Just over a month in and feeling really low...

[Daveakaginge]

Dave I think the OP is in Melbourne but then the same can be said for Melbourne - it is a wonderful place with so much to see and do

Ooops! Thought I was on Poms in Perth, still, as you say, Melbourne, Perth, Brisbane, Sydney, Adalade etc etc, the theory still holds good :rolleyes:

[blobby1000]

Thank you for all the replies. I have read every one and thought about every word but Petals, your reply really hit home with me.

 

You are right - When we were in Kew, it was so easy to access everything. Walking distance to shops, parks, trams, everything. Just could not afford to stay there and my OH's work meant we have ended up in the beautiful but secluded outer Eastern burbs. I don't have a car so even getting a newspaper and carton of milk means a taxi. It is just too much of a culture shock that i didn't REALLY think through when the panic of not having anywhere to live kicks in. I love that we are still close to the beach as my family has always been next to the sea (I mean my family stretching back thru generations so it is in my blood to feel peace when we sit on the shore and look out to sea. My Mother's family burial ground is on the beach next to the sea as the tradition is for them to always hear the crash of the ocean - beautiful). So we are heading to the beach tomorrow and I am going to stare out to sea with the wind in my hair and feel the old blood running through my veins while the kids and my OH dig a nice big hole in the sand as they always love to do.

 

I hope this phase will pass and I will be able to get over this feeling of dread and despair and force myself to get on with things so I can actually find some friendships here before I go insane overthinking how much I don't think I fit it.

 

I can tell you one thing - I now feel a lot more empathy for migrants who arrive in a community where they just don't naturally fit in. I have always done my best to make people feel welcome and comfortable when they are new to the area back in the UK but now the boot is on the other foot I realise just how lonely and fragile you can feel. I never appreciated it until now. There are some tough cookies out there who can just dive in and immerse themselves in the new culture. There are so many things you don't realise are totally foreign even though it feels kind of familliar.

 

Yes Kew is very pricey, I wonder which suburb you are in now, would be interested to know.

 

We had a fortnight in Vermont. It's one of the most sought after locations in Melbourne but I couldnt see why, just house and houses and no train to get anywhere. However, I do wonder why you have to get a taxi to get a newspaper? Surely you are on a bus route? How far away can your nearest shop be in the Eastern Suburbs?

 

I can suggest a few things you may like to do at the weekends, or during the week if you can find a bus...even if it takes you to the train station, then you can get anywhere you like.

 

The Dandenongs are absolutely stunning, you do need a car but maybe could go at weekends.

Warrendyte is a lovely little village type place with a river running throught it, loads of lovely coffee shops.

St Andrews market on a Saturday morning is fantastic, up in the trees with the Kookaboras (cant spell it)

Hurstbridge is a nice little town too

There is a really nice big park between Greensborough and Warrendyte....I cant remember what its called....Wester something or other, kangaroos running around, its huge, lovely walks.

Get into the city and go up the Eureka tower to get a feel for where you are, or walk along the Yarra, or head to the Botanic Gardens.

There is the Yarra trail that you can walk along that goes through the Eastern suburbs into the city

Bruswick street is a great place to stroll along, people spotting, coffee drinking

Take the kids to Collingwood Farm Park (Its not called that, but thats what it is!)

Get down to the Great Ocean Road, we lived in Toruay for a while, get down the Kiosk on Fishermans Beach, and say Hi from us to the friendly owners Josh and Tom, drive on to Lorne, the most beautiful seaside town imagineable

The Grampians are stunning (our favourite place of all)

 

 

I know you may not feel like it, but there are a lot of things you can aim to do....

 

I reckon (for families/couples) prior to leaving the UK EVERYONE should have a deal with their families: Give it two years but if one of you is unhappy and wants to go home after 2 years then you go home. No questions asked.

 

For me, this was the big problem. I never thought my wife wanted to go home, so I felt I was in Melbourne forever, it made me feel really desperate at times. In the end when I really told her how I felt, I discovered she felt the same way (thats why I say talk to your husband!) But Im so pleased we lasted 26 months and had some amazing experiences which we will never forget.

[butler]

Hi we lived in Melbourne for 5 years, also in the eastern suburbs, Ferntree Gully, The Basin, lovely area. Are your children old enough for kinder, that's how I made some great friends, takes time but it will happen.

[starlight7]

Lady Croft what a brave lady you are to write about how you are feeling like that instead of bottling it all up inside! When you first emigrate life can be very lonely. Everyone seems to be surrounded by friends and relatives- except you. It isn't true, of course, but that is what it looks like. As others are saying- the feeling of depression and not knowing quite where you are emotionally does pass- and when you have kids it usually doesn't take too long. Don't forget it is now the holiday period and no one is around at schools, kinders, play centres much. It does get better. Promise! If you don't feel like talking to anyone on a particular day, don't worry about it and certainly don't feel guilty.

