itchyfeet

He is in IT. A network engineer and analyst.

Thanks everyone you guys have been so helpful and wise in your advice. I do not mind the to the point comments, I would much rather know everyone's true opinion on the matter, it is a very hard decision and I have no intention on making any rash decisions. With regards his family and his attitude towards me since they left, I think you are right. He is very matter of fact with regards making decisions, and I know that his main reason for wanting to move to Melbourne is for the money he could make and the lifestyle he could have. I think of course his family are important but I firmly believe if his parents had remained here and it was just his brother over there he would still want to go. The big house by the sea is a dream, one that I know I would not have as soon as I arrived over there, we spent some of our last holiday viewing real estate out there in three different places, Melbourne, Gold Coast and also around Port Douglas. We saw some lovely homes, went home to the UK and I told my family we were considering the move at some point in the future. This of course made my mum really upset. This was in 2013, and since then I have been undecided and full of dread. I have experienced the searing heat, the colder days and storms and got a real sense of the weather out there so I don't feel I'm living totally in cloud cuckoo land. I preferred the weather and the surroundings in the Gold Coast and in Cairns over changeable Melbourne to be honest, even the torrential tropical storms and rain didn't kill my love of the North. My boyfriend spoke about his desire to perhaps retire in Queensland. That is the dream half of the life. The beginning of the journey would be living and working and I expect renting in Melbourne. Anyhow, I have received plenty of food for thought, and appreciate everyone's input. I'm sure you probably get tired of playing agony aunts/uncles over these problems sometimes! I'm sure it will all come out in the wash as they say. At the moment unless we sold our house and made money, we couldn't afford to apply, so it would never be something that would be happening imminently. I do however feel a little more positive about the problem, at least I do have a life full of possibilities!

Wow thanks for all the replies! It is quite hard to read some of your opinions, as I genuinely believe that my reason for wanting to try a life out there is not just for him, but because I really do believe that the quality of my life would improve. I'm an outdoorsy person, having spent my life around horses and dogs etc in this country in the wind and rain, and imagining it over there is a real temptation. Also I'm the sort of person whose always dreamed the nice big house near the sea, and I would love to have a few palm trees growing in my garden! The date palm I'm currently attempting to grow here in the UK doesn't seem to have gained a single cm in the last twelve months! Im aware we could split up either before or after the move, aware that I could become just as unhappy as he has become, I would miss my parents really really badly. I would need to have a conversation with him as to how he would cope with that. I just really feel as though maybe I would regret not giving it a go on my deathbed. But if I went, I would probably regret not being near to my family on my deathbed. His family aren't as close as I am with mine, I have always found their relationship a little strange, so I know for my boyfriend the pull to Australia is more about a better lifestyle than to spend every possible minute with his parents. I am not passing judgement on his family life here, I know every family is different. It is really a complicated situation with a lot more involved than the black and white aspects I have laid out, and I am the person who stands to loose a lot more if I left, I just feel quite lucky to have another option I could possibly take. I couldnt leave immediately anyway, I have an elderly dog (he's 13!) and I would not even consider moving him over and want him to live out the rest of his life here first. I am currently also doing a training course through work and I am tied to them for a year after finishing that, plus I just got promoted to a manager so want to get some experience under my belt. This has made me really feel as though doors have opened up in our life at home, more money coming in and we are able to enjoy our lives a bit more freely.

If I wasn't with him them no I wouldn't consider the move. I think you are right that I should be prioritising my family, as this whole conundrum has come along via the choices his family have made, which are now weighing heavily on my shoulders, I suppose a very unfair byproduct of an unfortunate situation. I know he has thought about proposing as he has told me so, but we have had a rocky relationship recently due to the emigration issues weighing on our minds, and various other issues; so I guess this has made him think twice. His brother living in Melbourne also married a girl and had a very messy divorce which he told me put him off the idea of marriage, he said he didn't want to go through the the same as his brother. He wants to be certain it's the right decision before making that commitment to someone. I respect his views, but I am also very aware of my biological clock loudly ticking away! Ive tried really hard to make his life as good as possible here in the UK, my family have supported him as much as possible but I feel as though ultimately I am fighting a loosing battle. It's so hard and I don't want to discuss my current feelings on the situation with him until I have a firm grasp of what I what sorted in my mind.

