Guest Victoria19 Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Victoria, sorry to hear that you are going through this hell too. Where abouts in Aus are you? Tania, is your ex going to make it difficult for you to emigrate? Or are things amicable between you two? It must have been so difficult to leave your hubby with a two month old baby. You ARE a very strong woman. (I'm a Staffordshire lass too BTW)! Restfamily, sorry to hear that you are in this sad situation too. I will check out the Essentialbaby forum tomorrow. Thank you. Hi again, Victoria here. I am in Brisbane, Qld. Thank you to all responders. I got onto this site as a start to see if I could widen my network of friends, given no family here and few friends because of controlling ex, my fault tho really, people only do to you what you let them. As I am unable to return to UK because I wont leave my child, I have set myself a goal this year of at least widening my network of friends here to break out of the isolation. My family and friends in England are wonderful and have been a great support but there is only so much they can do from the other side of the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hello joeycola Please will you contact me as I am in the same situation but 5 years down the track. Stay strong for your child, please contact me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 thank you for that post i could not agree more....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dizzy blonde Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hi Sorry to hear you are in such a difficult position. You could try contacting the family relationship advice line on 1800 050 321 or look on their website www.familyrelationships.gov.au. They might be able to point you in the right direction for support in your area. I hope it all works out for you. Lynne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest joeycola Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 Hi Lynne, we are actually coming to the end of the mediation process via Relationships Australia - our final THREE HOUR session is tomorrow which I am dreading, dreading, dreading. Did I mention that I am dreading it.:wacko: Pommyoz, I'd love to hear about your experiences. Hopefully things have turned out OK for you now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest snow white Posted March 2, 2009 Share Posted March 2, 2009 hi joeynicola, try to stay strong dont give up and make as many friends as you can as long as you have friends you can rely on and someone to talk to it will help you pull through this difficult trime all the best lesley x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Hi everyone, I'm fairly new to this forum and I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right section so please bear with me. I'm originally from the UK, moved out here in 1997. Married an Aussie and had a gorgeous baby girl a year ago. Hubby and I sadly separated as he has issues that I will no longer tolerate. My issues are that I now feel completely ALONE. Hubby's parents (whom I once loved) are obviously taking his side, mutual friends no longer call or feel awkward in my company. I only have a couple of friends who I could trust. My heart is now starting to yearn for England and my hubby is making my life hell with daily harassment and psychological bullying. He has made it clear (via his solicitor) that he wants my daughters passport in trust with the solicitor and if I want to holiday in England I have to, a) give him 3 months notice, b) put $5000 in trust, c) allow him to have the same amount of holiday time with my daughter upon her return from England (I have issues with allowing him overnight visits as he is a heavy drinker). So, I guess my question is, has anybody been through anything similar. Were you able to relocate back to the UK with your children and what were the implications. Thank you for any help you may be able to provide. I'm sinking into a big, black hole here..............................................:wacko: My kids are older but I am considering the same and have looked into.....would be happy to chat through email mine is jandmgoldie@y7mail.com if you want to email me ...I totally understand where you are coming from .....x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Hi, I am in the same situation as you though my child is older, 10 years. Like you I feel stuck. All my family are in the UK and given my ex was very controlling I have few friends. I believe I need my ex's permission to take my child to the UK. I have asked for this but been refused. I am not sure what I am going to do. I know this is not of much practical help to you because I have not sorted my own situation out yet. However, as soon as I read your entry I had empathy with you because of the similarity to my own situation. My thoughts are with you and my support. Hi victoria, My x told me I could not go and so I went to my local chamber magistrate and he drew up an order " specific reason order" which I got and so now I can take the kids to the Uk for up to one month per year. I also got an order so I could get british passports which they now have....its not easy but its doable....If the children have family in th UK then he really wont be able to stop you getting an order to take the kids to see them. Also if they ask for a monetary bond , I offered all my belongings to him as collateral as I knew he was cming back so you could try that !!! I know exactly how you feel its not good.....x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 thank you all for your replies. You are the best! I saw my solicitor today and things dont look brilliant. Apparently she said the likelihood of me being able to move back to the uk with lily is not good. I asked whether i could move to the coast to get away from him and his harassment (2 hours away) and she told me that he could possibly stop me doing this too. I now feel even more suffocated and bullied than ever before. I feel like hubby is calling the shots, he tells me what time he wants lily and for how long, he seems to be dictating the rules and not compromising at all. For instance, during the week lily and i go to mothers groups, play groups and swimming lessons. They are my sanctuary. They keep me sane. I therefore drop lily off to her dad after these activities at midday and he has her until 6pm. He told me tonight that he is missing out on seeing lily interact with other children and that he wants to start taking her to play group etc!!! What a total moron, he knows it's the only social outing i have and place to chat with my friends. He wants to take everything away from me.:sad: So i feel like i have no rights. I'm stuck in this country and possibly in this god awful town for ever. Somebody shoot me now!:arghh: dont be bullied into something you dont want.......ive left my email address please contact me i would like to help...there is hope...!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burnett Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Hi Joeycola, hope you came out of the mediation session ok. There's another way. It's called 'reconcilliation' (with a goal) (pause here to allow you to scream 'no !' and slap the screen, pull your hair out, etc.) It works. It's free. It is probably the fastest and least painful of all your options. And it puts the whip back in your hand and removes it from the hands of your spouse, his family, friends, solicitors, etc. etc. Also called 'reverse psychology'. Or, if you like, it's a form of martial arts. You fell for him once. You loved him enough to travel to Australia and move to the back of beyond. You loved him sufficiently to bear his child. As you now realise, it was when you delivered his child that you surrendered control of your own life to a man, his family, his country and his law. Right now, he (and his family, and soon solicitors and the law) has you over a barrel. He knows it and so do you. For many alcoholics, control is their second drug of choice. In fact, many become alcoholics as the only way to deal with their unfulfilled desire for total control. As well, alcoholism itself is a form of control over others. Alcohol and control are inextricably entwined. Right now, he has control over you, via your child. And his family are enjoying vicarious control over you, through your spouse. Solicitors will jump on the control bandwagon too. You will feel as if you've gone to hell. And this could go on for twenty or more years. You could end up stuck in the back of beyond forever .. if your daughter marries someone local, for example. But there's a way out. And compared to other options, it's easy. You win him back. You know him. You know how to do it. He fell for you once and he'll fall for you again. In martial arts, they teach you go with the attacker, not against him. It puts the attacker off balance and gives you the advantage. At the moment, it's a toe-to-toe war between you and spouse, and you have both arms tied behind your back, because your daughter is your Achilles Heel. It's the part of relationships that a lot of men enjoy the most, you know .. especially the manipulators and controllers. It's the reason many of them marry in the first place. Anyway, let's focus on what you want to achieve. And that's to get back to UK with your daughter. If you think laterally, you can achieve that. And your husband will pay the air fare. And will help you up the steps of the plane. Will be your helpmate and travelling companion during the trip. Will help you down the plane's steps when you hit UK. Will deal with baggage and customs and all the formalities. Will drive you to your family home in the UK. Sound good ? After that ... (after that, the tables will be turned, won't they ? Completely reversed. Think about it ) You need a reconcilliation, don't you ? :biggrin: You have to be more than a strong woman now. Your life and future and that of your daughter are on the line. You have to be strong and smart. Remember, love and war and all's fair. You want to get rid of that acid burning away at your stomach lining -- want to be free of the ceaseless worry and fear -- want to avoid years of prolonged legal wrangling -- want to knock the smirks off some faces -- want to save your future and a fortune -- want to regain control of your own life and want to be freed from this living hell. You know what you have to do. And you know why and how. So, if you decide to do it, you have to start building bridges. And some in-law and friends bridges too. To start, instead of protesting ... tell your spouse that after due reflection you realise he's right .. it's a great idea for him to take daughter to children's group, etc. Say it will give you some time to go to the gym or wash curtains or whatever. As they're leaving, little peck on daughter's cheek 'Be good for Daddy and both of you have a lovely time .. I'll be waiting for you both ' and maybe you could give him a little squeeze on the shoulder and a 'look' that will make him see you as a woman again instead of his adversay or his victim. He'll be surprised. Martial arts. Reverse psychology. Step One in you regaining control. Agreeing for him to take daughter to children's group will make you appear (and feel) stronger, not weaker, by the way. Not only that .. if things go bottom-up, you will have been seen to be reasonable and accomodating, from the legal angle. And from now on, you need to look at things that way. Otherwise, you're playing into his hands. Re: the 'reconcilliation' front, you will have to be smart and patient. Do you play poker ? Don't show your hand too soon. Or you'll blow it. And confide in no-one .. especially not a diary. Be careful