 

Big hugs to you and I am absolutely sure things will get better, you sound like a lovely person.

[Debbs72]

Hi, I know exactly how you feel I moved to Sydney 3 months ago. My husband is loving it and so am I but I get the days where I feel fed up miss my mum and sister and can't be bothered to face anything. My sons are grown up so don't have the excuse to go to the park as I would feel out of place. I am lucky I have a couple of good friends here. I do understand however that feeling of ..oh I don't want to moan because my husband doesn't see why, even thoe he does understand. Where abouts are you I couldn't see which City you are in. Debs

[Gbye grey sky]

Get down to the Great Ocean Road, we lived in Toruay for a while, get down the Kiosk on Fishermans Beach, and say Hi from us to the friendly owners Josh and Tom, drive on to Lorne, the most beautiful seaside town imagineabl.

 

Great post but this bit made me smile. Hi from Mr and Mrs Blobby1000. Reckon she might get a strange look. :laugh:

[NicF]

I didn't go through what you are going through when we moved to Australia, but I did go through something very similar when my youngest was a baby. We were living an hour and a half from my parents in an area where I didn't know anyone outside of work and my OH was out if the house over 9 hours a day. My health visitor invited me to a post natal group which really helped. I didn't make any life long friends or anything but I found just being around other people in the same situation really helped, even if I didn't really talk to them.

 

Moving half way round the world is hard work. Being on your own with two small kids is even harder (in my opinion - I know some love it and find it easy). I don't think you have said how old your kids are, but if they are too old to be pushed around in a pushchair it makes it really hard to go very far on foot. It's not surprising you are finding it hard. I'd suggest getting out and really exploring the local area. Make absolutely sure that there really isn't a little shop near by - we discovered some shops in our neighbourhood over a year after moving to the area. Try and find some local groups to join, either mum and kids groups or something in the evening when your OH can watch the kids. Maybe you could see if anyone on the Life in Victoria forum wants to meet up. And talk to your OH. Good luck.

[Diane]

Just want to say, I know exactly what you mean. I remember being in my kitchen one day, and Everybody Hurts by REM came on the radio - it was like the floodgates had opened and I crouched down and absolutely howled my eyes out. Been here nearly ten years now though so it does get better, I promise. It does take a while - probably about 18 months, before you stop feeling like a total foreigner here. I also know just what you mean about not wanting to talk to people, but rather than sit at home, force yourself to go out for a walk - in the park, on the beach whatever. We got a dog which meant I had to go out each day. I am not necessarily recommending that, but you don't need a dog to go for a walk. You don't have to talk to anyone, and can always find a quiet spot to sit and have a bit of a cry while you're out, but I think if you stay at home it's very easy to sink into depression and maybe a kind of agrophobia.

 

PS Still can't listen to that song without crying now though!

[Pommyaussie]

It can take a long time to settle especially after the long process of moving and the key is to not bottle it all up and to ask for help on here. Also find ways to meet people and concentrate on the good things rather than the differences and hopefully you will start to feel much better.

[shoegal68]

Ladycroft you have been so brave putting your feelings out there, it must have been really hard, but I bet all these amazing replies have given you some comfort.

 

i only arrived here in April this year and feel like I could have written quite a lot of your post to be honest.

 

i had always lived in a busy but small town, worked full time and had family and friends close by. We came here for the chance of a better life for our little boy (now 4). My husband worked in construction industry and work was not stable at all so we took a leap,of faith ad came here.

 

The months approaching us leavin were so busy and so emotionally intense that when I arrived (me and my son came three months after hubby so I had a lot to deal with on my own back in UK) I too like u hit rock bottom, within a week really. I was looking at flights home almost straight away. We live in a lovely area, so much nicer than we could dream of living in UK, but it's very suburban so press out and I didn't have a car, felt so,isolated and with me not working it was a complete shock. I sat in a. Park one day and burst out crying cos I thought I just couldn't hack it (thankfully no one else in park!!) I went trhu a few weeks where I shut myself and my boy away in the house (I believe my record was 4 days without going out). It was awful. I couldn't see the wood for the trees, like u felt a sense of guilt that I should appreciate this opportunity, not just for us but for the people we had leftbehind, but I just couldn't. The first 2-3 months were so hard, I felt like I was grieving.

 

I am pleased to say tho that now we are applying for permanent residency, so things do change!

 

the best thing I did was to meet people. I had already made contact with some lovely ladies on Facebook in my area and they have been my saviours. They too are poms so "get it" and we know how it can feel when one of us is having a bad day.

 

I was very lucky to meet them, but other than that I had to really stick my neck out to meet more people and it is so hard and some days I really didn't want to do it but I found as I met more people my confidence has grown and I have been able to enjoy this more.

