Guest jacqueline Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Hi everyone! Its me, Jacqueline again, I have been off line for it seems forever! but am in a real situation here! I now have decided that I want to go back to my home. and have my life back. Unfortunately that will not happen. My loving husband loves it here and our 2 deartest children do not ever want to go back to the uk. They say with tears in their eyes that this is now their home. They are settled in school, friends etc. I have even got a dog, cat, guinea pigs, all the pets that we had back home and tried to live here and remake what we had in england. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest katypritchard Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Oh honey - how long have you been there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chrissy Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Hi everyone! Its me, Jacqueline again, I have been off line for it seems forever! but am in a real situation here! I now have decided that I want to go back to my home. and have my life back. Unfortunately that will not happen. My loving husband loves it here and our 2 deartest children do not ever want to go back to the uk. They say with tears in their eyes that this is now their home. They are settled in school, friends etc. I have even got a dog, cat, guinea pigs, all the pets that we had back home and tried to live here and remake what we had in england. I am in the same position Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
docboat Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 What kind of help are you looking for? Do you want support in making Australia your home, rather than continue being a foreigner here? Or do you want advice on how to manage the family to agree to go to the UK? In the interim, how about suggesting that you take a trip to the UK on your own? Perhaps for a month, or maybe three. See how you feel once you see your family again? (People often notice that the family in the UK - after the initial visits and celebratory drinks - revert to the usual "once a year pop in for a visit if we have time" type scenario) It might help you to feel where your heart really is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracy1 Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I am in the same position Chrissy why is it you dont like it, can you actuallly sort of pinpoint certain things or are you just homesick? Reason I ask is because I will be going to Brisbane from Romford and can maybe give you some answers/reality check or tell you what its like to still be here i.e. if youre desperate for a trip to Tescos at Roneo/Gallows then I can remind you what its really like going there on a Sunday etc etc. Please feel free to ask me anything about our area hopefully in reality the grass is greener in Oz. Chin up Tracyxxx P.S Its Wednesday 2.30pm (SUMMER) its cold, raining and the sky is grey and its just taken me 20 mins to get to Pettits Lane from Ardleigh Green lights as Gallows Corner flyover is closed until at least August! :arghh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 and dont foget the tube strike Tracy lol its horrible out there lol,:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 :hug: I guess it is going to be a case of get used to it or be prepared to split your family. It is a horrible feeling and there is often no rationality as to why it isnt working for you. There are a load of tricks you can play with yourself to make it liveable but the chances are that you are never going to feel whole and yourself until you do make the move back. Dont worry about your kids, they will cope if you do decide to move home and there will be opportunities galore for them in UK, they probably just have that fear of change that is quite normal and once there with new friends they would be fine. Your DH on the other hand - well, he's a bloke! If you are feeling that desperate, may I suggest that you head off to your GP because there is a possibility that you are clinically depressed and s/he may be able to do something about it, either through medication (you dont have to take it if you dont want to) or you might be able to pick up some sessions with a CBT psych. There are CBT strategies which can help you make it through the day with probably more sanguinity than you currently have but it is possible that you will continue to wake up every morning with a sick feeling in your stomach with the realization that you are still here. Some people swear by St Johns Wort but it has never made a dent on what ails me. The going home suggestion is a gamble - sure, you may go home and think it is the pits and not wait to get back here. Alternatively, it may be that you get home and start being whole once more and regain your sanity for a while and the leaving again will be even more heartbreaking than the time before. I too am trapped - Aussie husband who wont leave and I am too lazy to train up a new one. I have a bag of tricks that I use to get me through each and every day but the thing that keeps me going is a trip home at least once a year and even though it near kills me to get on the plane to come back here, it is what works for me. The compromise I have with the DH is that he keeps working so that I can afford to do it. May I suggest a book by Russ Harris called The Happiness Trap as well - it will give you some other ways of managing those "I'm trapped in hell" thoughts.:hug: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calNgary Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I have even got a dog, cat, guinea pigs, all the pets that we had back home and tried to live here and remake what we had in england. So sorry you feel stuck, it must be awful. Do you think trying to remake your UK life is helping? We used moving as an opportunity to shake off bad habits and start all over again, it would be very hard trying to live as we did in the UK for many many reasons, the main being we are now in Australia which is a thousand times different to the UK. Moving here is like turning your life upside down and as with anything you miss ,constant reminders never help.As disheartened as you feel right now, try to get out their and embrace life, there will be some things you like and hopefully you will meet some good friends who understand you have 'down days'and offer a shoulder