Englishlover Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Far to many excuses i smell a rat. Dont mean to be rude but my next message to him would be - Happy New Year - my new years gift to you is "Goodby" you will not hear from me again. Go to the UK on a working holiday have a good look around see if it is where you wont to live - you never know who you might meet along the way. Hi Tina, I am too old to get working holiday , none of my grandparents are English Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Sorry to hear that English lover could you manage to just go for a holiday ? You could cut costs by maybe doing a "house sit" where you look after a home and maybe a pet for a few weeks and in return you get free accomadation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colinmaclec Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Maybe you could meet someone online and get married................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Sorry to hear that English lover could you manage to just go for a holiday ? You could cut costs by maybe doing a "house sit" where you look after a home and maybe a pet for a few weeks and in return you get free accomadation. Hi Tina, I am afraid I cannot work when I have visitor status. Thanks anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Maybe you could meet someone online and get married................ OH NO dont do that . Our daughter met her ex on line and got married, he has now totally destroyed her life, she cant even move suburbs for the next 14 years unless she leaves her children behind. Might be some nice ones on line but the majority ????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 OH NO dont do that . Our daughter met her ex on line and got married, he has now totally destroyed her life, she cant even move suburbs for the next 14 years unless she leaves her children behind. Might be some nice ones on line but the majority ????????? Oh sorry to hear that. I always think that this will be my last long distance relationship in my life. It is very hard and unhealthy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Incata Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Maybe you could meet someone online and get married................ I did that, but we met first. We corresponded online for 4 months before meeting. I flew back to the UK from Canada and we then dated for 3 years before getting engaged. No way would I have married him without meeting him, his family and his friends first. Am still happy with him over 10 years after we met. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Every single post on here, says that something isn't right here. We are telling you to value yourself and show pride in yourself. No man should do this to you and especially when you are so far away and its Christmas and New Year. If he really cared about you he would have done his thinking before letting you know there was something wrong. I feel you are heading for a huge fall no matter what decision this guy makes. You are holding out hope for him but by posting this thread you already know what it means. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Hi PommieAussie Yes, I am an Australian. I can go there without applying visa and stay for 6 months without work permission. However, I do not want to go like a visitor again. I need the relationship to be progressed. The reason I have been with him (LDR) for 5 years because nobody is better than him. I know that he might have commitment problem. He had only 2 gfs in his life before he met me and it was only few months last long. I am just trying to understand him and hope he will eventually get out of the fears he has. Ahhhhh my dear, this is so telling! Your assertion that there is nobody better than him, plus his lack of personal relationships, shows a devotion to someone who may-may have a problem with relationships and commitments. Thus there could well be some real heartache in this for you. If you feel this way,-then you must be prepared to carry this emotional load and no one can really help. I hope it works out; I really do. ________________________________________ I know it must be so difficult for you: coping with the personal situation, seeking advice online,-and then coping with the onslaught of us all who are simply responding with our opinions!! It is probably now compounding your problem; now you have to defend the situation to us! It is the classic: 'well I did ask'!! Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted December 31, 2013 Author Share Posted December 31, 2013 Ahhhhh my dear, this is so telling! Your assertion that there is nobody better than him, plus his lack of personal relationships, shows a devotion to someone who may-may have a problem with relationships and commitments. Thus there could well be some real heartache in this for you. If you feel this way,-then you must be prepared to carry this emotional load and no one can really help. I hope it works out; I really do. ________________________________________ I know it must be so difficult for you: coping with the personal situation, seeking advice online,-and then coping with the onslaught of us all who are simply responding with our opinions!! It is probably now compounding your problem; now you have to defend the situation to us! It is the classic: 'well I did ask'!! Good luck. "now you have to defend the situation to us!" I love this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
travelchic Posted December 31, 2013 Share Posted December 31, 2013 Maybe he wants to be 100% sure of your relationship before allowing you to give up everything and move across the world for him. I dated a guy from Belfast for a while. He wanted to give up his home, family, job and move here to live with me. I kept putting him off because I wasn't 100% sure it's what I wanted. I didn't want him to give up everything for me and then 6 months down the line I decide its not for me and he's homeless, jobless and far from family. So for that reason I asked for more time. And I was right to because it didn't work out. maybe just give him a bit more time, but in the meantime, there's no reason why you can't go out with your friends and have some fun. Debs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 Maybe he wants to be 100% sure of your relationship before allowing you to give up everything and move across the world for him. I dated a guy from Belfast for a while. He wanted to give up his home, family, job and move here to live with me. I kept putting him off because I wasn't 100% sure it's what I wanted. I didn't want him to give up everything for me and then 6 months down the line I decide its not for me and h e's homeless, jobless and far from family. So for that reason I asked for more time. And I was right to because it didn't work out. maybe just give him a bit more time, but in the meantime, there's no reason why you can't go out with your friends and have some fun. Debs Hi Debs, Thank you. You might be right. I asked him again last night what he wants to do now. He said he is thinking. I have told him to make a decision soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Debs - he has been thinking about it for 5 years!