Severe Homesickness! This was my OH's Dream not mine

[Guest earlswood]

If I was in your position and hated it as much as you do, then I'd go home. After all, you didn't want to go in the first place, so I don't see how giving it longer will change your mind. It may break your heart to leave your boyfriend, but how will your relationship survive if you stay in Oz? You're unhappy and he's not prepared to compromise. I'll probably get slated for being negative, but life really is too short - live your life for you, not for him.

 

 

Agree 100%. if he wants to stay here and you want to go home there is no hope......how long till you meet someone like me in London?

 

 

Then again.....it could take a while.

[jenki]

If I was in your position and hated it as much as you do, then I'd go home. After all, you didn't want to go in the first place, so I don't see how giving it longer will change your mind. It may break your heart to leave your boyfriend, but how will your relationship survive if you stay in Oz? You're unhappy and he's not prepared to compromise. I'll probably get slated for being negative, but life really is too short - live your life for you, not for him.

 

 

I agree with this too.

My neighbour here is from Wales, she's been here ten years and said that if she knew then what she knows now she'd never have come (followed an oz guy to Sydney originally). She says that it's really tough only seeing her parents once every two years and the hardest thing is that her kids hardly know their grandparents coz they're so far away.

Good luck with whatever you do.

[joetrac]

Hi and Welcome to PIO

 

First of all I feel for you...its hard feeling Trapped when you know you dont belong somewhere.

 

I would say its VERY early in your Emigration and it may all turn around for you..BUT ...if you are so unhappy is it worth it?

 

The thought of leaving someone you love must be heartbreaking....but with everything...time is a great healer and you would get over it.

 

Only you can decide ..I hope it all works out for you .

[Guest jchrisj]

Hi;

 

I am ussually critical of people on here for not giving it a propper go, when they get to oz!

In this case i feel total sympathy for you. Love is brilliant, enlightning, romantic and on occaisions..................bloody cruel!

Only you are responsible for your life, i love my life...................but i am forever changing it!

As we all know, you are too long in the box,(dead). if you are in a situation where you are unhappy, then you hold the power to alter it.

Your soul, family, friends and life are in London but your heart is in oz with your trulove. What torture you must be going thro................here or home..............Unfortunatly................ only you can decide!!!!!!!!!!!

 

There are far more experianced people on here than i. However only you can..........and must decide your fate.

Have you sat down with your oh and fully explained your feelings to him? If he is totally against going home to london and therefore totally against your wishes........are you sure he is for you. LOve is a terrible thing if it is only one way!

 

You need to make sure that any decision you make will not destroy you in the future as all it will do is keep pestering you at the back of your mind!!

 

And what about if or when you have children, at the minute it is an easy decision, there are only the 2 of you, but kids will alter your perspective totally.

 

 

Good luck in any decision you make, i feel for you. If i had any doubts about going to oz there is no way i would go, and we have 2 kids. My wife was born there and see's it as returning home. We have both been many times over the previous years, both before we met and in the 18 years we have been together.

But as i said, even tho she is so positive about the move, if i had any doubts, i wouldnt do it.

 

Hugs and god bless

 

You are in my thought's

 

Chris:radar:

[Guest mismo]

Wow, thank you guys for all the very supportive and kind replies....and a few funny (and slightly sleazy!) ones.

 

I was so surprised just how many people on here are so caring and comforting. Reading them genuinely cheered me up and had tears in my eyes with some of them.

 

jchrisj, you are right love is amazing but a big stressful headache at times! As i am a hopeless romatic who thinks with her heart and not her head, I am here on the other side of the world, as far as possible from the uk feeling very homesick! I suposse I am what ozzies call the ultimate winging pom! I do want to try and give it a go but it is hard when it is not your dream.

 

hi mismo

 

You sound very unhappy, I see you havent been there to long and the homesickness is bound to be affecting you, have you had the opportunity to meet people the same age as you or to find work.

 

Maybe you could give your self a goal say I will go back to the UK in a few months for a holiday give you something to look forward to who knows in the meantime you may start to become lesss unhappy.

