DonnaC Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 My best friend of over 30 yrs found out she had breast cancer in Aug, and while treatment is going well and all signs are positive I woke up this morning to a text off her saying that she had been in tears all morning because she didnt want me to go to Australia. I have had my speaking IELTs this morning, and have the other 3 tests tomorrow. I have cried all morning, managed to hold it together for the speaking test, but cried all the way home to. First major wobble....am I doing the right thing! how can it be right if its going to hurt so many people. My family have all been really supportive, and she is the first one to tell me that she didnt want me to leave. While Im pretty realistic and didnt expect people to be over the moon that Im planning to leave, all Ive asked is for people to understand why I want to do this. I know this is prob all down to hormones and feeling down from the treatments, I also know how upset she must have been to have even sent that text to me in the first place. I have told her Ive no intention of leaving until she has the all clear, and although she doesnt know this, finding out about her illness was the shove i needed to start the visa process. I dont expect anyone to give me any answers just needed to vent....but any advice would be gratefully received!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Firstly,I am sorry to hear about your friend.Tbh,before you leave the UK,things will happen that will shake you up abit.It will make you probably question your decision of moving.But...life is what happens while you're busy making other plans!People will pull at your heart strings,and as nice as that is,that people care,you have to press on with your own plans hon.You only live once,and obviously moving to Australia is very important to you.Yes it is very sad your friend is ill,but how will you feel being 10,000 miles away if god forbid something worse happens?You have to be of strong character to cope with emigrating and hopefully settling.I would probably say to your friend that (and you probably have already)that she is more than welcome to come and stay with you when you have settled in,reassure her that she can talk to you via Skype and so on.Once she recovers from her illness,she might even decide herself to join you permanantly if she is able to.Its sad hon leaving people you love,but it would be even sadder if you sacrificed your own happiness,just to keep everyone else happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaC Posted March 22, 2013 Author Share Posted March 22, 2013 Thanks for your response. I went on a WHV knowing my nan was ill with Cancer, but had no idea how ill, and 6 months into my trip was called home. Normally my friend would never have told me she didnt want me to go, and I know its hormones, shes very down cos of treatment, and its prob hit home today cos I have my tests today and tomorow, and she has avoided the topic when Ive spoke to her since her text this morning. She would never want me to stay home because of her, thats not to say she wouldnt be thrilled if i decided not to go im sure My partner and I have spoken about the inevitable as we both have elderly grandparents and have decided we wouldnt come back when the inevitable happens. I have spoken to my parents about this and they both said coming back would be pointless and a waste of money, and my grandad has even told me not to waste my money coming home cos he wont be here to see me (Bless him!) Paul is yet to tell his parents as his mam is currently waiting for a heart op. Moving to Aus has been my dream since I was a little girl, and before I had even visited. My parents and sisters are excited to come and visit as Australia is not somewhere they would ever have gone if my decision wasnt to emigrate. My mam already has her first years flights saved. I have a really good support network of friends all over Aus who have made the move, and who i will speak to once they wake up Like I say, just needed to vent! A crystal ball would be nice, something to tell me that yes moving will be all ive ever wanted!! At the moment we dont seem very far along and it all seems to have been so hard (I know good things are never easy) Sorry to moan, just having a really crappy day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Well at least she has been honest with you now, perhaps it was just something she needed to say. If you have told her you are not going to go until she gets the all clear then really you cannot do much more than that. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for yourselves, but be forgiving to those that cannot share your excitement and joy. However hard this is for you, it is much harder being the one that is left behind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest51810 Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Hi donna, that sounds awful. Your friend must be really upset to even of told you, must be hard. All you can do is be there for her. I hope she makes a full recovery Hugs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freesia Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 I think your friend will probably have a better day when she tells you she wishes she never sent the message- probably the last thing on earth she would want would be to upset you over your plans. However, she's only voicing what everyone else thinks- no-one who loves you actually wants you to leave them for a place just as far away as it's possible to be. It's just that she's extra vulnerable because of her illness. You have to follow your own dreams though in the end & hope that those who can will visit & enjoy seeing you in your new life. And if it doesn't work out longterm, then you'll be back for them . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DonnaC Posted March 26, 2013 Author Share Posted March 26, 2013 I saw her yesterday and the subject was just completely avoided. shes not asked how my IELTS went or anything. Suppose will just to see how the next few weeks go once her treatment is over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quoll Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 It takes a very hard heart and incredible self sufficiency to be a successful migrant. This is just one of many tragedies and celebrations that you would miss as a migrant. If it gives you the wobbles now it will be a darn sight worse when you are on the other side of the world and probably without the financial wherewithal to drop everything and return. It's the choice you make - country or people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacaranda Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 It takes a very hard heart and incredible self sufficiency to be a successful migrant. This is just one of many tragedies and celebrations that you would miss as a migrant. If it gives you the wobbles now it will be a darn sight worse when you are on the other side of the world and probably without the financial wherewithal to drop everything and return. It's the choice you make - country or people? Its funny you should say country or people Quoll.Someone once said that to me (about leaving Aust to come to the UK) that "People are more important than a country"I was really hurt actually but you know what?Its true!And as we know,sometimes the truth hurts unfortunately! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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