wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hi All, Just thought i'd post this questions to find out other peoples reasons, feelings, decision process, doubts and general experiences when it comes to moving back thinking about moving back. What triggered it, how long did you dwell on it or wait to act and pack up? Not being nosy, just curious about other situations. Feel free to reply and share this. Thanks Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starlight7 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Interesting question- I have often wondered why people put themselves through the enormous upheavals involved. Guess there will be as many answers as people here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Interesting question- I have often wondered why people put themselves through the enormous upheavals involved. Guess there will be as many answers as people here! Indeed, hope it doesn't open a can of worms! We are considering the move back and was wondering others thought process, time line, how long they have thought about it before admitting/doing something about it. Lets see...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 The first time was a career move. The second was that our children were really unhappy at school and their education was suffering at a time when we couldn't afford for that to happen. If the eldest had been even one year younger we'd probably have changed school and given it more time. It's all turned out well though and we can go back again in the future if we want to. I don't really see it as an upheaval - it's fun and life's an adventure! :yes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 The first time was a career move. The second was that our children were really unhappy at school and their education was suffering at a time when we couldn't afford for that to happen. If the eldest had been even one year younger we'd probably have changed school and given it more time. It's all turned out well though and we can go back again in the future if we want to. I don't really see it as an upheaval - it's fun and life's an adventure! :yes: How long were you here both times if you dont mind me asking. You say you can go back in the future, do you have citizenship or is your skill still in the SOL? Dan / Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xlornax Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Thinking abt it...husband wants more education and its too expensive here...also older parents back home....and I prefer uk wrking environment. ..but I love the sun..blue skies, heat and natural beauty you can enjoy here...be so sad to leave..I wish I could mix the two places together Been talking abt it back and forth...maybe return by end of year Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Thinking abt it...husband wants more education and its too expensive here...also older parents back home....and I prefer uk wrking environment. ..but I love the sun..blue skies, heat and natural beauty you can enjoy here...be so sad to leave..I wish I could mix the two places together Been talking abt it back and forth...maybe return by end of year Same here, its basically family and friends v weather and lifestyle (we had a great lifestyle in the UK, just different) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkeeno Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I'll be going back in June. Everyone asks me why, to which I ask them why not? I have both passports. I've been here for 7 years now, so it's time to go back and start another adventure. Worst case scenario is that I come back. I've learnt not to over think this anymore, it has beat me up for years - not no more! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 I'll be going back in June. Everyone asks me why, to which I ask them why not? I have both passports. I've been here for 7 years now, so it's time to go back and start another adventure. Worst case scenario is that I come back. I've learnt not to over think this anymore, it has beat me up for years - not no more! Exactly, why not! Good and bad in both camps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 How long were you here both times if you dont mind me asking. You say you can go back in the future, do you have citizenship or is your skill still in the SOL? Dan / Just over four years the first time and just a year second time. I and the kids have citizenship, oh has pr (he couldn't hang around for citizenship). He has an RRV and he's always being asked to go back. We might go back permanently, or more likely, part time (UK winter!) when he can retire from his UK job and our youngest has finished school. Are you considering coming back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Just over four years the first time and just a year second time.I and the kids have citizenship, oh has pr (he couldn't hang around for citizenship). He has an RRV and he's always being asked to go back. We might go back permanently, or more likely, part time (UK winter!) when he can retire from his UK job and our youngest has finished school. Are you considering coming back? Yeah, considering it in the future, not at 'that' point just yet. Family, friends and the sense of belonging is the main draw. How long have you been back in the uk? Whereabouts? How is it being back? Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gilliantay Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 A visit back to the UK for the arrival of grandchild number one cemented my decision to return to the UK - Made the visit in November and was back living in the UK by the following June - Been back 3 years this June and am now on grandchild number 3 !