to lean on. Quoll's idea of a yearly holiday is good, if your finances stretch that far (i know mine don't unfortuntaely) , Keep smiling Cal x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chrissy Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 Chrissy why is it you dont like it, can you actuallly sort of pinpoint certain things or are you just homesick? Reason I ask is because I will be going to Brisbane from Romford and can maybe give you some answers/reality check or tell you what its like to still be here i.e. if youre desperate for a trip to Tescos at Roneo/Gallows then I can remind you what its really like going there on a Sunday etc etc. Please feel free to ask me anything about our area hopefully in reality the grass is greener in Oz. Chin up Tracyxxx P.S Its Wednesday 2.30pm (SUMMER) its cold, raining and the sky is grey and its just taken me 20 mins to get to Pettits Lane from Ardleigh Green lights as Gallows Corner flyover is closed until at least August! :arghh: Hi Tracy, thanks for your reply, it made me smile we have been here for 6 months and its been the toughest thing ive EVER done! it has been quite difficult for hubby to get work here (carpenter) and I am missing my parents, and missing them playing my little girl (3.5years) but the main thing has been missing familarity. I miss the shops, my local gym (next generation), popping round to mums at the weekend, a curry from Nishan's. However, I have met a few friends which has been better, one from upminster, chelmsford and rainham - weird that I wanna hang around with essex girls but it makes me feel at home if you know what I mean! on the positive side, life here is wonderful, its winter at the moment and it glorious (england summer, in fact better). every weekend we do days out which we never really did in Uk coz of weather or over crowded. Anya loves playing in all the park, we have bbq's on the beach which is so relaxing, I do know its a better place, im just homesick and thats it ! Hubby loves it here and Anya has so much freedom to run wild ! When you coming over here? where are you going to live?, North lakes is really nice. Any info you want, let me know. Have fun in romford ! cheers Chrissy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bobbins Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I felt exactly like you, as many people will have done. my posts at the end of last year are very bleak to say the least. I was utterly bereft, Whilst I didnt dislike it, and could see many benefits, it wasnt home. I would wake up in the morning and think F..k, Im still here. My oh and the kids loved it, but I missed my home, my familiarity my friends and my family, british humour, the countryside and the culture and the beautiful area I came from. I was so bad I left on my own back to the uk without my children I was so sad. They did follow a month later mind. I am not sure what I came back to at all?? We had sold our home, my friends moved on very quickly, and I felt like an inconvenience as I was so pleased to see them only to find that they had their usual lives to get on with, and made me feel needy for them, but they did not need me, in fact, I got my rose tinted off to see that some were very shallow. I saw my family several times in the first week or two, but then Ive seen them once since feb. I even had to take the children over in March to see them 40 mins drive away as they were not making a great deal of effort to come to us, even though they are both retired. I havnt seen my brother and sister yet. The strain on my marriage and my children almost put us under as we had become the sort of family you see on Shameless. I feel sad at what the children have seen and heard between us. Do I regret coming back? Ive often looked back with the benefit of hindsight. I was in a position that I saw the psychologist at my ohs company who was in general, rubbish - but did say one nugget of sense. That is - there is no such thing as hindsight. It is something we make up to explain to ourselves why usually, something has gone wrong, and given the same circumstances, we would make the same decision. What I do regret was giving up our fantastic life to actually go there in the first place. With my so called hindsight, I would still have chosen to go given the circumstances - a gold plated package to have an adventure was a bit of a no-brainer really. Having said that. 4.5 months since my return, I have to accept that my previous life has gone and all the tassles and bells with it, and it is upto us to make another fantastic life for our children and it can be done if we are together and stable. We have to opportunity to return in 4 months and we are returning. Ive come to the much thought conclusion that what I thought was here, isnt any more, and that where my family are happy, I will be also. The rose tinted are off and I am looking at all the positives for being in Aus for us all, and am going to stop looking at the negatives. I definately think that the longing for something you remember can make it all look a bit pink and fluffy than it really is. I would say that what you need to do is write your list up of things that you would hope to achieve when you return ie: live in a particular area, see the family every week etc, and then think if what you want to come back for is likely to happen for you. Will you have to cope with any resentment from your OH? I know mine became non-functioning and someone I didnt recognise after 20 yrs together - It got so bad and I definately wouldnt have come back knowing what I know now and have experienced personally and as a family (hindsight again) I do agree that children are resilient - but only to a certain degree. mine are only young and even now I have my 3 year old asking to live in any nice looking house we pass - failing that - can we go to the beach?. My 9 year old wanting to see particular friends ( whose mothers were friends of mine) and it is unlikely to happen since they dont live in the same street anymore and they are too busy getting on with their own lives. It is heartbreaking. Children do thrive in stability. The upshot is - maybe you do need a reality check and could go on a holiday to UK and make your mind up if it is what you really want, but take the rose tinted off at the airport! just my story and thoughts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bobbins Posted June 10, 2009 Share Posted June 10, 2009 I wrote my post before the one above had arrived and it does seem you are missing the same things as I did. Whilst an up north at the moment, I used to live in Romford and Harold wood - worked at oldchurch and rush green years ago and Im sure where you are beats all that hands down!