bristolman Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 What makes you think you will have a nice big house by the sea? Melbourne, like most Australian cities is VERY expensive. I think you might be seeing things through rose tints a bit. I was thinking the same, a nice big house by the sea is unattainable for most Aussies. Reading the OPs posts definite rose tints, big house by the sea, palm trees, nice weather all the time. It sounds more like a dream vision rather than reality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ozblueskies Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Hi itchyfeet, sounds like a real dilemma My situation is a bit different to yours (I am single) but I will give you my view about it: When I moved to Australia a few years ago (initially with a 457 visa, I have PR now), I had serious wobbles. I had the feeling of "being stuck" and felt the pressure to "make it work". In hindsight, I know that I should have been more relaxed: Instead of considering it as emigration and "forever", I should have really taken it as a "period abroad"... Nobody knows what happens in life - and planes also fly from Australia to Europe (Of course, once you have kids, flights get real expensive) I have returned twice from Australia, mainly for family reasons - but plan to move back to Sydney in a few weeks. I definately want to settle there long-term but I am not leaving with the thought of "I am leaving home forever" - it doesn´t have to be forever... Maybe take the pressure off by not using the term "emigrating" but rather see it as an adventure with open end. Maybe you can make a deal with you partner (apart from getting the visa sorted...): Agree to go to Australia for 2-3 years - and after that time, re-evaluate the situation. I suppose, there is no perfect solution: one of you will always be torn because family is far away. But maybe you can both consider the possibility that it doesn´t have to be forever - just give it a trial of a few years. That might also ease the feeling of leaving family behind... All the best whatever you decide! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Bear in mind, summer in Aus can be hot, very hot (horribly hot on occasion). The house by the sea, in Melbourne thats not really a picture I have in my head. Melbourne is expensive to live in. You may well be a long way away from the city itself settling there. Perhaps there are those places that are affordable to many but I'm guessing they are a long way from the city and perhaps not in the greatest area to want to settle? Research research research is all I can say on that. Being happy in the place you settle, will live in is half the battle to migrating I reckon. You can't be really happy in a place you don't like or are indifferent about. Having a conversation now is a good thing but don't forget the goalposts may move in the future. My hubby and I had the talk before we even applied for my visa and before the move. He said yes, he'd be prepared to return to the UK if I was really unhappy. 2 years in here now (he is an Aussie btw so was living overseas in England with me) and he freely admits he never wants to return to the UK to live again and has no interest whatsoever to ever return there long term. He is happy in Aus and wants to stay here (or we move elsewhere in the world). Very different from 2 years ago. Thankfully I am happy here also and have no desire to return to the UK (although who knows if that may change further down the road) and I know that deep down, if I was truly unhappy we would find a solution as we always do to ensure we are both happy in life together. Its compromise, it means perhaps one of us has to make a sacrifice for the other at some point and vice versa, but its about being a couple and working things out. Also, if you think you will miss your parents and feel this bad now, then chances are it will be that way when you migrate and could possibly take a monumental effort to cope settling there and building a life for yourself. Migrating is a pretty selfish thing when all is said and done and I think you need a good dollop of selfishness and self sufficiency within yourself to cope with being away from loved ones, family and friends and make the move. Homesickness for people it can hit hard and nothing can fix it other than to be back nearer them. You cannot forever be living overseas but always hankering after those you left behind. It just doesn't work. If he isn't close to his parents then its not that that is making him unhappy is it? He's doing that himself isn't he? He wants to move to Aus, his parents have gone and his brother is already there. I can see why he would perhaps be rather annoyed about this and how its eating away at him. They are where he wants to be and he may well be a bit jealous about it too. And its possibly clouding his ability to see what he has with you and to view it in a negative light more and perceive you to be the one holding him back. If you go into migrating with your eyes wide open and knowing he could full well do a complete U turn on everything and anything he says before you go, before the visa is granted and so on, then go for it. Accept and learn to start dealing with missing loved ones and hopefully you will become better equipped within yourself to cope with their long term abscence from your life (and your childrens lives should you have them in the future and remain in Aus). Its an unknown and only time will tell how you go with it all but you need to do it to find out All up, I'm not saying don't migrate and give it a go. I'm the first one to say try new things, explore the world, live overseas (did all that in my 20's and early 30's and had a blast) but from everything you've written I really don't know its going to happen for you. If you really want it, you'll go for it, grab the opportunity and be on your way in the not too distant future once the visa is in place and you've tied up things in the UK. I get the dog being old but people have shipped old dogs before now if they are generally fit and well. And left jobs and more to make the move as the opportunity came about and they grabbed it. You are putting off migrating by possibly a few years and be aware that in that time the visa process may change or your partners job be taken off the list and then what? And what is going to change for you and your partner in that time while you wait? His depression and unhappiness may continue to grow the longer you remain in the UK, you may find more and more reasons not to move. And all the while that clock is