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Ping Pong Is It Unusual?


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Guest guest41161

Ok, to cut a long story short, arrived back in UK December 12 after 9 years in Oz.

 

Had a few jobs since then, little one settled at school, and wife has also found work. Close to family, who I see maybe one a week or fortnight, so all seems well.

 

But in reality, I am starting to have the niggles. Wifes 2 year visa is up at the end of the year, and we need to decide stay and get her ILR, or return.

 

Both of our jobs are nowhere near as well paid as Oz jobs, to be expected, and neither of us really like our jobs. Easier said than done to move on and find other jobs. Back to living from month to month on our salaries, so really we are slightly worse of than what we were. Previously both in more senior roles and could save a bit each month.

 

Now thinking, do I need to suck it up, go back and get back on track, or hang tight and try and get on here. Stuck in a nightmare as wife and kid love it here, but I can't see any progress at present for career or buying property etc, etc.

 

Is this the norm for an Expat returning? Weighing up what each country has and questioning every choice? I am destined to be stuck in no mans land for the rest of my days?

 

Doing my own head in, so god knows how much I am annoying my wife!

Edited by guest41161
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Sure Lynne. Was a number of factors.

 

My wifes family really didn't bother with my little one and I felt she needed some form of extended family. She does have this here, but not often enough to make an impact on normal life. Maybe I was expecting more from my family.

 

Cost of living in Oz drove me nuts, but probably more so as we were coming back on holiday and it felt everything was so cheap, but that is an unrealistic view as earning $ not £ back then.

 

Kind of wanted my little one and wife to experience what I did growing up here. Will happen this year with a couple of trips planned. But again there are a multitude of options for beach holidays in Oz, Asia, US and the South Pacific. Its just different to Benidorm!!!!!!

 

Maybe I just had a little itch needing scratched, and we needed as a family a bit of excitement away from the normal day to day living, or the winter effect is now kicking in, and I am getting over it.

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Would your wife be willing to move back? If not then it's probably a fairly easy decision. How does she feel when you talk about it?

The problems you have in the UK are hopefully fixable. It depends why you moved back - will the issues you had with staying in Oz still be there if you went back?

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The wife is quite happy here, but up for moving back. She can see that if it ain't going to work here for us, then we would be stupid not to go back, rather than make no progress here, with cash or career. She feels if we go back, we are kind of giving up, but we need to say when enough is enough.

 

Seriously though, is Australia cost of living so much more. You really need to compare apples with apples, and forget conversions. We say Tesco is so cheap for beer and food etc. But we don't have Dan Murphys here for cheap wine when we want it!

 

Oh Dans, I must digress and go pray to the god of alcohol!

 

Moving back will not change the family aspect, other than going back to seeing my parents when we visit on holiday, over popping down for an hour every couple weeks. Prices will not have changed. So really all the bad stuff still there, similar to it still being here. Maybe a new city away from the inlaws BS is the way, to remove one negative.

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Firstly please stay clear of Benidorm!lol I've never been there but when I first moved over here from Australia a few years ago,my british OH suggested we go on holiday to Spain.I was absolutely thrilled at that prospect.Having not really travelled since I was 18,I was really looking forward to it......until we got there.Not sure what I expected but it was'nt a mini Benidorm.We went to Costa Brava.Hotel was fine,after settling in we took the kids down to the pool and I was horrified at the amount of p***** adults with kids who were obviously just there to get drunk for the week!Not my idea of a relaxing holiday at all so firstly,start going off the beaten track for holidays.You really will gain a new appreciation on how lucky we are to be able to travel quite cheaply from the UK.

As far as you returning to Oz,I guess you have to ask yourself what you want out of life.Scotland is a beautiful country but....cold most of the time.I know!I used to live there myself!:cute:Having lived for a considerable time in both,I think I would draw up the pro's and cons list myself.You obviously don't want to be ping ponging for the rest of your days,so this next decision should try and be a firm one.Life is life,whereever you live.Personally I think it has more to do with attitude than the actual place where you live,but as I said thats a personal thing not a general observation.

