Surf N Turf

So you've met my English OH then? I'm actually surrounded by POMs on all sides. Struggling to keep up.

Bless you and your inflammatory stereotypes! I was thinking about a reasoned response but just can't be arsed. Instead I'm going to learn from the Master. Now, my brother-in-law is THE MOST BORING PERSON ALIVE. No contest whatsoever. He couldn't initiate a conversation if his life depended on it. But if he did, you wouldn't be able to stay awake to find out which piece of minutiae from his life he was grappling with. I've lapsed into altered states of consciousness when sat next to him at dinner just to avoid the sound of his voice. It hurts my ears and offends my synapses. And he's English. Therefore, (and this is the good bit) the English are dull, dull, dull. Voila! Now, a normal Harpo tactic at this point would be to tell me to chillax. But I am. Happily so. And I like this new skill. I'm gonna use it again. p.s. Fan of your work Dom. Just playing!

Genuinely sorry Somgirl. Your quirky thread got caught up in my exasperation about this idea that Australians are too thick to hold a decent conversation and wouldn't recognise a joke if it jumped into the back of their ute. Please don't learn anything new on my account!

But hang on, if Australia is so dull because the few interesting Aussie's (who presumably can hold a conversation, have a laugh and understand the concept of a craic) are overseas, leaving only us dull-witted slow-thinkers behind...... ......Why is PIO so dull so often? (And I'm referencing your own recent complaint here Harpo). Why isn't it full of fascinating threads and hilarious anecdotes? More representative of the kind of wit and intelligence you seem to be priding yourselves on? Why did I recently catch myself reading a thread about who has showers and who has baths? I don't mean to insult anyone in particular (sorry bath/shower OP to use this example) but I think I'm becoming a duller Australian through association. Yes, I know, I don't need to read. I'm trying not to. There seems to be some inherent masochism I just can't stamp out. Will try harder.

I think there are some state variations too. I hear 'beautiful' a lot in Melbourne but wasn't aware of it being used in the same way in SE Queensland.

Thanks for the defense JD, but like all those who enjoy life in Australia, I've long learned to get by without Dom's seal of approval on my views. On a good day I can even hide the pain :cry:

I'll take that as a welcome back! p.s. I've got a new 'friendship vacancy'. There was this pom I knew who had a psychotic breakdown. Was never the same. Still, out with the old and in with the new.

I'm an Australian who's spent half her life in the UK ping-ponging back and forth. I moved back to Oz in Jan last year and settled in Melbourne where I've not lived before. None of the friends I've made since being here are Australian. I think the problem is not that Australian friendships are so different to those in the UK (or anywhere else) but that long-term locals have their networks in place and, with busy lives, aren't really looking to make new friends. It can be hard enough to see existing friends and family as frequently as you'd like. Ex-pats are generally more open to new friendships and need those new connections. I don't subscribe to the view that australian friendships are superficial as my long-term friendships from my home state are anything but that. And friendships formed in the UK don't feel or operate any differently from those here. I really think it's just the lack of 'friendship openings' (for want of a better term) with people who are settled here. Maybe if you think back this was also true for those from the UK who had busy social lives back home. Were you making lots of new friends back there or generally seeing the same group when you had the time?

I liked the comment above about feeling guilty as a Mum no matter what your circumstances because I think it's so true. My little girl went to a kinder (which is what they call nurseries here) near the city in Melbourne. It was pretty expensive - almost $100 each day - but I think you get what you pay for and it was a phenomenal place. The government gives you 50% back either quarterly or with each bill so it doesn't hurt so much in reality. My advice is to look for a community/co-operative set-up rather than a for-profit centre. Not only do they feed all the money back into resources for the kids but they tend to be very mindful of connecting parents with eachother. Creating a community really. Lots of the Mums at our Kinder worked full-time but were still connected to other Mums through the socials, kids parties etc. I was never able to pick up or drop off our daughter but have some good friendships from her year there. Good luck with the move.

I think that working is almost a necessity for mental health and happiness so I wouldn't give up, no matter how dispiriting it is. I had 5 months unemployment in the UK in 2010 and I got to a point where I had to consciously fight against becoming depressed everyday. I created this little structure of 5 things I had to do everyday or I knew I'd go under. We couldn't afford to live on one income so we came back - being broke made the decision quite clear-cut! To be honest, even if we'd financially been able to, I don't think I could have chosen to stay at home. I need the structure, sense of purpose and validation. I'm guessing from some of your posts that work has given you similar things. I'm sorry that I don't have any great advice for you. I hope it turns around for you soon as I think you deserve a break.

I agree. Even as an Aussie moving back here and to a new city, I've not made many friends with other Australians. My new friends are mostly ex-pats from the UK and other parts of the world. My OH says that this is because 'I'm not a real Australian'. Or at least he did until I set my legal team onto him. In reality, I think that ex-pats are generally more open to friendships as they don't have a set circle of friends they made several decades ago.

The only thing I know about them is that they seem to advertise for staff an awful lot. I'm wondering what they're feeding the sharks!

I went to a very good pre-school :biggrin:

I'll get my coat!

Funnily enough I'm in the same boat as you but in reverse - me Australian, he British. And he feels like you do about Oz. And he sometimes calls my Mum fat. Metaphorically speaking. Not good for a relationship! Let's just agree to disagree to demonstrate a new model of detente for PIO. (It'll never catch on).

