Lucia

Thank you for your responses. I'm so sorry that others feel trapped too - it's truly awful. I've now had four sessions with the psychologist and she is great. She can't give me the answers but she's telling me I need to take note of my body and my heart - I'm all head really as I keep saying - house, money, mortgage, superannuation etc. She's told me that I need to soothe rather than bury the feelings, but I'm unsure of what I've been doing these years. How do I know I was burying rather than soothing before? I've thrown myself into everything whether it's making new friends, work, exercise, camping holidays etc, but the thought of my kids having such a limited existence in Perth makes me feel sick. Perhaps it's rose tinted glasses, but I want them to have the opportunity to go away for uni - halls of residence etc. I want them to go up and down the country for music festivals and nip over to Europe for a weekend etc. What the hell can they do here? Marry their childhood sweetheart who they met in Year 11? Go to uni and live in the family home? Go to Rottnest or Busselton for the weekend...then where? I'm just bloody bored of it all. I find Perth so limiting

Thank you for your replies. I must say, my husband can't be entirely to blame in all of this. He's not a monster. It was me that decided we should stay after all and buy the house so we could truly say we'd tried. I think if we left after renting, I wouldn't have felt we'd truly lived our lives in the way we wanted. I just don't think I was in the best frame of mind to make the decisions. I've been counting down the days to my next psych session and did suggest that my husband and I should go together at some point. She agreed but said I need to sort my own stuff out first. I definitely feel like it's a now or never with the kids being 8 and 10, but I'm really trying to weigh it all up. I read all the positive stories of being in Australia as well as the 'going home' ones. For me, I'm getting to the point of thinking 'enough is enough' - I've done my time here, I've tried my very best to settle, I've had a great materialistic life, I've made some wonderful memories, but I'll always wonder 'what if?' if I don't go now. I've joined a couple of facebook groups and have seen that there are a few others moving back with an 8 and 10 year old so I'd be interested to hear their stories. My kids only know Australia really. What doesn't help my husband is all the doom and gloom stories of VAT increases, energy bills, crap wages, expensive houses, struggling NHS. I just wish the UK could sort its shit out and it'd be a much easier decision. I fear that whatever decision is made, it'll split us up at some point. I'd like to think we're strong enough for that not to happen, but resent is an awful thing. I think I'd begin to resent my husband and his family for encouraging me to stay here, or resent my kids purely because they're Australian and have no real tie to the UK. If I upheave the family purely for my own feelings, I'm sure they'd resent me. If I had my time again, I wouldn't have moved to Aus in the first place. I'm properly messed up.

