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Pregnant to an Aussie


Carly

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Hello, this is my first post here and I've probably put it in COMPLETELY the wrong section, so apologies if that is the case.

 

I just wondered if anyone can advise me as I'm very confused with the information I've researched so far.

I arrived in Melbourne to live with and marry my Australian fiancée in October. I was there on the 3 month tourist visa and he was going to return to the UK with me after the wedding, or when we'd decided where we were going to make our future.

 

Anyway it never went that far as he turned out to be a violent, narcissistic sociopathic beast and I've had a lucky escape not marrying him, however heartbroken I currently feel at having the last 2 years of my life wasted.

Anyway, accidents happen and I'm currently expecting his baby in July. Not planned and it's not ideal, I'm still very torn, but such is life and I'm just glad to be away from such an abusive monster.

 

My visa expired and I'm now back in London so will be having my baby here, however I've been advised not to name him on the birth certificate so he will have no rights over my child if I did enter Australia again as I'd need his written permission to then take his son/daughter out of the country again, is this correct?

 

Also, I guess I can't make a claim for child support in that case as he won't be named legally as the father? This doesn't worry me, I have money and a home of my own to care for the baby, so aren't after any financial benefits from him, he only works 3 nights a week anyway as he's alcohol and drug dependant and is in massive debt, so I doubt he'd be able to provide anyway, but I don't care, I just want to be safe and raise the child alone with the help of my family in the UK. Hurts though that he's got away with all responsibility emotionally and financially :(

 

Just thought I'd ask about the birth certificate and if by chance there's any loopholes, I feel selfish denying my child dual nationality if they are entitled and one day ever wanted to travel there, but at the same time it isn't worth it just to make a claim for child support, which he wouldn't honour anyway as he ran off with the teenager he was cheating on me with as soon as I became pregnant, just sent me a lot of abusive texts saying he wants nothing to do with it and to abort. I also feel his family should know, but maybe it's best to keep the whole lot out of it now.

 

Sorry if I'm rambling, I'm just very upset, hormonal and confused right now. I really loved Australia despite these issues on my first trip though and hope one day to return, but never bump into that monster again!

 

Thanks for reading, Carly.

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Guest The Pom Queen

Carly I'm so sorry to hear this, but thank goodness you are back with your family as once the baby was born he may have made you stay here. To be honest I don't think its going to make a difference whether you name him or don't on the birth certificate, but then I'm not an expert. Hopefully someone will be along soon who can help you more.

huge hugs :hug:

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I would check if the Hague convention applies once he is named on the Birth Certificate. I know very little about it, but does it mean he could cause trouble down the track and say the child needs to reside in Australia?

 

 

No it does not.

 

If Mum is back in the UK and as a result the child is born in the UK, then that is the normal place of residence for the child.

 

Thank goodness for this young lady's sake that she is back home and able to have the baby there, otherwise she would have been stuck in Australia and unable to take the baby to the UK without the Father's permission.

 

Good luck to the OP xxx

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To gain Aus citizenship by descent the father would have to be on the birth cert and would also have to fill in and apply for the Aus citizenship and passport I'd have thought.

 

If you name him on the birth certificate and ever return to Aus with your child, then I think he has rights and yes, could stop you from taking your child out of Australia. There is an entire thread devoted to this at the top if this forum. It's well worth a read for you IMHO.

 

I'd leave him off the birth certificate if he is as you describe. Once he is on there he has far more rights than when not listed. You can't remove him after the event.

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I'm with Snifter - I'd leave him off because, given the sort of person he appears to be, you don't want to give him any stick to beat you with. I'd be getting legal advice though to make sure you have things sewn up tight. You may not still have the painful reminders but if you have the texts I'd be keeping them in a safe place! I do feel sorry for his family and your child effectively being deprived of one set of grandparents and I guess it all depends on what sort of people they are as to how you involve them (or not) in getting to know your child. It sounds like a terrible situation to have found yourself in so just wanted yo wish you all the best!

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Goodness, you poor thing. It sounds like you've had a lucky escape. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

 

I would be inclined to suggest that you contact a family lawyer in both Australia and the UK - you need to be very sure to protect yourself and the baby. I've heard that Australian Courts very much favour the father (50/50 residency etc) in custody cases. You really don't want to be in a position where you might have to return and share custody or be unable to remove the baby from the country. He might go after custody to punish you rather than out of interest for the child, so be very careful. International custody cases are the stuff of nightmares.

 

I believe if he has parental responsibility even without being named on the birth certificate there may be implications for you - although I think that if he is not named on the birth certificate he is not automatically granted parental rights. He can apply for these rights through a court order however.

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Guest Guest40285

I would defo not name him on the birth certificate, your lucky your back home thats for sure, International custody battleas are a nightmare,I have come very close to it, good luck with everything, theres heaps of people on here to help and that.

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Guest The Pom Queen
I could be wrong, but I thought that, if unmarried, the father couldn't be named on the birth certificate without being present anyway or a stat dec or something.

That's correct

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Guest The Pom Queen

An unmarried father can only have parental responsibility by

 

 

jointly registering the birth of the child with you, doesn't look like this will happen

getting a parental responsibility agreement with you, which I presume you won't give

So his only other way is getting a parental responsibility order from the courts. (Could be expensive and may put him off)

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Wow thanks SO much everyone for replying, I feel better already! I definitely won't name him then. I feel bad about not informing his family, but I met them all face to face and they essentially covered for him and his behaviour/abuse/cheating etc and lied to my face, so I think my baby will be better off without the entire family in their life.

I fear for his little nephew as he shouldn't be around children ever. Thanks again for all your good wishes, it means a lot :)

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Hi Carly,

 

im so sorry for your situation and hope you're both okay. I'm a bit late to this so don't know if this is of any help but my brother got his then girlfriend pregnant. He was at his daughters birth, was not named on her

birth certificate and she does not carry his name, however he stills pays child support and she can still be taken in and out of the UK without his permission.

 

Anni x

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I read this and I remember the old adage "always two sides to every story".

 

He's a comedian in Melbourne so you can ask him if you like! Except he's shut down all his social media profiles and completely ran away since he's been discovered as a cheating, abusive ******* so might be a bit hard to contact him now, hence why I'm not going to bother involving him anymore in our lives.

 

Thank you for the good information AnniS. I clearly don't want anything from him financially, I was just worried if I was doing the right thing not allowing my child to one day apply for an Aussie passport that's all.

 

I showed all the death threats he sent me to the police and have photographic evidence of where he hit me, so they have it all on file, I'm just glad to be out of there now and safe.

 

Thanks again guys.

Edited by Carly
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