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Cazza

Kids wanting to go home

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Hi guys. Desperately seeking some advice.

We moved over from the UK last November and the kids are not settling. Our 15 year old son flew back home in January to finish his GCSE'S which is heart wrenching. Our 13 year old daughter is really struggling, asking to go home on a daily basis and crying every morning on the way to school. We have an 11 year old boy who is also desperate to go home. Do we do what seems right for the kids and take them home or will it get easier with time? I'm so torn, I would be happy to go back but my husband feels very settled here. Any advice greatly appreciated. 

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Posted (edited)

Kids are always going to take a while to settle in - after all, they've been wrenched away from all their friends and that's a scary thing when you're a kid.  However usually, they settle in once they manage to make a few new friends and start to feel like they fit in at school.  That takes a few months, so they've barely had time for that to happen yet.

Unfortunately, it sounds as though the kids have all decided they don't like it, and they're feeding on each other's negativity.  The danger is that will harden into a shell of resistance that'll be hard for any new school friends to break through.  Are they spending all their time on Facebook or Snapchat or whatever, talking to their friends at their old schools?   

You say you'd be happy to go back.  Are you glad you made the move to Australia or are you beginning to question it too?

Edited by Marisawright

Scot by birth, emigrated 1985 | Aussie husband applied UK spouse visa Jan 2015, granted March 2015, moved to UK May 2015 | Returned to Oz June 2016

"The stranger who comes home does not make himself at home but makes home itself strange." -- Rainer Maria Rilke

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Posted (edited)

Lots to unpick here.

A 15 year old going back to do his GCSEs smacks of a family who are not fully committed to the move, frankly.

And ‘home’ for me is where my family are, not the place I used to live.  I know lots of immigrants call their country of origin, home, but I think it is a mistake to do so.  Most who do that don’t settle.

The other two arrived shortly before the summer holidays so this is their first term at school.  Bound to take longer than a few weeks to start to make friends especially if they are giving off negative vibes.

If kids see that their parents are not united they will drive that wedge between you.  And I sense that you and your husband are not united about this move.

Even nearly 4 years on our daughter likes to try to play the guilt card the moment she has a bad day at school or falls out with a friend.  We will have none of it.

In our view the ability to adapt is a good trait to have and this is their opportunity to develop this ability.  Once they are adults they are free to take their own path but allowing the kids to dictate what the family does is a big mistake in my view and will come back to bite you.

Edited by Gbye grey sky
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Timeline: 309/100 Sent 7/8/13, Money Taken 9/8/13, CO appointed 3/9/13. Med 3/12/13. Police check 4/12/13. VISA GRANTED 8/4/14, Subclass100. Recce August 2014. Arrived 30 July 2015.

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Would your husband be prepared to go back? If he says no then you don't have any choice. Your 13 year old is probably the victim of the Queen Bees and wannabes. Yr 8/9 girls can be absolute bitches and if they are not letting her into their cliques then she's in for a very miserable few years. In UK she'd be about to start her GCSE course wouldn't she? Perhaps she needs to go back and get on that merry go round while the rest of you make up your mind. She could stay with whoever your son is living with, perhaps. Your youngest son doesn't really have a leg to stand on he just gets to go with the adult flow and if his parents are staying then he gets to stay too but it's probably grieving the loss of his whole family. 

 

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On 29/03/2019 at 10:08, Marisawright said:

Kids are always going to take a while to settle in - after all, they've been wrenched away from all their friends and that's a scary thing when you're a kid.  However usually, they settle in once they manage to make a few new friends and start to feel like they fit in at school.  That takes a few months, so they've barely had time for that to happen yet.

Unfortunately, it sounds as though the kids have all decided they don't like it, and they're feeding on each other's negativity.  The danger is that will harden into a shell of resistance that'll be hard for any new school friends to break through.  Are they spending all their time on Facebook or Snapchat or whatever, talking to their friends at their old schools?   

You say you'd be happy to go back.  Are you glad you made the move to Australia or are you beginning to question it 

Thanks for all the replies guys, much appreciated 😀

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