caramac

We've been in a similar position. We came back because our children were very unhappy at their school in Australia and they were at a critical time in their education. We decided that they had to come first until they were at an age where they could make their own decisions. We have turned down some incredible job offers in Australia so they have had that stability (and we're living a part of the UK we have no feeling of belonging to, beautiful though it is). Our youngest is now 17 and taking A levels this summer. She is still very 'young' - she wasn't ready to start school at 5 and she's not really ready for the adult world yet. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her life yet, so is taking a gap year to work, take a couple of courses and think about what she wants to do next. We've decided that we'll stay put until then - she still needs us to guide and support her. I couldn't, with a clear conscience, leave her until she's ready to go out on her own and she'd hate living with relatives even though she loves them to bits. Rightly or wrongly, I would feel that I was abandoning her and putting a country above her and her needs. She needs us because we know her best. It won't always be the case - she'll be ready to go out on her own soon enough, just like her sisters have. She might even decide to come with us by then! My husband can retire this summer (at 55), so it would be an ideal time for us to go and take one these job offers, but it can wait another year even though, personally, I don't want to do another winter up here! A year really isn't all all that long.

You hear them before you see them... Or feel the air move in front of your face as they skim past in the dark.... Eurgghh indeed.

I've never minded bugs, spiders or anything creepy crawly until we discovered that the cockroaches fly!!! I can't remember what time of year they start, but hearing one start up as soon as you've hopped into bed is very disconcerting. They seem to dive bomb your face in the dark and they're so bloody loud! They have no sense of direction either, so crash their horrible armoured bodies into anything in their path - walls, doors, mirrors, faces.... Revolting things.

Nope. You're right, the photo on my phone was too small to see the nest, but I can see it on a full sized screen (my dodgy old eyes :laugh:). Definitely look more like the things in Bobj's picture. Horrible things!

Lots of people move both ways with kids the ages yours are and they're generally fine. We moved to Aus when ours were nearly five, three and 13 months. We knew no one when we arrived, but the kids were fine after the initial settling period. As long as the parents are happy, the kids will be ok (at this age). There are lots of different preschool settings - day nurseries, which have long opening hours for working parents (like daycare), playgroups which are sessional - mornings or afternoons. Unlike the usual meaning of 'playgroup' in Australia, you can leave your child at playgroup here and they can be a bit more structured in what they offer, although each one will be slightly different. There are also nursery classes which are attached to primary or independent schools. These have a more structured day, a bit like prep/pp in Australia, and there are nursery schools which are stand alone settings usually run along the nursery class lines. Sometimes the nursery classes/schools don't have the extended opening hours of a day nursery, but will have facilities (after school clubs) for supervision of children past the end of the school day. Funding is available for three and four year olds and its up to you how you use that money https://www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/free-childcare-and-education-for-2-to-4-year-olds I'm not convinced people are kinder here. Kids are kids and can be horrible to each other and parents often see no problem with their children's behaviour . Maybe your perception is wonky because you've not had children here? The only thing I would say that is different in our experience of six schools (3 here and 3 there) is that schools are better at recognising bullying and putting a stop to it here. Your son will have to develop some resilience to stand up for himself. I know how difficult it is - our middle daughter was exactly the same. She's still kind and gentle, but lets no one push her around anymore! Has your husband got a visa to live and work here? If not, can he get one? Or do you have savings/can you work in a job earning over £24k a year (£18k without children, £24k with two children). The rules re bringing a non EEA partner into the UK changed in 2012. This explains it quite well, and what people do to get around it http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-23029195 Good luck!

The pic is a flying ant. We used to get them in Sydney (and here), but never bitten.

Do they look like this...

Poor you! I'm on my phone and my eyes are old, but they look like flying ants to me.

We did it. Well, almost - just over 20 months. We saw each other three times in that time. Yes, it was tough at times, mostly financially - running houses on both sides of the world is expensive, but we were fine and we had no problems when we started living together again. Depends on your relationship and your ability to cope on your own, I guess.

Exactly. Even if you can't appreciate the benefit to the individual, the economic benefits outweigh the financial cost of preventative/early treatment.

NHS fillings cost £50 ish, or at least mine did... Not each though. If you need more than one in one treatment episode, I'm pretty sure it's still £50, but the dentists on here will know better than me. I chipped my front tooth, so had a white filling on it (white fillings are only available on the NHS for front teeth, so my dentist told me) and it came off after five months. It was replaced foc as it was deemed the same treatment episode. My daughter broke her front two teeth when she was 13 - her treatment was free and the 'temporary' caps she had then are still looking good after seven years! We'd have to pay for them to be replaced now, but while she was still doing a lot of sport it wasn't worth us paying for in case she knocked them out again! Yes, it's taxpayer subsidised, but I'm a taxpayer, so don't feel guilty about it. When you look at where some taxpayers money is spent, I think looking after the nation's health is a much better use for it! http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1781.aspx?CategoryID=74

Hopefully not, but it's been six years now, so fingers crossed! Just to be clear, we didn't mind paying, simply that $9k seemed a little steep for what needed doing! We paid £3k for more extensive treatment for our eldest. We kind of felt we had to use this guy though as he'd been recommended by a friend and he'd agreed to see us before we arrived. I was just recommending that the op shops around when they arrive. I also thought there was a waiting period on insurance policies? IIRC we would have had to wait for two years before claiming for ortho treatment, but that might be my dodgy memory...