 

Its a difficult decision to make when you have to take someone else into consideration is it worth being unhappy to make someone happy this can only lead I feel to a lifetime of heart ache.

 

Be sure its your decision you dont have children so make the choice while life is less complicated.

 

I wish you luck and happiness.

 

Wardy, I have found a job quite quickly through an agency (temp work for 2 months) even though my OH is finding it hard to find work in his profession. Have not really met anyone may age though. My ticket was a return to the uk with a changable date so i will definetely go back to london around march. I think you are right to say i shoud have this too look forward to. A lot of you said its good to go back to uk to see how i feel when i am there and to think. I think i will realsie when i go back if my life is with my OH in OZ.

 

Thanks Sibin for the kind words, I do realise that people have to move on in life and made big changes. I know my OH is good for me, he makes me feel so happy when i am with him and does a lot for me. I am scared that if i go back things will end with him and i will be single and unhappy in london without him. I feel lucky that i have found the person i want to settle down with now. He told me yesterday that he is confused about our future because he wants to start making plans with me here, wants to propose, marry settle down with me but he cant because he knows my dielema, he knows i hate living here and feel so isolated. He feels torn too and says he is ready to settle down. I cant lie to him and say yes i will settle in soon because in my heart i cant see it happening but i desperately dont want to lose him.

 

I think i would be happier in sydney because i really enjoyed my stay there and it remnded me of a sunnier london! and i just so happen to have 2 first cousins there and their families. but we cant go there because of the darn state restricted visa! I cant be fake with him and try and be positive because i cant help these depressive feelings i have here. i watch tv and see something on the news about uk winning more medals than oz in the olympics (yeay!) and they show oxford circus all rainy and depressing looking but i get tears in my eyes and think, i used to walk past there everyday going to work! and they were playing rule britania and it made me all emotional which is silly really because i wasnt that patriotic at home apart from world cups!

 

Briggy, hope your daughter and partner both are happy here. Thanks for the advice.

 

 

 

Thedraycotts, its good to feel that someone else is in a similar situation. My OH does not have as many people that r important to him in uk like me. His friends and family have all moved to various parts of the world so it was not as hard for him leaving uk. Do you have children? Its good that you are supporting him dream. I really wanted to do that for my OH. He has so many reasons for not wanting to stay in the UK and i completely understand them and why he is so unhappy there. I would say to him before we left when he would say to me "are u sure u want to do this?" , i would say i will go with you anywhere u decide to live because i love u, i want to support your dream. now i am here and finding it hard and he is unhappy that i am going against what i said before but at the same time is very understanding and he makes such an effort to make me happy here.

Moonraker, thanks for being so lovely and kind. I think going back every year to stay for a month or more is a very good idea. I really plan to do this if i decide to stay. I think to myself that maybe it can work if i do this plan. I dont think i can bear loosing him. before, when we would break up (for weeks or months at a time) it was so painful for me. i would cry all day and lose my apetite and feel so empty, i would even feel physicaly sick at times. I think of those days and think i dont want to go through that again. I dont want to regret loosing someone who i could start a happy life with. Someone who is good for me, and who i love. I hear of all my friends going on dates with men who end up being very dodgy and their behaviour is shocking! i think to myself how lucky i am to have this lovely man. I am so torn!!!!

 

sorry guys to do all your heads in with my lovelorn ramblings!

 

You need to be happy in life, that is the most important thing. You can't live your life for someone else but that cuts both ways. Your boyfriend and your friends/family.

 

