Guest Guest18443 Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 Dear all, We've started the ball rolling for the skilled 175 visa to emigrate to Oz (hopefully in 2010). Just one thing, we haven't told our parents yet, and not sure when to!! I'd love to hear of your experiences of how you told your parents, and how they reacted. :notworthy: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tallyho! Posted November 26, 2008 Share Posted November 26, 2008 Hi Wish someone had prepared me for telling my parents, but luckily they were great and took it really well - probably something to do with the fact they scarpered off to the sunshine in Cyprus some years ago! We still have to tell the MIL and that is something I'm not looking forward to. The kids have managed to drop Australia into the conversation now and again :frown: but my OH doesn't want to tell her yet! We have put it to her that we are thinking about it but haven't said we've started the process - whether this is a mistake or not is something we'll face soon enough. Its not going to be easy to tell her as we'll be taking her grandchildren away and she's not going to be impressed at all. Wish you all the best, its never easy telling any of your family your plans. Kim x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest juliemtaylor Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Dear all, We've started the ball rolling for the skilled 175 visa to emigrate to Oz (hopefully in 2010). Just one thing, we haven't told our parents yet, and not sure when to!! I'd love to hear of your experiences of how you told your parents, and how they reacted. :notworthy: Hi We made the decision end Aug this year and asked the parents in law what they thought. I think shock and jubilation from my father in law as he loves the place, my MIL went very quiet... We then went to a migration show and got them to look after kids, when we came back they had dug out everything they had on their numerous trips to Oz! My dad was not impressed at all and was really negative and selfish as he is on his own as my mum not here any more and m sister in USA. After a few weeks he did calm down and thinks it will be 3 years or more and we may get refused etc etc. But I think it has sunk in a bit now. Good luck and don't let them put you off! Julie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Pom Queen Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 We told them as soon as we put the application in, my mother was really angry and didn't speak to me for 4 years after, the in laws just kept saying we wouldn't go through with it and it was just a whim, umm!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoCG Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 When we put the house up for sale!!!:biglaugh: Not particularly close to either set of parents so no big deal for us. My parents understood better perhaps as when I was 7 they moved us from the UK to Ireland and got the whole " looking for a better life " thing. The in laws pulled a guilt trip being in their mid eighties started saying how they would never see their son and grandson again. All I can say is the world has gotten a smaller place thanks to e-mail, text and skype, we actually make more of an effort than we did being in the UK. Plus you can say that when you do get together again after the move it will be quality time spent together and you will appreciate it more, you get brownie points for saying that!! Look forward not back I say. Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 You might regret asking that on PIO! There are some real horror stories!!! Personally, I havebeen here almost 4 years and I was "living my mums dream". She found that incredibly hard to handle and we didnt talk about Oz for a considerable time. My Dad didnt ask us anything as he didnt wanna upset my Mum. We kinda just had to get on with it, just the two of us. Inlaws, Said they didnt want us to go but understood why we were. Now they beg us not to come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claretjon Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 We told the parents last weekend. I'd received my positive skills assesment from Vetasses & passed IELTS so had enough points for a 176 visa & will be lodging it soon. We probably wouldn't have told them yet but my Aunty in Oz is sponsoring us so it would have been unfair if we hadn't said anything. MIL was really good and doesn't blame us for trying & my parents were really good about it. They were a bit upset but understand why we're going. We just told them it was a long process over a couple of years so at least it gives them some time to get used to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawny Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 Hi we havn't told o/h s parents anything to be honest, they would only see the negative side of things and push the guilt trip, Sad really but thats how it is for us, so we have only told close friends what are plans are!! We will only tell them when we safely have the visa's in our hands, Dawn x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bea Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 Dear all, We've started the ball rolling for the skilled 175 visa to emigrate to Oz (hopefully in 2010). Just one thing, we haven't told our parents yet, and not sure when to!! I'd love to hear of your experiences of how you told your parents, and how they reacted. :notworthy: Hi From a parent view. When my son went to Au with my only grandson I was upset. Then thinking about it I realised that they would have a better way of life than here. Now after 3years we are emigrating to Au, so thanks to my son I am going on an adventure. If there is one thing that hurt me the most about him going was not telling me straight away. It does hurt be be left out of the loop. It is not easy, so good luck all you young people hope you parents understand why you are going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sean,marie & gang Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 I told my parents 2 and a half years ago when I got married that we needed to do that to put our visa application in for Oz and they havent really spoke since. They first blamed every one around us, it was friends giving me ideas...etc etc. Now they have just decided not to talk all together, i think its easier for them(act like I dont exist and it wont hurt as much) I am at the point where I cant see the point of saying goodbye,my children dont understand why their grand parents dont speak to them and I cant explain it to them, as I dont know why!!! With family like that who needs enemies!! My father in law just said ' dont expect me to visit ' So I dont think we will need a guest room for family visits then!