I just scraped through. Two years ago I had to take 12 months off work for severe depression and was hospitalised for several months. I am still steadily recovering. I plummeted into depression on returning from the UK where I was best man at a school friends wedding. (Moving opens up some serious health insurance issues - I have good cover now because I had it pre illness - Taking out a new policy would be next to impossible for a sane premium - I still use hospital services and need the protection and reassurance it provides. Don't know if you can maintain a policy if you are not in the country even if I moved just for a few months. I had a life that was happy although far from perfect that I have never come close to realising again in Australia. Not even close. There is one feeling at the core of it. When I lived in England the place was 'mine' the village was mine, the school was mine, the history of the country was mine (despite one grandfather being a european migrant) My town was mine, even if parts of it were totally crap. Australia is not me and nothing is 'mine' - I just mean this in the sense that I have no sense of heritage or belonging or pride in the place I now live. I understnad other people feel totally comfortable here, both locally born and migrant. I just never have. It just feels like I am in a foreign country alll the time despite living here for 60% of my life. My wife refuses to entertain moving even just for a 6 month period. She is still recovering from single handedly supporting the family through my illness. I understand this but she refuses to even talk about options. With Hugo's school starting next year I don't want him to start then stop and be out of sync with the English system. I understand England is not the one I lived in in the 1980's (and I am no longer 14) but I just want to try it out - Just for a few months. I suspect on many fronts I may be disappointed and surprised but at least after so many years I can stop wondering - and finally the decision will be my own Skut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fredtheman Posted April 8, 2009 Share Posted April 8, 2009 Try a holiday if you like. But I'll tell you for sure that you'll not like it. No jobs,very very cold in the winter, dirty, grime, crime, no money. It's not what you left all them years ago.And I've been there and done that what your thinking of doing. And I'm wanting back, but can't sell the house just right now. Bugger all back here so there is and the country is falling apart fast. Try a holiday if you want to, but stay there. Fred Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Please don't take offence as this (not meant), but could your memories of England being a happy place ... be clouded by the subsequent mental health issues that you've experienced here in Aus? Sometimes (particularly with depression), we often think of those 'pre-illness' days as being more rosey than what they perhaps were in reality. I guess the other issue is that you're making a decision which will effect your son (as your dads decision to move to Aus did to you), and you must worry that such a move would have an equally negative impact upon him as it has seemed for you. I personally think that the suggestion of a holiday (and maybe on your own if your wife truly doesn't want to), to see if you really do want to live back in the UK, it may not be what you want ... or equally you may suddenly find that you've 'come home' From a practical point of view regarding your illness, I don't know what level of support you receive here in Aus. In the Uk there has been a shift towards much shorter interventions and GP management of people with mental health problems, it may be that in the UK you would be unable to duplicate the level of support that already exists for you here in Aus. You need to register with A GP in the UK to access any specialised services (eg mental health), I hope you and your family can come to some decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lottiep Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I don't think comments like " I'll tell you, you won't like it" are very helpful. I say go home for a holiday and really look at it properly.....how things really are, the weather, people, jobs, money and more importantly, the mental health system...maybe phone SANE or other helplines and local authorities and find out what's on offer and what would happen if you needed help again. We have lived here for 5 years and I can see that it has the weather, space etc.....but I love grimy, cold England....especially the people. And for you, it might be all about the relationships....if you have very close freinds/family who you can talk to then that can make all the difference...that feeling of being accepted for who you are. I can imagine that if you are fairly sensitive than you would feel like a fish out of water here!! I understand your wife must just be wanting a period of calm after the storm....I sometimes think it is harder on the person who has to cope then on the person with the health problem....have you thought of counselling to maybe discuss negotiating all of this? Good luck with everything x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 I moved back to the UK after I married and had been taken o/seas by my parents when I was 11. If you have read my posts others probably have boring stuff I lived in four different countries and it affected my life no doubt about that and my brothers. When I returned to live in England I went through the whole homesickness for Australia bit and hated it at first got used to it and was ok, then we returned here the same thing happened and now I am completely settled here. Have had depression myself so know what you are talking about but I believe I have to stay put as when I am unhappy its me that is causing it not