Bridgeman Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 I have just joined this forum and have been reading through some of the posts and as I read have been thinking ‘that’s just how I feel!’. We had such high hopes of retiring to Australia to join our family here and it took years of planning and a lot of money for us to come over on a parent visa. However, it was just as if someone looking down on us conspired to turn everything against us, not least the exchange rate taking a dive the moment we set foot in Oz. Without boring with too much detail we now find ourselves in limbo here – where we have been for 4 years, mainly as family are not settled in WA and may move on so don’t want to buy here. However, at our time of life we feel we need to settle somewhere. I miss not having my own home, but even more to my surprise I really miss the UK, the greenery, walking in the countryside, the culture etc, all the things already listed on here by so many. We can’t really afford to buy here in WA and then sell again if the family move and it would be another upheaval, plus starting again somewhere else. But we do need to settle somewhere and my instinct is to go home. We do have the option to maybe move to Queensland where I have family which would be a sort of compromise. However, we are living on various UK pensions and highly dependant on the exchange rate so we are debating whether we can actually afford to stay here in the long run. But the pull of the UK is very strong but are thinking if it is the right thing to do to return after spending so much time, effort and money to get here. Should we make the best of it? And the thought of leaving family and grandchildren is heart breaking. We also feel guilty as we offer a lot of support since sil is away working so much. But as others have said we do not feel we fit in here and Australia will never be home to us. On the other hand it would be so hard to walk away from our grandchildren and they will be the ones who miss us most. Are we being selfish in wanting a different life for ourselves for the last few years? I have read that most people return home as they miss family, but we don’t really have any family left in the UK now so would be on our own and we would be leaving family alone here, although financially we would be able to have a better lifestyle but at the cost of missing family. In July the lease is up on our rental and we will be virtually homeless. We have decided to go back to the UK for a 2 month visit, just to make sure we are not seeing things through rose tinted glasses and then spend a month in Queensland – after that who knows? The uncertainty and stress is taking its toll on both of us at the moment. Life is Australia just hasn’t turned out the way we thought it would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VERYSTORMY Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 This is a lot more common than people think. A LOT of parents do not settle. I am a member of other forums and on some, parents are advised to not make the move full stop. I would not not feel any guilt at all. Your children took the decision to leave you behind in the UK when they moved to Oz. If having you around was that important to them, then they did not need to make the move. You our mention they themselves are not settled in oz. While a move of state may change things for them, it may not. I actually became more unsettled after moving state. We moved from Sydney to WA. So what if they later find themselves moving back to the UK? You need to be where makes you happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 It's hard, living without your grandkids within cooee but at some point in your life you have to do what's best for YOU. If you fancy the green fields of home then go for it. Your kids made the decision to move away from you and the place they grew up in so you have a perfect right to your older age in being where you want to be. There will still be holidays and even if your kids don't move on to where you are at some stage, your grandkids might so you never know your luck. I warn you though, you will cry buckets if and when you leave the grandkids (they probably won't even notice) but there is a sort of sanity in out of sight being out of mind (I've got two there and one here but 3 hrs away) and you get on with having fun for yourself. Oh, and be sure to get citizenship before you leave then you really keep all your options open! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I intend to retire back in the UK - re-join the ramblers, nose round National Trust properties, spend days at out Kew Gardens, and evenings down my local listening to dodgy folk music and drinking real beer. My daughter is staying here, and my son may. To be honest I think Australia is a great place to be for youngsters starting out with plenty of opportunities. It will break my heart to leave them, but I'm happy to stump up the air fare if they want to visit. You only have one life and I want to spend time at home... It's just so much cheaper in the UK to live, especially if you're retired and living off the pension. Your grand kids will be over to visit you before you can say 'Gap Year!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridgeman Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 This is a lot more common than people think. A LOT of parents do not settle. I am a member of other forums and on some, parents are advised to not make the move full stop. I would not not feel any guilt at all. Your children took the decision to leave you behind in the UK when they moved to Oz. If having you around was that important to them, then they did not need to make the move. You our mention they themselves are not settled in oz. While a move of state may change things for them, it may not. I actually became more unsettled after moving state. We moved from Sydney to WA. So what if they later find themselves moving back to the UK? You need to be where makes you happy. Perhaps I should have explained that they didn't really leave us behind, or only in so far as they needed to be settled before they could sponsor us. This was a long term plan, after a visit to my brother in Queensland, that we would all move over including my son. It seemed to be a good idea since both kids would be here. My daughter even said to us she didn't want to go unless we could go as well. We came earlier than planned due to redundancy and grandchild on the way and my son stayed to complete qualifications, but then got a good job in Europe so decided to stay. Also I don't think it is that they are not settled in Oz, they have been here nearly 10 years, but that they would like to move over East as they find property in WA very expensive. Sil has said he would never return to the UK - he can get a much better job in Australia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridgeman Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 It's hard, living without your grandkids within cooee but at some point in your life you have to do what's best for YOU. If you fancy the green fields of home then go for it. Your kids made the decision to move away from you and the place they grew up in so you have a perfect right to your older age in being where you want to be. There will still be holidays and even if your kids don't move on to where you are at some stage, your grandkids might so you never know your luck. I warn you though, you will cry buckets if and when you leave the grandkids (they probably won't even notice) but there is a sort of sanity in out of sight being out of mind (I've got two there and one here but 3 hrs away) and you get on with having fun for yourself. Oh, and be sure to get citizenship before you leave then you really keep all your options open! Thanks for your kind words. Yes, we do intend to get citizenship if we make the decision to return. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bridgeman Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 I intend to retire back in the UK - re-join the ramblers, nose round National Trust properties, spend days at out Kew Gardens, and evenings down my local listening to dodgy folk music and drinking real beer. My daughter is staying here, and my son may. To be honest I think Australia is a great place to be for youngsters starting out with plenty of opportunities. It will break my heart to leave them, but I'm happy to stump up the air fare if they want to visit. You only have one life and I want to spend time at home... It's just so much cheaper in the UK to live, especially if you're retired and living off the pension. Your grand kids will be over to visit you before you can say 'Gap Year!' Good to know that others also feel that 'pull' at the cost of leaving family behind. Although grandchildren are only 4 and 6 months, so we may not be around for that gap year! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Once people start moving,you have to get to a place in life,where you choose a place and then make a firm decision,thats it,we're done with moving!Easier said than done,especially when you have kids/grandkids.At the end of the day though,you have to be where YOU will be the happiest.You might all move to Queensland,and your kids still don't settle and move on,or you yourselves might not settle.You might all settle but if the pull to the UK is too strong,then head back.Families (for some)aren't what they used to be,where no one really moved away from their hometown or village.These days parents move,kids move!I guess if you did head back to the UK you could spend some time holidaying in Oz for a few weeks each year,finances permitting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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