ticking. Your training course at work, is it not something you can repay if you don't stay for the year? Surely there is an option to pay them out for their expenses should you choose to leave before the year is up? If you can, I'd at least explore and see if thats an option. Honestly, if you want to go, you'll work at making it happen and it will :smile: If you sit back and keep finding reasons to wait a while longer, its only going to get harder. I'm along the lines of you want something, you set a goal or a date and work toward it and don't let up on it till that comes round. Not 3 or 4 years from now, I'd never want to wait that long. I'd set a year or so, plan, get the ball rolling and work to make it happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bungo Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 It seems like you are not completely averse to the idea which is certainly something, but as you have said earlier, it would not be your choice either. But I expect there are very few people that lie on their deathbeds and wish they had emigrated to be honest! I would think you might be more likely to look back and regret not being there for parent's twilight years or missing nieces and nephews growing up or just growing apart from family more than you would regret not emigrating to a country you have no connection with. I mean general you there, not you necessarily. You should look at Australia's weather a bit more closely. :wink: My OH and I both have jobs connected to the weather and I can assure you it has rain and wind in abundance and far, far more extreme weather than the UK. And if the rain and wind don't get you, the heat might. Now despite that, I do prefer the climate in Australia myself, because I like that it never gets really cold. But I honestly don't think it is more conducive to a really sporty and outdoorsy lifestyle. Big house by the sea? We rented one of those in Sydney, to buy it would have set us back $2.6million (that was what next door sold for in 2012 and our rental house was nicer). It just isn't achievable for most. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itchyfeet Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thanks everyone you guys have been so helpful and wise in your advice. I do not mind the to the point comments, I would much rather know everyone's true opinion on the matter, it is a very hard decision and I have no intention on making any rash decisions. With regards his family and his attitude towards me since they left, I think you are right. He is very matter of fact with regards making decisions, and I know that his main reason for wanting to move to Melbourne is for the money he could make and the lifestyle he could have. I think of course his family are important but I firmly believe if his parents had remained here and it was just his brother over there he would still want to go. The big house by the sea is a dream, one that I know I would not have as soon as I arrived over there, we spent some of our last holiday viewing real estate out there in three different places, Melbourne, Gold Coast and also around Port Douglas. We saw some lovely homes, went home to the UK and I told my family we were considering the move at some point in the future. This of course made my mum really upset. This was in 2013, and since then I have been undecided and full of dread. I have experienced the searing heat, the colder days and storms and got a real sense of the weather out there so I don't feel I'm living totally in cloud cuckoo land. I preferred the weather and the surroundings in the Gold Coast and in Cairns over changeable Melbourne to be honest, even the torrential tropical storms and rain didn't kill my love of the North. My boyfriend spoke about his desire to perhaps retire in Queensland. That is the dream half of the life. The beginning of the journey would be living and working and I expect renting in Melbourne. Anyhow, I have received plenty of food for thought, and appreciate everyone's input. I'm sure you probably get tired of playing agony aunts/uncles over these problems sometimes! I'm sure it will all come out in the wash as they say. At the moment unless we sold our house and made money, we couldn't afford to apply, so it would never be something that would be happening imminently. I do however feel a little more positive about the problem, at least I do have a life full of possibilities! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Personally I wouldn't stamp on a partners dream. Yes you can point out the pitfalls and hope they take these into consideration, but try not to hold them back. There can always be a a plan B, nothing has to be forever. Life goes so fast, make the most of the ride. You could come to Aus, your partner earn a great wage, happy happy times. A flight back to the UK is always only 24 hours away. A little bit of planning goes a long way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bristolman Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Personally I wouldn't stamp on a partners dream. Yes you can point out the pitfalls and hope they take these into consideration, but try not to hold them back. There can always be a a plan B, nothing has to be forever. Life goes so fast, make the most of the ride. You could come to Aus, your partner earn a great wage, happy happy times. A flight back to the UK is always only 24 hours away. A little bit of planning goes a long way... Did the OP mention the partners wage ? I tried to read most of the comments. What does the partner do ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itchyfeet Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Did the OP mention the partners wage ? I tried to read most of the comments. What does the partner do ? He is in IT. A network engineer and analyst. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth7862 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) If I were you I would start working towards going to Australia with an open mind. Try it for 12 months and then decide to stay or return. It will cost but you will have given it a go instead of continual deliberation. It will be the only way to find out. However I wouldn't have any children until you are sure where you want to live on a more permanent basis. Edited September 3, 2015 by Ruth7862 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parley Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Plenty of people have moved overseas for love. Sometimes you should go with your heart and not your head. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.