the place or country or people. Unfortunately due to pressures in my life from time to time I get it. Personally we have to deal with stuff ourselves and try not to let it impinge on others in our life as it is very hard for them. I am completely well now and will have to take meds for the rest of my life small price to pay to feel good. When we migrate as children especially years ago when there was little contact with our family and friends back home because the phone was dear, letters were the only contact it was very hard on us kids but you know we survived and who knows if it would have been any different if we had stayed in England. We have to lay the ghost and go forward in life and look around us and see the beauty and joy of what we have not yearn for something that we think may have beauty and joy. I know my signs now so will never get that ill again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Swing low sweet chariot Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Try a holiday if you like. But I'll tell you for sure that you'll not like it. No jobs,very very cold in the winter, dirty, grime, crime, no money. It's not what you left all them years ago.And I've been there and done that what your thinking of doing. And I'm wanting back, but can't sell the house just right now. Bugger all back here so there is and the country is falling apart fast. Try a holiday if you want to, but stay there. Fred And Australia doesn't have unemployment then? It's not that cold in the winter (compared to other European countries). From what I've seen the crime rate in Australia is certainly nothing to be proud of and, there is a BIG problem with drugs. As for no money, well the Australian Government had to borrow that $42 billion to aid the stimulus package. That's got to be paid back. We had a really good life in the UK, lived in the Southwest. The economic slowdown is hitting Australia quite hard and it's going to get worse. The UK will pull through and things will get better. We can't wait to come home! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest treesea Posted April 9, 2009 Share Posted April 9, 2009 Hi Skut, Well I, for one, think it is definitely worth coming back if you are not really into Australia. I left England when I was young too, and have the same idea as you - it wan't my decision to leave and I told my family at the time I would one day be back. I only wish I had stayed the first time I came back, when I was in my 20s. I never imagined then that it would take me another 20 years to get back here permanently. For those who say there is nothing back here, especially in Yorkshire or the south west, my advice is don't listen. Not everything good in life is about money or a job. We had a good look around Britain before we settled down and decided to live on the coast. The best inland places we found though were - imho :-) - in North Yorkshire. Harrogate, York, and my favourite, Knaresborough. I could live in any of those three places, jobs or no jobs, without a second thought. We did go to Bridlington, but my OH thought it was too small for his liking. Changing schools is okay. We came home when my children were in primary school. As long as one does eventually sette somewhere, the children will settle too. My OH still fancies Australia, but the proof of the pudding was a few weeks back, when he broached the subject and our children wanted to know if he was going alone, because they woudn't be going with him. Do you still have family here? That was a big deciding factor for me, because I really missed my cousings and aunties, uncles and grandparents when we emigrated, and I don't want my children to miss out on their extended family. You are still young. Why spend the next 30 or 40 years of your life stuck in a place you don't feel connected to thinking of what might have been? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest joebogie Posted April 18, 2009 Share Posted April 18, 2009 Mental health services in the uk are a nightmare to access, as a health professional i should know, the best therapies have a huge wait and your GP does not have the time to spend with you that you need. Just remember wherever you live in the world you are taking yourself and your emotions with you! The worst time I had was in the Maldives because of the relationship I was in, and the best, possibly the grottiest student digs in Brum ! You shouldn't rely on places/people to make you happy, until you are feeling 80% back to yourself I would try not to feel that you are missing out on not being in the uk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Qld Sunshine Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Good luck Skut....that's made my mind up..I'm going back for my kids future..they say they are going back at the earliest opportunity and want to be with their friends....we can always come back another day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 Good luck with your decision Skut! You are between a rock and a hard place when one of you doesnt want to go home but I tend to be on your side - the impact of living in a place that you cannot stand because you dont "belong" is much more deleterious than just not liking somewhere. Anyone can live in a place they dont like but it is much harder to live in a place where they have no sense of belongingness. However, if your wife wont go then it does seem that you are stuck somewhat, unless you fancy splitting up your family. It may well be that your specs are rose coloured and what you find is that you dont belong anywhere after all these years - the curse of the expat! However if you have been home for a trip and felt like you were "home", warts and all then there is a good chance that you will be happier and possibly healthier when you get there. I dont see too much to crow about with Aus mental health provisions and I imagine that UK is much the same. Yorkshire was super last week, even with the bitterest of east winds blowing - I could happily have stayed despite the weather! