ayatollah Posted February 8, 2022 Share Posted February 8, 2022 This is quite a strange one but trying to evaluate options. I may have the opportunity, next year, to move to Hobart, but my wife has a lot of things that need to fall in place. One of which being that she wants to be back in NI for the NI summer. Has anyone come across anyone that has been able to work with split schooling such as this? Any advice? Note - This will not be a nail in the coffin of the move if it isn't feasible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 8, 2022 Share Posted February 8, 2022 You mean you want the kids to take time out of school June/July/August? Every year? Possible. Education in Australia isn't as draconian and people travel and take their kids out all the time - absenteeism is quite a problem which is relatively unmonitored. What you could do, if you thought that their education would suffer is enrol them in distance ed for your state - one of the criteria is travel (I assume Tasmania is the same as all the other states) for the period you are away. However you won't want to do that if the kids are in yrs 11/12 because that would be a substantial chunk out of a critical period (kids 16/17). Or could she go back to NI and leave the kids with you in Hobart so their education isn't disrupted? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayatollah Posted February 8, 2022 Author Share Posted February 8, 2022 Yeah, that's pretty much it. The kids are 9 & 6 so not really critical years yet. I definitely wouldn't want the kids to miss out on their education and the idea would be that the whole family comes back for 3 months in the year. It's not ideal, just working through all the scenarios, but distance learning would be an interesting avenue. We did it for a whole year anyway in Covid! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 8, 2022 Share Posted February 8, 2022 21 minutes ago, ayatollah said: Yeah, that's pretty much it. The kids are 9 & 6 so not really critical years yet. I definitely wouldn't want the kids to miss out on their education and the idea would be that the whole family comes back for 3 months in the year. It's not ideal, just working through all the scenarios, but distance learning would be an interesting avenue. We did it for a whole year anyway in Covid! https://www.tasmanianeschool.education.tas.edu.au Bit more structured than the covid homeschooling although UK did that better than Aus from what I observed. They're used to distance ed stuff in Aus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) This isn't what you're asking, but this worries me. I recall you saying, on these forums, that you've been trying to convince your wife to move to Australia for years. Now it sounds as though she's been worn down by your constant nagging and has agreed to move, on condition that she can spend every NI summer in NI. Obviously, she can't do that for more than two or three years as your eldest is 9, so what happens after that? If you're one of those people who's convinced that once your wife experiences life in Australia, she'll embrace it and happily stay forever, don't bank on it. Strange though it seems, some people are much, much happier in their homeland and loathe living overseas, no matter how much of a paradise the other country is. Often, their partner browbeats them into staying "for the sake of the kids" so they soldier on, absolutely miserable, growing to resent their partner for what he's done to them. The result is depression, broken marriages and even suicide - and no, I'm not over-dramatising, you''ll find examples on these very forums. Obviously that doesn't necessarily describe how your wife feels, but do ask yourself - are you sure she is really happy to go, or is she just making a sacrifice to make you happy, or because you've sold her the myth of "it's a better life for the kids? Edited February 9, 2022 by Marisawright 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 1 hour ago, Marisawright said: This isn't what you're asking, but this worries me. I recall you saying, on these forums, that you've been trying to convince your wife to move to Australia for years. Now it sounds as though she's been worn down by your constant nagging and has agreed to move, on condition that she can spend every NI summer in NI. Obviously, she can't do that for more than two or three years as your eldest is 9, so what happens after that? If you're one of those people who's convinced that once your wife experiences life in Australia, she'll embrace it and happily stay forever, don't bank on it. Strange though it seems, some people are much, much happier in their homeland and loathe living overseas, no matter how much of a paradise the other country is. Often, their partner browbeats them into staying "for the sake of the kids" so they soldier on, absolutely miserable, growing to resent their partner for what he's done to them. The result is depression, broken marriages and even suicide - and no, I'm not over-dramatising, you''ll find examples on these very forums. Obviously that doesn't necessarily describe how your wife feels, but do ask yourself - are you sure she is really happy to go, or is she just making a sacrifice to make you happy, or because you've sold her the myth of "it's a better life for the kids? WOW, accusing someone of their ''constant nagging''' is a bit over the top and actually borderline nasty when you don't even know this member ,a relatively new one at that.. (Unless of course you do know them off the forum and know this has been happening, in which case apologies).. Cal x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 14 minutes ago, calNgary said: WOW, accusing someone of their ''constant nagging''' is a bit over the top and actually borderline nasty when you don't even know this member ,a relatively new one at that. I'm deliberatley playing devil's advocate here. If it's not the case, then I'm sure the OP will tell me I don't need to worry. If it strikes a nerve, then maybe there's a kernel of truth there. I've just seen too many sad stories here on PomsinOz not to mention it. To one partner, it might seem that they've spent years gently "trying to convince". But to the other partner it feels like, "he/she never stops going on about.....". Eventually, they say, "OK if it makes you happy" even though it's not what they want. As you know, migration is a big undertaking even when you're both looking forward to it. If one is even slightly reluctant, it can turn to ashes. Edited February 9, 2022 by Marisawright 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 35 minutes ago, calNgary said: WOW, accusing someone of their ''constant nagging''' is a bit over the top and actually borderline nasty when you don't even know this member ,a relatively new one at that.. (Unless of course you do know them off the forum and know this has been happening, in which case apologies).. Cal x In previous posts the OP has stated that his wife enjoyed her holiday in Hobart but on returning home said she didn't want to live there .......................... that was 10 years ago. Now they have 2 children and she will come as long as she and the children can return to the UK every summer. Sounds like she still isn't very sure. Hope