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramac Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 We're in Northumberland atm, but not from here. It is nice being closer to family, but we don't see them that often - they live in Cheshire. It's good to know I can drop everything and be there if I'm needed though and we all like going down to visit. I found it really tough being back the first time. No one could understand that I didn't just slot back into life, but we'd been away and had a different life. No one was interested in what we'd been doing and I missed it really badly. It probably took two years before I settled! The girls settled in straight away though. Coming back from Sydney was easier - I went back to where we'd left and although we'd left my oh in Aus (he was there for another 20 months) settled straight back into life. The sense of belonging is something I can identify with, even though I feel very at home in Australia too. It's not something you can define, but I know what you mean. We had to move here because this is where my oh got a job and it's been hard, but at least my friends are in driving distance (Norfolk), so I can escape every so often! It's hard - once that seed has been planted in your mind it seems to keep growing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perthbum Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I think the vast majority who return do it because they prefer living in the uk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hard questions! Moved to Aus because it was the best opportunity at the time (Aussie DH). It was fine, great even, while it was an adventure but I began to pall after about 15 yrs by which time it was too late to move the kids. Then my assumptions of a free retirement in both places (all that had been sustaining me) were shattered at around the 25 yr mark and the loathing set in (no one loves a jail!). Put up with it until I came back for one son's wedding (he emigrated back accidentally) and the same thing happened to me - just didn't return from holiday. Best thing I ever did for my physical and mental health and well being. Best time of my life! Of course a return to Aus (where all our stuff is!) is in the future by which time I hope that it will be adventure time again. Meanwhile, live for the day in the best country in the world! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hi Dan Not gone back but probably will at some point. I'm really posting because I see from other threads you're from BSE, or thereabouts. We lived in Clare for 5 years before coming out here, fantastic area. Anyway, going back? For me, I'd like to do it at some point in the next 3-6 years because of a sense of belonging more than anything else. Nothing wrong with Australia from my PoV, in fact I really enjoy Sydney, have a good job and good forward career opportunities, we've just bought a house to put down some roots (loathe the limbo-life and putting up with tosspot agents that is renting), we have made some really good friends, I get a short commute by bike that keeps me fit, happy and healthy and means I see my family every evening, son is in a great school, happy and doing well (daughter too young to have an opinion ;-), we like the climate.......but it's still not home, and that is the biggest thing for me. I never expected it to be "home" in that respect, that's not what we came here for, we weren't "emigrating" but just coming for an open-ended adventure that would be nice to try for a bit, and that's how it's working out. I've lived & worked abroad before and to some extent came with my eyes open as a result. Wherever I've lived, I will always miss some things that I love about the UK - London's buzz, energy, dirt, creativity, industry and internationalism; country towns with heart and soul; the particular green that comes from oak, ash, hazel, field maple, grass (hedgerows in Suffolk in May bursting with cowslips and cow parsley); cosy pubs with nutty beer; the human scale of a country you can traverse in less than a day; long summer evenings; proximity to so many great places to visit and holiday in Europe; a feeling of connection with national and international events; ordnance survey maps. One thing I definitely found when I lived away before is that it changes your attitude to the UK, and for me this has lasted for ever All that^ above doesn't mean we regret coming here for a minute, it was the right choice at the time and we like our life here, but fully intend to go back at some point and enjoy life there too. When, how, and where depends on a lot of factors like economy/employment propsects in both countries, family illness/bereavement (our parents aren't young and obv aren't getting younger) and educational opportunities for our kids. One thing I would say (based on my experience from living abroad before) is that you need to think about whether you are going "back" as in back to your old life, or back as in going back to the UK to start another new life. Caramac has already touched on it in this thread. Some people can slot straight back in where they left, especially if they've not been away that long, others can't, and the longer you've been away the harder it is. I was away before for 4 years and found I couldn't slot back in; other peoples' lives had moved on, my horizons as to where I would feel happy had changed, I'd got older and some of the stuff I was doing before (like playing rugby) were things I couldn't just pick back up, I'd missed out on cultural developments and changes - even really prosaic stuff like TV shows that were the "big thing" whilst away that I'd missed. It's only small stuff but it adds up. I think some people can be very disappointed (perhaps this is the source of so much ping-ponging) if they go back expecting to just pick up where they left off. It needs a bit more thought than that, and you need to be prepared to be a bit disorientated for a bit in the way you were when you first came to Aus. For us, that particular aspect is one of the things that to some extent keeps us here. Marriage always involves compromises, many of the places I loved living in the UK (Sheffield, South Wales) the wife can't stand, others (Cambridge) are too much "my place", others (Suffolk) are too quiet for her. And on the flipside, the places she loves (South Bucks, Herts) I dislike. Ultimately I'll always need to work in London, so wherever/whenever we go back we either need a lottery win or a massive job, and/or put up with more commuting and so less family time. And some of the things I really miss about home, like shooting off for the weekend to go camping, climbing and hiking, are