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest skut Posted April 19, 2009 Share Posted April 19, 2009 I really want to thank you all on all your considered posts. Just about every post makes very valid points, most of which have coursed through my head at some point. Literally as I read them I agree one way and then the other... Unfortunately I cannot make the full reply I would like to right now but just to let you know every post has been appreciated - Good luck Sunshine if you are heading back - I feel quite a sense of having had an impact! Will talk soon Skut Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest delicadog Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Hi mate you are not alone also came in 1989 to Perth though,have never felt settled and longed for the u.k. for the same reasons as you,am 51 now with five kids, thats why we never went back the logistics were a nightmare.Have also had mental health issues here, severe depression,dont know what to do there is no easy answer. regards Phil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kierodeniro Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Completely agree with you! A little fact you might be interested in is that per ratio Australia has 3 times the violent crime level of the UK. I for one cannot wait to get back to England! All the best ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest delicadog Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Thanks for replying,good that there are others out there that feel like me thanks for the info about crime, you are also much more likely to be killed in a traffic accident here also, in fact there are hundreds of instances where Australia is retrograde to the U.K.Another example is - a malaysian flight tothe U.K. return from Perth is $1557 the same return flight bought from the U.K. is $900.I like to call W.A. the worlds largest open air prison once your here there is no way out.Unless of course you are loaded. Just watch postcards W.A. they keep on visiting the same tired destinations because there are so few interesting places to visit here, the few that there are, are thousands of kilometers apart.Cable beach.Mitchell falls,the bloody overated pinnacles,monkey mia,the swan valley ,margaret river, big deal. What about the flies and heat and semi literate locals? Where we lived in the U.K. you could spend a whole year in a 50 mile radius and still not see everything of major importance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Kierodeniro Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Tell me about it! I don't know what it's like over in Perth, but here in Sydney drivers are absolute morons! The old bill are a nightmare as well. It's weird how the police here are so over the top on road issues compared to the UK and yet people still drive a lot worse! I've had a very similar experience to you from the sounds of it. Once you get past the beaches, Sydney Harbour, Darlin Harbour, Blue Mountains and the odd nice park it really is just urban concrete. I like the weather and I do like the people, but that is about it. At the risk of sounding pretentious, I was a lot more stimulated back home. Plus I miss a good old country pub and a nice pint of real ale! :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fantasia Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I wish I could help. May I read your post tomorrow - just prepared dinner and partner (oz)- ("you didn't cook it how I like it") ohhhhhh from a brit to another - be strong - I will read your post tomorrow - at the moment drinking lovely NZ Sauv Blanc and hoping said 'Oz' will OD on the 'ol you know what' v. soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fantasia Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Tell me about it! I don't know what it's like over in Perth, but here in Sydney drivers are absolute morons! The old bill are a nightmare as well. It's weird how the police here are so over the top on road issues compared to the UK and yet people still drive a lot worse! I've had a very similar experience to you from the sounds of it. Once you get past the beaches, Sydney Harbour, Darlin Harbour, Blue Mountains and the odd nice park it really is just urban concrete. I like the weather and I do like the people, but that is about it. At the risk of sounding pretentious, I was a lot more stimulated back home. Plus I miss a good old country pub and a nice pint of real ale! :-) Oh so true - I've been here 13 years - am going home as soon as dogs got their AQIS certs - BUT I love my house and garden - can't stand the neighbourhood - miss British way of life - am moving back to North Wales v. soon... hope eveything goes well - I can only suggest another area to live in before you move - it may be a good idea to get OZ citizenship thingo = who knows what the future will hold.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fantasia Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Oh so true - I've been here 13 years - am going home as soon as dogs got their AQIS certs - BUT I love my house and garden - can't stand the neighbourhood - miss British way of life - am moving back to North Wales v. soon... hope eveything goes well - I can only suggest another area to live in before you move - it may be a good idea to get OZ citizenship thingo = who knows what the future will hold.... And may I quote an Angry Oz Driver - Audi A3 Quatro in my garage = and he is an ex surfer = he reckons that surfing is the same as driving ... I suggested I should rethink... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest homeiswheretheheartis Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I am from Cornwall. I miss it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kazzy65 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 I'm new here, and I suppose I've got no grounds to reply to you. I've been here 4 weeks and to be honest I've not missed England one bit. I know a lot of you will say 'holiday mode' still, but not! I'm working full time, loving it (maybe that's luck) but my daughter had mental health problems in England which took me 18 months of her refusing to go to school and my constant screaming for 'help' before anybody did anything for us. We have been here 5 weeks and SOME of the old anxieties have resurfaced - she has had a counsellor at school since she started 2 week ago, and has been referred to CAAMHS already to assist her (only 5 week after arriving here). But that's a kid. I don't know what it would be like for an adult. Everything is different for everyone. We can none of us tell anyone else what to do as we all have our own ideals on life. You have some extremely hard decisions to make but there is only you can make them (no help I know) but none of us can rely on anybody to tell us which decision to make. We make a decision, we ***** up, we live with it. I'm not a believer in God or religion being able to help us. but I do believe in fate. Things are sent to us for a reason. That reason may seem to be an unacceptable one or an unreasonable one at the time, but I've alway found it to be a good reason that ultimately turns out to be for the better (with patience). Personal experiences. Since I started nursing I've seen many things and realised that you DO only have one chance at life, it's not a rehearsal and you have to grasp things with both hands no matter what. Follow your heart!!! Do what YOU feel YOU need to do to set your mind at ease, no matter what the consequences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KAS Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 :confused:At this moment in time I would go back tomorrow but my OH and the kids love it,I am so over parks,beaches etc and don't get me started on the shops,TV ETC ETC ETC. We lived in a lovely village in the Ribble Valley Lancashire where the kids could go off on their bikes and play with their mates and I new they were safe. I miss looking out onto green fields and the sound of sheep on a lovely summers evening.I miss the seasons especially Spring when all the daffodils wereout,OMG i'm sounding like a mad old woman,this is what this place has done to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 :confused:At this moment in time I would go back tomorrow but my OH and the kids love it,I am so over parks,beaches etc and don't get me started on the shops,TV ETC ETC ETC. We lived in a lovely village in the Ribble Valley Lancashire where the kids could go off on their bikes and play with their mates and I new they were safe. I miss looking out onto green fields and the sound of sheep on a lovely summers evening.I miss the seasons especially Spring when all the daffodils wereout,OMG i'm sounding like a mad old woman,this is what this place has done to me. Sorry to hear that! I know just what you mean - the Ribble area was lovely this spring even though it was bitterly cold the few days I was up there. Join the gang of mad old women :hug: Any chance your OH will return with you or are you, like me, consigned to a half life here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KAS Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 :SLEEP:I'm on death row,but my OH said that we can go back for a holiday next year,I'm already counting down the days!!,who knows I may not return,it would kill me to get back on a plane to come back to this wilderness of nothing and nothing in between.I feel old before my time, there is something lacking here and it's life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 :SLEEP:I'm on death row,but my OH said that we can go back for a holiday next year,I'm already counting down the days!!,who knows I may not return,it would kill me to get back on a plane to come back to this wilderness of nothing and nothing in between.I feel old before my time, there is something lacking here and it's life. Aw sweetie, you are not alone!:hug: I lurch from holiday to holiday and my heart breaks every time I have to get on the plane (I cry all the way from Cambridge to London on the train that's for sure!). I hope he sees how much you are "you" when you get home and not some sort of half life person. I am waiting to book my next trip home - all depends on whether the DS can get leave at Christmas or not because he was thinking of bringing his gf here for Xmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 30, 2009 Share Posted June 30, 2009 :SLEEP:I'm on death row,but my OH said that we can go back for a holiday next year,I'm already counting down the days!!,who knows I may not return,it would kill me to get back on a plane to come back to this wilderness of nothing and nothing in between.I feel old before my time, there is something lacking here and it's life. I`ve been in a mood the last couple of weeks...total disbelief and dissapointment in myself that I`ve been here for as long as I have, I mean did I really think it would get any better? I feel like I`m just starting to wake up...little alarm bells ringing, get back to civilisation and take charge of your life again... I also worry that, like a prisoner just released from a long stretch, I`ll need some sort of reahbilitation therapy when I get back to England!! At the moment we`re finishing off the house to put on the market, it`s taken us weeks to find any sort of enthusiastic trademan and it`s hardly the ideal time to be selling...feel sort of in limbo in limbo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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