 

i signed my little boy up for soccer class and met a good friend thru there, and also joined a playgroup and I have made some great friends through there too. Is there a community centre near you, they might have a playgroup u could sign up to? Going to a playgroup is something I never did at home but here it has a been a godsend. Even if you think it's not your type of thing I would so recommend it.

 

Also once I had been here a little while and I could see how confident, fun loving and healthy my little boy had become since arriving here it has spurred me on, he is so carefree and gets to play outdoors in th beautiful weather most days, no computers iPads etc, just good old fashioned playing out

 

I'm doing the course to become a swim teacher now so that can fit in around my boy and kindy etc, my husband is working away Monday to Friday now and I could never have coped with this when we first came but now it's fine. Regular Skype with family makes sucha a difference too, we have set days for it and I think that routine makes all the difference.

 

please please please give yourself a few months to see the subtle differences. Gradually you will find that u look forward more to your days and begin to feel thankful for what's around you (something that's only happened very recently to me) whatever happens, let yourself grieve for what you have left behind, it's so important if you are having a bad day don't bottle it up, but at same time going out for a walk with the kiddies or to the park may help (obviously without the tantrums, I had lots of them when we first came, we forget the littlies have been thru a lot too)

 

its not all rosy tho, i woldnt expect it to be, I still have days when I wold happily fly home especially at this time of year, but to be honest now I feel like I would want to fly back after a couple of weeks

 

please please feel free to pm me if u want xxxx

[akiralx]

Does anyone else know what I mean? Did you have a crashing come down after the initial arrival in Australia?

 

Yes, because all we had been planning has come to fruition, leaving a void. Don't worry...

[LadyCroft]

Hi. I am in Clyde North, Melbourne. My OH got a job right at the end of our holiday rental period and we had to find somewhere to live so we kind of panicked a bit and didn't think things through properly eg I don't have a car during the week. We just worked out that the rent was affordable, the house had a garden for the kids to play in and we can walk to the local primary school. All the busier, nicer areas we were looking in had LOTS of other people at the open houses or were too small realistically. We almost took a 2 bed apartment (or was it a townhouse... can't remember now) in Chelsea but when we actually sat down and spoke about it, we realised we were going stir crazy in the apartment in Kew so needed to look for a house with some outside space.

 

Honestly, we are quite far out if you have no car. I booked a taxi to come and take us to the Doctor (not to buy a newspaper) and it never showed up so I ended up walking it with the kids in the double buggy and it took 1 hr 20 mins with me marching non stop. Was knackered. At least I know we can get to Cranbourne if we have to walk it though! There is probably a shop nearby but I just haven't found it yet. When I am feeling braver I will talk to someone at the park and ask them stuff like this. I was just having a really, really bad day when I posted on here. HOnestly I wanted to go home.

 

I will def give it time though. It does feel like a void has been left after the last few months which were all consuming - just ALL about "moving to Australia". I think I am totally emotionally drained after it all too - leaving people behind in the UK who you love but you wouldn't normally hold onto, sobbing and saying "I love you!!!" with them saying "I love you too! Please don't go!". I am sure if I had stayed in the UK I would never have actually told them just how much I love them and likewise for them. So now I know how much some of my friends/family back in the UK actually love us all and they TOLD us, it makes it very hard to be here missing them. Of course, now we have been away for a month the txts and phone calls have subsided and it is back to the norm for them I guess. We wouldn't normally be on the phone to each other constantly anyway so I suppose it is just trying to get used to some level of normality and start trying to make a life here.

 

Sorry I am waffling again!

 

Just a big thank you for all your wise words. It does help to gain some perspective on it all and to hear that some of you know what I am talking about AND that you are still here loving your Aussie lives.

[Rupert]

I said it earlier, but your latest post has me convinced that you really need the car. At the moment everything sounds difficult for you, it will give you back your freedom.

[blobby1000]

I have not heard of Clyde North but I have heard of Cranbourne (Crimeborn!) it's not the nicest of areas. I reckon you should do what you can to get a car and then Spend the next year pottering around looking for nicer places to live. Berwick is much much nicer....not entirely sure it's nicer than where we live in the UK but it's a good spot, near to Mornington Penninsula so you can head out to the beach easy and near to the Dandenongs and not a ridiculous way from the city, Also quite a decent ex-pat community and it's a friendly little town. We got through the first year by looking for places to live in the second year!

 

i was most upset leaving three particular friends.

 

now we have returned, one has moved up North, one is moving a couple of hours away with his new partner and the other one (much as I love him) is doing my head in. You got it spot on, you wouldn't have said those things had you not been leaving (but I think it was great to experience those extreme emotions, amazing life experience and a great way to get to know yourself, something we would never have down without going to Australia!)

 

i would just say, hang on in there, give it a 2 years because I think people that return really soon may well wonder what might haven been had they stayed out a little longer.

 

All the best!

[shoegal68]

Hi lady croft iv sent a pm