the OP has a good job here as it will be costly to return every year with 2 children. Good luck to them anyway. Edited February 9, 2022 by Toots 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 9, 2022 Share Posted February 9, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Toots said: In previous posts the OP has stated that his wife enjoyed her holiday in Hobart but on returning home said she didn't want to live there .......................... that was 10 years ago. Now they have 2 children and she will come as long as she and the children can return to the UK every summer. Sounds like she still isn't very sure. Hope the OP has a good job here as it will be costly to return every year with 2 children. Good luck to them anyway. Even finding a job which will let you be away for 3 months a year will be a bit of a challenge. Most of us make do with 20 days rec leave! Not sure too many employers would be happy with 60 days rec leave. Hadn't read past posts but I would say you and Marisawright are bang on the money there! Edited February 9, 2022 by Quoll Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayatollah Posted February 10, 2022 Author Share Posted February 10, 2022 Wow, I came back to check on this thread and that's quite the discourse! I was looking to convince my wife to move a number of years ago, and she even said yes! I pulled the plug because I knew that she wasn't ready. It hasn't come up since then. In the past couple of years, I've made a contact in Australia and have been working on projects with them. There now may be the opportunity to move over to do even more lucrative work, but it still comes with the realisation that it may not be right, who knows how any of us feel in the future? We are looking to evaluate all options to see if it could be done. If we move, I will have a lucrative job waiting for me, where I am my own boss and can decide if I want to take 3 months back home. Working from home on the job is entirely possible anyway. If this is to happen the money needs to be right as well. It may only be for 4-5 years anyway and I would hope to be able bring family members over to help with some of the home-sickness. This has been a very judgemental experience, accusing me of constant nagging is almost upsetting. Sometimes opportunities arise that are hard to turn down. I'm also on the fence and need to be convinced it is the right move, now I have kids it will be hard to take them away from their grandparents and friends. So, we are assessing our options and would have thought there would be a bit more of a convivial chat about this...I'd hope this isn't the general welcome people receive. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toots Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 3 minutes ago, ayatollah said: Wow, I came back to check on this thread and that's quite the discourse! I was looking to convince my wife to move a number of years ago, and she even said yes! I pulled the plug because I knew that she wasn't ready. It hasn't come up since then. In the past couple of years, I've made a contact in Australia and have been working on projects with them. There now may be the opportunity to move over to do even more lucrative work, but it still comes with the realisation that it may not be right, who knows how any of us feel in the future? We are looking to evaluate all options to see if it could be done. If we move, I will have a lucrative job waiting for me, where I am my own boss and can decide if I want to take 3 months back home. Working from home on the job is entirely possible anyway. If this is to happen the money needs to be right as well. It may only be for 4-5 years anyway and I would hope to be able bring family members over to help with some of the home-sickness. This has been a very judgemental experience, accusing me of constant nagging is almost upsetting. Sometimes opportunities arise that are hard to turn down. I'm also on the fence and need to be convinced it is the right move, now I have kids it will be hard to take them away from their grandparents and friends. So, we are assessing our options and would have thought there would be a bit more of a convivial chat about this...I'd hope this isn't the general welcome people receive. What visa will you have? Of course we hope it all works out for you but we have read too many very sad stories on this forum from people whose dream has turned into a nightmare. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisawright Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, ayatollah said: This has been a very judgemental experience, accusing me of constant nagging is almost upsetting. It's not unreasonable for us to look back at your past history here so we can be helpful. Reading your old posts, you actually said you'd been trying to convince your wife "for years and were making slow progress" - well, no matter how you gently you think you were doing it, you were wearing her down. And yes your wife was keen for a while after your visit to Hobart, but reading the post about that occasion, she was blowing hot and cold, and then when you found out you were pregnant, you seemed pretty certain she wouldn't agree to a move with a child ("the dream might be over" you said). So she certainly didn't sound as though she'd move if it wasn't for you, and given all the broken marriages we've seen on these forums, perhaps we're a bit over-sensitive about that kind of situation. I'm glad to hear we've got the wrong end of the stick. I hope it works out for you. Edited February 10, 2022 by Marisawright 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted February 10, 2022 Share Posted February 10, 2022 39 minutes ago, Marisawright said: It's not unreasonable for us to look back at your past history here so we can be helpful. Reading your old posts, you actually said you'd been trying to convince your wife "for years and were making slow progress" - well, no matter how you gently you think you were doing it, you were wearing her down. And yes your wife was keen for a while after your visit to Hobart, but reading the post about that occasion, she was blowing hot and cold, and then when you found out you were pregnant, you seemed pretty certain she wouldn't agree to a move with a child ("the dream might be over" you said). So she certainly didn't sound as though she'd move if it wasn't for you, and given all the broken marriages we've seen on these forums, perhaps we're a bit over-sensitive about that kind of situation. I'm glad to hear we've got the wrong end of the stick. I hope it works out for you. There you go again with your presumptions !!! You do NOT KNOW the wife was being nagged, you do NOT know she was worn down. You do NOT know this family or poster yet are accusing them of nagging and making them feel bad, all from reading a short 10 YEAR OLD post. They have let you know they were upset by your original comments, yet you are still trying to justify them. Lots change in 10 years as you well know and as the poster has said. A simple sorry, my bad i didn't intend to upset you would have been adequate, (along with any advice asked for in the OP). Cal x 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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