Tbf, if he's covered on the NHS his problem is likely to be pretty bad. There are quite strict criteria they have to adhere to to allow free treatment now (or at least they're meant to, but some do 'bend' the rules at times..). OP, we started our daughter's treatment in the UK (she had to have surgery, then 'blocks' to bring her lower jaw forward before they would put her fixed appliance on). When we got to Australia we were quoted $9k just for the fixed appliance and the retainers she'd need afterwards. We were told it would take about three years to sort her teeth out, so we bit the bullet and started to pay. A year later we returned to the Uk, went back to her old ortho, who luckily allowed her back on the NHS list. Three months later she said her braces could come off and her teeth have been perfectly straight ever since. Visit a few orthos when you get there and get quotes from them. That might allow you to find someone you trust and who isn't trying to rip you off.

I'm sorry to hear about your son, Blondie, but I'm glad you and he are having a good experience with the NHS. You'll probably find he has a multidisciplinary team looking after him - specialist nurses, dieticians, his GP plus a consultant if and when he needs it. Ive had a good experience with the NHS this week too. Phoned the surgery on Thursday, appt Friday morning with bloods taken at the appointment, told I needed some scans. The radiography dept phoned me this morning and I'm having the scans on Tuesday. The pressure the system, and the people who work in it, are under at the moment is mad, but everyone I've come into contact with so far has been friendly, helpful and professional. We are very lucky to have the NHS and we should be fighting to keep it public, not swallowing the spin the government is feeding us. This govt want to make it look unaffordable so they can sell more and more of it off to private companies (which several of them have financial interests in, just like the companies taking over schools to make them academies) who need to make a profit above anything else. Yes, we have an ageing population, but cutting £Billions from the social care budget impacts on the NHS. Vulnerable, elderly people are stuck in hospital beds because there's nowhere else to send them and no money to support them in their own homes which is cheapest and, in many cases, the preferable option. http://www.kingsfund.org.uk/press/press-releases/social-care-budget-cuts-damaging-nhs-latest-quarterly-monitoring-report-finds We have 'the most impressive healthcare system' in terms of value for money and safe, coordinated, patient centred care, according to the commonwealth fund in 2014 and it costs around 8% of GDP. I think that's pretty good value for money when compared with some other countries.

:laugh: I'm not sure my mother would like to be an Old Git! I think it's Geezers and Gals, but I prefer your version!

That's so sad. I thought there must be something very wrong with him when he didn't do Children in Need in November. Like Diane, I remember listening to him while getting ready for school. My mum had radio 2 on all day, so it was him, Pete Murray, Jimmy Young, The Archers, Waggoner's Walk etc that I listened to if I was off sick. RIP Sir Terry.

It's certainly been very springlike yesterday and today - 15 degs and sunny, but we deserve a nice couple of days after all the rain we've had! The fields are still flooded and the river is still high - there will be nowhere for this next deluge to go. So many houses have been flooded and are still being dried out. I wonder if it will all be for nothing when the next lot comes. Poor people. We've had one day of snow, which was a bit pathetic (we've only had two days in the past three years!) and only two days where I've had to scrape ice off the windscreen. I much prefer a cold, dry, bright winter to ones like this though. It's so dark all the time! Still, it's looking like this could possibly be my last winter up here, and if not, I only have one more to do. Happy days!

Exactly, and that choice can change depending on which stage of life you're at. Those of us who have that freedom of choice are very lucky!

Are you in the NE as your username suggests? If so, I'm not at all surprised you're finding it tough. This winter has been horrible - wet, grey and miserable. I can't wait for it to be over. However, it has only been a month and it does take time to settle, especially when you've been away for so long. I think you expect to slot back into life straightaway when you 'come home', but the reality is that you've moved to a new country - your girls even more so! I'd echo what others have said about getting in touch with the pastoral care team at school and see what they can offer your daughter - it must be so tough for her. Once she makes proper friends (and she will - our girls have moved so many times and it's always hard, but they do make friends) I'm sure she'll feel differently. She always has the option of returning to Australia when she's left school, if that's what she wants by then. What sort of things does she enjoy doing? Does she like music? It'll be spring soon and all the festivals will be starting again. Our girls enjoy going to those and there are plenty for younger teens too, where they go for then day and you pick them up at the end. Our youngest went to one in Gateshead when she was 13 and it was well organised and a safe introduction to the music festival scene. Ours also love travelling and have been interailing, travelled with friends around the UK and to Europe etc, which are easier and cheaper to do from the UK. There is so much for young people here, but it is a different life in some ways, so it'll be a voyage of discovery for your daughters until they find what they enjoy doing as much as they did in their old lives. I can honestly say it took me a good two years to settle back into life in the UK when we returned the first time. I could only see the negatives and, like you, looked around me at all these people who seemed so content to plod on with their never changing lives. In the end I almost felt envious of their contentment. Why couldn't I feel like that?! For me, it was making friends (who are now my closest friends) and getting out and having having fun which changed my mindset (that and a little help from a few months of St John's Wort ). It's a different lifestyle in some ways, but just as good when you find what you like doing again. Finding a house to buy took months because I found fault with every one I saw - I didn't want to make that kind of 'permanent' commitment to the UK, but actually being pressured by the rest of my family into buying somewhere did help. Having my things around me was comforting and settling, so hopefully when you do find somewhere, you'll feel the same. I really feel for you. It's really tough - in some ways tougher than the emigration in the first place, but most, given time, do settle. It's the 'giving it time' which I found so hard!