Hi All, This is my first post in around 8 or 9 years. The last time I posted, I said we'd made the decision to return to the UK. I see my 'sticky' at the bottom says we'd return to the UK in 'Easter 2014' - I can't believe I'm still in Perth, in the same house and it's 8 years later. Life has peddled on by. My daughter is now 10 and my son is 8. We've obviously since been through the process of primary school, sports, clubs etc. We made a few more friends through school etc, my husband was hugely promoted and I began at a new school last year. Life has been pretty good on the whole. We started going to Bali and on caravan holidays down to Busselton. My husband's parents moved out here 4 years ago too. I'm still not sure how I feel about that one as in all my previous bouts of severe homesickness, it was my MIL talking us into staying - telling us how bad the UK was etc. I feel now there was an ulterior motive. It was inevitable really as my husband's only sibling lives here with his wife and kids too. We were only ever supposed to be in Aus a year and I think my issues stem from this. If my husband had said back in 2008 that we should move for good, I would have refused. I obsessed over this site, watched all episodes of Wanted Down Under and couldnt bear to watch the family messages part. I only agreed to come to Aus on the basis that it was for one year. That one year has just rolled on the the next and the next as life has chugged on by. I realise I occupy my mind with obsessing over things...first it was wedding forums, then getting pregnant forums, new baby forums, this forum when down, buying and decorating a house, getting fit, cake decorating, quitting alcohol. Don't get me wrong - I still have a life. I have friends, go for weekends away etc, but I can see a pattern in my behaviours and I think it's all a coping mechanism. I've been 'coping' for almost 14 years and now I feel too much time has passed. Great jobs, excellent salaries, good school for kids, a lovely house on which we are way ahead on the mortgage and a whole lot of other things. Is it all materialistic or is it realistic? I still can't shake the fear of growing old or even dying here. I cannot handle that my parents don't really know my kids. I've stolen that part of their lives from them. I cannot handle my mum becoming too old to fly here. I cannot handle that I've missed weddings, births, funerals. As always, I bury it. Anyway, I've just recently been back after 4 years of being trapped here. I desperately wanted to return to see my Dad whose health was deteriorating, but I was too late. Unfortunately, he passed away suddenly at the end of Feb. Because of Covid, I hadn't seen him in such a long time. As always, I didn't want to get back on the plane to return to Perth. Of course, I wanted to get back to my husband and kids, but I felt I could have happily stayed and built a new life back in the place I still call home. It's so strange that after 13.5 years, UK is 'home' and Perth is 'back' or 'over there' or 'Australia.' My homesickness is constantly buried deep down and rears its head every time I go home, or every time my Mum visits. It was so bad back in 2019 that I started seeing a psychologist and I only stopped my sessions because of Covid. I started seeing someone else just this week and I made it very clear in the first session that I would have been sitting in front of her whether my dad had recently passed away or not. I've spoken to my husband about it, and although he will discuss it, deep down I don't think he wants to leave what we have here. Why would he? His parents are now here. His brother and family are now here. He has an excellent job and salary. I suppose what I'm hoping for is to either make the decision to move back before the kids are too old, or to be able to put the homesickness to bed. Is it actually possible? I've seen many posts on here advising psychological help, but has it ever worked for anyone? Can a psychologist help me to bury the homesickness even deeper? It would be easier for everyone else if I could. I feel I'm rambling now and things aren't making sense. Thank you for reading if you have managed to get this far. I'd better go and change my 'sticky' in the footnote

Oh man, that's rough! I'm so sorry that this has happened! If you can get your old job back in the UK then you're laughing. Your UK life sounded great anyway! Good luck

Aaaaah, ok. Thanks GGS. I definitely don't know all the ins and outs, I just remember reading that once you became a citizen you couldn't claim it if you MBTTUK...Is that right? Thanks

Great initial post! And now the spanner in the works! Citizenship is said to be the magical golden ticket, opening up doors for your own future children etc. However, I know I may be way off the mark here, but at 27, you may be thinking about meeting someone and settling down (I'm in no way saying that you should be, I'm just surmising). If this is the case, what if you meet the person of your dreams within those two years here and he's an Aussie? Would you be prepared to stay for this person? It will be harder to leave then and you will have the constant wonder and pull of home. I've been here almost 6 years and, I too, yearn for the UK and my family and friends. Since being here (came with OH), we have got married, have had 2 children and have bought a house. I now know that I need to go home, but the longer we're here, the more roots we seem to be putting down and the harder it is to make that decision. What I'm trying to say, in a pretty inarticulate way, is that the longer you are here, the harder it will be to make the move. The more people you meet here, the harder they will be to leave. The longer you are here, the bigger the chance of meeting 'someone' and the harder it will be to either convince them to live in the UK with you, or the harder it will be to accept that you are to stay here longer term. I envy that you only need to think about yourself. I get the constant guilt of 'is this right for my children etc?' So, do what is right for you, right now. Try not to think 'what if this, or what if that?' too much. Sorry for rambling! Good luck!

I haven't looked into shipping yet, but I've heard Seven Seas are good, as Wattsy has already suggested. Your Super will depend on the type of visa you are on. If you are now a citizen, I don't think you can get it back until retirement age or something...and even then, you need to come back to live for at least a year! Good luck with the move - sorry my post wasn't particularly helpful

It would be far more helpful to posters, like myself, who are seriously considering a move back, if you could expand on your points. for example, why did you move to Oz in the first place? Was it just the pull of family that brought you back to the UK? Did you wholeheartedly want to return to the UK, or did you have doubts? How long have you been back in the UK? What is it, exactly, tat you hate so much? How/why is Australia so much better for you? Sorry for for all the questions, but general, "don't do it" statements don't really help people who keep an eye out for MBTTUK and ping pong threads. I would really like to know more. Thanks

Good Luck emmafinn. Let us know how you get on! Thanks Splash. How long have you been back in the UK now? Why did you decide to go back to the UK? Why did you initially leave the UK in the first place? I'd be very interested to hear. Just want to see how our situations compare. The more info the better!

