Samlouise Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Hi all, I am in a bit of a situation and i'm looking for advise, experience and new friendships too I live in Manchester UK, i've been to Australia 3 times, 2 was holidays and one was working. I have a 5 year old daughter to a previous relationship and know I have to go to court in order to stand a chance of living in Australia. First payment will be made this month, no mediation required as he's not going to change his mind. What am I to expect? I know everything I need to do i'e school, work, housing situations etc I'd just like some advise and experience from people in similar situation/s. My husband is Australian ( I didnt meet him on my travel's - he was my reason for travel as we met on facebook lol ) we have a child together been married 2 years - together for almost 3. Answered questions like how long to expect it to take, the cost, emotional side of it i.e does it get messy etc would all be greatly appreciated. Thank you very much in advance. Sam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Hi Sam Please get in touch with Geoff (Tracy123) or Tracy (Mrs Wrigles) http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/members/33346.html They have recently been through this situation and come out the other side, they are a wonderful couple and will help you all they can. There may be a delay in them replying as Geoff has now made the move to Oz and Tracy will be following very soon. Good luck Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samlouise Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Thank you very much. It's the worst feeling in the world and support and shared experiences will help me loads. :smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Have you considered living in the UK so your daughter can live near her father? Children and their needs should come first; parents should put their own creature comforts second. Children should always have a relationship with both parents wherever possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whopperdaisy Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 How likely you are to succeed depends on whether your daughter's father has a relationship with her and sees her at all. Even if he doesn't, he can have a very good chance at blocking your move should he wish. If he is prepared to give his approval and is not in your child's life, it would be more straightforward. If the other parent does not agree, it is very hard to win a case and be allowed to move. @ Proud Pom, in ideal circumstances (ie two good/safe/involved parents) that would be true. We don't know Samlouise's situation though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 @ Proud Pom, in ideal circumstances (ie two good/safe/involved parents) that would be true. I agree. If both parents are good, safe and involved then there should be no question of taking a child away from one of them. Only the most self-serving parent would jeopardize their child's welfare by denying a child a relationship with a good living parent. Seeing the trauma my godchildren have been through in losing a father (to cancer), that's not a situation any decent parent would try to engineer by design. For what it is worth, my wife has children by a previous marriage. The reason I emigrated was so that her children could live near their Australian father in Melbourne. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whopperdaisy Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 It sounds as though your step children are very fortunate in your care for their interests. However, I would leave Australia with my little one if I could, you could consider that self serving, I would consider it self preservation. Little one has a large extended family there and none here, a father who is abusive to the mother, so if wanting to leave is self serving then I guess I am. Like I said, depends on the parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy123 Posted January 9, 2011 Share Posted January 9, 2011 Love these threads.... WHAT ABOUT THE FATHER???? :realmad: I'm sure like us and many others, a decission like this is talked about for a long time and a lot of thought and effort is put into the move...... Anyway forget about them, that's not the question you asked. Depending on the area you live will depend on your time scale as CAFCASS are /were in melt down, for us it took over 12 months, then after that you're looking at 6 months to get the visa. You are looking at a few 1000 pound depending how hard your ex makes it. We had weekly solicitors letters off Tracy's ex, and worst of all it had nothing to do with Australia. However I think now they are stopping legal aid for these types of cases. Some will see this as good while others as bad. It's not the costs or length that get to you but the emotional strain, even on PIO people will try and make you feel bad but stuff em, they only think they know what's best for YOUR family. You're best to send PM's if you want personal info as you will see with this thread, some feel it's their right to tell you what's best. My greatest advice will be to make sure you can prove that your child will have a better life, you need to prove that you are not doing this to be spiteful to your ex and most of all prove that you have thought this through. Get as much evidence as you can, contact schools, print off rental and job adverts, things your childs into, so local clubs etc, the more you have the greater your chance Good luck and all the best Geoffrey PS Any questions just fire away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samlouise Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Firstly i'd like to say sorry for my late reply, It's been a busy week and i've not had the time to jump on. Secondly i'd like to say thank you to you all for your comments they are all appreciated regardless good or bad! I'll start off by replying to you 'proud pom' I asked for advise and for people to share experiences - not criticism. All you've done is stated the most obvious fact, which is just common sense for anyone regardless if the father of the child is a muppet or the best one in town! But to answer your question another way, of course I have considered living in the UK for my daughter to have a relationship with her father or did you read over the part of my message that stated my Australian husband lives in the UK with me? Let me assure you it's not for any other reason why we're here! You dont know me or my situation from a bar of soap and should stop and think she has her reasons and she must