Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 You know I find it sad that so many of us feel so disillusioned and at odds with many things we encounter here in oz after such a short space of time. When you think of the incredible lengths most of us go to to reach this point and obtain this new way of life, it is astonishing how quickly we are ready to 'jack it all in' and 'throw in the towel' as soon as we feel any disgruntlement or come up against difficulties on this journey. I am as guilty as the rest in that I frequently feel this way and struggle with this inward battle, but always in the back of my mind is the thought that I really shouldn't give up however bad I might be feeling at this time, at least not yet. It is extremely stressful moving house anywhere, even if it is just down the road, let alone over the other side of the world so we really should prepare ourselves for this gut wrenching feeling and loss of familiarity that most of us experience after making such a move. We need to see the real picture and find the strength to really give it our best shot, at least try. Once we give up, we can either slot back into the very situation that we were originally running away from or make plans to return at a phenomenal cost both financially and emotionally. It affects not just ourselves but our family and friends too! Once we have embarked on this journey, I feel that we have a duty to ourselves and our immediate families to see it through for at least a couple of years. No one can be absolutely certain that this is their chosen path for the rest of their lives until they have tried, I mean really tried making a life for themselves here. It remains to be seen whether I actually heed what I eloquently preach as I too am amidst this predicament! jackie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest boomerangpommie Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 How long have you been there and is this your first bout of feeling like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Gut wrenching unfamiliarity is what it is. Australia is completely different to Britain and instead of looking at the difference as an obstacle look at it as a challenge to change the way we live our lives. Our roads are not the greatest so many kilometres to be fixed and not enough money. We have different taste in food. I was speaking to my daughter about chocolate the other day I do not eat it much so not an expert. She said her friend loved English chocolate and theres a shop in Frankston that sells it. My daughter tasted it and said its so much sweeter than our chocolate. She would know she is an insulin dependent diabetic and an expert in foods and sugar. Climate is harsh here boiling hot, freezing cold, pouring rain, drought all those things quite alien to us brought up in Britain. Snakes spiders etc live around the place, stingers in the sea all little nasty things that are not in those brochures. Different culture made up from people from all over Europe and the world all mixed up together so bound to be a bit different. A spade is called a spade and appears rude to us, queuing is not observed unless painted or designated. Its a very different life but if we accept the difference and stop hankering and living in the past its a good life. So much time is wasted wishing we could be somewhere else. Life passes in a flash gosh I never thought I would get old but we do so we have to make the most of life every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 Life does passs by in an instant thats why I think so many of us feel so sad becuase its too short to spend somewhere you dont want to be whereever that may be !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 24, 2009 Share Posted May 24, 2009 I tend to think that it never really works if you have the mindset of running away from something. Far better to be running towards something and following an opportunity. The only problem with giving it time is that you can give it so much time that the choice is taken away from you and if you have any inkling that this really isnt the place you want to grow old in then you do need to make decisions quite quickly sometimes as if you dont then you dont get the choice to do it later. However the bulk of pingpongers are those who perhaps didnt give it enough time in the first place. When you know that this is not the place you see your future in then you really do know that - sure you can work hard and make it almost as good but at the end of the day there is always that niggle that this isnt where you want to be and the consequences of living a lie can be quite detrimental to your mental health and physical well being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 How long have you been there and is this your first bout of feeling like this? I have felt I wanted to go back home ever since I got here really. Although it's only been 4 months, I did live in Sydney for 2 years back in 2002 so I am amongst those who have gone back and forth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest marriedtoanaussie Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I too disagree with the '' must do two years" philosophy that so many people put to us. We are heading home after only 5 months- all in agreement, all happy about decision. I have realised that in 5 years I do not want to be here away from family.Its madness that I thought skype and email would be enough. It isnt! So no amount of sun,beach,bbqs is going to fix that. My husband wants us to begin our lives again and wants to get back asap to do this. If we stay on for two years our children will be more settled, jobs may be complicated,friendships made... it could be very difficult to leave. This is a personal choice however and I am very mindful that we got an easy and less costly route into australia i.e the spouse visa, so I am supportive of people that want to keep trying. I also wasnt running as I had a good life in Uk, I just needed to know if this could be better. and if we were short changing our children......