Pinhead, your words really made me think. This is so true! What QUoll said i also completely agree with. What makes you happy in life is the people around you. Its hard for me because i miss the people most in london. i would peruade my OH to stay in london because people are what make you happy not a place. But he was so determined to come here and even though he is struggling with job hunting, and has given up a great job in london, he still wants to make it work here. I couldnt force him to go back because i know he would be unhappy. But he says without me is is not content. Its hard for him too. Quoll, you really are in a similar situation but much more extreme! I am sorry that you have lived somwhere for over 30 years where u are unhappy. It kind of makes me think maybe i will be in the same situation as u if i stay. But i understand what u said about how you live there because its just a place and you can do it, its your choice in order to be with the man you love. thats exactly how i see my situation. I cant see myself leaving him, being apart from him. I just cant see it. Even though we argue with all the stress of settling in here and living togther, i feel closer to him, i feel i love him more, and he has also told me this. its bizare.. Will PM you Quoll as feel i have lots more to say to you about what u have writen. Thanks for the advice and support and sharing your story. I have actually thought of seeing a therapist when i have been feeling so low. Its ok as i work now but when i wasnt i wouldnt even want to get up in the moring, i could sleep all day and had no energy to do anything. My poor OH would perusade me to wake up and plan things to do for us, it would break my heart that i couldnt be more positive for him. He is also going though his own stress too.

 

Sjs, would love to meet up when you arrive in adelaide! You are lucky that you are arriving in the summer. The beaches are beautiful here, its just that its cold and rainy and i dont feel like doing anything. This it has a big impact on my mood. Lets PM.

 

ALi, It the first time we have ever lived togther and the first time i have ever lived with a boyfriend full stop! Its probably makes it more stressful that now instead of seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week and going on dates to restaurants and bars, we are in a completely different situation. He sees all my bad sides and moddiness. But it is nice as well because i feel closer to him. I feel even more attached. Which makes my dielema even worse!

Johatts, your post made me laugh! Wish you all the best, glad you are happy.

 

THanks for the story forgetmenot. Helps to put things in perspective. I know we want differnet things now but i feel that as i am getting older, and will be 30 in 3 yrs, my prioroties will change. I may value settling down with the man i love and marrying and having children. I may not miss the nightlife of london and my frriends may all settle down and move on too and i may never see them. I think like this to myself when i think of my resons for missing home.

 

Want to respond to everyone but getting a headache as have been writing for so long. will post again. thanks again everyone for the great advice and support and for all the hugs!

 

Mismo

[Guest Mystery^Customer1974]

Mismo,

I honestly hope all ends up ok for you with your new life in Oz as it has obviously been very difficult for you so far but I hope in time you settle into your new life and eventually look back on these early wobbles and smile at the fact you nearly gave up on your new life,

And even if it doesn't work out then atleast you will have the knowledge that there are always people willing to help in times of need,

 

I read with great interest the posts in reply to your initial post and the majority have been as they should be supportive and constructive,

 

I am also happy at the fact that Earlwood is coming back to the UK :yes:

(please state if permanent) as it seems that this will fulfil him/her and finally help stem the relentless tide of negativity surrounding Oz that comes accross in his/her posts

 

but life really is too short - live your life for you, not for him.

I have no right to criticize fabadababa as it is a point of view and I respect this but I fear more than anything the possibility of you losing your soul mate if you were to pack up and come back to lovely UK?

 

And finally don't give up

It may be his dream but maybe in time it will be your dream

[Guest mismo]

ahhh thank you mystery customer. I have often thought I should live my own life and go back to london but I am also so aware that I may loose my soulmate and know just how rare it is to find someone you love and who loves you. Sometimes i take this for granted. I do hope my prioroties will change. I really want to marry him but not sure if i should with all this uncertainty. He says he wants us to marry now but wants to be sure I am ready to settle down and make it work in oz. arrrrgh ! so confusing!

 

Thanks for the advice jotrac,jennki and fabadababa, I have thought of putting myself out of this unhappiness and going home and ending things but then I think I will regret loosing him and thats the worse feeling I think, to loose the one u love, to regret not trying harder. I have never wanted to come here but i am hoping i will get used to it, or maybe i am kidding myself. Only time will tell I suppose. He is willing to compromise by moving to sydney when we can and maybe to dubai which i have suggested as its nearer uk but he says he doesnt want to think about dubai now after all the effort to come here and he doesnt wantto give up just yet. Maybe if the worst comes to worst and i cant bear it, I will go home and see if he will try dubai for me. I feel bad pushing it now as we just got here and this has been his dream for years before he met me. Is is also 13 yrs older than me and its v hard to change an older mans mind about things as they r very set in their ways!

