Sparkle67 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Hello All I would really benefit and appreciate your opinion/advice. I have been granted a Resident Return Visa, valid for one year (exp 1 June'14). I initially applied for a 5 year RRV in the hope that my daughters and I would move in two years time when youngest has completed secondary school - but did not qualify due to not being in Australia for 2 yrs out of 5. Older daughters excited as prospect of moving (they are Australian by birth). Youngest daughter aged 14 is refusing to go. Understandable so, as she had a difficult time in secondary school, followed by a 7 month absence from school due to mental health reasons. She has now settled into a new secondary school and loves it. Her fear is that she cannot go through another school move. I feel so guilty at putting her through this misery that I am scared her health issues will return if I force her to go (although how you force an almost 15 year old to get on a plane is beyond me! I would love for her to finish school here but the problem I have is the expiry on the RRV. When it was issued, the immigration officer told me she had initially put my application on the "no" pile, then changed her mind and granted the visa. She very clearly stated that if I do not use this visa, there is no chance I would be accepted if I applied again in two years time. So that is my dilemma - this is our one and only chance to make the move but I don't know what to do. My youngest sees her psychotherapist weekly and although her mental health issues are managed, it seems that undue stress placed upon her sets her back. Life has been extremely difficult for the past few years, I cannot afford to keep my property here, my daughters have had a tough time and my reason for applying to move back to Australia was for them. New start and hopefully a happier one but it's not even starting off on the right foot. My financial position is that I am unable to take my daughter for a holiday to Oz, which would have been ideal. So, if we do this, the only way is to sell my property here and make the move. I would be happy to sell up, use some of the funds to take her on holiday then come back to the UK and rent for 2 years until she has finished school but by then I will not be eligible for a RRV. I hope I have made some sense here but my head is all over the place and I don't know what to do, it is making me so ill, I can't sleep and instead of this being an exciting time, it's filled with stress. I would really appreciate anyone's views on this. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fifi69 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Under normal circumstances, a 14year old who refused to move would be told he/she had no choice but to come. Your dilemma is out of scope. I don't think you shouldnt move, but kid gloves are needed here. It's great that you can talk to your daughter. Do your other children support her, because I think that's what she would need, plenty of support. Are you talking as in the v near future? Can you move during the big summer break, so that she may get a chance to meet some of her new neighbours and classmates? could you be finding out about mental health care in the area you plan to move too? Email someone for advise on the best way to go about this. You do sound as if as a family Oz may be the new start your looking for. All the best xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dxboz Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I do feel for you - do you have any family your daughter could stay with for a while? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I'd be looking to provide your daughter with the stability that is obviously agreeing with her at the moment after that traumatic time and finishing her education in a place she is settled is probably paramount. If you need to move, can you let her stay with friends or relatives at least until she feels that she can make the move - that may be after A levels or, if she continues to make progress, it may be until she is just about to turn 16 and then move into yr 11 in Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 You maybe have this sorted but if she wasnt on your original visa wont you have to apply for a child visa for her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle67 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 Thank you for your reply and advice. Visa states need to enter Australia prior to 1st June 2014 so I am leaving it as close to that date as possible. You are right in saying that under normal circumstances a 14 year old should not dictate the future of the family and thank you for recognising that our situation is slightly different. My daughter was almost admitted last year bless her, so I am very concerned that she doesn't have a repeat of that, which was the scariest time of our lives. That is actually why I applied for the visa - to give her a new start, seems to be backfiring though. My other daughters have been supportive but they also have an air of "she'll be fine once she's out there." I wish I could feel as confident. I will never ever forgive myself if she reverts back to what she went through last year. The therapist said it would not be good for my daughter to start again with another therapist so she suggested weekly sessions via Skype or Facetime, which I think would work for a while, but you are right - I will look into the services available for adolescents. My middle daughter is profoundly deaf, she also went through a difficult time in her teenage years and is all up for the move, although I worry that she will miss her large group of deaf friends here in the UK, she says she'll be fine though. My eldest is diabetic type 1 so need to make sure she has the right support too. Thank you again for your reply and well wishes. Zx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle67 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 Hi Dxbox Thank you. My family are spread far and wide, nearest being 90 miles from me and her father is a "no go area." Also, I could never leave her in the UK whilst I went to Australia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle67 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 