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How best to deal with emotional blackmail from family?


Goochie

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Posted

Mrs G and I hope to be moving down under in the early part of 2012.

 

My parents are in the fortunate position to be in better health both physically and financially and will welcome the chance to come and see us at least once.

 

Mrs G's parents on the other hand and likely to be un-willing to make the journey because they are not is such good physically shape.

 

In the 10 years that we've been together, there have been times when my mother-in-law has tried emotional blackmail on us, claimed we dont see them enough, said we never want to spend time with them etc. etc. In reality, we live 5 mins from their house and see them a few times each week whereas my parents are 102 miles away and we see them every few months!

 

The mother-in-law claims she's OK with us moving down-under but when the realisty strikes home in 8-10 months she's likely to be very different about it.

 

We can already imagine "if you have children out there, I'll never get to see them" being one of the first lines.

 

So how have others here dealt with emotional needs of their family? Have people tried to stop you?

Guest The Ropey HOFF
Posted

Alot of us get this mate, most people say these things because of love and it upsets them to think they won't ever see you again, a few are nasty, you know already who they are, but to me i just ignore them, its you and your immediate family that you need to be concerned with.

Posted

my MIL took the news real bad , to be honest she was very selfish , in all the yrs we were planning she never once spoke about it and it made us uncomfortable to say the least .........i felt like a criminal taking her daughter and grandchildren away but we wanted to give the children a better start in life .....just get on with it and if they dont want to be a part of it then thats their problem......I married her daughter not the MIL ....could go on all night about that but maybe on another post....sorry.....and good luck...

Guest jackfrew
Posted

Been there too. We were do to go to Coffs Harbour in 2008 as my other half was offered a sponsorship. Told both our families and my side were all for it, well they had to be they stayed in Melbourne for 4 years as £10 poms, many moons ago. Told my OH parents and they tried at every opportunity to put Australia down. Then on my OH birthday his mum told him she would NEVER visit him. Great birthday present. Well 2 years on and they have came round, she has now said that we need to do this, as it is our dream. And we have to think off our 2 boys, as it will be a better life for them in the long run. Oh and they WILL visit. All we done was give them all the information we had. When they were about we would show them all the website's we had been on. Then left my Dad with them for 1 hour, to tell them how great it was back then. You see my dad would be in my case if he could.

 

Sorry for rambling. They will hopefully come round, it might take them till 2012!!!

Sharon

Posted

I feel for you, we are in same situation from both sides of parents. I am going to write more info another time for you so that you don't feel alone. Trust me you are not the only ones suffering from this awful blackmail. It hurts and makes you crack under all the pressure. Will write more tomorrow. Chin up chook and keep smiling!:wubclub:

Guest TaniaandRob
Posted

It can be very difficult. I have lived in the UK for 2.5 years and in that time met, fallen in love and married my husband and we are now moving home to Australia. His parents igonerd the issue for a long time but then when it came to the visa application process started saying things like they could never come visit due to it being too far or health reasons or because they do day care for my OH's sisters kids. They have slowly come around though and when my OH's sister suggested they shouldn't go because she needed them for day care she got very quickly put in her place and since then my OH's dad has said he would move heaven and earth to come and visit. I think it just takes time and perserverance. We have tried to be completely open and have shared our ideas and dreams of how we will live, where, the house we want to build and the opportunities for our future kids and the outlaws can see the benefits so can't really argue against us going anymore. It's not going to be easy for them when we do go but we have done everything to try and make it easier. We gave them a laptop for xmas and are teaching them how to use skype and email and facebook before we go so they can continue to keep in close contact. Good luck with your family and your move.

Posted
It can be very difficult. I have lived in the UK for 2.5 years and in that time met, fallen in love and married my husband and we are now moving home to Australia. His parents igonerd the issue for a long time but then when it came to the visa application process started saying things like they could never come visit due to it being too far or health reasons or because they do day care for my OH's sisters kids. They have slowly come around though and when my OH's sister suggested they shouldn't go because she needed them for day care she got very quickly put in her place and since then my OH's dad has said he would move heaven and earth to come and visit. I think it just takes time and perserverance. We have tried to be completely open and have shared our ideas and dreams of how we will live, where, the house we want to build and the opportunities for our future kids and the outlaws can see the benefits so can't really argue against us going anymore. It's not going to be easy for them when we do go but we have done everything to try and make it easier. We gave them a laptop for xmas and are teaching them how to use skype and email and facebook before we go so they can continue to keep in close contact. Good luck with your family and your move.

Isn't is awful the way close family act and the things they say when you say "Hey I'm off to Australia to give me and my family a better chance in life"? They claim to want the best but act so selfish when something is going to upset their family balance. I have a mother who is agrophobic and hasn't left the house in over 5 years voluntarily accept to go to hospital for a broken hip....she won't come see me in Oz most def- my dad who left her and my brothers and sisters several years ago, married an Aussie...so of course all aussies are evil...It'll be up to me to spend the money on flights every year to see my mum :( and likely my other halfs mum wont get on a plane unless it goes to Spain...thats her limit. Selfish but true. I swear i will never act this way with my kids! Parents have to know that they children grow up and move on and have their own set of priorities-everyone deserves a chance for a good life!!

Posted

We got it to from my wifes family. During the application process as it took so long to come through they were saying what if you dont get a visa (i knew we would 100%) what are you going to do. Is it worth all this waiting, just give up and stay at home. Then when we left it was how long until you come back and everytime we had a problem it was just come home then. My wifes parents have came round now and realise that we are happy. But my wifes brothers and sisters keep asking so when are you coming home and it no fun without you here and we want to see our nephews etc. I lived in Ireland for years with my brothers and sisters in Australia and never asked them to come home. It is unfair for family to put pressure on you but at the end of the day you have to lead your own life the way you want to and do what feels right for your family. they will come round eventually.

Guest simon geoffrey moore
Posted

:GEEK::twitcy:you got to do what u got to do you get one chance in life there is no rerun if they dont like it thats just selfish let get on with it

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