I don't have any great advice, I'm afraid. Just wanted to say that I feel for you in such a situation. I too try to avoid this forum as it stops me from getting on with life...but here we are! It must be so difficult if your sons are settled here. This is what I fear. I don't want to get my kids settled into school in a few years and for me to still be longing for home. Could you go back for six months to a year to try it out? People say a lot has changed in the UK and maybe the things you long for won't quite be the same without your immediate family around you. Have you always felt the pull? Were you happy here at first?

The advice above is sound! We are in a very similar situation and knowing what to do first is tricky! Good luck with the move!

Wow! That is lovely! As a teacher, I love being able to tell parents about how great their kids are! It gives me a warm feeling inside. I just hope I'm on the receiving end with my two at some point! Haha! You must be very proud, Lady R

Thanks docboat and Quoll You hit the nail on the head with regards to freedom. I must admit, when I think of the long term here it makes me feel anxious, almost as if I'm restrained or trapped. I think that's why when I was back in the UK at Christmas I felt like I could breathe. I had space and felt free in some way. Strange, I know, but I really did feel it. I just need to feel like I'm not being selfish in any of my decision making.

Thanks again for your replies. I know in theory it is great having dual nationality and that it gives us choices, but I feel I can only do one move, so I'm putting pressure on myself to get it right. Moving with children is huuuuge and I don't want any regrets. Australia has been good to us, don't get me wrong, but it's not where my heart lies. We met a family last week exactly like ours and they are going back Easter 2015 at the latest. They have decided to let their house here and only tell themselves and their families that they'll be back for two years. It sounds like a good idea, but having a foot in each country might be difficult and/or a bad idea! I think that was one of my problems in moving here. Because it was 'for a year' we kept my flat, bank accounts open etc...I'm not sure this helps with such a big move. I really think now that to be a 'successful migrant' you have to cut ties! As hard as it may be you need to leave it all behind. No trips back, no facebook or regular facetime/skype contact, no UK visitors etc. I know many still have this and are quite happy with their migration, but for so many like myself, the pull is too strong. With regards to education, I'd be happy for my kids to go through the UK system. I have taught in both countries and I feel like the work we give is far more basic over here. I've looked over my old usb for resources and couldn't believe the things I used to teach Yr7s that I couldn't even teach my yr10s here! Obviously, a lot depends on the type of department and the type of school etc, but I was pretty surprised when I looked back! The opposing argument to that would be that there is far more pressure put on kids in the UK.??

Good luck to you too Lass81. How long have you been here? I too, despite being here for quite some time, do not feel like I truly belong.

Thank you for your replies! I'm definitely aware of the 'special effort' made when back for a holiday - we had my little boy christened whilst back and everyone made the effort to come and we had a gathering at my mum's afterwards. Other than that, I don't feel like people went especially out of their way for us as we used to see each other a lot anyway. For example, going to my grandad's on a Saturday afternoon is something we always did and my cousins and their kids still do. I'm not sure whether my kids' futures would be best here or the UK to be honest. I like to think that they will become well rounded individuals wherever they are. I probably do sound like a classic candidate for a ping-pong, but I just can't help feeling the pull. Even when we first got here and I felt happy, I never forgot 'home'. I tried to live day to day without thinking too much about the past or future, but now that we have children, it's hard not to think about it and now the realisation that almost 6 years has slipped by has hit me. It's really hard to express it, but I'm feeling better for getting it all down - it's cathartic

Ah, yes! I forgot to say that I became a citizen in January 2013. All four of us have Aussie passports