Earlswood, So you are returning back to the uk? I think if i move back to the uk I will prob meet lots of guys but most of them are usually a bit dodgy, emotionaly unavaliable or really lovely and "good on paper" but no spark!!! So this is why its hard for me to leave my OH because he is the first guy in 27 yrs i have ever really loved, and after 3 years i still feel the same if not more and he does make me so happy, makes me laugh (ok I can hear you all puking so will stop now!) I have learned its rare! Its scary to just give it all up.

 

Kdal, thanks for the comforting words and for sharing your story about your family. It really helps to hear about other peoples experiences. My OH tells me all the time that sometimes u need to go back to realise that u want to come back so no matter what happens i am going back in feb/march and staying for a good 3 months if anything, maybe more. I am sure that i work work it out then and know what I want. I must do!

THanks also for telling the boys off for the naughty language!!:notworthy:

 

Mismo xxxx

[Guest lala28]

Hi Mismo

I moved to Oz last year with my husbands work and gave up a very good job to do so. I also left my eldest son behind which was the hardest thing Ive ever done.

I understand exactly what you are going through because it is such a culture shock and you yearn for familiarity and family and friends around you.

I cannot tell you what is best, but what I can say is that I only stayed 4.5month before returning to the UK. Initially I was over the moon to be back home but believe it or not we are now looking to go back. If I could give any advice it would be to think of each day as an adventure and try not to think long term as in I have to live here forever. I was lucky in the sense that 2 friends moved out at the same time but I still found it hard. They have just returned back to Oz after a holiday here a are now really settled in Australia. They hated it for about the first year!

Life is very short and to have found someone you love so much is a blessing. Try and spend quality time with him and build circle of friends and maybe It will get easier.

People underestimate the enormity of emigrating. I really hope you come to a decision and feel better soon. Please feel free to email me if you would like to chat more. x

[Guest moonraker1961]

Hi Mismo,I forgot to mention I am from Adelaide (well born in the UK but lived in Adelaide most of my life)so if you need any advice about the place or info just pm me ok?You sound like a fantastic person,and I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do.xxxx Take Care and let us know how you get on!xx

[Guest msceri]

Hi Mismo,

 

I'm really sorry you're feeling homesick and don't know what to do. Whenever I'm unsure of what to do when making a big decision, I always ask myself which would I regret the most. In the future you think you'll regret not giving things a go in Oz, tell yourself you'll give it 6 months and see how you feel. Then when you look back, you can know that at least you tried.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world xxx

[Guest kdal]

 

 

Kdal, thanks for the comforting words and for sharing your story about your family. It really helps to hear about other peoples experiences. My OH tells me all the time that sometimes u need to go back to realise that u want to come back so no matter what happens i am going back in feb/march and staying for a good 3 months if anything, maybe more. I am sure that i work work it out then and know what I want. I must do!

THanks also for telling the boys off for the naughty language!!:notworthy:

 

Mismo xxxx

..

 

Your Welcome Mismo and may you find happiness in every part of your life

 

Good luck hun xx

 

[Guest Zagg]

If you don't mind me asking, what were the reasons for your partner wanting to move?

 

I may be being a little harsh on him, but it sounds like he hasn't given up too much to move away, yet he's asking you to give up an awful lot.

 

It is really difficult though, as you obviously love him deeply and that's such a powerful emotion. I can't fully appreciate how tough it is for you, but I imagine it must be horrible and is also putting a lot of pressure on your relationship.

 

Only you will know what to do and can make that decision, but I would suggest trying to stay out there for a few months, and then maybe coming back home for a few months. Perhaps after you've experienced both sides for a little longer you'll know where you heart lies. I certainly don't think you should get married now when you've got all these conflicting emotions in your head...

[Lynandsean]

I'm not going to add any words of advice because all the lovely folks on here have offered it by the bucket load and I can't think of anything to add but a big hug :wubclub:

 

However it did cross my mind that as you feel you would be happier in Sydney, are you absolutely sure you have to stay in Adelaide on your state sponsored visa?