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I tend to think that it never really works if you have the mindset of running away from something. Far better to be running towards something and following an opportunity. The only problem with giving it time is that you can give it so much time that the choice is taken away from you and if you have any inkling that this really isnt the place you want to grow old in then you do need to make decisions quite quickly sometimes as if you dont then you dont get the choice to do it later. However the bulk of pingpongers are those who perhaps didnt give it enough time in the first place. When you know that this is not the place you see your future in then you really do know that - sure you can work hard and make it almost as good but at the end of the day there is always that niggle that this isnt where you want to be and the consequences of living a lie can be quite detrimental to your mental health and physical well being. Thank you, you make a lot of sense... I get the feeling you speak from first hand experience! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Go with your heart Jackie..if you've wanted to go home since you got here then maybe that's what you should do. Nothings forever, if it's the wrong decision I'm sure you can have a rethink further down the line. If you feel fundamentally unhappy no amount of happy posts are going to make YOU feel better. One size doesn't fit all. Good luck x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Go with your heart Jackie..if you've wanted to go home since you got here then maybe that's what you should do. Nothings forever, if it's the wrong decision I'm sure you can have a rethink further down the line. If you feel fundamentally unhappy no amount of happy posts are going to make YOU feel better. One size doesn't fit all. Good luck x Thanks for your post Fiona, Have you always loved it here. You are definitely one of the optimistic ones and appear well settled... I'm curious as to what makes some fall so in love with it. Maybe I am missing something or just haven't discovered the wonders yet!!:confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I think what's important is to follow your heart and not what other people think....the 'two year rule' had more validity when you could apply for citizenship at that time. 4 months or 2 years makes no difference now. If you know then you know but emigrating is like any major life event so a roller coaster of feelings is to be expected and maybe two years is about right to get back on an even keel. For someone like me it is a bit resassuring to think that another 18 months down the line I might be a bit less emotional but I fundementally love Perth and so many things make me think 'wow I can't believe I am lucky enough to live here'. I know that if I said to my son now we were going back to Scotland he'd be ecstatic, in two years time that (I hope!) will be different so to be honest if I had any doubts about staying I'd be heading back right now before life there had moved on without us. What I'd advise anyone unsure is to invest in some couselling before making the decision - it must be awful to go back and then realise you should have stayed (as many do). This forum is great but as emotions can and do run high it would be far better to get some independent help. I hope it all works out for you, it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do (at least that's why we're here) Jules Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest gary12 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I too disagree with the '' must do two years" philosophy that so many people put to us. We are heading home after only 5 months- all in agreement, all happy about decision. I have realised that in 5 years I do not want to be here away from family.Its madness that I thought skype and email would be enough. It isnt! So no amount of sun,beach,bbqs is going to fix that. My husband wants us to begin our lives again and wants to get back asap to do this. If we stay on for two years our children will be more settled, jobs may be complicated,friendships made... it could be very difficult to leave. This is a personal choice however and I am very mindful that we got an easy and less costly route into australia i.e the spouse visa, so I am supportive of people that want to keep trying. I also wasnt running as I had a good life in Uk, I just needed to know if this could be better. and if we were short changing our children......... I am with you on the "must do 2 years" I gets my goat so much! You have no idea how you are going to feel until you are actually here and if you have given it a go and it's not for you then so be it, it is a brave thing to do. We are happy here (arrived Jan) and are feeling pretty settled but it can get lonely. We are fortunate, we have made friends (nothing will replace my UK friends but some of them I have known for 30 years, since primary school, I'm not THAT old! so I think you have to not compare them) , we go out every weekend/holiday/chance we get and do something different but it can be difficult. Saying you must do 2 years is just adding pressure on yourself. Before we left everyone asked how long we intended to go for, we just said we didn't know and that we hoped