Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Hi everyone. Im new here but found this site after desperately searching for some info on poms who have moved back to uk. I am 41, 2 beautiful kids born here in oz, age 5 and 6 and my partner is English. We emigrated here 9 years ago but I have also spent many years here before this on different visas and fell in love with oz. My problem is that now I have children I really miss family and friends. My bigger problem is my partner absolutely loves his life here. I am trying to work things out, things like, Schools back in UK, anyone have advice for me about settling kids in? Houses - should/could we rent our oz house out Weather- I dream of a crisp autumn day rugged up walking through the country but is this a rose tinted glasses dream? My partner has had cancer here, our kids were 2 and 3 and it nearly broke me coping with his hospitalisation and illnesd alone. We live 3 hours from Brisbane Hospital in beautiful northern NSW. But I know I couldn't face another family illness without family and old, true friends. Not my only reason for homesick ness but a biggy! Heading back to uk for 6 weeks for a holiday, cannot wait. Id really love to hear from anyone who has moved back to UK, good bad and ugly, I need to understand it all. Been here nearly 10 years this time. It would be great to hear from anyone who had to convince their OH to go and how the move went? My kids would move anywhere, theyre young enough and not particulary settled in too much. Not typical aussies, red hair, don't like the beach etc.. . Thank you so much for any thoughts, opinions and advice. My heart is heavy and I'm really appreciative of help. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Firstly welcome to the forum. There are many members who have been in the same situation as you so hopefully they will be along soon to answer some of your questions. I really do understand about your husbands cancer and you feeling alone. Both myself and my husband are both unwell and at only 44 I do wonder how we are going to manage. We moved to the Lockyer Valley from Cairns and Townsville as I need an op every 3 months but we are still a 3 hour round trip away from the hospital and simple things like someone to pick my youngest up from school (we aren't on a bus route) is really hard going. Plus like you say it's having a support network you miss. All I can do do now is send you lots of hugs :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martinbjulieb Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Hi, so sorry to hear about the difficulties you had with illness, it is so hard with no one to support you. We are not back in the UK yet but have started the process. We have been here 9 years, kids 13 and 11 and we are slightly older than you. We don't know where we will move yet, job dependent so can't help you with the school thing. We have been talking about going back on and off for a couple of years but decided we would for definite at the beginning of this year, then we had a 3 week holiday in the U.K. and that pretty much sealed the deal for us. We were barely out of Manchester when we found a lovely country pub, English fish and chips all round....heaven!! I am sure that you, like us will come back from your holiday and start planning the move! Perhaps when your partner gets to the UK on holiday he may change his mind and be happy to move! Our reasons for the move are pretty much the same as you described and the majority of the people who are on this forum often feel the same. Good luck, have a great holiday and let us know how you go[emoji4] Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evets Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Cazza and Pom Queen, sorry to hear about your health issues and so so young Really put's things into prospective as we get older! Cazza, if you have a family network and support back in the UK then personally I would consider it. The NHS is still a good option and from what I understand certain thing's have been ticked off the AU medicare boxes for cancer treatment. Not sure how if you have private health care and if you would be covered for treatment. Your partner is English, would he prefer to be in Australia in case the worst happens or be closer to his family? Think about what part of the UK you may consider moving back too and job opportunities. Can he still work or does he need to still have ongoing treatment. Does he have a job at the moment that is providing sick leave and at least an income and insurance, worst case scenario. Some other questions/scenarios: If you have private healthcare here, is it a global company. I know my friend when he first emigrated here was with Bupa in the UK and had medical conditions and transferred his policy Bupa UK to Bupa AU and had no wait times or conditions imposed. If the NHS is not sufficient and you need to take out private healthcare in the UK, would you be covered or penalised for the cancer. How far would you be from a hospital or doctor, if an emergency happened. My Dad is diabetic and his treatment is fully covered and gets disability allowance. He has a new car every 3 years as he is disabled. It appears to me he is better off not working due to the benefits he gets. Not sure what it is like in Australia. As to some of your questions: House: Do you have enough equity in it, can you afford to sell it, would renting it out cover the mortgage. Are you looking to buy when you move back to the UK. Can you afford to rent it out and buy in the UK. Would medical bills mean not being to get back on the housing market in the UK without selling up in AU? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 W moved back after 8 years in WA and arrived home in March this year. It it has for us being a very positive experience. We live in the country in a nice little cottage and are financially better off, even though I earn less. However, I urge some caution. When moving in either direction it is important that both parties are fully on board. I would urge you not to try to persuade. You need to sit down as a couple and discuss it. You need to be very clear and blunt and try to treat it almost as a business meeting to keep emotional play out of it, though of course you will need to tell him about how you feel emotionally. I wish you luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 W moved back after 8 years in WA and arrived home in March this year. It it has for us being a very positive experience. We live in the country in a nice little cottage and are financially better off, even though I earn less. However, I urge some caution. When moving in either direction it is important that both parties are fully on board. I would urge you not to try to persuade. You need to sit down as a couple and discuss it. You need to be very clear and blunt and try to treat it almost as a business meeting to keep emotional play out of it, though of course you will need to tell him about how you feel emotionally. I wish you luck. I do agree with you about talking it through with partners. I want to stay here until the end whereas Cerberus would prefer to be closer to family for support. It's a very hard choice for anyone to make. I know we sat down and talked it through a while back and again just recently but I know my two older boys wouldn't go back and even though I don't see them often to me and them Australia is home. However, I do feel guilty with my choices as its my husband who is pushing me around in a wheelchair, doing all the driving, cooking and cleaning and he has Parkinson's. Thankfully his is controlled with medication but I can see very soon we are both going to be in a chair and I can't expect my youngest to be our carer so we are going to have to think again. I just hope it's in a few years. All I can say is don't put pressure on your relationship as you both need each other so much right now. Enjoy your holiday in the UK don't let on to your husband you are also using it as a fact finding mission as it will put pressure on you both. Maybe once he sees what support there is back home he may come around to your way of thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 The going back - or, perhaps you should say, the moving on - is easy. The hard bit is when one of you is desperate to leave and the other really really doesn't want to! That's the hurdle you are going to have to leap first before you can move on. That's the one that has caused more marital discord and even splitting from posts on here. All the best in your discussions for your way forward! Our scenario isn't like yours but moving to UK has been awesome for me - I'm planning on returning to Australia because I have said I will when my parents die - but I do wish we had done it earlier Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Thanks for your reply @Thepomqueen. Sorry to hear you have health issues too. it's almost impossible to manage being so far from the hospital. I was probably lucky that I could put the kids in daycare by 7am, drive 3 hours to Brisbane to spend the day with Andy then drive 3 hours back to collect them by 6pm. it was so hard but you go onto auto pilot. Now he's n the mend, back at work and I have 1 in school, it's really started to dawn on me how 'on our own' we are. We have some nice friends but nothing deep. Thanks for the hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Thank you suesmalls. I am hoping the exact same thing, that OH can see a life back there on our trip home. its not til next Easter but it should come round soon enough. We are from Yorkshire so I know it won't take long to find a good pub and fish n chips...... cannot wait!!! I'll et you know how we go, keep everything crossed that yorkshire steels his heart again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Thanks verystormy, I agree. We have sat down and both given our reasons for staying/going. it breaks my heart as I can see how devastated he is to even think about moving back. He can't talk anymore at the mo as he doesn't want it to 'be real'. It has come as a shock to him as I have always been such an oz fan. We met on the way out here, we were both emigrating independently so neither had to push the other and i honestly never thought this day would come but it has, I'm a mum now and have been through some big stuff out here. I need my people around me going into 50's 60's and beyond and I'm very lucky to have great mates at home and a beautiful mum. Thank you for your advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Thanks so much for your advice. Its hard for me not to push the holiday into a reccie but you're right, the smarter thing to do would be to let him just see the support and love we have there. Life gets tough when illness strikes, I can understand how your decision would be a tough one too. Hope it works out for us both Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Thanks Quoll, I like how you put that. 