 

The last think I want to do is offer false hope, it's just that some friends of ours are coming to Oz via state sponsorship (Victoria) and their agent has advised that there is no obligation with this visa to stay in the sponsoring state and that if he doesn't like he can move - no other reason needed. Obviously they would prefer you to stay there for the required time but it's not necessary.

 

Got to be worth looking into (and big apologies if you've already done so :embarrassed:)

 

Lyn x

[Guest mismo]

If you don't mind me asking, what were the reasons for your partner wanting to move?

 

I may be being a little harsh on him, but it sounds like he hasn't given up too much to move away, yet he's asking you to give up an awful lot.

 

It is really difficult though, as you obviously love him deeply and that's such a powerful emotion. I can't fully appreciate how tough it is for you, but I imagine it must be horrible and is also putting a lot of pressure on your relationship.

 

Only you will know what to do and can make that decision, but I would suggest trying to stay out there for a few months, and then maybe coming back home for a few months. Perhaps after you've experienced both sides for a little longer you'll know where you heart lies. I certainly don't think you should get married now when you've got all these conflicting emotions in your head...

 

Hi zagg, Its ok I dont think u are being harsh. It does upset me that he so desperately wants to live in OZ and absolutely hates the thought of living in london but he does have plenty that he has given up to come here. Maybe more than me. He misses certain people so much that it causes him so much pain (even more than how i feel) but he STILL wont go back. I said to him i need to go back to realise what to do. I want us to marry but you are right, its too difficult right now. This who emigrating thing really is putting a strain on our relationship. We have so much fun togther and are happy but then I get this wave of sadness come over me when I think about our situation and feel like there is no solution. Its awful feeling like there is nothing you can do. Thanks for the advice

 

Mismo

 

xxxx

[Guest mismo]

I'm not going to add any words of advice because all the lovely folks on here have offered it by the bucket load and I can't think of anything to add but a big hug :wubclub:

 

However it did cross my mind that as you feel you would be happier in Sydney, are you absolutely sure you have to stay in Adelaide on your state sponsored visa?

 

The last think I want to do is offer false hope, it's just that some friends of ours are coming to Oz via state sponsorship (Victoria) and their agent has advised that there is no obligation with this visa to stay in the sponsoring state and that if he doesn't like he can move - no other reason needed. Obviously they would prefer you to stay there for the required time but it's not necessary.

 

Got to be worth looking into (and big apologies if you've already done so

Lyn x

 

Ahhh Lyn, thanks for the hug, I needed it!

 

His visa has a condition on it that he has to work, study and live in South Austalia. Its really anoying as we feel so restricted!! :arghh:

 

I have suggested that he tries to find work in sydney and get sponsored by an employer. Does anyone know if it is possible to do this and if it will breech the conditions of his state sponsored visa? Also can u get citizernship in OZ by getting sponsored by an employer?

 

ANy advice is most apreciated. Thank you all for being so lovely and giving such good advice.

 

Mismo

 

xxx

[Lynandsean]

Ahhh Lyn, thanks for the hug, I needed it!

 

His visa has a condition on it that he has to work, study and live in South Austalia. Its really anoying as we feel so restricted!! :arghh:

 

I have suggested that he tries to find work in sydney and get sponsored by an employer. Does anyone know if it is possible to do this and if it will breech the conditions of his state sponsored visa? Also can u get citizernship in OZ by getting sponsored by an employer?

 

ANy advice is most apreciated. Thank you all for being so lovely and giving such good advice.

 

Mismo

 

xxx

 

Hi Mismo

you're so welcome. I have no idea about your questions I am afraid but it would be worth starting a new thread under the migration issues forum as there are a couple of really good folks on here called Gill (Gollywobbler) and Alan Collett who often look there and offer advice and help. I would also add a bit about your existing visa to double check.

 

Fingers crossed for you.