to settle but if not we would come back. Nothing ventured and all that, we have tried to look at it as an adventure and not put a time scale on things, it's worked for us. Best of luck Michelle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 thanks Jules, I will take that on board. Btw I was really miffed I missed the Perth girls night out. Please let me know if you have anything else lined up in future.. as and when. I'd love to meet you all. Jackie x I think what's important is to follow your heart and not what other people think....the 'two year rule' had more validity when you could apply for citizenship at that time. 4 months or 2 years makes no difference now. If you know then you know but emigrating is like any major life event so a roller coaster of feelings is to be expected and maybe two years is about right to get back on an even keel. For someone like me it is a bit resassuring to think that another 18 months down the line I might be a bit less emotional but I fundementally love Perth and so many things make me think 'wow I can't believe I am lucky enough to live here'. I know that if I said to my son now we were going back to Scotland he'd be ecstatic, in two years time that (I hope!) will be different so to be honest if I had any doubts about staying I'd be heading back right now before life there had moved on without us. What I'd advise anyone unsure is to invest in some couselling before making the decision - it must be awful to go back and then realise you should have stayed (as many do). This forum is great but as emotions can and do run high it would be far better to get some independent help. I hope it all works out for you, it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do (at least that's why we're here) Jules Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockola57 Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 HOW TRUE YOUR POST IS.Brilliant and eloquent,you feel exactly as we do,we (my wife and me,plus our 3 sons who are with us here,24 18 ,17 yrs )would basically rather be back home in our rented out house,thank god we kept it!We now have perm res,good jobs after 8 months here,and i keep saying to my wife we aint going home for another 3 and a half years,as we owe it to ourselves after all that stress,must give it our best shot,and see how we feel at the end of this period.Yes,i want to grow old where i grew up,married,have friends,family and a home,thats where my heart is,not here in Oz,though i realise we might not feel this way in a few years time,so lets just see.Billy and Sue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guruju Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I am with you on the "must do 2 years" I gets my goat so much! You have no idea how you are going to feel until you are actually here and if you have given it a go and it's not for you then so be it, it is a brave thing to do. To be fair I think the "2 years" suggestion on PIO comes from a rough rule of thumb from many that have shared their experiences of the emotional roller coaster including some that wanted to go home early on but stuck it out and felt differently within that 2 year period. However, everyone is different in terms of their family situation, emotional make up etc so it will vary with some people knowing instantly yes or no to staying. There is no right to wrong answer and things are never black and white. A place like PIO can only offer generalised information and is not meant to be prescritive advice. So don't get hung up on comparing yourself to anyone on PIO - everyone has to do what's best for themselves. Cheers Julia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Sometimes it takes moving here to make people understand and realise what they had. I have friends here that lived in Saudi for 10 years and here for 8. Loved every single minute. Went home for a wedding and that was it! Leaving this year for Wales and they cant wait! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I do often wonder, whether it is Australia that people don't like and head off back to the UK, or if it is the move itself, away from family and friends. From the ones who have gone back or want to go home, do you think you would have felt the same, say you lived in Scotland and moved to London? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I do often wonder, whether it is Australia that people don't like and head off back to the UK, or if it is the move itself, away from family and friends. From the ones who have gone back or want to go home, do you think you would have felt the same, say you lived in Scotland and moved to London? That`s a really good question...for me it goes beyond homesickness and is a question of displacement, of not seeming able to belong in a certain enviroment, which is unfortunate because although you may have the means to develop a comfortable lifestyle here in Oz, without a sense of belonging it means very little...If I had moved from London to Scotland, I may very well have had the same problem... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I do often wonder, whether it is Australia that people don't like and head off back to the UK, or if it is the move itself, away from family and friends. From the ones who have gone back or want to go home, do you think you would have felt the same, say you lived in Scotland and moved to London? For me I think the distance is about 50% if I could pop to the Uk when I felt like it I am sure it would not be as bad.... but then again it may seem worse as I would be so much closer but it would still be just as unobtainable......but yeah the distance is def a prob !!!!:arghh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishful Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I think what's important is to follow your heart and not what other people think....the 'two year rule' had more validity when you could apply for citizenship at that time. 4 months or 2 years makes no difference now. If you know then you know but emigrating is like any major life event so a roller coaster of feelings is to be expected and maybe two years is about right to get back on an even keel. For someone like me it is a bit resassuring to think that another 18 months down the line I might be a bit less emotional but I fundementally love Perth and so many things make me think 'wow I can't believe I am lucky enough to live here'. I know that if I said to my son now we were going back to Scotland he'd be ecstatic, in two years time that (I hope!) will be different so to be honest if I had any doubts about staying I'd be heading back right now before life there had moved on without us. What I'd advise anyone unsure is to invest in some couselling before making the decision - it must be awful to go back and then realise you should have stayed (as many do). This forum is great but as emotions can and do run high it would be far better to get some independent help. I hope it all works out for you, it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do (at least that's why we're here) Jules Independent help is great and I have had quite a bit of couselling to hhelp me " get over it " but this site has helped so so much because at the end of the day in a situation like mine with kids here a counsellor can say what they want but it does not change anything....and the people on here give great advice I know there are people who understand the epth of my feelings and I thank poms in ox for that x:laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 I agree, it is a feeling of displacement and not belonging as opposed to just homesickness. it isn't so much about missing the friends/family as much as the loss of security and sense of belonging. What really scares me is that this feeling will never go and that however long I stay, I'll sure as hell be feeling it!! Tell me does it ever ease?? jackie xx That`s a really good question...for me it goes beyond homesickness and is a question of displacement, of not seeming able to belong in a certain enviroment, which is unfortunate because although you may have the means to develop a comfortable lifestyle here in Oz, without a sense of belonging it means very little...If I had moved from London to Scotland, I may very well have had the same problem... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guruju Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 Hi jackie What a shame you didnt get to the Girls night out at Chutneys - there you would have met many that felt/feel the same way as you and gotten through it as well as some that did not and are returning to the UK. The common themes of the night though was support, friendship and keeping each other strong, whatever route we take. Come and feel the love and support (not to mention the laughs) at another Girls night out ono the 19th June at the AMF Bowling Alley in Rockingham - see the events & meetings calendar for details and ability to RSVP. Cheers Julia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bod Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 This 2 years thing is a load of rubbish. I think you need to judge your own situation. I gave it a year 1 I did not want to get back to the UK in the winter when the weather is miserable 2 If I gave it any longer it would have proved to hard to re start my own business 3 I could see this recession was going to be amoungst us soon, I heard so many times from so many with there head in the clouds that Australia would not be affected as they were in bed with the Chiniess and not sorry much the Yanks anymore. I knew that I'd fair much better during a reccesion in my own back yard. 4 Had to wait for my dogs rabbis jab so that she would not go into Quaranteen in the UK 5 I wanted it to work out in Aus and felt 1 year is enough time to regret not giving it long enough in years to come like alot have done. I don't have the money to Pingpong. I was right in my thinking just wish I'd made alot more right decisions before hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 It's the not belonging for me - and not really liking what Australia has to offer. As I've grown older I have mellowed and look forward to a mellow environment around me - Australia is too harsh for me. It's the space and the sameness and spikiness really with little variation unless you drive for hours. Sure I miss my folks but it is more than that - we have always been independent of each other and they never guilted me for being here but this just isnt right and never has been despite all appearances to the contrary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jackie Macdonald Posted May 25, 2009 Share Posted May 25, 2009 It's the not belonging for me - and not really liking what Australia has to offer. As I've grown older I have mellowed and look forward to a mellow environment around me - Australia is too harsh for me. It's the space and the sameness and spikiness really with little variation unless you drive for hours. Sure I miss my folks but it is more than that - we have always been independent of each other and they never guilted me for being here but this just isnt right and never has been despite all appearances to the contrary. Oh dear... I so feel for you, is there no way you can go back!! jxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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