you don't make yourself identifiable online too. And be very careful with phone-calls and emails. Everything can be tracked. You are the only friend you can afford to trust from here on in. Don't even tell your plan to your family in UK. No-one. If you decide reconcilliation is your best shot, immerse yourself in your role. Patience. Focus. Discipline. It could take a few years before the idea of your little family going back to UK for a visit arises. Maybe an emergency .. sick parent ? Special anniversary of the date you and he met .. whatever. But of course, you will by then have convinced everyone you love Oz and it's your home now, etc. Not even a suggestion you want to live in UK permanently. And save, save, save. Last of all, be very disciplined as regards birth-control. Even when the world believes you're 'trying like mad' to have another. Because your reconcilliation may feel genuine to you after a while. It won't be easy, but it can be done. It's been done. It's worked. Alcoholism isn't fun to live with, nor are alcoholics. They push you to the limits, often on purpose. But you must never .. no matter how angry you become .. reveal your plan to him in the heat of the moment. Or it will all have been for nothing and will never work again. They say to tie a piece of string on your finger to remind you of important things. But that's not practical for a rural mum. So maybe you could paint one fingernail .. tell people it's your little eccentricity if you like. The need to re-do it regularly will keep your mind focused. And if you vary the colour each time, it will stop you from getting so used to it that you forget what it's for. Finally, I have no compunctions at all about advising you in this strategy. You gave up your country and probably your family and friends as well, to travel to a far-away place where you are now at the mercy of a man and his family and his nation's laws. If you hadn't had your daughter, you could fly back home to UK tomorrow. Your situation is being exploited by this man. He's putting you through hell because he can. He knows you have no-one to help you. He's using your daughter as the tool via which he can destroy you at his leisure. He's no man at all in my eyes and he hits below the belt and is enjoying it. I want to see you get back to the UK. Too many women have been prevented from doing so and have lived half-lives in Oz because of situations such as yours. Do what you have to do. Be strong, be clever. Live your life as you want to live it. And all the very best to you :-) (I'd better click Send now, before I delete it all again ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted March 3, 2009 Share Posted March 3, 2009 Very interesting burnett, not sure I could have continued doing that without ending up a mental institution and putting my child in more danger every day. I do see the method in the madness as you say. Yes you do have to be strong and I have to say it depends how much time you want to invest of your life with a situation that is sending you already in a state of depression. I see where your coming from I really do and I know what you mean . I did try that for a while and his family and the ex here they were not stupid and it is always in their mind you will leave them once back in the UK. Plus you have to be a good actress and be a saint to put up with the drunken behaviour as that will always be a worry for the child too. My ex would drink and drive with my child in the car and he would argue and shout at me when he was drunk even though I would not say a word. So it depends how much you can take. I do see what your saying though. Its worth a try but it did not work for me. Great if you can pull it off but with family behind them here some can see through it too, but worth a try. Have to say love the post and the honesty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burnett Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Hi Pommyoz .. yes, it's hard whichever way you go about it. The two women I know who came out best in the long run took an unorthodox route: they called it quits and consigned the children to the husband's custody. Both have good careers now, one has finally remarried. All their children are adults now, but absolutely dote on their mothers (and did so all the way through the years). They weighed their options and left their husbands (and both sets of solicitors) gob-smacked. Said ' Ok. You have the advantage so you have the kids ... and I'll be the one persuing you for visitation. You be the disciplinarian. You be the one who's resented by the kids. You be the breadwinner. You run them to school and sports, etc. You get up early in the mornings and stay up at night helping with the homework. You be the one to make them brush their teeth. You be the one with no social life. You be the one to sacrifice opportunities --- career, romantic, travel and other. You be the one struggling to make ends meet. And I'll be the one they can't wait to see in the holidays. ' Not for everyone. Not for many. But it certainly worked for those women. Their kids (and grandchildren) worship them. And their ex-husbands (both of whom are burnt-out stick-figures --- one of whom's remarried unsuccessfully twice) would have them back tomorrow if they could. Also know a woman who woke up to the fact that by holding like grim death to her child, she was handing her husband (and his family, and solicitors) a hammer to beat her with. She saw endless years of pain and struggle ahead as a single parent and knew she'd never really be free anyway, because her husband (and his solicitor) would have remote-control of her life until her child was at least in his mid-teens. As the custodial parent, she was answerable to any nonsense claim lodged by her ex-husband, yet the husband was free to enjoy his life as before, whereas her life was