Lyn x

[Guest trolleydolley]

What you are going through sounds so familiar, i lived there in Adelaide for 10 mnths in 2001 and hated it. I followed my boyfriend who was from there, i gave up my job flying for BA and a real party lifestyle and ended up struggling to even get a job waiting on tables. I found i was constantly discriminated against for being British which i am really proud of. I came back after 10 months and was so depressed having to leave my boyfriend but just couldn't hack it over there, they all think it is so great but most have never left south Australia. We are now married with a 5 month old baby and living in uk and luckily I got my job back with BA, still have arguments and dilemas as my husband wants to go back to oz and I fear my time is running out. All I can say is hold out for a move else where Adelaide is small minded and you may get on better somewhere with a bit more life to it (a cemetary perhaps, he he). If not come home he will follow if it is meant to be. But in the meant time tune into english radio if you can Radio two chris evans couldn't fail to cheer you up, go to the library and rent all the brit com you can, the vicar of Dibley always did it for me. We are coming for a holiday next week if you need any home comforts bringing over, I always missed walkers crisps. If I ever find myself living there I will get in touch, I know what it feels like to be lonely in ADL, I never met a single pom, I wonde why?. Chin up my darlin.

[Guest mismo]

Hi Trolleydolly,

 

wow it really sounds like you have been through the same thing as me! I found it very hard at first when I moved here 5 months ago, as you can tell from my post I was close to depression. Its so hard being in a situation where u are torn. You must have felt like this. I must admit i feel better now than I did when I forst wrote this post as we have made a lot of new friends. They are all expats though but Iranian ones from Iran! I am half English half iranian and my boyfriend is full iranian but we were both born and grew up in the UK so feel very british and I am also proud! So its better now we have made friends but its not the same as my London friends back home and I do miss the lifestyle. I like the weather here as I love the sun but you are bloody right about it being like a cemetary here! As much as I am in love and like the life we have created togther here I can no stand the fact that it is so dull here. I like the beaches and sun (who doesnt!) but i actually try and avoid the city because in my opinion its a mere hint of a city, and I find it so unremarkable and dull. I know that its just because I love big exciting cities and like you enjoy a party lifestyle. I have gone out a few times in the city to try and discover a nightlife here but have discovered there bloody isnt one!! One club was nice and glamourous and reminded my of london but then a week after i went there was a shooting and the next time I went it was like partying in a mourge!! So after many dreadful nights on the town I have resided myself to the fact that Adelaide is not a city with a nightlife. I just go to our new friends houses and we playour own music and make our own parties as we have no choice!! I feel bad because I cant help critising Adelaide to my OH and he gets upset. He wants us to go to Sydney but because of Visa restrictions we cant for 2 years.

 

Anyway, its scary how our situation is so similar. How long were with with your bf before u followed him here? When you came back to london did you both break up? Its so nice that he came back for you. Does he talk about going back alot? I have learned that all Australians who live abroad always want to come back! The people of Adelaide love their city. I know what you mean about being proud of being British, I feel more proud being here. Its strange. I feel I dont want to sell out, I dont want to use Ozzie words or expressions like "beeeeauutiful" because although I find it endearing when they use them, I feel that if I do I will lose my britishness that I am so proud of. Its crazy I know!

Anyway, how long after u left for britain did you hubby follow. He must love you so much, It sounds like you guys have a happy ending, getting married with a baby! Thats wonderful. It must have been very difficult to make the decision to go back to London. You must be very strong. I am still confused about what to do to be honest. I am going back to London to visit in January and then the plan is that my OH will come around feb and we will get engaged and marry etc and I will go back with him. Maybe I will know if I can come back once I am back home in London. He knows i hate it here and has said in 2 years when he gets his permanant recidency we can move to Sydney which I actually like and is more my scene! But 2 years seems like a long time! When he was struggling to find work I said lets move to Dubai (to be nearer UK and Iran and more lively!) and he said if i dont like it here he will consider it but now he has this amazing procecutor lawyer job and starts on Monday and is looking forward to it and loves it here so is really hard for me to think if I go back he will follow as much as I know he is madly in love with me. He hates england so much, he always says he will never go back. I cant understand it.

 

I really dont know what to do. Its confusing. I have never been one to make decisions easily (which is probably why I have aired my problems on a public forum!) I am not depressed anymore and like our new friends and life togther but miss home and my friends and family and social life and nightlife! I just dont want to regret things in the future. I dont want to be in a situation in a place I am unhappy in when I could have taken the very brave leap that you did and things turn out for the best.

