Helz980 Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Hi everyone I haven't posted for a while so thought I'd give a bit of an update of where I am. SInce my emptiness thread its been a difficult few weeks & we have had many many chats about moving back to England. One even resulting in hubby saying yes he will put his dreams on hold & we will go back...only for him to say he didn't say that & he meant putting his dreams on hold in Oz i.e. not buying a house etc. So after a major major argument (lots of swearing etc) I actually started to feel better & we have agreed that me & Olivia will return to the uk end of july for a holiday & for me to see whether I do want to move back home. In my heart of hearts I want to move back but I know that hubby would be deeply unhappy there & he did say that he would never move back to England. However he then says 'you are not here against your will Helen I just want you to try....even if it does mean you decide not to be in OZ' so what I've been doing is throwing myself wholeheartedly into activities with my daughter, she has started daycare on a Wednesday so I use that day as my time & go to the gym etc or if hubbys shifts fall on that day & he is off we do coupley things. Ive arranged for us to go down to Canberra to stay with friends for a weekend & am looking to plan trips away so theres something to look forward to. But deep down theres something missing & that's my family & the fantastic place that I left to come here. I keep seeing pictures of my friends kids playing in the northumbrian countryside & that's what I want for Olivia (sad eh!) I'm also sick of the heat, influx of mozzies here at the moment & bloody ants deciding that my house is somewhere they would like to be! sorry its a bit of an odd post & I just wanted to write it down!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarahelle Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I think it's a good idea to have an extended holiday in the UK. It's soo hard when you want different things - I'm in a similar position myself, my fiance being Australian, it's always going to feel like one of us is tearing the other from their homeland and family etc. I had a very bad night - my DF is away working in the week and I just found myself bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night. I'm lonely and very unhappy at the moment and not a day goes by when I don't wish I was back home. I have a baby girl who's nearly 6 months old and I hate the fact that my friends and family aren't around to enjoy her. I might take a leaf out of your book as little one is due to start day care soon and I really need to make myself get out there (I've become a bit of a recluse). I definitely don't want to buy a house here. We have talked about it and are planning to move home at some point if we can although it might be a few years, but I am worried that we'll get there and not be happy but I can't imagine being any more unhappy than I am here. I suppose I just worry that DF will resent moving and being away from his parents again as he had been in the UK for nearly ten years when we met. I hear ya about the heat - I thought it was going to cool down but we're back up to 31 in Brissy! I really hope things work out for you - a positive frame of mind definitely helps. Keep us posted xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted March 13, 2014 Share Posted March 13, 2014 Glad to hear you're getting back for a visit, it'll do you the world of good. A bit of "you time" on Wednesdays will give you some mental as well as physical space too. I hope you and your DH can come to an agreement, I can only imagine how hard it must be when each half of a couple feels pulled in different directions. Sorry to hear you're struggling too Sarahelle, can you go back for a visit or have some family or friends come and see you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarahelle Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 No sadly, as much as I would dearly love a visit home, we can't afford it. Mum & Dad have been over for the last couple of years and so can't really make it this year. We just need to get ourselves sorted so that we can start saving some money, easier said than done tho! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Share Posted March 21, 2014 I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I think it's a good idea to have an extended holiday in the UK. It's soo hard when you want different things - I'm in a similar position myself, my fiance being Australian, it's always going to feel like one of us is tearing the other from their homeland and family etc. I had a very bad night - my DF is away working in the week and I just found myself bawling my eyes out in the middle of the night. I'm lonely and very unhappy at the moment and not a day goes by when I don't wish I was back home. I have a baby girl who's nearly 6 months old and I hate the fact that my friends and family aren't around to enjoy her. I might take a leaf out of your book as little one is due to start day care soon and I really need to make myself get out there (I've become a bit of a recluse). I definitely don't want to buy a house here. We have talked about it and are planning to move home at some point if we can although it might be a few years, but I am worried that we'll get there and not be happy but I can't imagine being any more unhappy than I am here. I suppose I just worry that DF will resent moving and being away from his parents again as he had been in the UK for nearly ten years when we met. I