changed forever now she was a parent. The worst thing was, she had no say in her ex-husband's drinking during the time the child was with him. When the boy was about seven or eight, he innocently told his mother that his father had let him drive the car. The fuller explanation was that the father had sat the boy on his lap and let him steer, on the way home at night, after a long, boozy bar-b-que. The little boy's cousin, around same age, had been in the car at the time also and initially confirmed it -- said he'd 'had a turn at driving' too. By the time the husband's solicitor had finished with it, it was the mother, not the father, who was chastised and warned. She was accused of making the story up in an attempt to deny her ex-husband visitation. The little cousin (from ex-husband's side of the family) now 'couldn't remember' the car incident. And the woman's son was filled with guilt that he'd 'made trouble for Daddy'. After that, if his mother asked him what had transpired during his visitations with his father, he clammed up, became tearful and said ' I'm not supposed to talk to you about Daddy any more '. If the mother pushed for information, she felt and sounded like an inquistor, an ogre, a 'trouble-maker'. And her son heard lots about what a 'trouble-maker' she supposedly was, from the ex-husband's side of the family. So the child's loyalties were divided. He was miserable. Missed his 'fun' father, who had so much more to offer in a way. Over-worked, over-tired, constantly worried and living in a shoe-box with her son, the mother began to feel her son was distancing himself from her in favour of his father and father's family. Then her ex-husband's girlfriend began talking about 'getting custody' of the child. It came to a head when the mother had to spend a few days in hospital. During that time, her son stayed with a friend but somehow the ex-husband (who lived interstate) heard about it and flew up. Ill, at her wit's end and terrified he'd come to take her son, she phoned her ex-husband. When he came to see her, she broke down and found herself telling him she wished things could have stayed the way they were. She was shocked when her ex-husband said, ' It could go back to being that way if you wanted '. What she'd meant was, she wished things could go back to when she wasn't terrified of the postman (bills and solicitor's letters, etc.) -- back to when she wasn't afraid the moment she woke up -- back to when she was happy just being a mum. But she was so sick and broken by life that when her ex-husband suggested reconcilliation, she knew immediately it was the solution to so many problems: her husband's spiteful girlfriend and family, the cocky solicitors, the feeling she was losing her son, her non-status as a single parent, the struggle to work and be a good mother, etc. In many ways, the reconcilliation did solve a lot of the problems. Her husband still drank, although he tried a lot harder than he had before. She said that being a single parent had taught her acceptance. She accepted there were things about him she couldn't change, so ignored his faults as much as possible, kept busy, started a course at the TAFE with a view to future employment and possible single life. In the meantime, she at least was able to ensure he didn't endanger her son and she and her son had a better quality of life. She regarded the divorce as a 'frying pan to fire' situation that might have been better if she'd had a family or network behind her. People she knew had remarried after their divorce and seemed to be going through the same old problems with their new partner, with the added stress of step-children, dual visitation dramas every school holidays, new in-laws who compared them with their new partner's ex-wife and all sorts of problems (resentments, jealousies, acting out, etc) with the children of their combined families, in addition to financial stress related to child-support . Thing is, we can never return to being who we were (or the life, plans, etc. that we had) before we had children. And for women, that's particularly true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest milo2007 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 I am in excatly the same situation. I seperated from my husband in December who is also an Aussie. I moved here in 2003 and have a 4 year old and 1 year old and I am finding it hard. He was also a drinker so I have had to take out a protection order against him for now and I don't want my kids seeing him and he was bullying me. He hit me once and that was it, I left him. I am also worried if the courts let him start seeing the kids as I don't want him drinking around them. I am also here with no family. I have some great friends who didn't really socialise with my ex, so they have been a great support to me. Please email me anytime if you need to chat, I understand all you are going through Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Yes I think every situation is different. Leaving my ex husband was one of the best things that I could have done for everyones sake and to be honest my ex wanted me to abort our son and never wanted and still does not want the responsibility. My ex at 45 yrs old has always lived with his mum and so he wants to look the good father but is not. Now 5 years down the track he now enjoys paying $6 per week in CSA payment and wants orders changed so he can see out son less and does not want to have to pick or drop for his contact as he just want to get drunk. So I have to say IM sooo glad to be out of that sitation and im very proud of myself that I have not left my son to be looked after but a drunk full time. My son does not even like going to his dads every other week end. I have to ask why he even cares my son is here is it just to save face for others. i am a strong happy person and thank goodness im away from all the hassle its has taken alot to get to this stage but my son is worth it. Yes it may be hard a single parent but I was a single parent before with 2 kids , one was the drunk ex who acted like a teenager. So I suppose It depends how much self respect you have and how strong you are. Still a good post though.Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Hi there, are you happy here or do you want to return to uk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 You are very wise Burnett...It is true that the parent without custody has more rights than the parent who has custody and can more easily put the other parent down.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest milo2007 Posted March 4, 2009 Share Posted March 4, 2009 Hi there,are you happy here or do you want to return to uk I am happy here, although sometimes I feel it would be good to have my family here for support. I just see friends alot and I know a couple of mums in the same situation so see them quite a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest joeycola Posted March 5, 2009 Share Posted March 5, 2009 I can't begin to tell you how comforting it is to log on and see replies in this thread. THANK YOU! Although it's desperately sad to see that so many others are going through a similar nightmare. Wishful, thank you for your email address. I will email you soon as I would love to learn about your experiences. My lovely Mom is currently over from England for a month to give me a bit of moral support so as soon as she returns I will have more time up my sleeve to chat with my cyber buddies. Burnett, WOW!! Your post had me wide-eyed and enthralled. Certainly food for thought. Although I'd sooner gnaw off my own limbs than reconcile with my ex! Pommyoz, our situations are quite different. My ex keeps pushing for more and more contact with our daughter. He sees her 7 days per fortnight and he is now pushing for overnight visits (something which mortifies me due to his drinking). I just wish he had been this attentive towards her whilst we were married. Milo, is your hubby pushing to see the kids more? Or is he happy to have no contact? How on earth did we get ourselves into this mess ladies? So sad...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest milo2007 Posted March 6, 2009 Share Posted March 6, 2009 At the moment my husband has no contact due to the courts ordering a protection order. He has been summons to court next week. Some weeks he wants them and other weeks he doesn't. He does not know how to handle the kids, so for stability iI don't know if it is better that he doesn't have contact, although I don't want them resenting me. My biggest worry is the drinking. He had them for 5 days at the beginning of Feb and I found out he got in trouble with the police for drinking over that time (my kids were also with his family, so they were fine), even so they were his responsibility. I haven't had contact with him for 2 weeks now and it has been so good, no one playing mind games with me and phoning all the time. Lets see what happens next week. It is hard having no family but you have to be strong and just think of the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest scotty58 Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 Hi everyone, I'm fairly new to this forum and I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right section so please bear with me. I'm originally from the UK, moved out here in 1997. Married an Aussie and had a gorgeous baby girl a year ago. Hubby and I sadly separated as he has issues that I will no longer tolerate. My issues are that I now feel completely ALONE. Hubby's parents (whom I once loved) are obviously taking his side, mutual friends no longer call or feel awkward in my company. I only have a couple of friends who I could trust. My heart is now starting to yearn for England and my hubby is making my life hell with daily harassment and psychological bullying. He has made it clear (via his solicitor) that he wants my daughters passport in trust with the solicitor and if I want to holiday in England I have to, a) give him 3 months notice, b) put $5000 in trust, c) allow him to have the same amount of holiday time with my daughter upon her return from England (I have issues with allowing him overnight visits as he is a heavy drinker). So, I guess my question is, has anybody been through anything similar. Were you able to relocate back to the UK with your children and what were the implications. Thank you for any help you may be able to provide. I'm sinking into a big, black hole here..............................................:wacko: Hi, I will tell you what I did. I was in this position many years ago so I know what you are going through. I was married to an idiot. Anyway I went to a solicitor he gave me 3 options. Stay here, move inter state or take your kids without his knowledge. I took my 2 kids back to Scotland without his knowledge the best thing I ever did and it was right for me. Alot of people will be up in arms at this but it was my only choice. I walked away and left everything. Home , friends etc. It was really hard but looking back I should have done it years ago I had a 3 year old and a 12 year old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest shrop Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 I returned to the UK with my two young children (2 years and a 4 month old). Whilst on my planned holiday my husband visited. We seperated. He left early and I stayed. I couldn't see how I could return to Australia at that point and I didn't. He ordered the children's return through the Haigh convention (look this up). After High court appearances in Birmingham then London I was ordered back to Australia with my children. No consideration was given to their age and the situation we were been returned to. I