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Marie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ratchet Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 My parents split up after 35yrs of marriage in July, so i was a bit concerned about telling them. No time was ever going to be the right time, But i thought they need to know ASAP, so didnt make a fuss or a big thing out of it and just told them. Despite theyre feelings they have always told me to do what is right for me and family, nto what is right for them. So thank goodness they are supportive!! Sean, Marie and gang - Such a shame, i feel for you. Families are such sh*ts sometimes!! Its a really hard thing to work out. I hope it does else it'll be their loss.:hug:. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dionne and Rickie Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 Im really suprised at everyones parents reactions, my mum died when i was 15, 18 years ago my dad is still on his own and we told him the day after we decided and he was over the moon for us and did'nt realise while we did'nt do it sooner. OH mum and dad are divorced and have both got new partners they were all really pleased and said we were doing the right thing especially his dad whos 5 sisters all emigrated out there some 30 years ago. My mother in law wants to come out with us eventually as OH is an only child, but she has to work on her OH, anyway thats my story wich as you can see is a very positive one.:smile: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest17301 Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 We told our families as soon as we had decided to definitely 'go for it'. Overall reactions ranged from pleased but sad...to barely acknowledging what we'd said! As time passes peoples reactions seem to change for example I don't think some people thought we were serious! and now it's sinking in that we are leaving in 8 weeks they are starting to get a bit upset about it. MIL and FIL are on the whole pretty quiet about it..but then they tend not to 'interfere' anyway. I think most people feel that if they don't talk about it it's not happening? if that makes sense? I am truly dreading the few weeks after xmas when we are just about to leave..I anticipate it being a very emotional time. I plan on keeping the lines of comminication open and trying hard not to fall out with anybody. Also will try to spend as much time with family as possible in the coming weeks My mum will hopefully come out in June/July so we wil have that to look forward to. All this at a time when our 2 and a half year old is just starting to get very close to his granparents...you don't know what to do for the best do you? Hey ho..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tandcmum Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 I am dreading telling my parents and not sure when to do it, but it won't before things are looking definate. I'm pretty sure my inlaws will be okay about it as they already live in Cyprus so they can't talk. I did drop a few hints to my dad a couple months back that i was fed up with nursing at the mo etc. and said that they are depserate for nurses in Oz and he told me to apply, so i'm sure he will be very practical and just pleased we are trying to make a better life for the kids, my mum on the other hand will be a nightmare as we have lived 5 hours away in scot;and for 3 years and she still asks when we are moving back closer every time i see her Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
olly Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 That is so sad reading that, heck life is too short to not speak to family like that. Hopefully they will all come to terms with it. I had a mum who didn't speak to me when I didn't 'comply' with her wishes (not to do with emigrating) and it drove me nuts, but then I said to her that I couldn't live life like that - my life was not hers and she had to realise that. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest vixpinkbabe Posted November 28, 2008 Share Posted November 28, 2008 I told my Mum as soon as I got off the plane after my year out in Aus, so she knew this has been on the cards for a while. Infact, I may have even told her when I was IN Australia, can't remember. She wasnt surprised though. Still not sure how she feels about it tbh, she seems happy when I mention it but inside I'm sure she's really upset x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest18443 Posted January 27, 2009 Share Posted January 27, 2009 Thank you for all your replies, it's been wonderful reading them all. I've told my Parents last week. A bit of a mild reaction so far. Dad hasn't said anything to me, apart from (you'll never see me again) as he is 70 and the fact that he will miss his baby (Emily my youngest). Mum is a bit neutral at the mo! My OH is too chicken to say anything to his Mum. I think that's because one of her Sons has already emigrated a couple of years back to Adelaide, so two of her grandchildren have gone and the youngest doesn't even know who she is! When we go, it will be another two grandchildren gone and she'll be left with one. It is a hard decision to make by all, and although as a Parent, I'm not sure I will be happy in 20 years time, when my two turn around and say they want to move back to the UK!! Claire x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OzDreamSeekers Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Hey, parents are strange folks! We considered emigrating to NZ about 5 years ago. Everything was set, all the pro's for going listed, the one con for not going listed (the outlaws!). So we excitedly tell the outlaws our plans and how it will better improve our kids lives and our lives, etc, etc! Like a few people above, met with silence from both. The sort of silence which requires tumbleweed and eerie music gently playing in the background! The sort of silence which changes the plans of an entire family and their futures in half a second! Michelle (the better half of course) couldnt go through with it...after a few weeks of 'silence' it was obvious it wasnt going to happen! The kids were young then, so one can empathise with the reaction. My father in law did quietly say to us that he once wanted to emigrate on the £10 ticket, but HIS mother in law stopped them pretty much the same way! irony! (a little like goldy and silvery, just made of iron!) He also said he supported us, but not outwardly or in front of the mother-in-law! (I would call her a dragon, but she is actually a lovely person in every other way and is like a mother to me....awww, thanks mum, sniff sniff!) Life eventually gets us to here and now (I wont bore you with why we are going to Oz rather than NZ), we are much further down the line, visa application in, skills asst already done, awaiting IELTS test results (due to CSL change) and needing to once again tell the outlaws. "Whats the difference this time?" I hear you say.....well, Michelle is committed to this as much as me and we both agree that even