see them as valid for her to be wanting to move in the first place! I know whats best for my daughter as does every mother. It's born the minute our children are. And i'm not saying the same does not apply for fathers My mother gave me up for adoption when I was 7 without giving a hoot about my father and whats best for me because it was all about what she wanted. My father won the case and i didnt get adopted so i know all too well fathers can be just as good as mothers, and I also know whats its like to only have one parent my daughter will still have both. Always. ( And more from her step father and his family ) She's a lucky girl. My ex agrees that it is for the best I go live in Australia for reasons i dont need to prove to you, but he does not want his daughter to go. Very nice of you to move to Melbourne for your partners childrens sake but i'm glad your not the judge of anyones case in these situations, because it seems to me you only see one side. Yours... Tracy123 thank you very much for your useful info. I will pm you a little later on after i've done a few errands really really appreciate your detail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supergrover5 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Hi Samlouise, I am in the same city, situation and potential predicament as you and sympathise wholeheartedly....My daughter is 14 this year and I have not broached the subject with her father (my ex)- I fear the outcome will be that I too have a fight on my hands: added to this is the fact that she doesn't want to go to Oz due to her friends etc..tennage stuff... I have 2 sons with my husband who are 7 and 5 and we all want to go asap....I don't think I could handle leaving my daughter here to live with her Nan so I guess I'll be off to court unless we delay the move which I we don't want to do...I think my daughter would come round but her dad is a different story despite the fact her only sees her about twice a month for a few hours. Just to let you know that my friend had a similar situation and eventually (after 6 months) agreed to pay for the ex to go to Oz every year for a hol and paid for her son to travel back every Xmas to stay with his dad - a less than ideal and expensive situation..... if you want to message me for a chat/scream feel free...xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Sorry Samlouise - you post your situation on a public forum and complain when the public form a judgement based on what you write? You seek advice but only the advice that says you are right? That's just not realistic. rest of post deleted - discretion is the better part of valour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bobby Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Firstly i'd like to say sorry for my late reply, It's been a busy week and i've not had the time to jump on.Secondly i'd like to say thank you to you all for your comments they are all appreciated regardless good or bad! I'll start off by replying to you 'proud pom' I asked for advise and for people to share experiences - not criticism. All you've done is stated the most obvious fact, which is just common sense for anyone regardless if the father of the child is a muppet or the best one in town! But to answer your question another way, of course I have considered living in the UK for my daughter to have a relationship with her father or did you read over the part of my message that stated my Australian husband lives in the UK with me? Let me assure you it's not for any other reason why we're here! You dont know me or my situation from a bar of soap and should stop and think she has her reasons and she must see them as valid for her to be wanting to move in the first place! I know whats best for my daughter as does every mother. It's born the minute our children are. And i'm not saying the same does not apply for fathers My mother gave me up for adoption when I was 7 without giving a hoot about my father and whats best for me because it was all about what she wanted. My father won the case and i didnt get adopted so i know all too well fathers can be just as good as mothers, and I also know whats its like to only have one parent my daughter will still have both. Always. ( And more from her step father and his family ) She's a lucky girl. My ex agrees that it is for the best I go live in Australia for reasons i dont need to prove to you, but he does not want his daughter to go. Very nice of you to move to Melbourne for your partners childrens sake but i'm glad your not the judge of anyones case in these situations, because it seems to me you only see one side. Yours... Tracy123 thank you very much for your useful info. I will pm you a little later on after i've done a few errands really really appreciate your detail. He will probably be devastated if you take his daughter away though, I have no children but even I can see that a father losing his 5 year old child to the other side of the world might be just to much for him to take, it is hard and there is no easy answer to be honest, hope you sort it out for the childe sake,she might also be devastated at losing her daddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 To the OP, I hope that everything works out for you. Only you know your circumstances. Unfortunately when posts like this go up, you are bound to get criticism as well as advice. Its par for the course. This is an emotive subject. Good Luck and PIO is here to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy123 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Sorry Samlouise - you post your situation on a public forum and complain when the public form a judgement based on what you write? You seek advice but only the advice that says you are right? That's just not realistic. rest of post deleted - discretion is the better part of valour. Well in that case just delete all your posts :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samlouise Posted January 10, 2011 Author Share Posted January 10, 2011 Proud pom Why should I be judged without first you knowing the situation? I asked for advise from people who have done or doing the same as me. Not advise i see to be right! I see your point and I see your side too but just because in your case it was you that moved for your partner and her children/s sake does not mean every man/woman has to follow in your path. It was the right action for you and your partner and what i'm doing is the right action for me and my daughter. Bobby I only care about my daughter and her feelings she's my child she'll always come before anything or anyone. It is