Edited by Jacaranda
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Firstly please stay clear of Benidorm!lol I've never been there but when I first moved over here from Australia a few years ago,my british OH suggested we go on holiday to Spain.I was absolutely thrilled at that prospect.Having not really travelled since I was 18,I was really looking forward to it......until we got there.Not sure what I expected but it was'nt a mini Benidorm.We went to Costa Brava.Hotel was fine,after settling in we took the kids down to the pool and I was horrified at the amount of p***** adults with kids who were obviously just there to get drunk for the week!Not my idea of a relaxing holiday at all so firstly,start going off the beaten track for holidays.You really will gain a new appreciation on how lucky we are to be able to travel quite cheaply from the UK.

As far as you returning to Oz,I guess you have to ask yourself what you want out of life.Svotland is a beautiful country but....cold most of the time.I know!I used to live there myself!:cute:Having lived for a considerable time in both,I think I would draw up the pro's and cons list myself.You obviously don't want to be ping ponging for the rest of your days,so this next decision should try and be a firm one.Life is life,whereever you live.Personally I think it has more to do with attitude than the actual place where you live,but as I said thats a personal thing not a general observation.

 

 

Benidorm was a joke! More wanted to go to prove to my wife it's exactly like the TV show of the same name!!!!

 

No Athens next month, and Croatia in April.

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They always say that you need to give Aus 2 years before making a decision. I suggest the converse is true too - get back for 2 years and see how it's going. Everyone, I suspect, (and I say this as one who came to loathe Australia and the thought of returning made me want to throw up) has a tendency to compare the bad of the now with the good of the past and that's not a great comparison - it usually happens when the going is getting a little tough. Moving to any new country (and moving on to UK) takes time and effort. If OTOH you took a career break and the option of returning is a better opportunity than the one you now have, then that makes things trickier and more time imperative. To hedge all your bets, get your wife citizenship then see.

Edited by Quoll
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But I am not like the op who has second thoughts after moving back, if you think like that after thinking the uk is better you will probably only think the same after you have moved back

 

Not necessarily thinking either country is better, their just both different, each with pluses and minuses. I could probably slate Oz for twice as many things over the UK, as in a whole I don't believe it has as much going for it. Just at this point in time, I think Oz may have the upper hand in a financial sense. With a young kid, I need to consider a bit of financial security, and just struggling to find this in the UK at present. But also savvy enough to know, it's unfair to all to keep moving. Difficult to know what's best.

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Not necessarily thinking either country is better, their just both different, each with pluses and minuses. I could probably slate Oz for twice as many things over the UK, as in a whole I don't believe it has as much going for it. Just at this point in time, I think Oz may have the upper hand in a financial sense. With a young kid, I need to consider a bit of financial security, and just struggling to find this in the UK at present. But also savvy enough to know, it's unfair to all to keep moving. Difficult to know what's best.

 

Also expensive to keep moving. Reading your comments as a whole it seems UK suits you better. Understand what you mean about financial security but that can change over time. Better to be where you are happier in your soul I think rather than chase the dollar.

Edited by Gbye grey sky
Correcting error
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If your wife is Australian, be sure this is what you both want in the long term as trying to get back to the UK in the future will potentially be very hard as you as the Brit sponsor need to earn a minimum of £18,000 plus for 6 months in the UK before you can sponsor her. Or have savings of over £64,000. I can't recall the exact ins and outs but make sure you are informed before you make a decision either way. Also indefinite leave to remain does have an expiry date on it if you leave the country, so get informed on how it all works in case you did go to Aus but then wanted to come back.

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Personally, I'd look to relocating in the UK. Apply for jobs, relocate for the right one if it comes along. Spend a few years, your wife gain citizenship then see how you all feel.

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So many people do it for the reasons you have given but when we are on holiday our family loves to see us, its a different thing when we are there permanently as they have their own lives to live. As for not seeing the children that much, not every grandparent, aunt,uncle can, again they have their own lives and friends, so working full time and their families and their clubs etc take precedence.

 

I was brought up in UK but when we moved away I used to hear from the family but over the years drifted off to do their thing. They would have done the same if we had stayed in UK, that was just the way our family was/is.

 

The problem too is that the person who moves away does all the chasing, flying backwards and forwards wasting money in my view on what should be for their own families. You cannot chase the past you have to live in the present and the bottom line is our families are becoming smaller and insular and that is the way of the world so we have to make the most of our own little family.