if they are upset again, we are going through with it. We realise its very hard and will be a test for us all, but it is for the good of us and our two children. We are living OUR lives for US, not for parents. However, our daughter (who is only 6) did let slip yesterday that she may have accidentally mentioned it to the father in law! OOPS. So its now time to 'do the deed' We didnt do it sooner because of bereavements, holidays etc etc (A million reasons not to tell your parents...theres a book in that title im sure! watch out JK Rowling!). Wish me luck, cos I am personally attached to certain parts of my anatomy and I reckon they may be in jeopardy soon! Its happening so they need to get used to it...although the mother in law must be psychic cos she has recently been mentioning how dangerous some spiders are in the world (to the kids) and how she doesnt want to go on holiday to Japan with friends because of the long flight (which she says she would never do!) and that someone she knows had to come all the way back from NZ cos of a sick relly! Im not paranoid, but she knows....she MUST do! Maybe its denial, maybe its not. Maybe I AM paranoid, who is that person in the window opposite my house? they are watching me! NOOOOOOO!:arghh: Oh well, I have said to Michelle that I am going either way - easy for me to rub her off the visa application .... lol (that part was a joke - or is it! mwah ha ha ha ha!) I wish everyone luck in telling parents and families, I am fortunate in that I dont really get on with my family, certainly dont see them more than a few times a year. They will all want free holidays - I have already planned to tell them we are moving to Perth and they are welcome there anytime - he he he we are actually going to Brisbane, but shhhhh! no one tell them please! Anyway, this weekend is TOL'day (Telling Outlaws Day!) so wish us luck, we are going in! Adam, Michelle, Jordan and Emily (nb - had to check this twice for spellings - dont reckon my chances in the IELTS test - lol) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Perth Princess Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Mine gave me a really hard time and made my life a misery in the run up to us going. They know how to do guilt! Anyway, I think we are forgiven as they are coming to visit in March (unless that's just to give me grief!) Most seem to react better than mine did, but not many are totally positive, which I guess you can understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jackie Roberts Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 We tried to be quite up front with both sets of parents.We thought that the earlier we told them the longer they would have to get used to it. OH's parents were upset but haven't really give us a hard time, but my parents (OMG). Told my mum first on her own, she cried but said she understood that we were doing it for the family.The week after she launched into a verbal attack of mega proportions which really knocked me sideways.I was "cruel" and "selfish"and basically I was made to feel like a naughty seven year old!! I ended up telling my dad our plans on his own because no one (mum included) wanted to be in the house when I broke the news.As expected he went balistic and hasn't mentioned the "A" word since.This was two years ago and every milestone we have come to from applying to getting our visa has overshadowed by having to tell my parents.This week we are booking the flights for May so you can imagine what it's going to be like when I tell them. Good luck with the move, Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoanneHattersley Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Chin up Jackie....we have all been there matey! My Mum did not talk about Australia as i was "living her dream". It was the hardest year that I have ever had, the year before we left i mean. Now, they`re here too on a CPV!! Mum got to live her dream! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anlopa Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 My folks only live 5 miles from me and in all the time I have lived away I can count on two hands the number of times that they have visited. I am expected to make all the effort in seeing them. They have even posted birthday cards through the letter box while we have been in, running to the door to speak to them they said "can't stop we are of out" they have never once looked after the kids who are now 6 and 7. I told them we were going and they said well we won't hold you back. I have two sisters as well one is moving to Dubai in June and the other is thinking of travelling for two years (just got divorce settlement) So my folks will be lonely, The worst thing is I love them to bits. But it’s or life so we should live it, after all flights are relatively cheap nowadays and what they spend on package holidays could be spent on flights (we'll let um sleep in the garage, shed, under the stars) Don’t let your parents friends stop you but tell then as soon as possible cos you will find that they have time to adapt and overcome before you go rather than trying to build bridges after. If you think about it, it would have to be one HUGE bridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Jackie Roberts Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Hi Joanne, thanks for your reply, to be honest my mum has come to terms with it a little bit more, but this only happened through my dad's 70th bash.A very close,very drunk best mate of my mums was really interested in our plans and I told her everything about what we were doing.I let fly that if a daughter can't talk to her own mother about a very important decision in her life,who can she talk too !! I don't know if it was the fact that her best friend knew more about her daughters plans than she did but since then she is asking more questions (not in front of my dad though)lol Take care Jackie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lolly Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 We told our parents 2 years ago when we first started thinking about Oz with mixed reactions but mainly I think they didnt think we'd go through with it. Now that its only 6 months or so away i told my mum again the other day that we are def going and basically she hasnt spoken to me since. I'm sure she will be round in a few days once she has come to terms with it a bit. The worst thing is my mum and dad were £10 poms in the 70's and I was born there so you would think they would understand how we feel. Take Care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest18443 Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Good Luke mate with telling the Outlaws! My Husband is a real chicken! He is avoiding telling him Mum like the plague! I keep asking and he gets really irate! Claire :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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