the most difficult situation to be put in and deep down who really knows whats right and wrong and also how do you know if you dont try? I know people have their views and some people look out for posts like this just so they can have their say but I had been on this site a day or 2 when I figured out how to comunicate on here and didnt think of the consequence. My mistake, points made and taken on board cant all be one sided nor would I want it to be. Does not change my views Thanks everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy123 Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 Proud pom Why should I be judged without first you knowing the situation? I asked for advise from people who have done or doing the same as me. Not advise i see to be right! I see your point and I see your side too but just because in your case it was you that moved for your partner and her children/s sake does not mean every man/woman has to follow in your path. It was the right action for you and your partner and what i'm doing is the right action for me and my daughter. Bobby I only care about my daughter and her feelings she's my child she'll always come before anything or anyone. It is the most difficult situation to be put in and deep down who really knows whats right and wrong and also how do you know if you dont try? I know people have their views and some people look out for posts like this just so they can have their say but I had been on this site a day or 2 when I figured out how to comunicate on here and didnt think of the consequence. My mistake, points made and taken on board cant all be one sided nor would I want it to be. Does not change my views Thanks everyone A bit of advice, just ignore them. You know what's best for you and that's all that matters. You don't need to justify yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quinkla Posted January 10, 2011 Share Posted January 10, 2011 I only care about my daughter and her feelings she's my child she'll always come before anything or anyone. That's demonstrably not the case. You are putting your own wish to emigrate before your daughter's relationship with her father. If you must go down that route then that's your choice but please don't be disingenuous about your motives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bobby Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 A bit of advice, just ignore them. You know what's best for you and that's all that matters. You don't need to justify yourself. With respect Tracy, there is a father in this as well that does not want his daughter to leave for another Country, you have to look at it from both sides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest36187 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Guys, Samlouise stated i'm looking for advise, experience I appreciate that this is an emotive subject but SamLouise wasnt asking for people to judge her. Only Sam knows her situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 That's demonstrably not the case. You are putting your own wish to emigrate before your daughter's relationship with her father. If you must go down that route then that's your choice but please don't be disingenuous about your motives. Proud Pom I will say one thing - how do you know that this father did not beat the child, how do you know if this father sexually abused this child, how do you know if this child witnessed domestic violence from the father to the mother.......... YOU DON'T!!!!! So please stop judging every mother who is moving away from their ex, you don't know the history as you don't live with them. From your posts it seems as though you would be happy for a mother to continue living with a violent partner as long as the father was still around for the child which is completely ludicrous :policeman::policeman: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samlouise Posted January 11, 2011 Author Share Posted January 11, 2011 To me it is clear proud pom is so proud to be a pom that he moves to Australia LOL. Joke aside it's clear to me proud pom is only interested in debates, splitting hairs he clearly has nothing better to do. He made his point and keeps trying to make it and if thats how he spends his days good on him I have a life ahead of me which I will live to the best I can with my daughter and son. God knows i deserve it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bobby Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Proud Pom I will say one thing - how do you know that this father did not beat the child, how do you know if this father sexually abused this child, how do you know if this child witnessed domestic violence from the father to the mother.......... YOU DON'T!!!!!So please stop judging every mother who is moving away from their ex, you don't know the history as you don't live with them. From your posts it seems as though you would be happy for a mother to continue living with a violent partner as long as the father was still around for the child which is completely ludicrous :policeman::policeman: None of us know, the father might be as you say or he could be a great father, this is why the internet is a place where you have to take everyone on trust, none of us really know the facts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tracy123 Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 With respect Tracy, there is a father in this as well that does not want his daughter to leave for another Country, you have to look at it from both sides. NO we don't. This thread is not about the rights and wrongs of what someone is doing, it's about gaining advice on how to go about it. At the end of the day, this matter goes to court and a judge decides, CAFCASS gets involved and the welfare of the child (the only thing the court is interested in) is thought about long and hard. Moving away is not as easy as saying so long I'm off. The father gets to have their say, they are involved and their voice is heard, so it's not up to you to worry about. You have no kids you're just on this thread to sh7t stir, go and find somewhere else to play Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted January 11, 2011 Share Posted January 11, 2011 Hi Sam I am going to close this thread as a few people are only happy to spoil a thread either by coming on to stir or to judge people without knowing the facts. Geoff and Tracy will be able to offer you lots of advice and please feel free to pm myself if you need more help. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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