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petals Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 Have to say its a woman thing, far less men feel the way women do. My Mum did and she returned and lived a couple of years, Dad would not go so she took my brother and left us to our own devices. However just has op has said it was not the same as she remembered and my brother tells me it was awful for him. So she returned, then did the same thing about ten years later and of course returned again. When we go to the UK everyone makes an effort to come and see us take us out all that stuff but that is because we are only there for a month or maybe a bit more and we do not stick around for more than a week or so with family. Do not want to wear our welcome out and they are the same if they come over here. Our life is me oh and our children and its evolution at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maxine Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 "The Grass Is Greener" syndrome affects everyone at sometime in their life - not only when you have moved countries, we do it with allsorts i.e. jobs that seem better than the one we do, or even other peoples lifestyles that seem so much better than our own - the truth is that once the novelty of anything new wears off and the reality of our situation kicks in there are always going to things that we prefered before. The main thing that I have found as a help to me in the nine months that Ive been here, is to focus on the reasons you decided to move to Australia, remember how you felt about your home/work/life and job in the UK before you hopped on that plane. Also try and think of things you have now that you couldnt have back in the UK and imagine how youd feel after 6 months of not having them? There are many things that I miss from the UK, but Im learning to be more positive about what I have gained. My OH and I have just purchased our first home here and move in on 26th June - a 4 bed house on acerage with a swimming pool - we could NEVER have that in UK. We have also bought two beautiful puppies again not possible in our previous life. I truly hope things improve for you. I think if you try and think positively, youl feel it. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jewels1356 Posted June 11, 2009 Share Posted June 11, 2009 well if anyone wants a shoulder to cry on i make a mean cup of coffee hear buderim cant give advice but got a good pair of ears as i left my daughter and grandkids in the uk i feel very guilty so just pm me julie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NigelWaring Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 ... The upshot is - maybe you do need a reality check and could go on a holiday to UK and make your mind up if it is what you really want, but take the rose tinted off at the airport! ... This really is the best possible advice, it has worked well for so many other people and they didn't believe that it would. I know many other Poms who love Australia and wouldn't go back for anything. Many of those who are the most successful came here as Ten Quid Poms intending to take a three year working holiday before returning home. I also found that my family were hardly ever in touch with each other. Many times we'd go back and find that they hadn't seen each other in the two years since our last visit even though most were less than one hour apart. To be honest UK has become just another foreign country to me now where they have a very different kind of diet and other tastes in many areas. To be even more honest, during the last two visits we didn't even get in touch with my siblings, we were only in the country because other holidays started there. On one trip the weather was excellent and we had a really good couple of days around London before returning to Australia, if it had been raining may not have been quite so good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jewels1356 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 right come on you lot lets be posative anyone fancy either comming to mine for coffee or metting up we all need to help support each other that way it might make things bearable, just pm me cuse i lost this thread from last week just let me know when i best for you julie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jewels1356 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 forgot to say i live in the buderim area but i do have car and will travel for a bit if it ill help anyone julie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest30038 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 On one trip the weather was excellent and we had a really good couple of days around London before returning to Australia, if it had been raining may not have been quite so good. I went back last June and spent 5 days in London, a city that I'd never visited, in my 47 yrs in the UK! The kids especially loved it, in particular, the Tower of London. We loved the camp site and were amazed at all the foxes and squirrels in abundance. The surrounding area though, was like a ghetto, and we certainly didn't feel safe heading for the train from the camp site. We were sad to leave, but once we set foot back in Oz, we knew that the UK had no further hold on us, other than being a place to show the kids their "roots". kev Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest angelaandmick Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Jacqueline, So sorry your homesick. Must be tearing you up that everyone else wants to stay. We moved to Kallangur in Nov 08 from Ireland (i'm originally uk) and finding it difficult. Missing friends and family. Maybe you can join some groups to make some escape for yourself, although I should probably take same advise. Hope it gets easier for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NigelWaring Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 We had two unexpected days in London, hadn't studied our itinerary properly, we'd been on a very long cruise that ended