 

I am pleased you mentioned the cost of living because we were over for three months in 2010 and my oh said yep it was cheap for us but looking at the wages that people in UK were earning in the places we were staying in we knew that we were a lot better off in Australia. He said at the time he did not know how some people managed in UK on their wages.

 

So do what makes you and yours happy. Children adjust, we had to my brother and I and my parents were the wanderlust, looking for the other side of the hill all their lives. Hence me I stay put and so does my brother we know its not greener on the other side.

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Benidorm was a joke! More wanted to go to prove to my wife it's exactly like the TV show of the same name!!!!

 

No Athens next month, and Croatia in April.

 

Things can't be going too badly for you here if you can do trips like these. Stay and get your wife whatever rights it is she needs to get then re-evaluate your position. Meanwhile, keep exploring Europe while you've got the chance and enjoy it.

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Scottydog your post makes me a bit nervous as I worry about regretting the move back to the UK, even though it's the right decision for us to move back. (We came to Oz for a four year adventure and ended up staying 10!)

 

It helped us to make a list of the things DH I want out of life for our family. We then ranked them in order of importance and thought about which country was the best fit. It might be something that would help you make the decision? Ours looked like this:

 

Time with the kids and each other

Financial Freedom

Good schools

Short commute

Cool job

Dream house

Access to travel adventures

Close to Family

Village life

Friends nearby

 

To be fair, Australia and UK both tick a lot boxes and actually, like you, I think we might be better off financially here in Oz but the UK edged it with ticks for travel, family and village life. So even though financial stuff is higher up the list than say village life, the sum of those three extras proved greater than the draw of better money alone. I hope that makes sense, I have a feeling I'm waffling! Anyway, it was a good exercise to get us to focus on what was truly important and cut out some of the "noise" in my brain about the move. We can't afford to ping long so want to get it right.

Edited by Aunt Agatha
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Guest guest41161
Things can't be going too badly for you here if you can do trips like these. Stay and get your wife whatever rights it is she needs to get then re-evaluate your position. Meanwhile, keep exploring Europe while you've got the chance and enjoy it.

 

Not going great. Slowly drowning with a smile on my face! :arghh:

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Hi Scottydog,

 

It sounds like the UK is the place you should be, and if your wife and child love it that's a pretty good reason to stay. The things you are unhappy about aren't forever, if you had more senior jobs in Australia then you have the potential to have more senior jobs again with higher salaries. Whilst the economy isn't bad in Scotland (we've been back 6 months) all the indications are that 2014 is going to be a good year so opportunities will be out there.

 

Unfortunately the curse of dual nationality is you do have to make a choice and neither country is perfect.

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Hey Melza, can't recall the song, guessing you have a few years on me!:wink:

 

My wife did belt out a few bars of it, but I decided to leave the room!

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And remember Scottydog its actually ok to like/love both countries!:cute:"Torn between two countries,feeling like a fool,loving both of you is breaking all the rules"(remember that song?lol):laugh:

 

i rather prefer the Neil Diamond one I heard today - the one that starts LA is fine. That indecision about where you belong and the feeling of aloneness - never really listened to the words before today.

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Guest Guest 47403
Ok, to cut a long story short, arrived back in UK December 12 after 9 years in Oz.

 

Had a few jobs since then, little one settled at school, and wife has also found work. Close to family, who I see maybe one a week or fortnight, so all seems well.

 

But in reality, I am starting to have the niggles. Wifes 2 year visa is up at the end of the year, and we need to decide stay and get her ILR, or return.

 

Both of our jobs are nowhere near as well paid as Oz jobs, to be expected, and neither of us really like our jobs. Easier said than done to move on and find other jobs. Back to living from month to month on our salaries, so really we are slightly worse of than what we were. Previously both in more senior roles and could save a bit each month.

 

Now thinking, do I need to suck it up, go back and get back on track, or hang tight and try and get on here. Stuck in a nightmare as wife and kid love it here, but I can't see any progress at present for career or buying property etc, etc.

 

Is this the norm for an Expat returning? Weighing up what each country has and questioning every choice? I am destined to be stuck in no mans land for the rest of my days?

 

Doing my own head in, so god knows how much I am annoying my wife!

 

Right Scott I've skimmed over the other replies as EVERYONE bar none on PIO is biased one way or the other, you will not get impartial advice on here, I'm Oz biased but to me just going on what you've written I'd be moving back...........what ever you decide good luck

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