westie Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Hi Been a while since i was on this forum. Still trying to work out what to do???? Sick of crying over my situation and trying to be sensible at the same time. Its been 2.5 years of health issues with my husband, We did finally move into our new home, which was a dream at first, only in it 5 days and my OH had a stroke, lost the feeling in his left arm and hearing in his right ear has completely gone. He came out and within 2 weeks was back in hospital with fluid build up on his lungs. Not of this should be happening after all the surgery he has gone threw. Although you realise that open heart surgery is serious and needs time, and the other 3 strokes he has had, 46 years old no age. I have no family here and i need support, from a selfish point of view thats why i need to return back to the UK. We are trying so hard to keep the business going, but unfortunately some of the trades here are bad and have no morals, and thats a diverse range of people. Its like they take the piss because my husband has been so unwell. Trying to look after a 5 acre block is hard, and we have had the block for 3 years, and just tried to carry on and stay positive. He is struggling with his health and i want to return to the UK for support, and yes i miss my family. I feel if i do not get this sorted it will be to late but also have to think about my husbands health. So unhappy with all of this and feel terrible as my husband has endured all of this. What would you guys do???? Am i being selfish? I just want whats best for my husband, but i am struggling real bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 What does your husband want to do? If you were to stay I would consider the practical things e.g. down sizing if you can't manage the acreage etc., It must be very difficult without any support around you and I can certainly understand you wanting to be around your own family. I don't know much about returning to the UK with regards to what your entitlements would be after time away. Have a chat to your hubby and see what he wants to do too - would he be considered well enough to travel or is that a little way off? In the interim if it's what you both want, look to sell the business and the house and start getting organised. From reading posts on this part of the forum, once the decision is made either way - people seem to suggest that a weight gets lifted. Re: support - can any of your family come out to support you sort term? Also the stroke foundation may be able to offer some support for you https://strokefoundation.com.au/about-stroke/help-after-stroke short term. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 @OMG I am so sorry. I understand what you mean about support and I think it is the partners who need it more than the patient and I can say that as I have been both the patient and also the partner. I'm currently trying to keep my youngest son upbeat, he sees how our health is going and he his struggling to cope with it. I can't talk to him about my fears or concerns as I always have to be the positive and supportive one in the family. I have a dear friend on here who is always there with a shoulder for me, but then I hate bothering others with my worries. My husband as always wanted to return home and I'm wondering if I should be granting his wishes, although he as seen acreage in Brisbane he really wants. We will probably go for it but will end up having to employ someone to manage it, could you do that? In regards to people taking the piss, if the illness doesn't affect them then I am afraid some people are selfish and will treat you exactly the same. Can you deal with new people. Please don't think you are being selfish being a carer is very hard especially when you see your partner struggling. Have a chat with your husband explain that you think support for you both is needed. Have a look at the link Ali mentioned, it would be nice to get a support group and talk to someone who is feeling and going through the same as you. huge hugs :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Never rains but it pours, does it? I'm so sorry to hear that things are still not going your way. Obviously this is something only you and your DH can decide and whilst you may be poles apart at the moment maybe some third party intervention to help you come to a compromise situation might help (counselling?) In the short term - is there anyone who could give you a month or two of their time to get your head above water and so be in a position to make a more rational decision? I'm thinking parent, sibling, whatever. An expensive option if they are prepared to trek over from UK of course but someone might be willing. At the end of the day though you sometimes have to make the tough decisions to look after your health and your sanity because you are no good to anyone if you are sick and depressed. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newjez Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 Hi Been a while since i was on this forum. Still trying to work out what to do???? Sick of crying over my situation and trying to be sensible at the same time. Its been 2.5 years of health issues with my husband, We did finally move into our new home, which was a dream at first, only in it 5 days and my OH had a stroke, lost the feeling in his left arm and hearing in his right ear has completely gone. He came out and within 2 weeks was back in hospital with fluid build up on his lungs. Not of this should be happening after all the surgery he has gone threw. Although you realise that open heart surgery is serious and needs time, and the other 3 strokes he has had, 46 years old no age. I have no family here and i need support, from a selfish point of view thats why i need to return back to the UK. We are trying so hard to keep the business going, but unfortunately some of the trades here are bad and have no morals, and thats a diverse range of people. Its like they take the piss because my husband has been so unwell. Trying to look after a 5 acre block is hard, and we have had the block for 3 years, and just tried to carry on and stay positive. He is struggling with his health and i want to return to the UK for support, and yes i miss my family. I feel if i do not get this sorted it will be to late but also have to think about my husbands health. So unhappy with all of this and feel terrible as my husband has endured all of this. What would you guys do???? Am i being selfish? I just want whats best for my husband, but i am struggling real bad. As a long term illness sufferer, I know how much support you need. You can't do it alone. Time to rationalise and talk it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patphillips47 Posted May 22, 2016 Share Posted May 22, 2016 We returned to the UK late 2013 leaving all of our family in Oz and thinking we could still travel too and fro as often as we could Four months after we went back my hubby fell and broke his hip necessitating hip replacement number 4 It was when he came out of hospital we realised how alone in some ways we were without our family Previous ops we had always had them around for support We have good friends in the uk but all have their own families to deal with That in its way prompted our decision to return to Oz despite being quite happy in the UK Caring for someone with disabilities is hard work and will often see the person caring fall off the perch when there is no support Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westie Posted May 30, 2016 Author Share Posted May 30, 2016 Hi Well i had a good chat with hubby, and agrees it is all to much. My priority is to get him back on the road to recovery as best as I can. Trying to stay positive with all this. Wish my family would come and see me, but like most people they are having it a bit rough with hours being cut with there jobs. I even think they do not understand what it is like for me. I understand that, because i feel until some one is in this situation they never do. My hubby is terribly down with all this going on and very tired. We would love to sell the business, but live in Perth were everything is double brick, and he is Timber frame housing. Also the housing outlook in Perth is starting to go slightly wayward. This is our income and all our hard work, and thats what makes it so sad. I did a womens health check the other day, only to find out i am not doing so good, and may have to go into hospital myself. I am so over the crying and worrying, and feel like i do not know were to start. I am one of those people that i do primarily try to stay positive, and hide my situation to friends. I have lost a few friends due to Divorce and they have moved on. Sorry i sound so negative. I have contacted the Stroke foundation. I am sure we will come out of this soon, and hopefully look back and say " how the hell did we do this" and smile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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