up in UK and they'd arranged a couple of nights in a hotel. We found out about the half price offer for the Royal Palaces if you travel by train so spent a day at Hampton Court and another wandering around the parks in London. You pick up a form when you buy your ticket, hand in the completed form at the park and they let you in for half price, yes you will get some spam but it is useful for next time. Here' a few pics from that part of our trip. I had lived and worked in London in the sixties, then I knew where to get reasonable prices but this time we were amazed by the cost of food, a sandwich and cup of tea would cost more than a full meal in Sydney where we also know the bargains; we were on holiday so didn't let it worry us too much in fact we had a good laugh over paying £28 each for a small snack near that big wheel thing, it did taste good though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest siamsusie Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I agree Nigel, the tourist areas in London cost a fortune, but if you had wandered through Soho, there are numerous Italian cafes where good coffee remains £1.20, and a sandwich £2..50.... you can get some wonderful full english breakfasts for £3, its just a queston of knowing where to go. Some of the best Indian and Chinese restaurants are in London, and I do miss those when I am in Australia and they are dirt cheap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracy1 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I wrote my post before the one above had arrived and it does seem you are missing the same things as I did. Whilst an up north at the moment, I used to live in Romford and Harold wood - worked at oldchurch and rush green years ago and Im sure where you are beats all that hands down!!!!! Yes youre right I lived in Harold Wood for 40 years now live in Romford (had to move out of Harold Wood before they build the 500 'dwellings' on the hospital site) and also worked at Oldchurch then Queens and Im sure if Chrissy came back here for a holiday she would hopefully realise that she's just homesick and she's painted an unrealistic romantic picture of what its like here and would be on the first plane back with a big smile on her face Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Yes youre right I lived in Harold Wood for 40 years now live in Romford (had to move out of Harold Wood before they build the 500 'dwellings' on the hospital site) and also worked at Oldchurch then Queens and Im sure if Chrissy came back here for a holiday she would hopefully realise that she's just homesick and she's painted an unrealistic romantic picture of what its like here and would be on the first plane back with a big smile on her face I am intrigued about why you would be hopeful that someone would decide it was just homesickness and be back on the plane. Why would you not be equally hopeful that they land and have a huge smile on their face at being back where they belong with their heritage and the things that make them feel comfortable? I'd be hoping that anyone coming home will find what they are looking for and not be consigned to some half life limbo of not knowing where they really want to be. Belonging is a strange old thing and it is perfectly possible to be happy and content even when the place has warts and all. Those of us who KNOW where we belong dont wear rose tints any more than people who think Australia is the best thing since sliced bread. There is a comfort about being where you belong that no number of beaches and sunny days can ever account for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest John Locke Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I have to add my 2 cents worth here because I too find these sort of posts intriguing. The romanticizing and thinking of England as pink and fluffy, lol, some of the people on here who want to go back have only been here a matter of months but they still get the ol rose tinted specs spiel, credit them with some intelligence…Aside from the routine weather and crime reports from those still in England, there are the `well, you’re obviously doing something wrong, I bet you’ll regret it and be back,` comments…oh, and the ‘hopefully you’ll realize your HUGE mistake and be on the first plane back!‘ No one wants to wish failure to anyone migrating to Oz, so why do people feel the need to wish failure on those returning to the U.K? I really don’t understand it!…There are some on here who do not like Australia (as difficult as that might be for some to swallow, even those who have never been here) and there are some who actually quite like it but can not and will not ever settle and don’t give a toss about Gordon Brown, Rain, traffic jams and the price of a sandwich, they just want to be home, where they belong!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NigelWaring Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I just hope that all those who are not sure or unhappy wherever they are do eventually do what is best for them. I know quite a few who have boomeranged back to Australia and the return was good for them because the now know that this is the place for them. I know some who returned to UK, about half think it was the right decision and about half wish they could come back but they cannot get a visa or whatever. I know many who have been here on working holidays and would love to live here permanently but cannot get a visa. Whatever anyone does they should never ever burn their bridges, there is no such thing as "I know I'll never want to come back", I'm aware of several who have regretted saying that. My first trip back was after 20 years, I then realised that I was not seeing my nephews and nieces growing up and that did set me thinking, eventually I realised that it was great meeting them and they were very nice but they do not want to keep in touch with an old bloke that they hardly know, it had been not very different to having an interesting conversation with someone who was pleasant when on holiday or on a cruise, we were just passing. With a few exceptions my relatives back in UK rarely see each other, often they see me more than each other. I know that this does not apply to many other families, some see each and socialise a lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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