Guest fatpom Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 :arghh:Comments like this infuriate me! Put yourself in the OP shoes. How do you tell a child that family have "forgotten" them!! You cant! A child will think that they have done something wrong or that someone doesnt love them anymore!!! Its not about the child as the OP states. The child will hardly notice. The OP has come to the realisation that the maxim "out of sight out of mind" is very much the case for migrants. That has to be faced up to otherwise it could become a festering wound. Being a migrant often means effectively abandoning much of your family to your own (short term) interests. I worked with a guy who said to me one day "I'm going home before the rellies completely forget about us". It was quite an insightful comment for a guy barely into his twenties. :smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandyhex Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 Don't worry too much I felt sad as I'm in UK was 50 last week and the 1st time I've not had a card from my Brother as he emmigrated in December, he skyped me though which was the best birthday present I had to hear them sing too me was great, but like other's say and knowing from my own experience of sending post it get's too you eventuelly my brother tells me it's a bit hit and miss, I posted a parcel Feb 23rd for my nephew and nieces( Easter choccie s) and they only got it May 9th. I know it hurts though so Happy birthday to your little girl. Sandy x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest waynenicola Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 hey dont worry we moved 25 miles away from rellies in the uk and within a year cards were late and now we are expected to travel up to get them !!! cant imagine what it will be like when we get to Aus !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest maggieandrich Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 while it's sad that you feel the people you left behind have forgotten about you and your daughter, you must remember that you left them behind. peolpe lives move on, without your contact on a regular face to face basis, important dates to you, will soon be forgotten as their lives carry on. You must also remember that you dont have to go thousands of miles away for famliy to forget those dates, you said yourself your brother hardley ever did when you were around. and then think the other way, for how many years will you send cards and presents to family members who barely recall you, have grown up without you there, and who you wouldnt recognise if they turned up on your doorstep? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Squem Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 SCARLETT!! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest fatpom Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 :arghh:Comments like this infuriate me! Put yourself in the OP shoes. How do you tell a child that family have "forgotten" them!! You cant! A child will think that they have done something wrong or that someone doesnt love them anymore!!! A grandchild remains a grandchild whether they are 2 or 20,000 miles away! Leaving the country does not mean that we put them out of our mind! TO SCarlett, Hope that you had a wonderful birthday! If Mum puts your birthday in the PIO calendar we can remember you every year! Scarletts Mum: Dont let them grind you down! Come rant on PIO when it all gets too much! Remember just because you moved out of the country does NOT give them the right to forget you! Im sure that you have not forgotten them! We`re with ya! Jo, although I know you didn't mean it I actually I think your post is ill considered? It has the potential to provoke the OP into giving freinds & rellies "a right serve" in a moment of anger. If the Op does so, then the channels of communication are more likely to freeze up. Its too easy for relationships to fade through the tyranny of distance. The response from the other end would start as shock, then maybe turn to anger & resentment. The situation for many migrants is that the onus is on the migrant to keep open the channels of communication. This is a practical consideration... forget the rights and wrongs of it. And anyway as the migrant "you buggered off... not them". For my part I think you have to make most if not all of the effort & you must be tolerant of freinds & rellies who appear to have forgotten you when in reality they're just getting on with their lives without you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tracy Murphy Posted May 14, 2009 Share Posted May 14, 2009 Reading this thread makes me realise how lucky I am to have my parents. They spend an awful lot of time in Benidorm these days and whilst I have got use to them not being physically around, I know that they are on the end of the phone whenever I need them. I have never resented the fact they have moved out there. In fact it was them doing that that encouraged me to migrate to Oz. I know Benidorm is not as far as away as Oz; I don't think distance should make a difference. Being away from each other has never stopped us from remembering birthdays, anniversaries, etc. We always phone each other on the day just in case cards don't arrive on time. We make sure we phone or text each other regularly too. Both sides need to keep the communication channels going and we are currently thinking about how we can communicate with our folks and close friends when we finally get to move later in the year. I think close family should always make the effort, however I do accept that friends will probably lose contact until they want free holiday accommodation (or am I being cynical...not sure I spelt that right!!!) Scarletts mom - I would make a few phone calls and just casually drop into the conversation that it was Scarletts birthday and what a great time she had. The response you will get positive or negative will give you a clear understanding of whether they want to keep in touch or not. Be