would advise against returning with your daughter. It has worked against me in court. On my return from the UK the childrens passports were taken off me by the court and the children are on the Airport Watch List. I returned to a city that I had never lived in as I did not want to return to the country town I lived in with him. Be very careful and get good legal advice. If you get a good solicitor take their advice even if it is hard to do. The 50/50 parenting law is very powerful and though fair for most decent parents, could cause you problems if you have concerns over nightstays. I was breastfeeding my 7 month old at the time and this was overlooked when arranging visits in court. I am speaking from the point of view of a mother who was very isolated on a remote farm with no family and (turned out) a few friends I could trust. I know fathers have rights. I totally acknowledge that everybody's situations are different, mothers and fathers alike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 If the other parent is happy with you returning back to the UK with your children then do so. Otherwise the situation that shrop explains will happen through the hague convention law and your child will be taken from you in the UK and brought by the police back to Australia on a plane. Also there is a threat from the law of you abducting the child which they say can lead to a prison sentence , (not that I have known of this yet ??) that is what I was advised of when I did not want to return to OZ with my child but did as I was not willing to leave my child with a mental drunken father full time , it is hard yes it is, but once you accept this is where you live for NOW , it does get easier. My child is also on the airport watch list and I can not afford to go home for holidays to see my family anyway. Be careful !!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest funkymonkey Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 This is a very interesting and sad thread. How many women think about this type of thing when they marry and move to the other side of the world with their husband and then have children? I for one never thought about this until recently when myself and my husband were once again arguiing because i all of us to return to the UK (he is aussie). He has, up until now refused to go back but recently he has agreed and we have set a date for July 2010 or sooner depending on house sale etc.. I always thought that if i got too fed up here i would just go back to the UK with the kids and that would be that, i then found out that he could go to court and make me return here and i would have to stay...My in laws would have great pleasure in helping him with this too!! My marriage is good but it will be better when we get away from Australia as i have been so unhappy here and i believe all of our lives can be much happier in the UK. So until we touch down at Heathrow and the children start school and get settled into life in Britain i will not forget what could happen if we stayed in Australia. I am assuming that if we were living and settled in the UK and my husband and I split up he couldn't then force us back to Australia because he wanted to return??? Does anyone know this?? As i said we're ok at the moment but i'm looking on a practical level of what if one day this happens. Hope this post makes sense?:mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2tigers Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Geeeez! What a mess. So many of us on here. Please read my thread - http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/news-gossip-chat/47091-children-what-happens-if-you-your-partner-decide-go-home.html My situation is similar, yet different. I was accused of child abduction. On a GOOD note, I and my children are allowed to return to the UK next month, Apr 09. I don't come on here often, just pop in every now and again, so I wish you all luck in whatever happens. Just read the whole 5 pages in one shot, and had comments to make on some issues raised - 1) UK Passports, only need 1 parents signature, not 2. 2) Law 'Hague Convention' only takes affect if pursued within 12months. (if 1yr and 1 day, you will not be returned as child is seen as settled) 3) If both parents make a joint decision to return to UK, child becomes resident over night. If one parent decides to move back to AU, child does not have to go as child is now resident of UK. 4) There is an AU law regarding abuse. Under this law comes mental & financial abuse. If I could have done it all again, I would have been smarter. I would have spoken to less people about my thoughts too. I love Burnetts advice, and reconciliation and moving back to UK reads like a movie script, that would have been such a great way. Diary - I kept a diary from when my waters broke. I kept it to help me feel I wasn't going insane (my ex lied a lot & used mental abuse). Quotes and dates were used in court (I had over 11 day hearing) It was good to hear a barrister and Judge question my ex through my diary, and with so much information he couldn't lie as he would tie himself up too much. For me a diary was one of the best things I did do. My heart goes to those who are in the path I was not so long ago, but read my story and see - I am one of the few who gets to go home. It can happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burnett Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 ' If both parents make a joint decision to return to UK, child becomes resident over night. If one parent decides to move back to AU, child does not have to go as child is now resident of UK. ' Joeycola ... are you still reading ? If so, did you see the above information in the post immediately above this ? Hope you're faring ok :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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