notaclue Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 bear with this dilemma - i really do know a lot of people would think- I wish i had that problem, but one thing i have learnt in the last couple of years, is that what one persons drama - is not necessarily anothers. Myself and my family moved to an area on the south of sydney a couple of years ago for a few months and returned because I was ultimately homesick. I was not sure why - and still am not, Not for friends and family, but just the culture, history, britishness of things. Dont get me wrong - i am really well travelled so it hit me like a brick wall. We came back - my oh was not happy at all, and never has been since, and have endured major difficulties and stress since - so much so, I have seriously thought about clearing off but for the children. For one reason and another - we were unable to return until now. the removals are booked and everything. We have a fantastic package with work, schools paid for, health, first 2 years rent etc But the dilemma is now that, whilst I appreciate that people would give their right arm, leg and the left ones as well for this opportunity, I am sick with the worry of how it will turn out. I am worried that I will feel the same, although I can appreciate that we are going to a beautiful, green, area that offers all that we need and want for the kids and us. We have very good jobs but I am worried that the damage done with me and my oh is irrepairable, and we will not get back that something we had. I am worried that I am denying the kids this fantastic opportunity, and how lucky we are that we are able to have it again - this time with the benefit of hindsight. I am worried that I should take the opportunity to start a new life on my own with the children somewhere in the UK, and just draw a line under the whole saga. A very good friend is encouraging me to start a new life near them, to offer emotional support, since staying in the area I live now is not an option (it just isnt). So that is the dilemma. I have to start a new life regardless. its just where??? Just realised I have rambled on - any thoughts would be good. I really do think that if life is good in the UK, dont change it. Once you start on the emigration rollercoaster - its so hard to get that mojo back, that sense of equilibrium and peace. x:unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30085 Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 bear with this dilemma - i really do know a lot of people would think- I wish i had that problem, but one thing i have learnt in the last couple of years, is that what one persons drama - is not necessarily anothers. Myself and my family moved to an area on the south of sydney a couple of years ago for a few months and returned because I was ultimately homesick. I was not sure why - and still am not, Not for friends and family, but just the culture, history, britishness of things. Dont get me wrong - i am really well travelled so it hit me like a brick wall. We came back - my oh was not happy at all, and never has been since, and have endured major difficulties and stress since - so much so, I have seriously thought about clearing off but for the children. For one reason and another - we were unable to return until now. the removals are booked and everything. We have a fantastic package with work, schools paid for, health, first 2 years rent etc But the dilemma is now that, whilst I appreciate that people would give their right arm, leg and the left ones as well for this opportunity, I am sick with the worry of how it will turn out. I am worried that I will feel the same, although I can appreciate that we are going to a beautiful, green, area that offers all that we need and want for the kids and us. We have very good jobs but I am worried that the damage done with me and my oh is irrepairable, and we will not get back that something we had. I am worried that I am denying the kids this fantastic opportunity, and how lucky we are that we are able to have it again - this time with the benefit of hindsight. I am worried that I should take the opportunity to start a new life on my own with the children somewhere in the UK, and just draw a line under the whole saga. A very good friend is encouraging me to start a new life near them, to offer emotional support, since staying in the area I live now is not an option (it just isnt). So that is the dilemma. I have to start a new life regardless. its just where??? Just realised I have rambled on - any thoughts would be good. I really do think that if life is good in the UK, dont change it. Once you start on the emigration rollercoaster - its so hard to get that mojo back, that sense of equilibrium and peace. x Hi Notaclue :hug: Goodness you really have a lot of decisions to consider. All I can say is you really need to follow your heart. Your happiness must come first in order for you to be a happy mum for your young ones. Im sorry i cant be much of a help but there are some great posters on here who may be able to offer more practical help. If you are worried about your relationship withstanding another move to Oz, all I would say is please please read up on how the Oz law (and UK also) covers removal of the children if one parent really wants to return home. It is impossible without the other parents consent. Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news but if your relationship does not stay strong you may find yourself stuck in a country as a lone parent and unable to return to the UK. On a more positive note the return to Oz could be a wonderful move for you. As you say this time you have the knowledge you didnt on the first move out there. I really hope you find a way for you all to be happy and best of luck for the future x:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notaclue Posted February 20, 2010 Author Share Posted February 20, 2010 adonna - thanks for your post, i had only just put it on, and have spent the last half hour or so reading some very postitive posts - I suppose that does make things look better. Sometimes it probably is better to go with the flow a bit - rather thank overanalyse things too much. In lancs at the moment and think it really is a beautiful place (my bit anyway). x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sioux Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 People who know me might think this post is out of character, but here goes . I am truly sorry for how you feel. You sound to be in turmoil. You said you couldnt put your finger on why you were unhappy before in oz. Think long and hard about it because it could be that you are and were unhappy in your marriage long before you realised and you were laying the blame on the move. If this is so no amount of making up or trying to sort things out will work and a move back could lead to worse problems. We, as mothers ,always put our children first, my youngest is 32 and I know I still consider him in all my decisions. Another flaw we have is that we lose our own identity along the way. Take some time for you, try to make the other half understand that you have to find yourself before you can begin to find