Well, perhaps a small one. Seems to grow whenever I log onto PIO. I'm going to have it operated on under Medicare once I can afford the gap fee.

This is a classic example of sweeping generalisations that just make the poster look foolish. We all think alike? ALL of us? Everyone of the 20 million or so of us have a massive chip on our shoulder? Come on. Huge numbers of us travel extensively and have a real appreciation for the beauty and diversity of other countries. Often far more appreciation than we receive in return.

Hey Debbie, I don't think that the problem is that 'other folk are not in love with it'. Loads of people move to and from the UK every year and I don't think they're considered to be insulting the country simply by going home. It's the sweeping generalisations about a whole country/people from limited experience that seem to get people (including me) going. I don't just mean your post as I don't think you started out trying to be provocative. Australia is a huge country with diversity in the landscapes, lifestyles and populations. To sum us all up, and everything that Australia has to offer, based on one person's experience is a pretty big ask. Neither the negatives or the positives you point out are true for all of Australia. Just for the bit you experienced in the time you were here. But then again, what would PIO be without inflamatory generalisations!

Of all the criticisms of Oz on this thread, the bag searching one is doing my head in the most. Has no-one shopped in London? No-one noticed the big burly security guards at the exits of pretty much all the shops? Much more menacing than our polite middle-aged female equivalents. I did some shopping in Monsoon in Croydon last Christmas and was followed into a shopping centre where the security guard demanded to look into my bag. Not just a cursory check that everyone is subjected to, but a very public and very personal confrontation. Having just spend 75 quid in the store, I wasn't too happy.

It was a lot of work finding a place to live - and involved looking at some dire properties - but it worked out really well in the end. I found it more difficult than London but do-able. We have a small child which is often viewed as unfavourably as a pet! Because I was working, I got to the point where I was throwing in applications for anywhere that looked decent on the net. I didn't have time to get to all the viewings. We were offered one we hadn't seen so I told the agent that my partner hadn't had a chance to look and we arranged a second viewing. Happily it's lovely. After taking advice from some locals I treated it like a job application and put together an info pack on us to submit with each application. It even included a cover letter about us with a little photo in the corner. A bit OTT but we were pretty desperate to get out of high cost holiday accom and, with the rental market being so competitive, I wanted our applications to have an edge. Three months rent up front will generally do it. But without that we just provided copies of everything: references, payslips etc so that the agent wouldn't have to lift a finger. Makes it more likely that they'll put your application forward in the short-list to the owner for final selection. People I knew who had dogs also included references specifically about the dogs from previous agents. Keep your standards - I'm sure you'll find somewhere you'd be happy to live.

Welcome! I had many happy (if a little hot) years in BrisVegas and I hope you do to. Have you decided where you'll live?

None of our major cities can compare with London in terms of the number of single people and the proportion of the population they represent. However, if you stick to the inner-city suburbs of the state capitals you'll find lots of people in the same boat. Our suburbs are awash with families and probably not somewhere you'd find interesting to live anyway. You'll have to work to create friendships though which I think would be true no matter where you moved. London is pretty unique in attracting such a transient population who are often open to new friendships, however brief. Here, people can get stuck in friendships circles formed years ago and not make room for new people. You'll need confidence and persistence.

The friendship thing is interesting as you get older. It's definately tougher to make new friends. I've been in Melbourne for a year now and I'm happy to report that I've made a few good friends - in fact more than I made in the six previous years in London. But I think it's due to sheer bl**dy-mindedness on my part as I really needed it to happen. Like 2tigers, I had to do the work. And thinking about it, all my new friends are either migrants or people who've lived overseas for extended periods. None of them born and bred Melbournians. Their doors seem to be shut to new people. When you get back home I reckon that new friendships will form as you'll be in the right headspace. And you're a Mum which seems to make things easier as they get older and the playdates/birthday parties start happening. Keep the faith.

I've been in a similar position: Australian, lived in the UK for a long time, settled down with a British man, had a child, got tired of how difficult I found everything in the UK and wanted to come back for an easier life. My OH didn't want to move to Oz despite enjoying visits here. He considers it a nice place for a holiday, not a place to live. However, after several years of this I got to a point where I'd had enough and told him that I was coming back here regardless and would like it if he came too. (You sound nicer than I am!) He came but loaths it. I love it and think that it's better for our daughter. We've opened Panbora's box and can't get the lid shut again. Whether we stay or go, one of us will always be unhappy with our location. But still, we love each other and choose that over separating. While I'm home and really enjoy being here, I can never be fully happy while he hates it. You really can't have your cake and eat it too. And boy, does it test your relationship. I hope that your story has a very different ending. No matter how many people pop up on here with their experiences, I don't think you can be really reassured as we aren't you. You have to suck it and see which is a tough prospect with the cost and emotional upheaval. BTW It's the wee hours of the morning in Oz and I'm going through a bout of insomnia so sorry if this isn't worded very compassionately. I really do understand the difficulty of your position and your fears. I wish you the very best of luck.

I must be being let down buy the Australian pre-school system because I don't have a clue what you're talking about. I'm just posting my opinion from my experience. It happens on here from time to time. Stay tuned.