'Moving on' rather than 'going back'. Yes, thats my hurdle for surr, made worse by having such a top bloke who would do anything to make me happy. He said it would be easier for him to move back than me live here this unhappy. This isn't a done deal though as I have to consider his life and my kids and really know that uprooting our life here is best for all. could be a disaster if i end up the only happy one. Tough decisions ahead, lots more talking and compromising..... Can i ask how your actual move was? I know it would be hard work but did you rent/sell a house in oz, ship a car or container and how was it finding a place to rent/buy back home? Thanks Quoll Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 H sues, We don't have private health care here, everything was done public. Back home i would imagine NHS would pick up where we leave things. He's checked every 6 months now, they're onitoring a couple of small lumps but don't eem worried. We have been very lucky. He was off work for 2 years, hes a srlf employed builder so it crippled us financially. No sick pay. I founded a charity whilst going through our nightmare (yes im crazy!!!) but i saw a huge need for accommodation for regional and rural families with a loved one in hospital far from home, and also saw an awful lot of empty hotel rooms. So I started a charity, raised money and started buying empty hotel rooms near cuty hospitals, 3 years on it is winning awards and has become an essential service through several city hospitals. Problem is, it doesn't pay me hardly anything, for 2 years I worked voluntary. I absolutely love my work but now, even that isnt enough for me. OH work is picking up again now, he doesnt want to be back on building sites in the uk in -5degrees which i can understand. His life insurance would be the trickiest thing, as we had a policy already here, we had to amend it, premiums went up but what can you do? Not sure he would get covered in uk? We have some equity in our house, enough for a decent deposit back home. I would rather rent back home and keep house for a yesr though incase we decided to pong or ping??? What would your advice be. We could almost cover mortgage from rent. but no, we could not buy over there and keep here. I am a hairdresser by trade but have been thown into the corporate/not for profit world for the last 3 year where i have gained some incredible experience, I have absolutely no idea how my CV is going to read! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Thanks verystormy, I agree. We have sat down and both given our reasons for staying/going. it breaks my heart as I can see how devastated he is to even think about moving back. He can't talk anymore at the mo as he doesn't want it to 'be real'. It has come as a shock to him as I have always been such an oz fan. We met on the way out here, we were both emigrating independently so neither had to push the other and i honestly never thought this day would come but it has, I'm a mum now and have been through some big stuff out here. I need my people around me going into 50's 60's and beyond and I'm very lucky to have great mates at home and a beautiful mum. Thank you for your advice It is never easy in this situation. I was the one who initially pushed for the move back, but for us it was pure practical and although my wife wasn't initially keen as she both fell in love with WA and we had just built our own dream home, she realized the practicality and that in real terms we had no choice - we would have had to sell the house or lose it to the bank if we stayed anyway. Now she is very happy back. She adores the countryside and life we have. There will times we will both miss WA, but, I don't think either of us would entertain the idea of going back even for a holiday. It just seems too distant now. Not in the physical sense, but emotionally. We have been there and done it and it is falling into memory rather than part of life. All I can say is you need t keep talking and expressing your thoughts. Not badgering, but agreed regular sit down talks. Have the conversation that you are having with us and tell him your thoughts and fears. It is also very normal for people once they have children to think of returning and it is probably one of the biggest circumstances for doing so. At the same time you need to go through with him what his reasons are for wanting to stay. I personally, have never understood the big emotional pull of Oz, or anywhere else really other than the UK as that is home. He may have fears over things that can be examined and looked at such as work or career Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martinbjulieb Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 We hail from Yorkshire too, though not necessarily going back there. Whereabouts are you from? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 The charity sounds a wonderful idea @Cazza1404 you will have to let me know more info as most of the people I have met in hospital have been rural and struggled, most like us have had to sell up and move closer. Although I suppose our 3 hour round trip still isn't close but it's better than a flight down all the time and going through everything alone as your children still have to go to school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 We hail from Yorkshire too, though not necessarily going back there. Whereabouts are you from? We're from Leeds Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 The charity sounds a wonderful idea @Cazza1404 you will have to let me know more info as most of the people I have met in hospital have been rural and struggled, most like us have had to sell up and move closer. Although I suppose our 3 hour round trip still isn't close but it's better than a flight down all the time and going through everything alone as your children still have to go to school. its called Heartfelt Homes, http://www.heartfelthomes.org.au ❤ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 Sorry to all if I'm not replying properly, just figuring the buttons out. I eally do appreciate your thoughts and advice, thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robfromdublin Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 I have absolutely no idea how my CV is