 

Thanks for sharing you story with me. Please PM me if you prefer.

 

Mismo

 

xxx

[Guest mismo]

Oops sorry hun, forgot to say a big thank you for offering to bring me some home comforts! I do miss English crisps and the chocolate! It juts doent taste the same over here! I heard that the cadbury chocolate here has a different recepie over here to UK as because of the weather it melts easier here so they use less cream/milk. Thats why it doesnt taste as good! I have also go my brother to send me lots of english tv. (tv is awful here!) I love Vicar of Dibly but have to say my saviour when I first arrived here and homesickness was at its peak, was the Office and Extras. Cant beat a bit of Ricky! And you cant beat the excrutiating awkwardness of great British humour!

Let me know if you would like to meet for a coffee and a chinwag while you are here. I will be bumming around on my own from next week when the OH goes to work. I still havent found work! So frustrating!

[Guest JoanneHattersley]

How you going Mismo? Did you get any more information from Gill (Gollywobbler) or Alan?

[Guest mismo]

How you going Mismo? Did you get any more information from Gill (Gollywobbler) or Alan?

 

Hi Johatts, Am feeling alot better than I was when i forst started this post. Still have some bad days but feel alot happier now that we have made many lovely friends. I have read some posts by gill and alan and they were quite helpful, thank you for asking.

 

xx

[Guest Gollywobbler]

Hi Mismo

 

Mmmmm. It could well be that the best thing I can do is to keep my trap shut now that you have started to get to know people in Adelaide and sound much more settled than you did at first.

 

At the risk of not actually helping one whit, here goes, though:

 

His visa has a condition on it that he has to work, study and live in South Austalia. Its really anoying as we feel so restricted!!

 

 

 

You might be right about this but I think it is worth checking. It may be that the visa would enable you to live anywhere in "regional or metropolitan low growth" Australia, in fact. If my hunch/query is right then the visa might permit you to move to "regional" NSW. You would definitely not be allowed to live and work actually in Sydney, Wollongong, the Ceentral Coast or Newcastle but you might be allowed to live & work near one of them.

 

They do it by publishing the postcodes of the areas in which you can live & work:

 

Regional Australia/Low Population Growth Metropolitan Areas - Workers - Visas & Immigration

 

It could be that all you need to do is to notify both ImmigrationSA and also the State Migration people in NSW that you are moving and where to. If you need their permission, the fact that you have rellies in the Sydney area and would find it easier to settle if you could be closer to them would probably be good enough. Your reliies are deemed to be OH's rellies as well.

 

If you are interested in checking this out, I would suggest that you start with a visit to the DIAC office in Adelaide:

 

South Australia (SA) - Contacts

 

Take your passports so that they can check the exact visa details for you.

 

However I believe that there could well be scope for a move to a regional or low growth part of NSW and I definitely think it is worth asking DIAC in Adelaide about this.

 

Best wishes

 

Gill

[andromeda9]

Hello all,

 

I have just moved to Adelaide with my boyfriend of 3 years from London. Since I have known him he has wanted to leave the UK for Oz. We broke up because of this many times as I thought, great! I have finaly met the man of my dreams who I have fallen head over heels in love with and he bloody wants to move to the other side of the world! Just my luck! He also thought we should break up many times because we wanted different things (OZ and london!) but we couldnt keep away from each other and would always get back togther missing each other terribely. In one of our "breaks" he went to sydney to look for a job and try to get sponsorship. We were broken up but he would still call and email and while he was gone i missed him so much. I wanted to be with him desperately, even if it meant going to oz. I looked into ways i could live there and was so unhappy without him. He also missed me and ended up confessing his love for me over the phone in oz during 3 hour long talks on the phone, saying he woudl not be content without me and wanted us to marry. I also didnt feel content without him and decided I would move to oz with him.

