Melbpom Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 (edited) I'm feeling a little conflicted about moving back. If it was just me I'd go back rather than regret it in the future. But it's not that simple. My elderly parents want to go home and won't do so without an assurance from me that I'm coming too together with the children. My youngest has decided on a university course that would suit him very well, the local uni has excellent facilities and the job prospects here are very good. We've looked at similar courses in the UK (in HEAP and The Good University Guide) but looking at the employment levels after graduation OZ has the advantage. There is still a chance he'll chose to study in the UK but I don't know yet how that will go. Another complication is that my friend wants to start a business together. I'm thinking of trying to keep my options open, start a business while the youngest is at uni and move when he's graduated. However I really do miss my wider family, all the events I've missed because I'm deemed too far way. I'm also thinking of the wider support for eldest son when I get too old to care for him and family's help with care for my parents in the future too. I don't know if I'm scared of moving and perhaps a bit too comfortable here. Edited September 21, 2014 by Melbpom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I think it is unlikely that your son would be able to go to university in the UK, unless you are able to pay for him to go as an international student - I would find that out before too much more heart-searching since from what you have said you wouldn't want to leave him there at 18. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melbpom Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 Yes Lady Raincorn, he would be considered an international student but that would be OK, I'd cover the cost though it would be cheaper to stay here depending on what changes the government make to funding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Ok,I'm going to be straight up with my reply!You're an adult and so are obviously your parents.You don't need to give anyone your "Assurance" of anything!You're living your own life,and have a right to follow your own dreams/aspirations,and if that includes staying in Oz and starting a business then so be it!I'm sorry if I'm blunt,but we don't own our kids.Any of our kids could move to anywhere and we have no control over that,and why would we want to?(I'm talking from a parents perspective here,not a kids!)Look if you genuinely want to return to the UK,so be it,but don't move just because your parents want your assurance. I recently spent 6 mths on a career break in Adelaide.I decided to do this mainly to spend time with my ageing Mum.Whilst I was there,Mum kept saying to me,things like "I wish you were still living here"(I had spent 30 yrs in Oz)to "I don't want you to return to the UK"I,of course was flattered,and obviously miss my Mum.I came back and a week later,she died!Did I feel guilty?No,because I know deep down,my Mum would want me to be happy!Your parents should be thinking the same thing for you right?Follow your heart hon,not someone else's! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 Yes Lady Raincorn, he would be considered an international student but that would be OK, I'd cover the cost though it would be cheaper to stay here depending on what changes the government make to funding. Okay good, it's just an awful lot of people think British citizenship means they are a UK student and couldn't possibly afford international fees. I agree with Melza then you have to put aside what your parents want and focus on what you want. To a large extent I think that is true of your son too - if you want to move back to the UK, do it - you are offering to pay for him to go to university in the UK if he wishes so it is his choice whether he feels he needs your support at this time of his life or not. In the UK most students move away from home at 18 and live independently anyway - yes they are often home for the holidays, but with what you save on internation fees you could offer him two return flights a year if he wanted them (& I bet before long he'll be asking you if he can stop off in Asia for a month before he comes home!!) As a mum I do understand though and since you are torn yourself perhaps another 4 years in Australia is the answer, you can see where the business is going in that time and make a decision then. It really depends why you are thinking of moving back which you don't actually say - is it just because your parents want to? As an aside I wouldn't worry too much about graduate employment vacancies - 4 years is a long time! It does depend on what he wants to do of course, a very small back of the mind thought when we were moving back was my son would have better opportunities in the UK because of his particular ambitions (but at age 10 it really was 'back of the mind'!!). There are I guess some professions with better opportunities in Oz....not many gold mines in the UK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melbpom Posted September 21, 2014 Author Share Posted September 21, 2014 Thanks Melza and Lady Rainicorn, you've both given me a different perspective and I have to think this over. In all honesty I could see my son jet setting about and I want this independence for him whether he's based in UK or Australia. I often read in this forum about people questioning things from a very early period and I envy them because I never did. As a newly married couple we were so busy building a life here that we never questioned anything other than the lack of pubs. Now I'm coming to a period of my life when I can chose, there's no husband and no dependant kids (apart from eldest). :smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 You'll know what to do hon when the time comes.You've said it yourself actually without probably realising it,you have no OH to think about,and your kids have grown.Now its time for you to do what you want to do.You only live once,its time to make yourself happy.:)xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 We will be moving back at the same time as my son would be due to go to uni. He has personal difficulties that would make living independently difficult but I would be happy (ish) for him to be in catered halls of residence here and fly him back for the summer hols. Would worry about him, but when does that stop? Alternative is for him to return to UK with us, either wait 3 years or else we pay through the nose. He reckons there may even be some scholarships available (he is pretty academic) but whichever way - it's a tough decision! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 I agree with the others- it's your life to do with as you want. It'll all work out one way or another. If you want to go, go. If you want to stay, stay. It's not fair of your parents to seek any sort of assurance from you IMHO! Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PaulRaynor Posted September 21, 2014 Share Posted September 21, 2014 This is what I keep trying to tell myself every day Melza. Came here with a young family 16 years ago. Now they are 21 and 18 no OH anymore, trouble is no family left in the UK either. I get torn every which way all the time. Melbpom perhaps you could do another stint at home to find the lie of the land. I've been putting my return further and further back because I don't want to leave the kids alone here with no family. We live in Brisbane and their mother has moved to Melbourne. She says I should go because she is staying here in Australia so they'll be alright. That's like saying Im alone in London but that's ok because my mother lives in Barcelona! You'll know what to do hon when the time comes.You've said it yourself actually without probably realising it,you have no OH to think about,and your kids have grown.Now its time for you to do what you want to do.You only live once,its time to make yourself happy.:)xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted September 24, 2014 Share Posted September 24, 2014 I confess I'm a very engaged parent (my kids are only 3.5 and 1.5 years old though so still very cute!) and I would HATE for them to live on the other side of the world from me when they were adults. But I would never ask for assurances from them such as your parents are seeking, their happiness would always come first. I'm sure its because they love and will miss you but it's very unfair to require your attendance at their dream. It sounds like life may be about to take an exciting turn for you and it is absolutely your turn to do what makes you happy. If your parents were not in the equation would you still be considering the move? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melbpom Posted November 5, 2014 Author Share Posted November 5, 2014 Thank you to everyone who has given me advice and a different perspective. At the moment I'm busy setting up the new business with my friend and we're flat out, but interested and engaged, excited and scared too. That's not to say that I mightn't go back to the UK in the future, it just means that I'm here for now. My parents are definitely going back and will do so mid next year to try to catch the warmer weather. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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