As we are both over 30, also wanted to ask how we would go about a "tester" year in Aus? I see the working holiday visa is aimed at younger folk

Thanks again for all your replies so far. In our current situation my boyfriend is very bitter towards me because he obviously feels as though our lives are revolved around spending time with my family in the UK as his are all in Aus. This is what has made me re-assess my position on it all, as I feel as though if I even remotely care for him I should give life out there a shot. Of course I am aware that I would too perhaps become the person he now is, either way it is one of us that has to make the sacrifice. I also feel as though I have a rare opportunity at a really enjoyable life in a warmer country that not many people get a shot at. Almost convinced myself self that in that sense I would be an idiot not to give it a go and then at least I tried, and will not live my life thinking "what if I actually went". If I wasn't in a relationship with him I wouldn't consider it, I don't have a skilled job, so wouldn't get in anyway. I would definitely be speaking to him about an escape plan for myself if I didn't like it, have thought about what I would do if I needed to come home, and there would definitely need to be provisions made for me to visit my family as much as possible. This whole Australia thing has not left the back of my mind for the past six years. It's been a constant worry for me that one day he would announce he was leaving, a real strain on our relationship, but despite all we have survived!

Thanks for your quick response! My boyfriend works in IT as a systems and network engineer, so is on the skilled list, so it would be me tagging along as the defacto. I presume his brother would sponsor him, as he's a permanent resident. Do you also have to have a certain amount of money in your bank account?

Hi all, I'm new here, but have been browsing this forum for the last three years in my indecision! I know at the end of the day that the only person that can decide to take the leap and emigrate is me, but somehow the act of sharing my story on here makes me feel a little better, especially if people have had similar experiences. I'd definitely like to hear your stories. So I'm 31 years old, living in Southampton in the UK with my boyfriend of nearly ten years. We are not married and do not have any children! We aren't even engaged. We own our own home, helped by my boyfriends parents, who emigrated in December 2011 to live near their eldest son and his daughter in Melbourne. He's lived there for 20+ years, loves it and persuaded his parents to join him. When they began the process, my boyfriend was a minor, under the age of 18, but the process took so long he was then not eligible to join them on his visa, he met me at age 22 and the rest of that is history haha! My partner spent a year in Aus living in Melbourne in his teens, and has wanted to live there ever since. Now his parents are there naturally it's all he wants from life. His parents are elderly, and he is going to visit in December to spend Christmas with them, I will remain here to look after our menagerie of animals. Now, I have visited Melbourne twice, first time in 2005 for a five week holiday with a friend, the second time with my boyfriend to visit his family. We stayed with his parents, had a great time and I love it there. It has been a real trying three and a half years since his parents left, he has been depressed pretty much most days, and it has really strained our relationship. He knows that I don't want to leave my family, but he can't see himself remaining here, though he says he is doing that for me. I'm at a stage now, that I feel terrible for expecting him to compromise for ever without me even giving it a try. I am afraid of saying goodbye to my family, in particular my mum, who has just battled through breast cancer, and various other ailments, though I'm sure she would visit along with my step father. My Dad however, would never be able to afford to visit, and he visits me every other week without fail, so this would be a huge wrench to him too. I would absolutely LOVE to live there. I have real itchy feet, already moved an hour away from family as I grew bored with my hometown and wanted new surroundings. I just wish I could acheive it without making my mum ill again, and waving goodbye to my dad. So does anyone have any advice? Plenty of people have told me that I should live my life for me, and not worry about my family, but that is far easier said than done! I haven't mentioned my new train of thought to my boyfriend yet, but is it a viable option to try a couple years in Aus and return if unhappy? Should I mention these ideas to him or keep quiet until I'm sure. Ooooooooo it's soooooo hard, but I do feel that he is my life and my family too. I very much want him to be happy, and to regain the person that I fell in love with all those years ago, rather than the shell of a man he has become. thanks in advance for reading