things I don't really do because they're not her bag and if I'm honest, I could do them here but don't because family life comes first. At the moment my first priority is providing for my family (not just financially) and that's best done here for now. Things can always change though. The important thing is to keep positive, and keep an open mind I think Good luck :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Saw my first cowslip of the season last week, NSP! Spring really is here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hi Dan Not gone back but probably will at some point. I'm really posting because I see from other threads you're from BSE, or thereabouts. We lived in Clare for 5 years before coming out here, fantastic area. Anyway, going back? For me, I'd like to do it at some point in the next 3-6 years because of a sense of belonging more than anything else. Nothing wrong with Australia from my PoV, in fact I really enjoy Sydney, have a good job and good forward career opportunities, we've just bought a house to put down some roots (loathe the limbo-life and putting up with tosspot agents that is renting), we have made some really good friends, I get a short commute by bike that keeps me fit, happy and healthy and means I see my family every evening, son is in a great school, happy and doing well (daughter too young to have an opinion ;-), we like the climate.......but it's still not home, and that is the biggest thing for me. I never expected it to be "home" in that respect, that's not what we came here for, we weren't "emigrating" but just coming for an open-ended adventure that would be nice to try for a bit, and that's how it's working out. I've lived & worked abroad before and to some extent came with my eyes open as a result. Wherever I've lived, I will always miss some things that I love about the UK - London's buzz, energy, dirt, creativity, industry and internationalism; country towns with heart and soul; the particular green that comes from oak, ash, hazel, field maple, grass (hedgerows in Suffolk in May bursting with cowslips and cow parsley); cosy pubs with nutty beer; the human scale of a country you can traverse in less than a day; long summer evenings; proximity to so many great places to visit and holiday in Europe; a feeling of connection with national and international events; ordnance survey maps. One thing I definitely found when I lived away before is that it changes your attitude to the UK, and for me this has lasted for ever All that^ above doesn't mean we regret coming here for a minute, it was the right choice at the time and we like our life here, but fully intend to go back at some point and enjoy life there too. When, how, and where depends on a lot of factors like economy/employment propsects in both countries, family illness/bereavement (our parents aren't young and obv aren't getting younger) and educational opportunities for our kids. One thing I would say (based on my experience from living abroad before) is that you need to think about whether you are going "back" as in back to your old life, or back as in going back to the UK to start another new life. Caramac has already touched on it in this thread. Some people can slot straight back in where they left, especially if they've not been away that long, others can't, and the longer you've been away the harder it is. I was away before for 4 years and found I couldn't slot back in; other peoples' lives had moved on, my horizons as to where I would feel happy had changed, I'd got older and some of the stuff I was doing before (like playing rugby) were things I couldn't just pick back up, I'd missed out on cultural developments and changes - even really prosaic stuff like TV shows that were the "big thing" whilst away that I'd missed. It's only small stuff but it adds up. I think some people can be very disappointed (perhaps this is the source of so much ping-ponging) if they go back expecting to just pick up where they left off. It needs a bit more thought than that, and you need to be prepared to be a bit disorientated for a bit in the way you were when you first came to Aus. For us, that particular aspect is one of the things that to some extent keeps us here. Marriage always involves compromises, many of the places I loved living in the UK (Sheffield, South Wales) the wife can't stand, others (Cambridge) are too much "my place", others (Suffolk) are too quiet for her. And on the flipside, the places she loves (South Bucks, Herts) I dislike. Ultimately I'll always need to work in London, so wherever/whenever we go back we either need a lottery win or a massive job, and/or put up with more commuting and so less family time. And some of the things I really miss about home, like shooting off for the weekend to go camping, climbing and hiking, are things I don't really do because they're not her bag and if I'm honest, I could do them here but don't because family life comes first. At the moment my first priority is providing for my family (not just financially) and that's best done here for now. Things can always change though. The important thing is to keep positive, and keep an open mind I think Good luck :-) Great reply! We were from a little village about 8 miles from Bury, in the other direction though...and yes it is a great area to live....again, whats causing the pull back. We feel that we could easily slot back in with friends, we have about 4-5 close couples who we have been friends with before and feel it would be the same....anyway, if not, we will make new friends there, like we have/are here. The main factor is family and with our family, we will always be able to slot back in with them....and thats what we want, especially for the kids (2 boys, 4yrs and almost 2yrs) I think its a common perception that if you 'go back' or 'move home' that you've failed and I think a lot of people dont mention it/do it because they are afraid of how it looks and what people think. We didnt care what people thought when we came here (otherwise we wouldnt have come) so we arent going to worry if we go back. Im not saying we are packing up and going tomorrow but in the next 2 years (before my youngest start school) i think we will be 'done' with aus as a place to live, not a holiday destination though, once every 3-5 years hopefully. Like I said in a previous post, if we sat down and did a comparison, we would simply be swapping weather and lifestyle for family, friends and a sense of belonging. Neither country is wrong, just different. Put it this way, when we still lived in UK I didnt want to be here (aus) as much as I want to be back there living here......if that makes sense?!? Thanks again for the reply. Keep them coming! Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I think its a common perception that if you 'go back' or 'move home' that you've failed and I think a lot of people dont mention it/do it because they are afraid of how it looks and what people think. We didnt care what people thought when we came here (otherwise we wouldnt have come) so we arent going to worry if we go back. I wouldn't give a stuff about that tbh. It seems to be something that is peculiar to the whole "migrating to Aus" journey that doesn't affect other countries. For some reason lots of people see coming here as "emigrating" as in, moving for ever. I don't really understand why. When I lived away in Sweden & the US before I was just living in another country, open-ended, no one at home really had any opinion as to whether or not I was gone for good, so therefore there was no question of going back as being a failure - quite the reverse. Like I said in a previous post, if we sat down and did a comparison, we would simply be swapping weather and lifestyle for family, friends and a sense of belonging. Neither country is wrong, just different. Put it this way, when we still lived in UK I didnt want to be here (aus) as much as I want to be back there living here......if that makes sense?!? Totally. Maybe you've just realised where home is, for you. It doesn't have to mean one is "homesick" or make one dislike where you're currently living, just means you know where you want to end up Im not saying we are packing up and going tomorrow but in the next 2 years (before my youngest start school) i think we will be 'done' with aus as a place to live, not a holiday destination though, once every 3-5 years hopefully. I think you're right to give it a decent amount of time and see how things pan out. Moving back too soon can leave people with more "what if?" type regrets I think, especially if they don't just slot back in to the UK as they maybe were expecting. One note of caution though: You can never be sure if you will slot straight back in, but one thing I think you can be sure of is that the longer you are away, the less likely it is - people move on. None of that matters if you have an open mind, it's the weight of expectations that is the risk. Your attitude to a possible move back seems to be pretty good to me though :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 I wouldn't give a stuff about that tbh. It seems to be something that is peculiar to the whole "migrating to Aus" journey that doesn't affect other countries. For some reason lots of people see coming here as "emigrating" as in, moving for ever. I don't really understand why. When I lived away in Sweden & the US before I was just living in another country, open-ended, no one at home really had any opinion as to whether or not I was gone for good, so therefore there was no question of going back as being a failure - quite the reverse. Totally. Maybe you've just realised where home is, for you. It doesn't have to mean one is "homesick" or make one dislike where you're currently living, just means you know where you want to end up I think you're right to give it a decent amount of time and see how things pan out. Moving back too soon can leave people with more "what if?" type regrets I think, especially if they don't just slot back in to the UK as they maybe were expecting. One note of caution though: You can never be sure if you will slot straight back in, but one thing I think you can be sure of is that the longer you are away, the less likely it is - people move on. None of that matters if you have an open mind, it's the weight of expectations that is the risk. Your attitude to a possible move back seems to be pretty good to me though :-) Thanks. I also think that if you are homesick, or cant settle etc, removing that 'forever move' or having a check point, for us a 2 years, it removes and trapped feelings and removes any expectation or pressure that may be on you. I like routine and a plan/goal to work towards and for me now, its enjoying the next few years here and seeing what happens. If we are still missing home we will go back, if we have settled we will stay, win win really. Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aunt Agatha Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 It sounds a bit cavalier but we settled here by accident really, there was no great plan or longing to leave the UK. We were only supposed to stay in Oz for four years (postgrad student visa) but DH's work offered to sponsor us for PR and we were having fun and before you knew it we'd adopted three cats, bought a house, had two children and got citizenship! We've been here 10 years now and have made some amazing friends, had lots of fun adventures and really enjoyed our time here, I like Australia very much. But... there has always been a sense that this was a temporary thing and we always thought we'd move 'home' at some point. My DH misses his UK friends a lot whereas I have better friendships and a wider circle of friends here - mainly because they are all in Brisbane and we have very regular catchups whereas in the UK my good friends are scattered all over the place. So for a few years we have talked over whether to move back or not but the timing has never felt right. However, both my parents and DH's Mum have recently been diagnosed with some serious health issues and as morbid as it sounds, if they only have a few years left we want to spend them nearby, I've been somewhat haunted by the idea of THAT phonecall in the middle of the night. Having children has changed things too, on a recent visit to England I saw how much my parents got from being near the kids and how much