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tina2 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 if he loved you he wouldnt need to "think" about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pommyaussie Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I have a friend who despite all the good advice by everyone to leave him due to him not respecting their relationship she kept telling everyone "but I love him"...... He used her for years and eventually dumped her. It was a very one sided relationship and half the stuff he told her was rubbish. She said she should have walked away years ago but the truth is no one could tell her to do it - she had to learn for herself. The hard way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest90395 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I've been in this situation myself, my ex-boyfriend couldn't make his mind up for 9 months. In the end he did finally break up with me and I moved on and met someone else - and that relationship showed me that when it's right it's not difficult. When I was planning my wedding I came across my ex's wedding pics and the story of their relationship - turns out he had been with her for the whole of our relationship! I still can't figure out how he managed it and many times I defended him and said there was no way he had someone else. I agree that it doesn't matter what others say, you need to come to the conclusion yourself. It's just a shame that for some people, including myself, it's hard to give up on hope and you end up getting more hurt and wasting time on people who don't deserve you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pommyaussie Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 There is a book called He is just not into me, my daughter had it at one time. Interesting read That's really bizarre it seems this is also a film and it's just started on channel 9 on Foxtel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roborac Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I find it hard to think this is a genuine post from English lover , doesn't any one else ? I apologise if I am just being a cynical observer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I find it hard to think this is a genuine post from English lover , doesn't any one else ? I apologise if I am just being a cynical observer. I don't, because though we have attempted to give advice, much/most of it has been negative to the outlook of the OP. I don't think anyone is that much of a glutton for punishment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tappers2oz Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I find it hard to think this is a genuine post from English lover , doesn't any one else ? I apologise if I am just being a cynical observer. Why wouldn't it be genuine? Sometimes people need opinions from others that are completely neutral to the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gbye grey sky Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I find it hard to think this is a genuine post from English lover , doesn't any one else ? I apologise if I am just being a cynical observer. There really is no point in posting such observations. You may think this but why post it? English Lover has been posting a consistent message for years on this forum and the scenario is perfectly credible ( and I am as cynical as anyone). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Englishlover Posted January 1, 2014 Author Share Posted January 1, 2014 I find it hard to think this is a genuine post from English lover , doesn't any one else ? I apologise if I am just being a cynical observer. Hi Roborac, it is me. It is a genuine post. I came across this website because my fiance is English. I always dated English in the past and found that they are nice and gentle. In addition, I like everything about England since I was a teenager , football, history for example. Do you think someone just made the fake post?:twitcy::twitcy::twitcy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roborac Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 Hi Englishlover ,I am English and not all English people are nice and gentle people, you ask about people making fake posts , yes they really do , its a fact that some people do that, why I don't know, because it spoils it for the genuine ones Please don't be offended by my post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I am going to be even more honest English Lover as I have looked through your previous posts on this site over the past 4 years or so... You are being messed around. He wont let you see his facebook (well 2 years ago he wouldn't - has this changed?) You asked to meet his family - he said no and this caused arguments You have met him 4 times in 5 years - that is not serious. 5 years is a long time and if he truly loved you things would have progressed. You can keep coming on this forum asking similar questions, year after year but honestly, you get the same answers and you are still playing into his hands. You must have a better quality of life in Oz and you need to be spending your time and attention to making friends or meeting other men. From what I have read you are setting yourself up for failure but you still expect more. Plenty of men in the UK sit on the computers night after night whilst their wives are downstairs, it wouldn't take much to hide that from you. His wife or partner may work nights. Plus during your visits its easy to do this by taking 'business trips' etc and renting out a place. You need to walk away and not contact this bloke again... But from previous posts - we are all wasting our time advising you because you still don't listen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peccavi Posted January 1, 2014 Share Posted January 1, 2014 I am going to be even more honest English Lover as I have looked through your previous posts on this site over the past 4 years or so... You are being messed around. He wont let you see his facebook (well 2 years ago he wouldn't - has this changed?) You asked to meet his family - he said no and this caused arguments You have met him 4 times in 5 years - that is not serious. 5 years is a long time and if he truly loved you things would have progressed. You can keep coming on this forum asking similar questions, year after year but honestly, you get the same answers and you are still playing into his hands. You must have a better quality of life in Oz and you need to be spending your time and attention to making friends or meeting other men. From what I have read you are setting yourself up for failure but you still expect more. Plenty of men in the UK sit on the computers night after night whilst their wives are downstairs, it wouldn't take much to hide that from you. His wife or partner may work nights. Plus during your visits its easy to do this by taking 'business trips' etc and renting out a place. You need to walk away and not contact this bloke again... But from previous posts - we are all wasting our time advising you because you still don't listen. I think this is hard hitting, but EL,-it really is on the nail. (I had no idea that this has been a topic before). So many of us have 'been there and done that', and we try to take others along for the ride, but ultimately the 'ride' occurs because we don't listen to the advice that we actually asked for! It is almost that we need company for the journey of indecision. This is also harsh: you truly need to put up or shut up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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