The practicalities of getting older parents to Australia, separate from whether or not you should put pressure on them to move.

I felt exactly the same when we landed in Perth and Sydney. At home and comfortable straight away. I'm having to think very carefully about our next move because, if we go back to Aus, it's likely to be Melbourne and I don't get that same feeling when I go there. If we go there, it'll be a head rather than a heart move. I know I don't want to stay in Northumberland either, despite it's advantages of beautiful surroundings, easy living, lovely people, uncrowded towns etc, but there are places in the UK which I do feel are 'home'. There is no logic to the way we feel at all!

It is odd. We've just had some young Australians staying with us and one of them was saying how much she felt at home here. She loves ancient history and castles etc and is studying ancient history at uni. We took her to Hadrian's Wall and several castles. She loved every minute of it and has hundreds of photos to take home with her. It was freezing cold and grey pretty much the whole time the girls were here, but for this girl, none of that mattered - she said that being here was like putting on a old pair of slippers and she hates the heat anyway. She was home. I've been up here for nearly five years now, and although it's beautiful, it'll never be home. I just don't belong here. This girl had been thinking of moving to London to teach after her degree, but she's changed her mind and is actively looking at ways to be here instead (she was delighted to hear that having British grandparents might make it easier for her). It's strange because the only reason she came here is because the other two girls are my daughters' friends from Sydney. She'd have missed it if it hadn't been for them.

Apart from the visa issues for your husband (which could take you two years to get through!), do you both have jobs which are easily transferable to the UK? Are there vacancies in your fields? Maybe use the two years to really think about what you would gain from a move here. Would you want to live in Manchester? Yes, it does rain a lot, but having lived in Sydney, it rains a lot there too, albeit less drizzly and grey. I agree about the low skies, but if that doesn't bother you, it's not an issue. Some people notice and are affected by the weather more than others. I'm hating this drab, mild, dark winter, but don't mind the cold, bright ones. Would you consider living elsewhere in the UK? On the face of it, the disadvantages of living where you do now would be sorted out by a move to Manchester, or surrounding area. Great shopping, history, good supermarkets, as well as beautiful countryside, coast easily accessible, Manchester airport on your doorstep with easy access to most of the rest of the world, a major rail hub and lots of cultural events going on. However, really think about what you'd be giving up and what you enjoy about living where you do now. It's very easy to take things for granted when you have them there every day. Try not to use the time wishing you were somewhere else. Look at all the advantages you have rather than the negatives and weigh them up against what you'd be gaining or losing from a move. You say you've really enjoyed being in Australia, but don't want to end your days there. That's exactly how I feel - the feeling of belonging is strong, but don't underestimate how long it may take you to settle back into UK life. You could come back and it's like you've never been away. It is like that for a lot of people, but some of us find it much harder, which can be a bit of a shock! It definitely took me a good couple of years to feel like I was home and to stop comparing everything here unfavourably with Australia. All those 'shallow' things you don't like in Australia could well be replaced by things you don't like here! It's human nature to try to see only the positives and block out the negatives, but it's important to be honest with yourself. Try to think of why you moved in the first place. Was it a backpacking adventure which became more permanent, or were there things you really didn't like about being here which drove it? Those things are probably still here. They may not be so important in your life now, but they're still worth considering. Could you afford the house and lifestyle you want here (or have there)? You may think you're willing to compromise now, but if you can't afford to live where you want, or do the things you think you'd enjoy, it could mean you start hankering for what you've left behind. Would you be in a position to come for an extended period of time, so you can really see if it's for you before committing to a permanent move? You might find that being closer to family and everything you grew up with is exactly what you want, or it could be that it's not as important as you first thought. I feel for you. We're in the process of considering a temporary move back to Australia and I know how difficult is trying to weigh up the pros and cons even when it's only for a few years! Good luck

We had to buy more furniture when we came back! Number of rooms is similar, but each room is massive in comparison to what we had in Sydney (but, being Northumberland, a whole lot cheaper). Mind you, we had to buy four wardrobes which we hadn't needed in Australia, or our old UK house, so that accounts for some of it. Lovely post, James. I'm glad you've settled back in happily. We're looking at possibly heading back to Aus for a few years to help boost the pension, but I know the UK is where I want to be eventually. I never believed I would be saying that, but there is so much to appreciate about being here. It just took me a while to realise it! Good luck for your future.

So very sad. His music was a huge part of my teenage years. I can't quite believe it.