Nicky Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 It has been a long time since I have been on the forums. We have been in Aus for over 8 years and now my eldest son (24 years old) is talking about going back to the UK to move in with his father. He has had a very bumpy ride here and after a relationship breakdown has decided to try to settle back in the UK. He has his citizenship here so can come back and although it is pretty gut wrenching for us, he has got family there to help. I just need some advice on the best way to help him. He has been diagnosed with schizophrenia but is stable with medication and he is hoping to get part time work as soon as possible. Thanks Nicky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 I am sorry but I think from the sounds of it you have a lot of bases covered. Let him go over to the UK but ensure he has support and housing in place. Before you go ask for your GP for his medical records so he can present this to the GP in England when he arrives. Ensure he has enough medication to cover him between now and then. If he needs a referral to a CPN then perhaps ask your ex to push the UK GP for this. Although if he is stable that probably isn't necessary. Then let him look for work in the UK either online or through the job centre. Would he consider going back to college? You don't say if he is skilled or been working before. In Nottingham we have a recovery college for people who suffer from mental health problems and it helps give them the skills to get into work such as confidence. I am sure with family around him he will be fine. Relationship breakdowns are hard. Just let him find his feet and enjoy the life of a 24 year old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Hi Nicky How heartbreaking for you but I've learnt these past few days that we have to support our children no matter how much it pains us and we don't agree with their decisions. Is his relationship totally over or is his decision based on impulse. Like you say he has his citizenship so he can always come back and it sounds like he has a good support network in the UK. :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 my younger son is returning to UK, will be with his mother, beat myself up over the dilemma of having one son in UK one in Oz and I like both countries I know now though that just knowing that they are happy wherever they are and living life for themselves and not for me is all I need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Oh! and I secretly renewed his RRV for 5 years for him, He needs to find out for himself where he needs to be :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Kids they break our hearts don't they, we will always love and worry about them whatever, wherever they are/go in life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicky Posted October 6, 2013 Author Share Posted October 6, 2013 We have always known that this was a possibility that one of them would want to go back or somewhere other than Aus (we have travelled a lot before getting here and have 4 kids so the chances are high) but it doesn't make it any easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legoman Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 I know what you mean, My son is getting skype which helps. I dont know how they coped years ago by letter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 We have always known that this was a possibility that one of them would want to go back or somewhere other than Aus (we have travelled a lot before getting here and have 4 kids so the chances are high) but it doesn't make it any easier. I know exactly what you mean :hug: :hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Try to think of the positives, the independence he can gain. He may have memories of the UK that will not materialise and will return in a few years time. In the meantime children younger than that go off to university, go for WHV's and the like... Let him have his freedom and come back a stronger and mature man. The world is his oyster and he needs to discover that. Just remind him to look out for his mental health issues and ensure he is aware of his relapse signs so he can seek early help if he needs it. You should be very proud, a lot of people are unable to find the strength to get on with their lives, the illness can be so disabling. I wish him all the best. I know its hard, but you have done your job and it sounds like you did it well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Try to think of the positives, the independence he can gain. He may have memories of the UK that will not materialise and will return in a few years time. In the meantime children younger than that go off to university, go for WHV's and the like... Let him have his freedom and come back a stronger and mature man. The world is his oyster and he needs to discover that. Just remind him to look out for his mental health issues and ensure he is aware of his relapse signs so he can seek early help if he needs it. You should be very proud, a lot of people are unable to find the strength to get on with their lives, the illness can be so disabling. I wish him all the best. I know its hard, but you have done your job and it sounds like you did it well. That's lovely and so true. We may have this in reverse (two of mine are considering uni in Aus), but I figure that they must feel comfortable and secure enough to leave us. If that makes sense? The saying that you give your children roots to grow and wings to fly is so accurate. Youth mental health services in this country are growing and improving all the time. I'm sure, if it arises he'll have the professional support he needs. He can always come home to you when he's done his thing - most young people go away at some point. My 18 year old was away for three months this summer and has come back an adult (most of the time!! :wink:). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Exactly Caramac. My ex husband and my husband had always lived with their mums before I met them whereas I was kind of abandoned at 18 as an adult and had to move out and get on with it. One of the strengths I have is that I can move anywhere and make things a success. My ex husband will only ever live near his mum (in fact he is 35 and still living with her), my husband has had a lot of growing up in the 6 years we have been together, he had never cooked, cleaned or even had to survive and it wasn't one of his better features!!! Luckily things are changing and he's learnt to grow up into a lovely man now. Us mums just don't realise the damage we do when we over protect our children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Three out of 4 of my children went to live in the UK around his age. One stayed 2 years,one a year and the other a few months but that one travels all the time from country to country. He may well return sooner than you think and if not, well he is lucky to have your blessings and at least he has family over there. Is it a sudden wish that he has or has he been thinking along these lines for a while? I only ask because I was wondering if it is just impulsive behaviour on his part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramot Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 Parenting doesn't get any easier even when the offspring are grown up, and if you move countries then you have to face the prospect that your children may move back or away. I really sympathise, especially if they have a health problem, but we have moved all our married life, and when we retired to OZ after living in Asia for years all 3 of ours were in UK. Strangely enough 2 have followed us here, which is great, it wasn't expected, but I'm not complaining. Our daughter is epileptic so I really understand worrying long distance, but she is amazing and very independent, and has lived on her own in Mexico and Kenya, yes I have worried myself sick at times, but I'm very proud of her. You have to trust them to take medication for whatever their medical condition, and let them live their lives. A strong drink helps at times, that's for me not them!! I hope it works out for your son, whatever he decides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted October 6, 2013 Share Posted October 6, 2013 I don't think I've ever expected my kids to hang around where I am, after all, I didn't hang around my parents. I've got one who went to UK "forever", lasted 10 months and returned to Aus but who now (with a "mum tied" wife and daughters) jealously watches his older brother who went to UK for a post uni gap year (11 yrs ago now!) and has absolutely no intention of returning. You get used to it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nicky Posted October 6, 2013 Author Share Posted October 6, 2013 Our son has always wanted to stay in the UK or Belgium and while he sort of settled here it has never really felt like home for him. I know that going back is the right thing for him at the moment and am happy that he has a reasonable support structure, it's just tough coming suddenly. I am sorting out my passport today so that I can take him over and am trying to talk him around to saving up some money and waiting until after Christmas to go as I also have to wait until school holidays. There is an element of impulse but I think that the overall decision is the right one if he can do it properly. Nicky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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