 

After he came back from sydney, we spend a happy year togther in london and planned how we would both emigrate to oz togther. THe plan was I would go with him and stay for 6 months and if i like it we would marry and stay here and make a life. THe only problem is that we had to stay in Adelaide for 3 years with state sponsorship b4 we could move anywhere else like sydney (where i actually have relatives). Since being here for 2 months I have felt very homesick and lonely. I miss my family and many friends who I am very close with. I used to live with my parents and see my friends all the time. We are all so close, like sisters and am very close to my mum. I speak to my mum everyday on skype and my friends every week on phone. Everyday we are facebooking. My OH is unhappy because he feels i am not giving it a go here and gets upset when i critizize oz and glorify london. I cant help it because i genuinely miss london so much and my life there where i had a great social life, good job, family etc. I have never thought of moving away from london. I did it for love. I thought it would be enough. AM so confused because i know i have to make a decision soon. am going back in march either engaged to be married and stay here in oz, or back for good on my own. It hurts that i have to choose between the love of my life who is so good to me and loves me, and my home in london and friends/family. I feel i cant just make this decision to "just go home and see it as an adventure" and "at least i tried". I cant think like this because it will mean loosing the man who i love so much. He hates the uk and has never felt at home there, this was his dream to come here and he told me that he cant live there. I insisted i wanted to come and he told meit would be so hard as he knows how close i am to the people in my life. He is scared i am going to leave him.

 

SO sorry guys to rant like this. I just feel that no one understands my dielema. Has anyone emigrated with a partner because it was them who really wantedto go? it seems most couples just so happen to want to do the same thing and made a "joint" decision. How i envy them! AM scared i am making a big mistake living here where i feel out of place and not at home, its such a change from london and i have no friends here. I dont feel its me, if we marry and have children it sadens me that my mum wont be around or my friends, i feel so alone. I also feel that if i decide to go back i will also regret it and it will be a bad decision. I love my oh so much, without him i go mad, miss him so much, and he is so caring and supportive towards me right now, very understanding. I feel bad for ruining his dream, by not being positive enough. Sorry to do your heads in. any advice would be apreciated.[/

 

 

ok know where your at,i had been to oz a few times for holiday simply loved it,Nov 06 came to live permanently,9 months later went back to the uk alone because of homesickness (its like an illness,never cried so much,like every day)smiling while i write this,my family stayed in OZ I met up with my friends and family in the uk

had a ball of a time,returned to OZ 9 months later,going back was the best cure ever, even though i had a good time,Australia must be Gods country,i just love it every day i count my blessings,got my uk house and street as backgroung on my computer,thats about how close i need to be,I live in VIctoria,just loved my stay in adalaide,best of British love,but you will get the best in OZ:yesxmas:

[Petals]

I have written this before but it is so important and when we are young we do not notice these things. Its best to marry from the same culture, whatever it is and from the same country. If you do not do this there is often strings pulling in different directions later on and its usually the females who win with the string. Being a mother of a boy and a girl I tell you now I want my son to be near me too and be part of my family. I do not want him to be overseas a part of another family. I see it is the women who are unhappy and its the men who have to follow them. So now I want my son to marry an Aussi so that he will be around.

 

I was lucky I was always going to marry a Brit there was no doubt about that and we both made the decision to move here. My oh had been at sea and been here many times and I lived here. However if he felt that he needed to return home to be near his parents I would understand too I have always understood that his family is just as important as mine.

[Guest cruella]

Hi Mismo, I'm knew to the forum and have been in Oz for 27 years, exactly half my life. I came here with my first husband because he wanted to come and wouldn't let it go. We had two young children and he wanted a better life for them. He didn't have a close relationship with his family as I, I have four sisters two brothers and my mother and father in UK. We split after 7 years here and I wanted to go home but couldn't take the children away from him so had to stay. I have been married to an Australian for 17 years and I am still terribly homesick. I would go back tomorrow if it were possible but two many ties here! You don't get over being homesick but you have to learn to live with it as best you can. I go back as often as I can afford to (three times in the last two years) mainly due to illnesses with my elderly father. You don't think about things like that when you are young and wanting to make a new life for yourself. I'm between a rock and a hard place but all I can say is think long and hard what you want now and don't leave it until its too late to do anything about it. You have no children to think of so its your call.