Hi Quoll and thank you for your comments. I have one brother who lives 90 miles from me, my mother lives abroad and my father remarried and decided to cut contact with his whole family. My girls are my life so to contemplate leaving my 14 year old with someone else is not something I would consider. I am the one constant thing in her life and due to her circumstances, leaving her would be dire (although I do understand why you mentioned it, as it does seem like a sensible solution, if it were possible) Thank you Z Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle67 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 Hello AJ She wasn't born when I had my original visa, other two daughters were born in Sydney so not a problem for them but yes, I have applied for a child sponsor visa. Regards Z Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maruska Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I am wondering if the move is in everyone`s best interest right now. Your daughter has found a place where she`s happy at the moment, your other daughter has a good network of hearing-impaired friends ( although it seems that with her attitude she`ll be able to make friends quite easily again) . Since all of them are Australians, could they sponsor you for a visa in couple of years if you all still want to go? Mental health is no joke, you need to be very careful, especially during the sensitive adolescent period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I am wondering if the move is in everyone`s best interest right now. Your daughter has found a place where she`s happy at the moment, your other daughter has a good network of hearing-impaired friends ( although it seems that with her attitude she`ll be able to make friends quite easily again) . Since all of them are Australians, could they sponsor you for a visa in couple of years if you all still want to go? Mental health is no joke, you need to be very careful, especially during the sensitive adolescent period. I agree with this. I know it won't be what you need to hear but yr 9 girls have the potential to be monster b*tches and to put a kid who has the potential to display any sort of fragility into that bear cage would be fraught IMHO. Check out Princess Bitchface by Michael Carr Gregg for starters - adolescent mental health problems are rife in Aus and a lot are down to bullying. As the other two are citizens they should be able to facilitate your move later as Maruska mentioned, if they decide then that they want to be in Aus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I am really not sure why you want to move from your posts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Victoriagal Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Have to say I'm with Quoll on this one. We have come back to the UK for a few reasons but one was that the support at school for our son with Aspergers, although promised, never materialised and the bullying from students and teachers was just dreadful and even written complaints failed to resolve things. It became so bad we just pulled him from school completely in the end. He will be the first to point out that primary school (he's had four) has been dreadful for him and we are very aware of the need to make sure this is not repeated at High School and to be honest given the emotional turmoil he has been through if we do manage to find a place where he is happy we would not take the risk of moving him for all the tea in China. We figure as adults we can adapt to most scenarios but much more trauma for him could just tip him over the edge - so for us the decisions we are making now are entirely in pursuit of happiness for him. Obviously I don't know your daughters position but if like my son she needs a therapist then I would have thought she would need the stability and security of what she is currently comfortable with and the uncertainty and anxiety of the move would not be good for her. I think every child deals with change differently - I had 13 schools over 13 years of education and thought the experience of 'travel' would be good for my son... but sometimes on reflection I wonder if all that travel for the last 9 years have caused more problems than any of us could have realised. I can in no way make these decisions for you - and they are tough ones - merely give you a little insight to our experiences in the hope that they may help. Big hugs - being a mother to these 'special' children is hard enough but sounds like you are doing it on your own too! Something else to consider is if you are making this move without support at the other end you have to also deal with the maze of culture shock and navigating the health and education systems on your own. Do not underestimate how hard that is especially while handling three sets of emotions to boot. :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I have read the thread carefully and in all honesty cannot see one single reason why you would move to Australia. I think you should let this go and focus on your life in the UK. Normally I also would not let a 14 year old dictate, but your circumstances are different from the usual stroppy teenager story. At the moment her needs seem to be the greatest, which means allowing her the stability she has found after a traumatic period. It sounds like you ave done incredibly well to get her thought that ... don't stuff it up now.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle67 Posted July 21, 2017 Author Share Posted July 21, 2017 An update....four years later Moved to the Gold Coast two years ago. Youngest daughter is still under the mental health team, who have been fabulous here. Daughter says the move was the best thing for her and she would never move back to England. Happy daughter...happy mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Am very glad to hear things have worked out for you all Hope the rest of the family are enjoying life in Aus too Thank you for stopping by with the update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexJD Posted July 21, 2017 Share Posted July 21, 2017 Great to hear! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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