Guest welcometomyworld Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 Thanks so much for your replies and support. Quoll, he hasn't made any direct threats and there is no domestic violence. He is however harassing me almost daily and making my life hell. Does pschological torture count? I haven't contacted any of the women's services thus far (wouldn't know where to start), I live in a small country town so there is not much in the way of support groups or help here. Spottymercedes, I am in the Hunter Valley, NSW a couple of hours from Newcastle. I live in a small town where everybody knows (or wants to know) your business. My hubby was born and bred here so everybody knows him and supports him (hence my isolation). I am taking legal advice and see my solicitor again on Friday. Hubby is a very controlling, manipulative person who always gets his own way so I feel bullied and steam-rollered into making decisions because of his pressure. First of all though, I have to reconcile myself to the fact that I am stuck here forever........... Stories like this are heart wrenching and I am sure in this forum you will receive some excellent advice. I can imagine that you are feeling extremely lonely and isloated away from family and friends and good luck with the solicitors on Friday. Just a thought! if the law is stating that you cant leave the country with your daughter, then why not as you are in Australia behave like an Australian, meaning, yes your marriage has broken down, yes your seeking legal advice, and therefore you ARE entitled to alimony etc etc. This will show your husband that you are strong and that you are ready to fight for justice and after 6/9 months of paying approx $2,000 per month (depending on the state) he might just want you out of his life if he thinks this is going to be a long term issue. Your a young mum with a young child dependant on the bread winner. Dont let the locals get you down, hopefully you have a car and you can go slightly further afield to obtain new friends. You are in Australia, and make the law work for you! Keep strong, thinking of you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tincan Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 My heart goes out to all of the mothers in dilemma in this thread, i cannot offer any concrete advice in your situations , but as a mother of three i relate to your heartache, regarding your children , keep a diary of all he say's and does , also if you can record all he says to you be it on a mobile or anything else you have to hand , dont let him see what you are doing , yes most drinkers (alcoholics) can control their behaviour when it suits and that may play well in front of an aussie family court , however if you have evidence no matter how small it could help , by all means play submissive to his demands , it makes him feel he is in control , and no matter how hard it seems it works (reverse psychology) tell him you've made a mistake , you were stupid (errr not) you had pmt whatever , but you have to do everything that goes against the grain in your head , to save your sanity and your kid's , as for the poster who went to Scotland good for you , but doesnt Scotland have Different legalaties as opposed to the UK ... so that may be a path worth looking at , and finding a good lawyer who can worm through the legalities out here , i mean find loopholes and not just read through books (i have experience of this being done to us ) and be willing to go for it on the part of the children and mother , at the end of the day you have gotta do what free's you all from this nightmare ..... shirl x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest welcometomyworld Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 My heart goes out to all of the mothers in dilemma in this thread, i cannot offer any concrete advice in your situations , but as a mother of three i relate to your heartache, regarding your children , keep a diary of all he say's and does , also if you can record all he says to you be it on a mobile or anything else you have to hand , dont let him see what you are doing , yes most drinkers (alcoholics) can control their behaviour when it suits and that may play well in front of an aussie family court , however if you have evidence no matter how small it could help , by all means play submissive to his demands , it makes him feel he is in control , and no matter how hard it seems it works (reverse psychology) tell him you've made a mistake , you were stupid (errr not) you had pmt whatever , but you have to do everything that goes against the grain in your head , to save your sanity and your kid's , as for the poster who went to Scotland good for you , but doesnt Scotland have Different legalaties as opposed to the UK ... so that may be a path worth looking at , and finding a good lawyer who can worm through the legalities out here , i mean find loopholes and not just read through books (i have experience of this being done to us ) and be willing to go for it on the part of the children and mother , at the end of the day you have gotta do what free's you all from this nightmare ..... shirl x yes great advice except Scotland is the UK hence the Hague Convention. In matters of Immigration and child custody this is governed by London for the UK I still maintain that this dear person should make the Australian law WORK for her. My sister in law comes from Scotland and met and married an Australian and unfortunately the same scenario. She fled and she was demanded back with the children, she chose to ignore this and social workers were literally pulling her children out of her hands. It is absolutely devastating for all concerned. So I still maintain be strong, and make sure you obtain every benefit that you are entitlted to. I would also "shop" around for a good lawyer, in my experience they all have different opinions and one needs to have someone with a reputation of family law who succeeds on behalf of his/her client eg. get a right b****d/B*******ch of a lawyer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest welcometomyworld Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 PS I forgot to add that my parents were very careful NOt to take sides, they took this girl into the family also for better and worse, they are fortunate in that they see the bigger picture that ultimately