hear ya about the heat - I thought it was going to cool down but we're back up to 31 in Brissy! I really hope things work out for you - a positive frame of mind definitely helps. Keep us posted xxx aww sarah!! I want to give you a huge cuddle. Believe me ive often been crying in the night, its horrible. in fact its a horrible situation to be in espesh when you have a baby to worry about as well. I find I live for my routine, sad eh? I've still got boxes here that I haven't unpacked that I had shipped over because if I do unpack them it will seem like am staying... does that make sense? I'm sorry my reply was late I haven't been feeling too well recently. big hugs & if you want to chat feel free to pm me any time xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 Hi everyone I haven't posted for a while so thought I'd give a bit of an update of where I am. SInce my emptiness thread its been a difficult few weeks & we have had many many chats about moving back to England. One even resulting in hubby saying yes he will put his dreams on hold & we will go back...only for him to say he didn't say that & he meant putting his dreams on hold in Oz i.e. not buying a house etc. So after a major major argument (lots of swearing etc) I actually started to feel better & we have agreed that me & Olivia will return to the uk end of july for a holiday & for me to see whether I do want to move back home. In my heart of hearts I want to move back but I know that hubby would be deeply unhappy there & he did say that he would never move back to England. However he then says 'you are not here against your will Helen I just want you to try....even if it does mean you decide not to be in OZ' so what I've been doing is throwing myself wholeheartedly into activities with my daughter, she has started daycare on a Wednesday so I use that day as my time & go to the gym etc or if hubbys shifts fall on that day & he is off we do coupley things. Ive arranged for us to go down to Canberra to stay with friends for a weekend & am looking to plan trips away so theres something to look forward to. But deep down theres something missing & that's my family & the fantastic place that I left to come here. I keep seeing pictures of my friends kids playing in the northumbrian countryside & that's what I want for Olivia (sad eh!) I'm also sick of the heat, influx of mozzies here at the moment & bloody ants deciding that my house is somewhere they would like to be! sorry its a bit of an odd post & I just wanted to write it down!! think this is what people in the uk who have never lived in oz dont realize, the heat is far worse than the cold as there is no escape from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sarahelle Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 aww sarah!! I want to give you a huge cuddle. Believe me ive often been crying in the night, its horrible. in fact its a horrible situation to be in espesh when you have a baby to worry about as well. I find I live for my routine, sad eh? I've still got boxes here that I haven't unpacked that I had shipped over because if I do unpack them it will seem like am staying... does that make sense? I'm sorry my reply was late I haven't been feeling too well recently. big hugs & if you want to chat feel free to pm me any time xxx Thanks for your lovely message Helz, it somehow helps to know I'm not alone I totally understand about the boxes thing, I would be the same I think. Things aren't so bad - I do have a wonderful fiance and a gorgeous baby girl and some don't even have that. If I was happy in my environment and all I would have everything, I just hope that it happens eventually because sometimes it feels like I'm wasting my best years here. Hope you're feeling better xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chortlepuss Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 July is no time at all to wait.. Hope it's a glorious one like last summer. I went back in April 2013 & I think my hubby wanted me to get it out of my system. I went for 4 weeks, got a temp job and ended up staying for 5 months. You'll have a wonderful time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Sarah I know what you mean about wasting your best years!! I keep going through waves of hopelessness...daft eh! I know July isn't far away but I just want to go now. Me & hubby aren't getting on mainly on his refusal to speak to me about going home so cos I don't say anything he thinks it's all ok & I will stay here & buy that Aussie house that he so dearly wants. Tbh I sometimes wonder if we are right together anymore as our views differ so much....I do wonder how many others have split up due to emigrating Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 4, 2014 Share Posted April 4, 2014 Oh you gals (((hugs)))!!! Been there, done that and got the t shirt and, unfortunately there isn't a magic answer - one of you will get everything and the other will have nothing! I certainly used to survive by lurching from one trip home to the next. As long as I had a date in the calendar I could cope. I was in the relatively fortunate position of having a job, even when the kids were small so that I had that feeling of independence - I can't imagine how hard it must be if you aren't financially independent enough to fund your trips back and forth but are relying on your OH for the privilege - sounds like good grounds for emotional blackmail to me. At at one point I did sit down and make a list of non-negotiables so that DH knew just how far I was prepared to go (he wanted to go and live self sufficiently in the bush at the time!) and that gave us some grounds for developing a compromise situation. So for you some non negotiables may be that if you are to stay, he funds a trip back for a month every year, that home ownership will never be on the cards, that you go to marriage counselling (whatever!) and see what his non negotiables are and how close you can come to compromise. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, legally you are trapped and I'm guessing your OHs are aware of that. Never give up hope though, life throws you curve balls just when you least expect it and with luck you'll find yourselves either back where you belong or idyllically happy! It can happen. In the meantime, give my regards to Canberra, Helz! Walk up Mt Ainslie and see the city, have a wonderful iced chocolate in Koko Black and have a great time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 Oh you gals (((hugs)))!!! Been there, done that and got the t shirt and, unfortunately there isn't a magic answer - one of you will get everything and the other will have nothing! I certainly used to survive by lurching from one trip home to the next. As long as I had a date in the calendar I could cope. I was in the relatively fortunate position of having a job, even when the kids were small so that I had that feeling of independence - I can't imagine how hard it must be if you aren't financially independent enough to fund your trips back and forth but are relying on your OH for the privilege - sounds like good grounds for emotional blackmail to me. At at one point I did sit down and make a list of non-negotiables so that DH knew just how far I was prepared to go (he wanted to go and live self sufficiently in the bush at the time!) and that gave us some grounds for developing a compromise situation. So for you some non negotiables may be that if you are to stay, he funds a trip back for a month every year, that home ownership will never be on the cards, that you go to marriage counselling (whatever!) and see what his non negotiables are and how close you can come to compromise. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, legally you are trapped and I'm guessing your OHs are aware of that. Never give up hope though, life throws you curve balls just when you least expect it and with luck you'll find yourselves either back where you belong or idyllically happy! It can happen. In the meantime, give my regards to Canberra, Helz! Walk up Mt Ainslie and see the city, have a wonderful iced chocolate in Koko Black and have a great time! hey quoll thanks for your great reply....as always!! How do you mean we are legally trapped?! Xx oh we had a great weekend away, I took Olivia swimming & went walking along by the dam with my friends dog & drank plenty of red wine!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 hey quoll thanks for your great reply....as always!! How do you mean we are legally trapped?! Xx oh we had a great weekend away, I took Olivia swimming & went walking along by the dam with my friends dog & drank plenty of red wine!! Legally trapped? If your OH says you may not take your child out of the jurisdiction then the court will back him 100% it isn't just leaving the country - courts can and do say that a child may not be removed from the state and even from a particular town if the other parent makes a case for reasonable access within a particular area. Australian courts are far less forgiving than UK courts for removal from jurisdiction unfortunately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Share Posted April 5, 2014 I hope it never comes to that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 I hope it never comes to that... I sincerely hope so too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sustain Posted April 5, 2014 Share Posted April 5, 2014 Think positive and positive things may happen. Think negative and negative things do happen. So take a gamble on life and think positive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 My counsellor rang today to say there's a cancellation tomorrow (was waiting until mid may initially) so that's something & hubby has decided to join us in the uk for a holiday (he vowed & told my mam that he wouldn't be back) so plans are me & littly head out end of July & he follows in sept. I think this is great as hopefully this will show him how happy I am back home. Not sure why he's changed his mind but I think the fact he walked out last Monday (not for long just a few hours) & I never batted an eyelid had maybe made him think a bit more. We did have a lengthy talk afterwards & I'm hoping he's started to take me seriously. My best friend told me yest that she thought I'd become very disconnected (not me at all) & that she was worried about me. & on the other hand my Aussie friends don't want me to go...even for a holiday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 That's sounding a bit more positive Helz! Hopefully your husband will see a huge difference in your happiness levels once you are in the UK and realise how much it means to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmab1995 Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 when you do go how long are you and the little one staying for ??? Because just that time alone for him might make him realise he doesnt want to lose his family xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 Going for 8-12 weeks Emma but we've been apart for longer before so who knows! But am hoping it makes him think xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.