going to read! Founded an award-winning charity while going through the toughest time of your life thousands of miles away from the majority of your support network? I think a lot of employers would think pretty highly of you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robfromdublin Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 I just jumped on your charity's website and see that you've been nominated for a Pride of Australia medal! It's really good to know that there are fundamentally decent people in the world, especially after what's happened this week in the states. Thanks for the reminder, it's actually made me a little emotional! I can't help with any advice on your dilemma but have sent your charity a small donation. All the best with your decision x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunbury61 Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Hi everyone. Im new here but found this site after desperately searching for some info on poms who have moved back to uk. I am 41, 2 beautiful kids born here in oz, age 5 and 6 and my partner is English. We emigrated here 9 years ago but I have also spent many years here before this on different visas and fell in love with oz. My problem is that now I have children I really miss family and friends. My bigger problem is my partner absolutely loves his life here. I am trying to work things out, things like, Schools back in UK, anyone have advice for me about settling kids in? Houses - should/could we rent our oz house out Weather- I dream of a crisp autumn day rugged up walking through the country but is this a rose tinted glasses dream? My partner has had cancer here, our kids were 2 and 3 and it nearly broke me coping with his hospitalisation and illnesd alone. We live 3 hours from Brisbane Hospital in beautiful northern NSW. But I know I couldn't face another family illness without family and old, true friends. Not my only reason for homesick ness but a biggy! Heading back to uk for 6 weeks for a holiday, cannot wait. Id really love to hear from anyone who has moved back to UK, good bad and ugly, I need to understand it all. Been here nearly 10 years this time. It would be great to hear from anyone who had to convince their OH to go and how the move went? My kids would move anywhere, theyre young enough and not particulary settled in too much. Not typical aussies, red hair, don't like the beach etc.. . Thank you so much for any thoughts, opinions and advice. My heart is heavy and I'm really appreciative of help. Thank you England is England ...still too much traffic ...crap weather ,but getting better ....overcrowded ...too many people not enough houses ....BUT all in all ,with a few quid in your pocket ,and living in a decent area ,probably the bed country in the world to live . No extremes of weather I don't have to drive 30 mins for a bottle of milk or a beer . NHS is very good ,if not pushed to the limit . Area dependent ...but education is good. I live in the west midlands ,so sun and sea is out of the question ...BUT...birmingham airport is only 15 mins from me ... No 10 out 10s ....but everything In the u.k scores Life is pretty good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Thanks Quoll, I like how you put that. 'Moving on' rather than 'going back'. Yes, thats my hurdle for surr, made worse by having such a top bloke who would do anything to make me happy. He said it would be easier for him to move back than me live here this unhappy. This isn't a done deal though as I have to consider his life and my kids and really know that uprooting our life here is best for all. could be a disaster if i end up the only happy one. Tough decisions ahead, lots more talking and compromising..... Can i ask how your actual move was? I know it would be hard work but did you rent/sell a house in oz, ship a car or container and how was it finding a place to rent/buy back home? Thanks Quoll The actual move was an accident - arrived with backpacks for son's wedding 5 years ago now and not returned. Other son has had a series of disasters over those 5 years but is living in our house which was partially renovated when we left. We have had the odd visit and each time have decluttered quite significantly but the son has manfully cluttered it with his stuff (sigh!). We will return to the house when my parents die but at the moment we are squatting in the parents' spare room and have done for 5 years because first mum and, now, dad require support (they are almost 93!). Have backpack will travel - it seems to go in our family! I sort of did it when I met the DH on a holiday to Aus then our son came to UK for "a year" 14 years ago, then us! The DH did pack 3 boxes I think but that was an expensive disaster - they took 6 months to arrive and, by the time they did, we didn't need any of the stuff anyway! Edited to say, my Aussie husband was NEVER EVER going to live in UK again because he would be depressed if he did ...... 