they want their grand children to enjoy both sets of grandparents and both countries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 So sorry to hear this. The Family Court is all about the child and not about the parents in custody, and what is the best interests of the child and usually that is that the child has contact with both parents. Unfortunately you need deep pockets for custody battles. I do not know about where you live but know that in Victoria not a lot of legal aid around and if there is a lot of solicitors do not take on legal aid cases. I know this is not what you want to hear but make sure you know exactly what you are getting into with solicitors and the likely costs. Have you had any counselling or mediation, have a word with the Family Court and see what your options are. They should be able to point you in the right directions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest22466 Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 In my case the father had the legal right to live back in the UK as we BOTH have more family and friends in the UK. It is not always in the childs best interests to have contact with both parents for other issues that sometimes you can not prove or the courts dismiss. In my situation my sons father after winning the relocation case now five years down the track is taking me back to court for less time, care, and financial support for his son it has been 5 years of hell for my son and I. The Australian ATO and CSA ($6 per week) are not working in the best inerests of the child either.......my son does not want to go for contact as his father as he does not enjoy his time there wether it is becuase his father is a big drinker and is verbally abusive as he was within the marriage. I agree there are fathers who do the right thing and life is made easier for the primary carer and the child. Life would be better for my son in the UK and if his father wanted to live there as I life here on my own that it would be up to him. I know my sons father would not live back in the UK as he lives here with his mother and life is easy with his family here too. My ex kept the marital home in Australia and I had to sell my home back in the UK to pay for the deciined relocation case so now we rent and move from rental to rental ,,,,,,,,best interests of the child uummmm Ive not touched on the points of how hard it is to bring up a child in another country on your own without the help and support of family and friends and the ex and his bullying family have now lost interest........If your going to keep the primary carer captive in Australia then at least do the right thing by your children not just to get back at the ex for leaving you..........he has been offered 50/50 custody but he does not want it as it does not suit his lifestyle uummmm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest joeycola Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 ' Joeycola ... are you still reading ? Hi Burnett, Yes, I'm still reading! Although I am starting to be a bit more 'selective' about what I post as you never know who is reading! I'm faring OK, thank you. 2tigers, Congratulations on your win! You must be over the moon to be able to return home with the kids. I'd love to hear your story and how you managed to do this - could you PM me? Welcometomyworld, My ex pays a fairly substantial amount of child support (although not quite $2000). I sometimes think that he wants my daughter as much as possible so that he can 'get his moneys worth'. Pommyoz. $6 per week maintenance is an absolute insult. I don't understand why he doesn't pay you more? The CSA system is crazy. Tincan, Yes, I've learned the art of submission. I only hope my endeavors pay off! Petals, we have just completed our mediation. It was gruelling and involved 3 lots of 3 hour sessions. I was mentally exhausted by the end and found myself agreeing to things just because he had bullied and pushed me into it. During the sessions he was obnoxious, intimidating, vile and rude. I think even the mediator was insulted by his behaviour. To cut a long story short, he has got his overnights (commencing in June). I have insisted that the parenting plan dictate that he cannot drink whilst my daughter is in his care. He was not happy with this but it was something that I was absolutely resolute about. I will ask my solicitor to make the parenting plan a consent order (does anybody know how long this takes and how much is costs)? My ex has also agreed to 'allow' me to move away from this vile little town, so I am looking for rental properties on the coast. Sadly, he intimated that he would also be moving to this particular coastal town "so that he can see more of his daughter". More like so that he can continue to bully, stalk and intimidate me. Grrrrr...:mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest welcometomyworld Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Joeycola, underneath your dispair is a strong woman with a great sense of humour, hang in there girl, I am sorry I can't advise you because I havent got the experience but moving to another town sounds better, at least you can start afresh and make new friends hopefully, and yu can do things more on your terms as well. My thoughts are with you x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2tigers Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I've PM'd you ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Marie & David Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 I hope this message fines you well, I do feel very sorry for you, I have freind in the same boat in the UK and she has started writing a diary of all contact with the ex, so every time he phones, texts, write it down times, dates and write down what is said both you and him, this will help you case with custody, to show the courts, if he emails save it on hard copy, also if you have any old bills from when drinks was bought into home, also any photos of him holding the baby when he had a drink, also if you feel the baby would be in danger in your ex's care, then you most phone children servises, and get all the help that is out there, gloves off, you need to protect you and your baby. Marie good luck you have all of us on your side:mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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