Helz980 Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Hey lovelies Right, here goes my hubby has always 'known' that I'm going in April but has been sweeping it under the carpet. Anyway he asked me what was wrong the other day so I said my decision is made I'm going in April. H said fine book your flights then a tirade of words was thrown at me...you have no plans, you are going backwards, you never think about anyone but yourself its been the same all you life, you aren't thinking about Olivia, you will have no money, you are splitting up a family, I've given you everything. You don't think about what I want, you've never compromised, you just want your mam you aren't 12 anymore. It was horrible & all that positivity id been feeling pretty much left. I feel like that hole is opening up again. Xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 (((HUGS))) @Helz sounds like he is hurt and angry and lashing out. If I were you I would get on and book my flights and just quietly keep working towards my goal. Only you know if you are making this move simply for yourself or whether you genuinely believe it is the right thing for your daughter (which I'm sure you do!) don't let his words shake you. Do you have a plan in place for how things will pan out once back in Northumberland? Have you thought about work and where you'll live etc.? Write it down to remind yourself that you DO have a plan and you CAN make it work. Hang in there, not long now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Thanks AA you are right he's trying his damn hardest to make me stay. So like you said I'm keeping on with my plans & have been getting quotes from shipping companies, only for 4 boxes! Plans are to live with my mam for 6 months whilst I get sorted with work & save money. Our house is rented out & it's no good saying ill move back there when I actually have nothing! I won't be guilted into staying here, he says stay until July so we can get Olivia's child benefit money! How bloody shallow is that? I'm booking my flights once I've spoken to my mam I don't really want him to have to pay for them & it get chucked back in my face xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I think he's clutching at straws saying things like stay until July for the child benefit! Has he stated categorically that he will not move back to the UK? It's a good idea to ask your Mam for help with the flights - ring/Skype her tonight! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Huggy75 Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Sorry to read about your troubles, makes my worries seem insignificant really. Stick at it and you'll soon be happy again, think about the positive goals you'll be looking to achieve i.e. new job, new house, next Christmas with the family :-) Big hugs xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 He's categorically said he isn't coming back he's turned into one of the those expat England hating people & it saddens me tbh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3FatCats Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Sorry to read this. I guess if there had been no reaction at all it would have been worse? He sounds quite scared probably, and his anger is bubbling to the surface. If you can plod on and stick with your plan I think he will turn up on your doorstep some time from now, just a hunch....you need to do what is best for Olivia and you, lots of hugs xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Oh dear, I guess you could see this one coming. Are you sure he will let you leave with your daughter? I'm guessing (I hope wrongly) that this may be his next battle plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 He's categorically said he isn't coming back he's turned into one of the those expat England hating people & it saddens me tbh! Oh those people get right on my wick! Sorry he's let you down pet. I must admit I am a bit worried that he'll say you can't take Olivia as a way of making you stay. I just want you to have that signed bit of paper in your hand! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Is there a specific form I need him to sign? Or do I draft one myself? I know he's being a t**t but I don't think he'd go that far. We shall see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 Is there a specific form I need him to sign? Or do I draft one myself? I know he's being a t**t but I don't think he'd go that far. We shall see. Helz, like others I share a concern that he is going to stop you leaving with your daughter, I wonder if he knows he has that right? It's tricky because if you kick off a legal process then he will most certainly be aware. It may be as well moving back, establishing residency in the UK, after which my understanding would be your daughter could not be removed to Australia. Does she have a passport? I did do a bit of googling to see if I could fine anything to help you and it threw up that both parents need to sign a passport application. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted January 15, 2015 Author Share Posted January 15, 2015 Helz, like others I share a concern that he is going to stop you leaving with your daughter, I wonder if he knows he has that right? It's tricky because if you kick off a legal process then he will most certainly be aware. It may be as well moving back, establishing residency in the UK, after which my understanding would be your daughter could not be removed to Australia. Does she have a passport? I did do a bit of googling to see if I could fine anything to help you and it threw up that both parents need to sign a passport application. Thanks for researching for me! She has a Bristish passport Hun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I tried Googling too and found the same as LR. Asking him to sign something would alert him to the fact that he needs to - I wonder if it's just better to go and then establish residency in the UK as LR suggests. Olivia having a passport already is a good thing. Have you spoken to your Mum about the flights yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I tried Googling too and found the same as LR. Asking him to sign something would alert him to the fact that he needs to - I wonder if it's just better to go and then establish residency in the UK as LR suggests. Olivia having a passport already is a good thing. Have you spoken to your Mum about the flights yet? Yep I spoke to my mam about flights & that's not a problem! But she thinks I should give him the opportunity to pay for them then if he doesn't she will. She is also giving me money to start myself off with when I get home. I'm having another talk with him tomorrow as I want these flights booked ASAP. Thanks for looking for me Hun xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Great that you have a backup plan. You Mum is right he should pay since he promised you he would move back! Good luck tomorrow - let us know how it goes! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted January 21, 2015 Author Share Posted January 21, 2015 Here goes had probably the most honest talk we've had for a while including me telling him the love I had has been taken over by resentment. He tried to persuade me to stay longer & in the words of a certain female politician 'this woman isn't for turning' I even told him about my dream to join the police force, told him I felt like I was being controlled in Australia etc. he even asked if I had found someone else over there & that's why I wanted to go home!!! Told hhim the only person who matters to me is Olivia. Anyway there was other stuff said but he is paying for my flights & I'm booking them in the next few days. He will stay in oz for longer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcorners Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Sounds like a good outcome considering everything. Do you think there's a chance after a few months he will follow on? It might take something like this to make him realise what he has. Do you want him to do that, if you think one day the resentment can give way to love again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted January 23, 2015 Author Share Posted January 23, 2015 Sounds like a good outcome considering everything. Do you think there's a chance after a few months he will follow on? It might take something like this to make him realise what he has. Do you want him to do that, if you think one day the resentment can give way to love again? So apparently I'm ruining his life & I'm blackmailing him!!! Wtf?! I'm so tired of all this. I just want him to stay put tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I was about to post that it was a good result and now he's playing silly buggers again! Just get that flight booked ASAP and leave him to sort himself out. Maybe you could suggest you go back now and he gives it another six months in Aus to see how he feels. He can't accuse you of blackmail then as you're being oh-so-reasonable and hopefully he'll stay and you can move onwards and upwards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fizzybangs Posted February 4, 2015 Share Posted February 4, 2015 Anyone heard from Helz recently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted February 8, 2015 Author Share Posted February 8, 2015 I'm still here, flights not booked yet. Hubby has changed his mind that often about coming back I just don't mention it anymore. Hoping to book this week fingers crossed! Then I can book the shipping company for my bits & bobs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Once you have some firm plans in place Helz,you will feel much better.Whilst everything is still in limbo,it must be quite stressful for you.I also think your OH might assume you are bluffing,so you need to be mindful of that aspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helz980 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Share Posted February 11, 2015 You ladies must be sick of me! Feel like I'm on a merry go round! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 You ladies must be sick of me! Feel like I'm on a merry go round! Not in the least! Vent away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fizzybangs Posted February 15, 2015 Share Posted February 15, 2015 Not sick of you at all! Just want to know you are on your way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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