5 years on he is like a pig in muck but I think that is partly because I haven't clanged the jail doors shut on him and told him I won't be returning Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 11, 2016 Share Posted November 11, 2016 Hi everyone. Im new here but found this site after desperately searching for some info on poms who have moved back to uk. I am 41, 2 beautiful kids born here in oz, age 5 and 6 and my partner is English. We emigrated here 9 years ago but I have also spent many years here before this on different visas and fell in love with oz. My problem is that now I have children I really miss family and friends. My bigger problem is my partner absolutely loves his life here. I am trying to work things out, things like, Schools back in UK, anyone have advice for me about settling kids in? Houses - should/could we rent our oz house out Weather- I dream of a crisp autumn day rugged up walking through the country but is this a rose tinted glasses dream? My partner has had cancer here, our kids were 2 and 3 and it nearly broke me coping with his hospitalisation and illnesd alone. We live 3 hours from Brisbane Hospital in beautiful northern NSW. But I know I couldn't face another family illness without family and old, true friends. Not my only reason for homesick ness but a biggy! Heading back to uk for 6 weeks for a holiday, cannot wait. Id really love to hear from anyone who has moved back to UK, good bad and ugly, I need to understand it all. Been here nearly 10 years this time. It would be great to hear from anyone who had to convince their OH to go and how the move went? My kids would move anywhere, theyre young enough and not particulary settled in too much. Not typical aussies, red hair, don't like the beach etc.. . Thank you so much for any thoughts, opinions and advice. My heart is heavy and I'm really appreciative of help. Thank you I think what you are experiencing is quite normal, having children connects us with our own families and childhoods and it is natural to want to be back there if it was a good experience. The tricky thing is knowing whether the fantasy will be matched by the reality & actually a 6 week holiday can make it even harder to know. A lot of people experience when they go back for a holiday that everyone is delighted to see them, chores and regular commitments are put to one side and of course you're not working, have a bit of money to spend etc. and everyone has a wonderful time. So in your mind that's exactly what it would be like if you moved back and the reality for some people is that life has moved on for everyone whilst they were away - & 10 years is a long time & they don't quite fit back in. The reality is you can never go back, it will be different than it was before - knowing whether that is something better than you have is the difficult part. I spent 5 years in Australia, illness was a significant part of my decision, not quite as serious as other people on this thread but i was diagnosed with RA and put on a strong cocktail of drugs including a chemotherapy drug. It made travel difficult as with my immune system suppressed I picked up anything going. on a trip back to the UK I ended up hospitalised and that was really the turning point in moving back (it honestly hadn't crossed my mind before then). Rather than having a great time on holiday, I had the worst time ever but I had people around me truly caring in a way that I didn't in Australia. It's the 'who would I call at 3am?' question and in Australia I really had no-one. If your husband doesn't want to go then it makes it much harder - sadly I have seen a number of marriages break up on these pages and many more brought to the brink. I tend to think the home country should take presidence if one person isn't happy after migrating but after 10 years Australia really is your home country and I think you need to approach it as you would if you fancied moving somewhere completely new - what the costs and benefits are to you all as a family. On the practical side, school will be no problem although you will have to either pay a premium to live in a catchment area of a good school (that even then doesn't have to take you if they are full) or pay much, much higher fees for a private school than you would in Australia. My son was 10 when we moved back and just this week he said how easy it had been to make friends because he was different because he had an Australian accent - that tends to be a common experience. We consider renting out our house for a year just to be sure but the stress is probably not worth it, we rented out a house in the UK and our experience there probably coloured our view but if after a year you didn't want to move back selling it from the other side of the world wouldn't be plain sailing and it would be devalued by being on the rental market. We decided it was just a house and if we decided to move back we'd buy another one - or even build the same one somewhere else since we designed it! Weather - I'm not sure I can cope with another PIO debate on that here! Of course you'll get wonderful crisp Autumn days, you'll also get grey wet and windy ones! Overall I probably prefer the weather in Scotland to Perth but it's a toss up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cazza1404 Posted November 11, 2016 Author Share Posted November 11, 2016 I just jumped on your charity's website and see that you've been nominated for a Pride of Australia medal! It's really good to know that there are fundamentally decent people in the world, especially after what's happened this week in the states. Thanks for the reminder, it's actually made me a little emotional! I can't help with any advice on your dilemma but have sent your charity a small donation. All the best with your decision x Hi @robfromdublin and thank you so much for your kind words and donation. Yes, I received the nomination last month and was blown away. I know my charity is making a huge difference to many lives but this just makes my decision even harder. I feel very responsible that i have started something people rely on, I absolutely love my work, I have huge plans for Heartfelt Homes but when all said and done, when i sit down at night, I am missing so many connections. It's another layer of complication but I wouldn't do anything drastic, I would look to get help to continue the service and maybe I could leave and be very proud of what was acheived in oz? Confused.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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