the little ones blossomed in the love of their grandparents, I don't want to take that from them. I might be a bit unusual in the sense that I haven't suffered from serious homesickness or a desperate longing to see my UK friends and family (as much as I love them) and yet I am moving back. Moving back for me is about supporting the people who have always supported us, enjoying the things I have always loved about the UK (culture, political engagement, humour, architecture, landscape) and having access to affordable jaunts into Europe. It's the start of a new adventure rather than a return to an old life. The past exists only in our imagination really. I am excited to make the move and just want to get on with it now we have made the decision but at the same time I am quite concerned that I'll pine for my Australian friends as well as missing several things about our lifestyle here and it may make it difficult for me to settle. The "you can always move back" line is a valid one but it's SO expensive to move countries that I really don't want to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 I saw how much my parents got from being near the kids and how much the little ones blossomed in the love of their grandparents, I don't want to take that from them. This is it in a nutshell Aunt Agatha. My mum has just gone home after visiting us on holiday for 5 weeks and the relationship she re-kindled with our 4 year old (they were very close in the UK) and the new bond she made with our 1 year old......that was priceless. Luckily my parents are in good health (or so we know) so we can have the best of both worlds by staying here another couple of years and then going back to the family. When you are in the UK, the thought of not seeing family (when you only saw them the day before) is very different to actually not being able to. But hey ho, Australia isn't a bad place to 'make do' for a couple of years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gabbycat Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 We're heading back in three weeks time. We've been in Sydney for 2 years and had a great time. We had a plan to come out for 2 years and see how it went, and travel as much as possible in that 2 years. We did that. We've been all over NSW, the Barrier Reef, Uluru and North Island NZ. We found a fantastic community within our local scout group, cricket club and through the primary school Mums. Our friends are mixture of expats from UK and other countries and Aussies. Lots of people in Australia have asked why we are going back, but those who know the part of Somerset we come from understand it - one even asked why we left Somerset in the first place. The sun here has been a mixed blessing, I haven't done well in the heat and the endless nagging to put on suncream drives me and the kids mad. I've spent as much time indoors to stay in the shade as I would into UK to keep out of the rain. We miss our family and want the kids to grow up knowing their grandparents and cousins well. That in itself is the main driver but the other is money. We are sick of renting - we've had our rentals sold out from under us twice in 2 years. We could afford to buy a house here if I went to work full time but that would mean after school care for the kids and we don't want that, and I don't much like the Australian houses in our price range. We have a few more things we would like to do here but with my son due to start high school now is the best time to go. So family, money and weather are our reasons for heading back. We don't know yet what we will miss about Australia but it has changed all of us, in a good way, my kids have had amazing opportunities for new experiences and I count myself so lucky to have been able to give them that. Now we are going to go home in time for spring, get a dog, a couple of cats and hamsters and start planning our next adventure - I'm thinking a holiday in Italy......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
northshorepom Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 The "you can always move back" line is a valid one but it's SO expensive to move countries that I really don't want to do it. That's true. We figure that the "crunch point" for moving back is when our son is about 12-13, as we'll have to make a decision as to which educational system (in terms of high school/quals/uni) we want to go for. There's a big gap between our kids, but by the time he's in Uni our daughter will just be at the start of that treadmill. Which basically means if we haven't gone back then, we won't be going back until both kids are grown up and done with education By which time, we'll be 60 ish. The prospect of moving back then after more than 20 years here? Well, it's unlikely to happen. And by the same token if we do go home, the chances of deciding at a similar age that we want to move back to Aus, regardless of whether or not we can, are pretty slim. So yeah, you can always move back, but none of us live for ever so actually our next big decision is probably a one-way one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wattsy1982 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 The sun here has been a mixed blessing and the endless nagging to put on suncream drives me and the kids mad. We miss our family and want the kids to grow up knowing their grandparents and cousins well. I count myself so lucky to have been able to give them that. Now we are going to go home in time for spring, get a dog, a couple of cats and hamsters and start planning our next adventure - I'm thinking a holiday in Italy......... Love these points. My wife is broody for another 'last' baby but im not comfortable having one here so far from family, plus a dog is on the list too! Muddy puddle walks with a dog seems perfect. I like the weather being nice, but i miss different weather (not the grey drizzle but hey) I feel that life in england is like living in 4 places each year. The food changes too with the weather, and clothes too, miss wearing a coat and jumper....god i sound old!!! only 31! All the best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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