Hey, I haven't posted on here in a loooong time...been a bit scared to be honest as my feelings have been all over the place! I’m not sure what I’m looking for in posting this, but here it goes… OH and I came here in Sept 2008 with a couple of backpacks on our backs, one Aussie passport (DH has citizenship by descent) and one spouse visa. It was our intention to travel Oz for the first few months and then work for the remainder of the year before reassessing what we wanted to do next. After travelling Oz for a few months, we settled in Perth as it was very different to home...we wanted something new for the remainder of the year. We loved it at first! We landed great jobs within a week or two of arriving, found a fully furnished rental, went diving every other weekend, started meeting people etc etc. We began to feel really settled and couldn't actually see ourselves returning to the UK any time soon. So, September 2009 came and went, we got married in January 2010 in the UK and then we decided to try for a baby. I fell pregnant and went on to have a little girl in August 2011. I joined a fantastic Mothers' Group, went back to the UK for a holiday over Christmas (our third trip back!) and despite having no support with a very, very difficult baby (wouldn't feed, wouldn't sleep, suffered with terrible reflux, wouldn't move to solids easily...the list goes on) we still felt happy here in Perth. DH and I decided to have another baby and started trying when our daughter was 12 months old. A few months later I fell pregnant and entered some kind of weird depression in November 2012 . We had been half-heartedly looking to buy a house, but I hated the idea of living in suburbia. I came to the conclusion that we had been priced out of Perth and that I'd already made enough compromises being away from family and friends, being so isolated and so on and refused to isolate myself even more. I began crying a lot and was adamant that I needed to go home. I told my mum, who was secretly pleased that we had decided to make the move. I was trawling through the MBTTUK posts, driving myself mad with desperation to get back ASAP! DH and I decided to leave in March/April 2014. Anyway, our son was born in June 2013. Mum came out to see us and we all talked freely about our plans to return the following Easter. I still felt like it wasn't real though...I got the impression that DH wasn't as keen to leave so I became hesitant to talk about it too much. DH’s parents are dead set against us moving back – they constantly talk about the doom and gloom of the UK and believe that Oz is some kind of Utopia, which isn’t helpful at all! Then, like a bloody thunderbolt out of the blue, I decided that we should stay in Perth!! I was enjoying the cooler months (flippin' hate summer here) and enjoying my son (who was, and still is, a breeze...touch wood). I concluded that I was stupid to make such decisions when I was in the first few months of pregnancy and that we would be better off staying in Oz. The whole ‘buying a house’ thing reared its head again and we thought buying a place would confirm we’d made the right choice and that we’d feel even more settled…putting roots down, if you like. I also told myself I couldn't return to the UK without doing this first as I wouldn’t want to move back to the UK, potentially find it difficult, and then blame myself for not trying harder to settle in Perth. I’ve read enough ping pong stories! Ha ha! Months passed, I told my mum over the phone that our plans had changed and we decided to buy a house...wait for it...in the burbs!!! She was pretty devastated, but said we had to do what was right for us etc. We chose a great family house, with a garden, in a great area…what more could we want? We put the offer in in the November. Prior to the offer, we had also booked a trip back home for over the Christmas so the rest of our families could meet our little boy. The offer on the house was soon accepted and all the paperwork was sorted before we left. – Crazy, I know! We had a fantastic time back home over Christmas and loved seeing our kids playing with their cousins. We felt sad that we didn’t have that in Perth and I felt like I could actually breathe again once I was back. In the 5 almost 6 years we’ve been here we have been back to the UK many times, but none were as difficult as this in terms of having to say goodbye. I’m not sure if it was the thought that we were returning to a house that we had actually bought, meaning that we wouldn’t be back in the foreseeable future, or whether it was seeing our parents and grandparents looking so much older, or whether we genuinely realised that our hearts lie in the UK and no amount of money or material crap will change that… I suppose, beforehand, we had the attitude of ‘never say never’ or ‘we’ll go back one day’. I really do, however, believe that things have completely changed now that we have children. My daughter’s little friends all see grandparents at weekends and all have their own cousins to play with, and for us as a couple…we rarely have quality time together. We have now got ourselves a babysitter ($20 per hour) so we’ll use her once a month/every two months to help us, but I can’t hire grandparents or cousins. I can’t hire that unconditional love! We came back feeling rather down and reflected on what we really wanted from life, questioning whether what we have here actually makes up for all that we have left behind. We got on with the move and put all our energy into making our house a home! It looks and feels great, but we still feel like it’s a temporary thing. So…after almost 6 years in Oz and 6 months in our own house, we have decided that we need to make the move back. When? I’m really not sure. We have looked into the implications of selling so soon after purchase etc and have looked at the costs involved. We obviously need to think long and hard about jobs and whether we find jobs before leaving – We need to, but not sure how easy that will be. We have Easter 2015 in our heads and have started selling our baby stuff and putting it in a ‘flights kitty.’ I’m scared as hell about starting again, finding jobs, a house etc and I still have daily internal conflict of ‘should we stay, or should we go?’ but do I really want to live the rest of my life pining for home? Do I really want to live with regret of my children not seeing their extended family? Do I really want to do that bloody flight every other year? Do I really want to spend all our holiday time and money on going back?...Well, yes, I do want to go back for holidays and that’s why we do it…but a holiday somewhere else would be nice too. Anyway, this post is long enough now and I’m sure I’ve bored you all to tears! As I said, I’m not really sure why I’ve posted this, but I welcome your comments, suggestions, criticism…it may help me to sort my head a bit more! I once read on here that migration is one big head f**k…I agree wholeheartedly! :wacko:

How long were you in Oz Dreamers? How is life back in Blighty so far?

I also hope that you have settled in the UK now! If you ever visit this thread again, please give us an update. It seems like a lot of people who return don't give updates after the initial few weeks...I'm hoping it's because they are now fulfilled and having a blast! It says a lot, I think

Hello there! Princess Margaret's Hospital (PMH) is the children's hospital here in Perth. I'm not 100% about a cardiology dpt but all children are sent here for treatment. Sorry it's a vague reply but you could contact them directly to find out. Good luck!

iPads are cheaper in Oz apparently so that would be something to consider

What a great post! It was last December when we made the decision to go back...probably not the best time as I was around 16 weeks pregnant, it was close to Christmas and both our mums had just been over for a visit. Anyway, we've told ourselves that we'll go back Easter 2014 but it's not set in stone. Like many, we are agonising over the fact that we won't have jobs etc but at the same time we both feel like we're just coasting along waiting for something. I didn't really know what that 'something' was...to feel like I fit in? To accept Australia as my home? To finally find a group of friends I truly click with? The list goes on. It was just the other day that I said to my husband that I think that 'that something' we're waiting for is home. I have trawled this site for months looking for everybody's pros and cons for moving back/staying put and I've come to the conclusion that, although it would be easier to stay (we now have 2 children under 2), I would still be trawling this site and dreaming of home for another 4 or 5 years. Thank you for such a wonderful post! It has really given me a boost!

If you ask, "what's wrong?" Aussies take it quite literally rather than it meaning "what's the matter?" Similarly, I've had strange looks from school kids when I've asked, "Did you do something wrong?" as in "have you been naughty?" They seem to think I'm asking if something is incorrect or if they have done something incorrectly. By law you must wear a helmet when cycling. Don't roll over/give way at stop signs...You actually have to stop even if you can see for bloody miles that it is clear to go. You'll get a hefty fine if caught and possibly a couple of points on your licence. Public holidays mean 'double demerits' over the whole weekend (in WA anyway). If you're caught speeding between midnight on the friday until midnight on the tuesday, you'll be given double the usual points for such an offence.

courgette is a zucchini butternut squash seems to just be pumpkin The Aussies were horrified when I said "fannying about" as in "I was just fannying about". They asked if I was aware that a fanny is a vagina! Haha! Break time at school is recess and the staff like to have 'morning tea' They pronounce derby 'durby' rather than 'darby' Tonnes is pronounced 'tons' as opposed to 'tuns'