you and him again. A life in oz, in my opinion, is the best thing for children of any age, but they need a stable family life, as they too will have huge adjustments to make. Sorry if this seems like an agony aunt reply and i know it isnt my business. But I write from the heart, I too have made huge changes in my life in the last 2 years but I am happy to say that through it all I FOUND ME and my oh and I are now able to work on our relationship. It doesn't matter where you are in the world if you have a loving family a dream and ambition. I wish you all the luck in the world, I hope you work things out and I hope you truly feel happy whatever you decide. x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keily Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 bear with this dilemma - i really do know a lot of people would think- I wish i had that problem, but one thing i have learnt in the last couple of years, is that what one persons drama - is not necessarily anothers. Myself and my family moved to an area on the south of sydney a couple of years ago for a few months and returned because I was ultimately homesick. I was not sure why - and still am not, Not for friends and family, but just the culture, history, britishness of things. Dont get me wrong - i am really well travelled so it hit me like a brick wall. We came back - my oh was not happy at all, and never has been since, and have endured major difficulties and stress since - so much so, I have seriously thought about clearing off but for the children. For one reason and another - we were unable to return until now. the removals are booked and everything. We have a fantastic package with work, schools paid for, health, first 2 years rent etc But the dilemma is now that, whilst I appreciate that people would give their right arm, leg and the left ones as well for this opportunity, I am sick with the worry of how it will turn out. I am worried that I will feel the same, although I can appreciate that we are going to a beautiful, green, area that offers all that we need and want for the kids and us. We have very good jobs but I am worried that the damage done with me and my oh is irrepairable, and we will not get back that something we had. I am worried that I am denying the kids this fantastic opportunity, and how lucky we are that we are able to have it again - this time with the benefit of hindsight. I am worried that I should take the opportunity to start a new life on my own with the children somewhere in the UK, and just draw a line under the whole saga. A very good friend is encouraging me to start a new life near them, to offer emotional support, since staying in the area I live now is not an option (it just isnt). So that is the dilemma. I have to start a new life regardless. its just where??? Just realised I have rambled on - any thoughts would be good. I really do think that if life is good in the UK, dont change it. Once you start on the emigration rollercoaster - its so hard to get that mojo back, that sense of equilibrium and peace. x:unsure: hi ...what an emotional post ...sounds like u are stuck between a rock and a hard place ...which i can totally sympathise with :hug:.....have u actually discussed this with o/h ...does he know that there is a chance it may not work out and is he prepared to put ur happiness before his ??? .....it really is a tough decision to make ...and one i dont envy ....hope it all sorts itself out ...sorry i cant be of more help mrs keily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 I feel for you, you want one thing and obviously oh wants another and both of them are relevant needs and neithe one is less important than the other. So really it comes down to how much you want to be together, also your children. You are very lucky to have the deal you are going to get and if it was me I would seize the opportunity and give it my best shot and if it does not work out then sort it out when the time comes. Even if you stay and move away you are sort of forcing your oh to stay so he can be near the children. So its a no win situation and really you should sort it yourself do not listen to friends or family. I have a friend who is very lonely now after being encouraged by friends to move on from her marriage when her children were in high school. She is still alone and she had a good man and she could not see it. Often people give advice to people but its really advice for themselves not the person they are advising and this can have dire consequences. Have a talk with your oh you may be surprised he may just want to talk to you about things too. I am fortunate that we always talk and never go to bed on a disagreement, never carry disagreements on we just get over it and get on with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 21, 2010 Share Posted February 21, 2010 I think I would get the marriage sorted out before I moved if I were you. Then consider whether you are prepared to be the sacrificial lamb in order to preserve your relationship. As others have said, once you are in australia you will have to stay if your OH wont let you leave with the kids - its far harder than taking kids from uk from all accounts. Be very sure that it is what you want out of your life. Good luck with your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ocean Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Hi there, Are you sure that it is the place that is what is making you unhappy? Is there not perhaps another problem that needs fixing first...we tend to romantise a place. I had the same problem in a slightly different way but only really realised late in the whole process that it was not so much the place making me unhappy, but rather the circumstances. Good luck with all your decisions... Esta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Moving to Aus won't fix a broken relationship - I agree with the others that you maybe need to concentrate on that first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shaunkaren Posted February 26, 2010 Share Posted February 26, 2010 Hi Notaclue Have you actually sat down with OH and discussed how you feel? Has he told you how he feels, it sounds like he made a huge sacrifice for you moving back to the UK and you now feel like you have to reciprocate. Unless you talk to each other about your feelings then you won't ever know. All marraiges go through stressful times and sometimes it is harder to work through something than it is to just give up and walk away. Whatever happens I would suggest that you don't make any life changing decisions until each party has had a chance to express their feelings. If you aren't able to talk openly together then maybe Relate or couple counselling could help each of you get their point across without judgement. Hopefully that isn't needed and you can get these issues out into the open. Don't feel guilty about feeling homesick, you cannot help how you felt at that time. Equally your partner must have had strong feelings which he may also be feeling unhappy about. Whatever happens I wish you well Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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