matter of fact about it and don't get upset or angry. Hopefully, the cards are in the post and they didn't quite know what time was best to phone. Anyway, keep your chin up, remember why you moved and give your little girl a big cuddle from me. Tracy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaq4chop Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 Thanks to eveyone who has posted on here to cheer me up & share their views & send Scarlett birthday wishes. I appear to have inadvertently opened a can of worms on the who should remeber who & how they should do it side of things. As normal brain function is pretty much back on my behalf I thought I would share how I feel now. Firstly many thanks to Johatts who leapt to my defense on a not so "make you feel good" reply post. At the time I was quite hurt by it (Sorry Fatpom) but having seen their second post I realise they didn't say it to hurt me but more of a practical bit of advice of "the sooner you get used to it the less it hurts" kind of way. (At least I hope this is the case) I suspect you understood what was going through my head on Wednesday night more than I did. So what have I learnt & what did I already know but hadn't admitted to myself? I already knew our family are not the best organised bunch in the world. I am well aware it was our chioce to move to the other side of the world & certain consequences will come of this. I also knew NOT to contact family while I was upset & cross with them, hence the PIO post where I knew it was a fairly safe place to vent of some emotions. As Fatpom pointed out communication lines need to be kept open & letting something fester in your head is not a good idea. I know Scarlett doesn't realise what has happened this year but I need to make sure it doesn't happen again because when she is older she will have the feelings that JoHatt pointed out of having done something wrong. So now we have a plan!! About a week before her birthday next year I will contact everyone to arrange a good time for a skype call / phone call. This will give them a gentle reminder in time to get a card posted if they want to send one & means we can catch up at a good time instead of ringing mid bath/on the way out the door to work etc. In fact I think we will do it for everyone's birthdays in the UK or OZ & at least that way we are guaranteed to have a quality conversation with a family member pretty much every month. Had it been mine or my husbands birthday first I wonder if I would have been so upset...... I very much doubt it. Was it homesickness in disguise as something else? I really don't know. Was I feeling sad for Scarlett for being forget? Absolutely!!! Was I maybe feeling a little sorry for myself? As much as I hate to admit it I think I might. Anyway it was bloody awful but hopefully will give us a good communication with our family in the future. On a positive note, I have had a grovelling e-mail from my brother saying he's lost our address, will be shopping tonight & posting her pressie in the morning & a "guilt" payment will go into her UK savings accout. So thank you once again for taking some time to post replies, they helped very much. Now for a word from the little lady herself. Thank you to everyone who sent me lovely birthday wishes. I had a lovely day & being 2 is great!! Love from Scarlett. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 0405delboy Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 :arghh:Comments like this infuriate me! Put yourself in the OP shoes. How do you tell a child that family have "forgotten" them!! You cant! A child will think that they have done something wrong or that someone doesnt love them anymore!!! A grandchild remains a grandchild whether they are 2 or 20,000 miles away! Leaving the country does not mean that we put them out of our mind! TO SCarlett, Hope that you had a wonderful birthday! If Mum puts your birthday in the PIO calendar we can remember you every year! Scarletts Mum: Dont let them grind you down! Come rant on PIO when it all gets too much! Remember just because you moved out of the country does NOT give them the right to forget you! Im sure that you have not forgotten them! We`re with ya! Youre right but then, I wouldnt tell a kid that I had forgotten them but that same kid may well as why they were taken away from extended family in the first place. Forgetting a kids birthday is a bit harsh but theres probably more to the story anyway.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest proud2beaussie Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 One thing we probably should remember is that the fact that Scarletts parents have brought her to Australia doesn't mean that's the reason her birthday was forgotten? Because if we assume that we are assuming that everyone always remembers birthdays when they are in the same country and we all know that's not true,Can anyone on PIO honestly say they have never forgotten a friends birthday? even though that person may only live a few miles away? I can't say that,I forgot a good friends birthday recently and she's only a few hundred metres away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ali Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Jaq ... you're right when it's the kids we hurt for them. Glad that irrespective of cards not arriving, Scarlett had a lovely day with the people who love her the most .... her parents Ali x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest yankee Posted May 15, 2009 Share Posted May 15, 2009 Hey jaq4 - Everyone is allowed to be emotional, I'd be strange if you wouldn't have cared. but you did, and that's perfectly fine. I would have had the same reaction, I am sure of it. My parents forgot our wedding anniversary this year and that totally ticked me off. It's totally understandable that everyone just wants the best for their own family. I'm glad your little one had a fun day anyway! :wubclub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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