redleader Posted August 22, 2013 Author Share Posted August 22, 2013 If this matters as much to you as it seems, please don't do McKenzie's friend. why Not? do you have experiences of mackenzie friends in this particular subject? I ask because I am considering having one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 22, 2013 Author Share Posted August 22, 2013 Thanks for all your support/ advice guys. I am absolutely exhausted, emotionally and physically from all of this. Believe me i read all of your posts, but some times i I dont have any spare capacity to reply. I'll keep you posted. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 why Not? do you have experiences of mackenzie friends in this particular subject? I ask because I am considering having one. My experience of McKenzie's friends goes back to the poll tax days. They were invariably political activists, pursuing an agenda and seeking to frustrate the judicial process even if they lost at the end of the day. They annoyed the magistrates even by existing - which was the intention. I worry that if you are advised by McKenzie's friend, you would have someone advising you who would immediately cause the court to be pre-disposed against you; would prompt you to argue incorrect legal points; would point you to irrelevant material; and would not spot the right arguments to use. It also leaves you in a position where you will have to speak for yourself and unless you lose some of your emotion, you will represent yourself badly. If you can't afford a lawyer then talk to Citizen's Advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 22, 2013 Author Share Posted August 22, 2013 My experience of McKenzie's friends goes back to the poll tax days. poll tax days were the 80's? do you have any experience or knowledge of how mckenzie friends are perceived in this day and age? I ask, because I am thinking of getting one. Obviously, if this is the way that mckenzie friends are viewed in a court setting in todays political environment, i might think again. But if your experience of a mckenzie friend was ONLY in the 80's I would welcome any further input about their possible help, as the perception of them might be viewed very differently by todays standards? I dont know? what do you think? I'm open to any ones help/ knowledge here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted August 22, 2013 Share Posted August 22, 2013 I'm bowing out of this one. I've offered my thoughts but you need to decide for yourself how to proceed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 22, 2013 Author Share Posted August 22, 2013 thanks quinkla. I do appreciate your input. I only wish I could bow out of this one with you. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 23, 2013 Author Share Posted August 23, 2013 UPDATE: further solicitors letter received today. It reads exactly the same as the one sent 6 days before. Court proceedings are 'imminent' So, I am supposed to have sought legal advice, AND replied in 6 days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blossom Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 I would reply with 'see you in court'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toussaint Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 My only comment is don't be influenced by the "it's a better place for kids" argument , for some no doubt, for others it can be a Disasterous move particularly in the teenage years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 24, 2013 Author Share Posted August 24, 2013 The 1st solicitors letter i received was on fri 16th aug. Dad knew that son was here till sun 18th Aug. 11am 19th aug, angry voicemails from dad, telling me i should sign the papers. Dad states that son is furious with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 24, 2013 Author Share Posted August 24, 2013 I would reply with 'see you in court'. I havent replied to any of the solicitors letters yet. It has only been 8 days since the 1st one, let alone the 2nd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 I havent replied to any of the solicitors letters yet. It has only been 8 days since the 1st one, let alone the 2nd. I guess you need to do something soon, be it answer them or even start to ready yourself for a hearing. I would never let myself be bullied into signing something I do not want to sign. I kind of have this view that perhaps your son would like to feel that his parent put up a bit of a fight for him and didn't just sign him over at the first raised voice. Even if he doesn't know it now, he might understand more in the future and one day he will think good on you. Having said that, I think the next thing you need to do is have a serious talk to your son in your own territory, that is not over the phone whilst his dad is in the background. I am not sure if he is 15 or 16, but his opinion is going to be the deciding factor in this, I am really sure of that, so you need to get a really good gauge on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 24, 2013 Author Share Posted August 24, 2013 My only comment is don't be influenced by the "it's a better place for kids" argument , for some no doubt, for others it can be a Disasterous move particularly in the teenage years. why do you say this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 24, 2013 Author Share Posted August 24, 2013 I guess you need to do something soon, be it answer them or even start to ready yourself for a hearing. yep. all of that is in progress. I would never let myself be bullied into signing something I do not want to sign .Mine and my sons relationship is at stake here I kind of have this view that perhaps your son would like to feel that his parent put up a bit of a fight for him and didn't just sign him over at the first raised voice. Yes I agree with you here. I know my son wants to go, but he who shouts loudest................... Even if he doesn't know it now, he might understand more in the future and one day he will think good on you. Even if he doesn't know it now, he might understand more in the future and one day he will think good on you. I'm banking on him realising this important issue in his later years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted August 24, 2013 Author Share Posted August 24, 2013 My only comment is don't be influenced by the "it's a better place for kids" argument , for some no doubt, for others it can be a Disasterous move particularly in the teenage years. why do you say that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 why do you say that? At a guess, some teenagers find it hard to settle, awkward age. Others don't, others are fine. I think the message is that it is not a given that it is "better for kids". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toussaint Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 why do you say that? My own personal experience with my eldest, and that of two other English families we are close to, who have had terrible problems with teenagers, I would describe us all as good and close families. I can't tell you why it happens but there seems to be quite common. I was very naive, so many people said get out of the uk to give your children a better life, some aspects are better but some much worse, particularly if you came from a good part of the uk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toussaint Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 At a guess, some teenagers find it hard to settle, awkward age. Others don't, others are fine. I think the message is that it is not a given that it is "better for kids". You interpreted my message with 100 percent accuracy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jac2011 Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 OP I am presuming that your son isn't back at school yet. Why cant you ask your ex to ensure your son visits you for a few days (at his expense) so you can sit down with your son in a neutral environment and discuss this with him. At the end of the day, you had him whilst you knew all this was going on and you haven't stated that you discussed this with him. Whether its something you like, this issue is going ahead and going to court. I wont give any advice as I am on the other side of the fence in my personal situation, but as I have learnt - every family is different. I went for the most expensive and qualified legal advice I could find and got told that she expects me to have a high chance of success based on our personal situation. This is not saying your ex will, however hold it in mind that there is a 50% chance your ex will win. This way you can be prepared emotionally. One thing, based on my situation alone is I would be angry with my ex if he cost me thousands in legal costs when I have raised the children single hand idly. If your son is too scared to tell you how he feels for fear of upsetting you, why not tell him how much you love him whichever option he would prefer and ask him to tell you what he wants in a letter. Its easy to go to court and fight but (a) dependant on age the court will listen to your sons feelings via Cafcass and (b) the thousands you both lose in court costs would be useful in paying for flights, contact and education for your son. People on this site will offer advice but people wont like offering bad news, I got legal advice within a few days. She offered her first hour for £100. Surely that's worth it. Maybe text your ex, telling him to offer you the first £100 to ensure you can get some legal advice and to back off from texting you till you have got this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redleader Posted October 13, 2013 Author Share Posted October 13, 2013 Just thought I would give an update in situation. Have court directions hearing tomorrow- EEEEEEEEK! Fingers crossed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wellers and Whitehead Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Just thought I would give an update in situation. Have court directions hearing tomorrow- EEEEEEEEK! Fingers crossed. court is always quite intimidating, however be strong and make sure you explain everything you wish to say to your legal representive! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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